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Pet Sitter Pat

(open at SpongeBob's house. The mailman slips mails through SpongeBob's door)
SpongeBob: Ooh! The mail's here! What do we have today? (goes through mail) Gas bill, taxes, letter to SpongeBob from... Grandma? (opens letter and reads it)
Grandma: (voiceover) Dear, SpongeBob. Won't you come join me for my birthday. I'll be turning even older this year! With love, Gramma.
SpongeBob: Oh. Grandma's turning even older! I can't wait to celebrate (tries to run out the door, and trips over Gary) Sorry, Gary. I'm gonna miss you when I'm gone. Wait, but if I'm not here, who's gonna take care of you?
(Cut to Squidward watering his plants)
SpongeBob: (imitating Gary) Hi, Squidward. (Squidward screams) My daddy is going away. Can you take care of me-ow? (laughs)
Squidward: Oh, no. No way! Look what that disgusting pest did to my sustainable kelp garden. (points to it) He chewed it up. Ruined it.
SpongeBob: Gary, is that true? (Gary smiles, revealing kelp in his teeth) Well, I'll see you later, Squidward.
(SpongeBob goes to Patrick's house)
SpongeBob: Patrick. Patrick? (inside, Patrick is whispering) Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: I'm talking to my friend, Funny. (Patrick is looking at his reflection from a puddle) Hi, Funny!
SpongeBob: Yeah. Hey, Patrick, I need to ask a favor of you.
Patrick: What is it?
SpongeBob: (gives Gary to Patrick) I need you to take care of Gary.
Patrick: Are you going off the grid?
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: Don't worry. I know what to do. (gives SpongeBob a hobo bag on a stick) You're gonna need one of these.
SpongeBob: No, that's not it. I am going to visit my Grandma for her birthday, and I'm trusting my best friend to watch carefully over Gary when I'm gone.
Patrick: You got it. He's safe with me! (drops Gary)
Gary: Meow.
(cut to SpongeBob giving Patrick tips)
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. There you are.
Patrick: What's that?
SpongeBob: It's a chronological list of things you should do with Gary. Make sure you do each and every one.
Patrick: Got it. Hey, do you have anymore of those deep-fried, cream-filled coral balls?
SpongeBob: Yeah, they're in the cupboard.
Patrick: (goes to get coral balls) Ooh... coral balls.
SpongeBob: (sniffles) I'm gonna miss you little guy. But, I know you're going to be in good hands.
Patrick: (laughs) Silly coral ball. You'll never get to my stomach that way!
SpongeBob: Okay, Gary. I'll be home by 10. Oh, and Patrick, just to verify, first you feed Gary, then you pet Gary, then you-
Patrick: SpongeBob, don't you trust me? I am the most responsible guy you know.
SpongeBob: You know what? You're right.
Patrick: Well, of course I am! Now, go see your Grandma. Gary's in good hands! (closes the door) Well, looks like it's just you and me.
Gary: Meow.
Patrick: Hmm... I wonder what we should do, first. (looks at the list upside down) You're gonna need to work on your handwriting, SpongeBob. I don't need this, anyway. (balls the paper up, and tosses it) I know! (takes out a leash) Let's go for a walk! (Gary pants happily. Patrick's stomach growls) Looks like my tummy is having an arguement with the coral balls. Ooh! (runs to the bathroom. Gary sighs)
(cut to nighttime)
Patrick: (comes out of the bathroom) Better. (sees Gary moaning) Oh, hey friend. What's up? (Gary's stomach growls, and he tries to open the bag of snail food. Meows weakly)
Patrick: Step aside, Barry. Let me show you how it's done. (rips the bag open with teeth, and sniffs the food) I gotta try a bite of this. (dumps the entire bag of food in his mouth) Good stuff. (Gary meows angrily) I wonder what SpongeBob's got for me in the fridge.
(cut to Grandma's house)
Grandma: I hope you saved room for dessert, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Oh, Grandma. You shouldn't have! It's your birthday. I should be serving you.
Grandma: I know how much to you love sweet, and I know how much you love your pet snail, so I made you this special gelatin mold.
SpongeBob: Gary. Oh, Gary... (flashback)
Patrick: He's safe with me! (drops Gary)
Gary: Meow. (flashback ends)
SpongeBob: Grandma, can I use your phone?
Grandma: Of course.
SpongeBob: Thank you! (calls Patrick)
Patrick: Hello.
SpongeBob: Patrick, it's SpongeBob. How's Gary?
Patrick: Oh, Gary. He's fine.
Gary: Meow. (slithers all over Patrick, causing him to laugh)
SpongeBob: (laughs) It sounds like you have everything under control. Oh, and make sure to give Gary his bath. (hangs up and sighs in relief)
Patrick: (sniffs Gary) Ew, SpongeBob is right! You need a bath! (carries Gary under his smelly armpit, into the kitchen. Turns on water) Oh, I almost forgot. Snail food! (pours snail food in the sink, causing the water to rise) Gotta get the water to stay in there, somehow. (Gary tries to eat the food) Gary, we don't eat the bath. We get in the bath. Come on, Gary. (Gary growls) Oh, don't be difficult now, Gary. (Gary attacks Patrick and leaps on top of the refrigerator) G-Gary! (Gary hisses and runs off, leaving behind a slime trail) There you are! (runs after him, and slips on the slime, knocks the TV into the air, and onto his head. Throws the TV off)
(the phone rings)
Patrick: Ugh, what now?
SpongeBob: (on phone) Yeah, Patrick. About Gary's bath, make sure the water is not too hot, and he doesn't like too many bubbles.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah.
SpongeBob: And, be sure to dry him off really good.
Patrick: All right.
SpongeBob: And, don't forget about the list.
Patrick: Okay, I get it, SpongeBob! I get it! I get it! (throws the phone out the window. The phone cord sends the phone back inside, and hits Patrick) Oh! (screams, and slides across the room, upstairs, and flies and lands head first in the bathtub drain. He gets out by grabbing the shower head, breaking it. Water comes out) I don't get these new-fangled shower heads. (peeks inside SpongeBob's bedroom, where Gary is hiding) Gary... time for your ba- (to self) Wait a minute, Patrick. You gotta trick the snail. You gotta be smarter-er than him. (walks up to Gary with something behind his back) Hey buddy, I got something to show you. And, it's the opposite of that wet watery bath. (puts on mask. Takes out flamethrower) Check it out! (uses flamethrower, and burns SpongeBob's bed to a crisp. Gary runs away) Well, make up your mind. Is it water or fire? (follows Gary in the pantry) Okay, Gary. If you don't come to the bath, then the bath's going to come to you. (sprays Gary with a hose) That's a good boy. Now, sud's up! (pours soap flakes in the water, resulting in soap suds)
Gary: Meow!
Patrick: Now, that wasn't so bad, now was it? Now, we got to dry you off. Unfortunately I couldn't find any salt, so I'll have to you this thing. (dries Gary stiff with a hairdryer) There, doesn't that feel better? (sit on couch) Okay, let's see. Gary has eaten, he's had his bath. Time to watch the TV. (looks at the broken TV for a couple of seconds and falls asleep)
(SpongeBob's house begins to flood. The water upstairs bursts through the living room ceiling, resulting in an indoor pool)
Patrick: (wakes up and sees Gary) Sheesh, Gary. If you wanted another bath, why didn't you ask?
Gary: Meow.
(cut to Grandma's house)
SpongeBob: (singing and while serving cake with many lit candles) Happy birthday dear ol' Grandma. Grandma! Grandma! The Grandma in the world. Grandma! Grandma!
Grandma: Oh, dear. Look at all those candles! Why, if I were any older, we'd be in danger of burning down the house.
SpongeBob: (imagines his house on fire) Grandma, can I use your phone, again?
Grandma: Go ahead, dear. But, there might not be any cake left when you get back. (blows the candles, but none of them go out)
Patrick: SquareyPants house.
SpongeBob: Just checking in. Is everything alright over there?
Patrick: Who is this?
SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob. Is Gary alright?
Patrick: Oh, yeah. He's- (gets splashed by the water)
SpongeBob: He's what, Patrick? Gary is what?! What's happening to them?! (Patrick and Gary emerge from the water, laughing) They need my help! (runs back into the dining room) Grandma! Grandma!
Grandma: Hold on dear. (panting) Just let me finish these last few candles. (continues blowing, but none of them go out, still. SpongeBob turns on the ceiling fan, blowing out the candles) Yay, I did it! Oh, but oh. Am I tired.
SpongeBob: (picks up Grandma and puts her in bed) Oh, better get you to bed now. Good night, Grandma. (leaves)
Grandma: What a good boy.
SpongeBob: Hang on Gary! (opens his door, letting out all the water) Gary!
Gary: (off-screen) Meow.
SpongeBob: What's going on up there? (goes inside the bedroom. Gary is reading Patrick a story) Ah, reading Patrick a bedtime story? "Snail Tales". That's a good one.
Patrick: "Snail Tales"? I thought it was called "Meow Meow Meow Meow".
End