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Bossy Boots

(At the Krusty Krab, we see Squidward at the ordering boat and SpongeBob working in the kitchen. Mr. Krabs is talking through a megaphone.)
Mr. Krabs: Attention! Attention! All Krusty Krew employees, attention! Get the anchors out of your pants and report to me office! That will be all.
(Squidward and SpongeBob go into Mr. Krabs' office and sit down in his barrel-chairs in front of his desk.)
Mr. Krabs: I have an important announcement to make.
SpongeBob: Woo! Hooray!
(SpongeBob jumps up on top of the chair and twirls it around excitedly.)
SpongeBob: The new spatulas are here!
Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boy. There's no new spatulas!
(SpongeBob sits down again, disappointed.)
Squidward: How disappointing.
Mr. Krabs: You may know me daughter Pearl. She's growing up fast.
(He looks at a picture of him in a speedo and Pearl in a bikini jumping up backwards from the water.)
Mr. Krabs: It seems like it was just yesterday I was teaching her how to breach. Me mammalian angel. Oh… Anyway, uh... So, she's going to be working here during her summer vacation. She's got a lot of fresh ideas to bring in some hungry customers!
(The bell at the top of the Krusty Krab door rings.)
Pearl: Hello? Daddy?
Mr. Krabs: Thar she blows!
(Krabs leaves to greet her.)
Squidward: SpongeBob, do you realize what this means?
SpongeBob: No new spatulas?
Squidward: No! It means some bratty teenager's coming in here to tell us what to do. We can't have that! We have seniority, right?
SpongeBob: Right!
Squidward: So, we'll work together to protect our pathetic positions.
SpongeBob: Okey-dokey, Squidward. And then we'll get those new spatulas!
(SpongeBob and Squidward shake hands and walk into the Krusty Krab dining area.)
Mr. Krabs: All right, men. Say hello to me Pearl.
(SpongeBob hugs one of the wooden columns.)
SpongeBob: Hello, pole.
(We see Pearl holding a box.)
Pearl: Hi, guys.
Mr. Krabs: It makes me jolly as a roger to have you finally aboard the family business!
Pearl: Great, Dad, because I have so many new ideas.
(Mr. Krabs sniffs the air and a tube the same color and shape as his eye stalks come behind his eye stalks to form a dollar sign.)
Mr. Krabs: I can smell the money already! I'll be in me office if you need me!
(He walks out.)
SpongeBob: What's in the box?
Pearl: It's a surprise.
SpongeBob: I like surprises.
Pearl: Great, then close your eyes.
(SpongeBob does so.)
SpongeBob: I'm ready!
(Pearl puts the box over SpongeBob.)
Squidward: Well, I like it so far.
(Pearl lifts up the box.)
Pearl: Ta-da!
(Squidward gasps. We see SpongeBob is now wearing a full-body suit with an opening only for SpongeBob's face. It has pink and purple Hawaiian flowers on it with two "K"'s held up by springs on the top.)
Pearl: It's the new Krusty Krew uniform. I designed it myself.
(Pearl hands SpongeBob a mirror, and he glances into it as Squidward tries to secretly converse with him.)
Squidward: OK, this is it, SpongeBob! Now tell her how you really feel about that uniform.
SpongeBob: OK, Squidward. Pearl… This is the greatest uniform ever!
Squidward: Fish... Paste.
Pearl: Oh SpongeBob, you look so adorable. I could just eat you up!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Pearl, but this item's not on the menu!
(He laughs out loud as Pearl giggles.)
Squidward: Well, I didn't think it was possible, SpongeBob, but you look even more ridiculous than usual.
Pearl: Don't feel jealous, Uncle Squiddy. I made one for you too.
(Holds up a uniform fit for him.)
Squidward: Don't bother, only a fool would wear that.
(Mr. Krabs comes out of his office, wearing the uniform.)
Mr. Krabs: Avast, ye shipmates! Don't these just shiver your timbers?
(Laughs, then shuts the door. Then, he re-opens it.)
Mr. Krabs: Get that suit on, sailor. It's already been paid for.
(Squidward starts sulking. The scene fades to the exact same scene, except Squidward now has the uniform on. The two springs bend over and the "K"'s fall over Squidward's eyes.)
Squidward: Rage. Fury. Irritation. Humiliation.
Pearl: Squidward is such a barnacle.
SpongeBob: A stick in the sand.
Pearl: But not you, SpongeBob. You are full of style.
SpongeBob: Me? Really?
Pearl: Totally, S.B. You ooze fashion. And I've got some completely coral concepts for this old joint, and I'm going to need someone with your kind of talent to help me.
SpongeBob: Well, I have been trying to get Mr. Krabs to make a few changes around here.
(He looks at a drawn picture of the Krusty Krew with moustaches.)
Pearl: Why, with my girlish instincts and your… sponginess, we'll turn this worn-out lunch wagon into a teenage paradise.
(We see the Krusty Krab all worn out, and a skeleton rests on a table. Cut to SpongeBob & Pearl at a table with a clipboard.)
Pearl: SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?
Squidward: For what, dare I ask?
Pearl: Our new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh!
(Points into her mouth with her pencil.)
Squidward: Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I got it! How about The Khaotic Krab?
Pearl: Hmm… how about The Kissy Krab?
(She puckers up her lips and blows some kisses to Sponge.)
SpongeBob: The King Krab?
Pearl: The Kandy Krab!
SpongeBob: The Kool Krab. Or the Kowboy Krab. The Kurly Krab. The Kreepy Krab. The Killer Krab!
Pearl: Ahhh! No!
SpongeBob: You're right, too scary.
Both: The Kuddly Krab!
(They both hug and laugh. Cut to her, SpongeBob and Squidward standing outside the Kuddly Krab. Pearl and SpongeBob are still laughing when they walk inside. The sign now has a robot crab on top of a heart, waving its arms. The restaurant is colored a light pink, the flags are now hearts, balloons are hanging from the roof and giant lollipops come from the chimney. Squidward is now fuming. The two "K"'s on his uniform catch on fire and he shakes the bamboo sign pole. A couple drives by in a boatmobile and stop in front of the restaurant.)
Fish #1: It's a shame old man Krabs sold the Krusty Krab.
Fish #2: That's a darn shame. Hey, lady! Do you know where we can get something to eat around here?
Squidward: That's it! I quit!
(He rips off his uniform. A policefish comes over and writes him a ticket and sticks it to Squidward's crotch area, censoring him. Inside the restaurant, there are beanbag chairs, flowers, music, and a pink carpet.)
Fish #3 (Nancy): Finally! A cool place for teens to just, you know, hang out! (Pearl and SpongeBob admire their handiwork.)
SpongeBob: Pearl, you're a genius. All these young, hip new customers. Phooey on Squidward. He can't keep up with the times. You're a true visionary, Pearl.
Pearl: Thank you, SpongeBob. I do have 20/20 vision!
SpongeBob: Well, hip people have to eat too. Back to the grill.
(SpongeBob goes into the kitchen up to the grill.)
SpongeBob: The customers may be hot, but my grill is hotter!
(He makes a sizzling noise. Pearl is in the ordering window in place of Squidward.)
Pearl: SpongeBob, order up!
SpongeBob: (Reading order.) "Two… sal-ads". Never heard of it. I got to stay hip. I don't want to end up like silly old Squidward. But what in the name of Davy Jones' locker is a sal-lad?
(Cut to SpongeBob walking up to Pearl with two Krabby Patties.)
SpongeBob: Here you go. Two sa-lads.
Pearl: Eww, gross! Those aren't salads. Take those back. Remove the bun, the patty and the condiments.
SpongeBob: But that just leaves the lettuce and the tomato.
Pearl: Exactly.
SpongeBob: All right.
(Walks back to the kitchen and slips the ingredients out of the Krabby Patty.)
SpongeBob: OK, no buns. That's hip. No patties, happenin'. Oh yeah, that's definitely the coolest meal I've ever saw.
(SpongeBob walks the sal-lads over to two girls at a table.)
SpongeBob: Two sal-lads.
(He drops the tray on the table and walks back to the kitchen. The two fish look at it funny, because it has only one tomato slice and a leaf of lettuce.)
SpongeBob: That was awful. I hope I never have to tear apart a perfectly good Krabby Patty ever again. I don't think my heart can take it. Ahhh!!! Where's the grill?
Pearl: Come on SpongeBob, you're a hip guy. You know that fried foods are o-u-t out!
SpongeBob: Uh… right on.
Pearl: Check out this new menu I came up with.
(SpongeBob takes the menu and reads it.)
SpongeBob: "Salad… and tea." But where are the Krabby Patties?
Pearl: Silly, those aren't hip. And you won't be needing that thing anymore.
(Takes Spat the spatula away from SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b!
Pearl: I've got something more fun for you to do anyway.
(Cut to SpongeBob outside the Kuddly Krab in a Krab suit. A boatmobile stops.)
Fish #4: Hey buddy, you need a ride? I was just on my way to the big doofus convention!
(Laughs and drives away.)
SpongeBob: This is humiliating. I'm a fry cook, darn it! You can take away my spatula, but when you take away my dignity, that's when I get mad! I'm going to march right up to Mr. Krabs' office and tell him this is just too much!
(He walks three steps toward the Kuddly Krab, but the awkward suit causes him to fall on his side. He struggles to get up and starts to whimper. Later, SpongeBob is at Mr. Krabs' door in his Kuddly Krab uniform.)
SpongeBob: OK, SpongeBob, you can do this. Come on…
(He knocks on the door and peeks in.)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I talk to you?
Mr. Krabs: Come on in, me boy! Have a seat.
(We see that Mr. Krabs' office is decorated as well.)
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs.
(He sits down in a bear bean bag chair, but sinks inside it.)
Mr. Krabs: Don't you just love me new office? Pearly designed it for me.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, um, I think we have a problem.
Mr. Krabs: Isn't that the neatest $40 chair you ever sat in?
SpongeBob: Sure Mr. Krabs, but I've got some bad news.
Mr. Krabs: How about my cuddly executive buddy?
(Picks up a rubber, blue doll.)
Mr. Krabs: Reduces stress for only five easy payments of $9.95.
(Mr. Krabs squeezes it and it squeaks.)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Pearl is ruining the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: What!?! Why, Pearl is saving the Krusty Krab! I mean, the Kuddly Krab. What would we do without these beautiful $20 sea unicorn wall hangers? How could we ever survive without these $35 heart lights? How could we go on without a sea fern on every last table? It's hip! It's coral! It's… It's losing money! (Weeps.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you're right, SpongeBob! But I can't fire me pride and joy, it'd break her fragile little heart! What am I going to do?
SpongeBob: There there, Mr. Krabs. I'm sure there's another way.
Mr. Krabs: That's it, boy! You could fire her! It's OK if she hates you.
SpongeBob: That's not what I said, sir!
(Mr. Krabs drags SpongeBob to the door.)
Mr. Krabs: Great then, it's all settled. You fire Pearly, I'll wait in me office. (SpongeBob is pushed out the door and into Pearl.)
Pearl: Totally rude, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Pearl, can I see to you in the kitchen for a second?
Pearl: Sure, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (Thinking) How am I going to break it to her? I've never fired anyone before. I just got to say. Pearl, you're fired. OK, here it goes.
(SpongeBob opens his mouth to speak, but Pearl is already in tears.)
Pearl: Oh, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Pearl, why are you crying?
Pearl: I can't take it anymore! Nothing I do is working!
SpongeBob: Sure it is Pearl. Look at all the hip, young people eating sal-lads!
Pearl: No, don't you get it! I've been trying to get fired since day one! I was only pretending to like this place to please Daddy. This job is cutting majorly into my social life. Oh, SpongeBob, what should I do?
SpongeBob: I got it! I can pretend to "fire you". I'll take the heat from old man Krabs later.
(Pearl hugs SpongeBob very tightly.)
Pearl: Gosh, you'd really do that for me? You're a great pal, SpongeBob. How can I ever thank you?
SpongeBob: Stop trying to break me in half?
Pearl: Deal.
(Pearl drops him. Later, SpongeBob and Pearl walk up to Mr. Krabs' office door. Pearl tries to contain her glee.)
SpongeBob: OK, Pearl. We've got to make this convincing. Pearl, I need to have a word with you!!!
Mr. Krabs: (From his office) Oh, no! Here it goes! I don't know if I can bear to listen.
SpongeBob: It's not that you haven't done a good job around here, it's just that…
Mr. Krabs: Don't be too hard on her, now! Why does it have to be this way?
(He sees himself in the goofy uniform in a mirror.)
Mr. Krabs: It's for the best.
SpongeBob: Well, we feel it might be in everybody's best interest if…
Mr. Krabs: I can't let him do this!
(He is about to put an end to it, but sees the safe open, empty, and a spider-webbed.)
Mr. Krabs: Get on with it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Pearl, you're fired.
(In his office, Krabs keels over.)
Pearl: Thanks, SpongeBob.
(She kisses him, and he smiles. She runs off and jumps into a boat with all her teen friends.)
Pearl: Come on, gang! The mall awaits!
(They drive to the mall and SpongeBob runs into Krabs' office.)
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, I did it!
(He sees that Krabs has fainted, and runs to what looks like a fire alarm handle behind glass, but is actually holding a bill. He waves it under Mr. Krabs' nose, and he "wakes up".)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Pearly…
(Sniffs the money.)
Mr. Krabs: Is that a 20?
(Pockets the cash.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob! How could I have done such a thing to me own flesh and blood?
(Cries)
SpongeBob: There, there, Mr. Krabs. Pearl took it just fine, in fact, she seemed sort of happy.
Mr. Krabs: Really?
SpongeBob: She's off to bigger and better things.
Mr. Krabs: That's me old girl; tough as nails, just like her old man!
(Laughs)
Mr. Krabs: But how am I going to get my money back for all this stuff?
(SpongeBob thinks. Cut to his Pineapple house, where all the stuff in his spare room. SpongeBob dances, wearing his uniform to some music. Lights, stuffed animals, beanbags, and lava lamps surround him.)
SpongeBob: Isn't this great, Gary? And it only cost me one year's salary!
(Gary is nestled in stuffed animals and his new shell has hippie flowers painted on it.)
Gary: Meow?
End