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Back to the Past

(at Jellyfish Fields)
SpongeBob: Oh, boy. Jellyfishing. I can't wait! Can you, Patrick? (Patrick is licking tartar sauce) Patrick?
Patrick: Did you say something?
SpongeBob: (groans) I said... (runs into something invisible) Ow!
Patrick: Well, I'm sure how to respond to that.
SpongeBob: (gasps) Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. (Mermaidman is snoring in the invisible boat mobile)
Barnacleboy: Hey! We're stuck here, remember?
Mermaidman: Why is that?
Barnacleboy: Because you forgot to fill up the boat mobile before we left. (tank is on empty) See?
SpongeBob: Hey, heroes. Is there anything we can do? (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy smile as the scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick pushing the invisible boat mobile inside the heroes' cave) This is a heavy piece of nothing. So, is that it?
Barnacleboy: Yes. Thank you, boys. We don't usually do this, but in return for pushing the Invisiboat up those hills, there's something I'd like you to see. But you must promise not to touch anything.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Okay! (cut to Barnacleboy opening a giant wooden box door) Whoa.
SpongeBob: Oh, the magic claw from episode 1582! ManRay's Power Glove.
Patrick: Ooh, a pair of binoculars.
Mermaidman: Yes, boys, this is our locker of memories. It contains... Eee... I can't remember.
Barnacleboy: (sighs) It contains all the memorabilia from all our superhuman adventures.
Patrick: Whoa! Hey, SpongeBob, check it out.
SpongeBob: The Dirty Bubble's Bubble Wand.
Barnacleboy: Correct. (blows a giant bubble out of the wand. The Dirty Bubble laughs maniacally) Scared, boys?
SpongeBob & Patrick: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Barnacleboy: Well, don't be. (pops The Dirty Bubble)
Mermaidman: And as long as no one touches anything, there's nothing here to be scared of.
SpongeBob: Understood. (cut to later)
Barnacleboy: And this is our Time Machine. This device allows us to transport into the future or past, at a date or destination of our choosing.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Whoa.
Barnacleboy: Unfortunately, the consequences of altering the order of history are so dangerous, we've chosen to leave it alone. So you mustn't touch.
Patrick: Hey! (pushing buttons on the time machine) The snack machine took my quarter. I want my crunchy munchities.
Barnacleboy: No!
Patrick: Stupid box. (presses the start button on the time machine. Alarm goes off) You really got to get that thing fixed?
Barnacleboy: You fool! Do you realize what you've done?
Patrick: Well, I lost a quarter. (as the box bends and twists through time and space, everyone screams)
SpongeBob: Oh, where are we? (gasps as he reads the sign of "Bikini Bottom: Population 38") It can't be. Bikini Bottom has at least 39 people living here.
Barnacleboy: Maybe as you knew it, but this is a different Bikini Bottom of another time. Maybe if you hadn't touched the Time Machine, like we told you, Patrick, we wouldn't be in this mess. Hopefully, we haven't changed anything with our presence.
SpongeBob: Ooh, everything looks so old-fashioned. (banjo and harmonica music playing as a smoke cloud appears in the sky)
Young ManRay: (laughs evilly as he zaps a building) I'm ready to rule the world and its riches. With this weapon, nothing can stop me.
Young Mermaidman: That's what you think.
Young ManRay: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy?
Young Mermaidman: Sorry, ManRay, but my stalwart companion Barnacleboy and I beg to differ with you.
Young Barnacleboy: You've tangled with the wrong end of the fishhook of justice, ManRay.
Young Mermaidman: Now prepare for a heaping helping of quick-drying tartar sauce.
Mermaidman: Wow, our bodies were so tight.
Barnacleboy: What went wrong?
Young ManRay: Gah! (tarter sauce barrel is empty)
Young Barnacleboy: Jumping jellyfish, Mermaidman. What happened to the tartar sauce?
Patrick: (burps) Good thing that was around. I was starving.
Young Mermaidman: Curious. Did I forget to refill it? (ManRay zaps the tartar sauce and laughs)
Patrick: This is creeping me out.
SpongeBob 1: Well, Patrick, what about Mermaidman and Barnacleboy?
Patrick: I don't got time for that!
Mermaidman: Where are you going, boys? (SpongeBob and Patrick enter the time machine box and the door shuts)
Patrick: Oh, I just want to go home. (pushes the 'back' button)
Barnacleboy: When are we going to have those two reclassified as villains?
Mermaidman: They left us here. What are we going to do? Eh, I'm sure it'll all work out.
Young Mermaidman: Don't worry, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are always here to help the elderly. There's something familiar about these two, Barnacleboy. I just can't put my flipper on it.
Young Barnacleboy: Hey, neat hat.
Barnacleboy: Oh, oh, thanks. I-I... (ManRay laughs evilly)
Young Mermaidman: Let's get these poor, defenseless seniors out of harm's way. (the Time Machine appears in Bikini Bottom)
Patrick: That's more like it. Back in good old present-day Bikini Bottom. (both walk around "ManRay-opolis)
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick. We're all born in our own place and time. (walks past a robot with a camera as a head) Hello, fellow citizen. Hello Squilliam.
Squilliam: ManRay is great.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Must be taking care of his community service obligations.
Patrick: That'll teach him to jaywalk.
SpongeBob: Say, uh, Patrick, do you notice anything different about our fair city? (prisoners walk past)
Patrick: Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the clatter of prison chains.
SpongeBob: I said isn't there something odd about Bikini Bottom since we got back?
Patrick: No. But yes! Just look at the giant medicine billboard. It's missing a bolt on the bottom right corner!
SpongeBob: Even worse than that, Patrick. The police got new uniforms.
Patrick: Oh no! What did they do with those old ones?
SpongeBob: And yikes! What happened to the Krusty Krab? (reads the sign) 'The designed area where you are permitted by ManRay, your ruler, to obtain sandwiches using ManRay dollars?' Do you see the underlying tragedy in all this?
Patrick: I'm all out of Man Ray dollars?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick. It means we somehow changed the course of history when we went to the past, and now, in this reality, ManRay is ruler. Oh, we got to do something.
Patrick: But what?
SpongeBob: What any self-respecting citizen of the free world would do in a time of crisis. See if I still have a job.
ManRay Ruler: (on screen in restaurant) Hey. You're not even fast enough.
SpongeBob: Excuse me, Squid-- (it's Barnacleboy behind the counter)
Barnacleboy: Yes?
SpongeBob: (stammers) Barnacleboy? What are you doing here?
Barnacleboy: Just taking stock of a wasted life.
Mermaidman: (rings the bell) Order up.
SpongeBob: Mermaidman! And he's wearing a hairnet. (Mermaidman sighs as SpongeBob enters the kitchen) What happened? Why are the two greatest heroes ever stuck in this greasy spoon, not combating the evils of ManRay?
Mermaidman: I lost the desire and the physique to fight long ago, kid. Flipping patties is so much easier on the joints when you're my age.
SpongeBob: What about the younger Mermaidman and Barnacleboy? Surely they refused to surrender without a fight.
Mermaidman: You got spaghetti for brains, kid? We are the younger ones. The older ones... (tears up) ...bless their souls have been immortalized in this very restaurant. (graves of the older Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are shown)
SpongeBob: I am so sorry for your loss of... yourself.
Barnacleboy: I hate to break up the memorial service, but we're out of tartar sauce out here.
Mermaidman: Tartar sauce? The topping that destroyed life as we knew it. If only my tartar sauce attack hadn't failed that day, we wouldn't be living in this wasteland. (tartar sauce barrel is empty) We're already out?
Patrick: Yup. (munching on tartar sauce) Chewy bits. (burps)
Mermaidman: I knew I recognized you from somewhere. You were there and you ate the tartar sauce on that day. Do you realize what you've done?
SpongeBob: Sorry, Mermaidman. We didn't mean to destroy your lives and everything you held dear. What do you say we try to make things right? With your help, of course.
Mermaidman: I'm not teaming up with you to do jack-diddly-squat! Besides, ManRay had me by the neck. Oh, ee-evil.
SpongeBob: Does that mean the defeat was so traumatic that it has given ManRay a stranglehold on your psyche?
Mermaidman: Barnacles, no! It means he put this electrical collar on me that won't allow me to leave the restaurant.
SpongeBob: Oh. Well, let's get that nasty thing off of you, hmm? (struggles to get the collar off)
Mermaidman: Haven't you two idiots done enough damage?
SpongeBob: I can't get a good rip on it. Nust need a better angle. Hold on. Sorry. Sorry. (grunts) Hey, Patrick, can you give me a hand here?
Mermaidman: Keep away from me. (SpongeBob and Patrick pull so hard they fall off. Mermaidman falls backwards into the supply closet. Multiple things hit him on his head and squeeze his head through the collar)
SpongeBob: Ta-dah! You're free. Can we coax you and Barnacleboy out of retirement to save the new universe?
Mermaidman: I suppose you've proven your mettle, kid. But I'll have my eye on you two. Now let's pop that dirty bubble.
SpongeBob: Actually we're fighting ManRay.
Mermaidman: Oh. Well in that case, let the lighthouse of justice shine on RayMan.
SpongeBob: Okay, I suppose that's close enough. Back to the past, gents. (to Patrick) To stop you from eating the tartar sauce again for the first time. Hmm. (all four go back in time again in the box)
Young ManRay: (destroys the same building as before and laughs evilly) I'm ready to rule the world and its riches.
Young Mermaidman: Not so fast, ManRay.
Young Barnacleboy: We've got a little surprise for you. (time machine box appears on top of the other one)
Mermaidman #2: Keep your tongue out of my tartar sauce!
Mermaidman: Imposters.
Mermaidman #2: Who are you calling imposter, imposter? I must prevent our tartar sauce from being eaten by that... that fool!
Mermaidman: If I want to get near my tartar sauce, I got to go through me first.
Mermaidman #2: I'm gonna make me eat those words.
Mermaidman: Bring it! (number two takes a swing and misses) Take this. (throws a punch to the other Mermaidman's hair) I'll never let you win.
Mermaidman #2: Oh, yes, I will.
Young Mermaidman: What do you make of this, Barnacleboy?
Young Barnacleboy: Tangled timeline, Mermaidman. I...
ManRay: (laughs wickedly) You old coots provided me the perfect distraction. Now prepare to be disappeared.
Young Mermaidman: Sounds good on paper you purveyor of pure evil. But, fortunately, we all know what happens to paper underwater. Barnacleboy, the tartar sauce. (poors the tartar sauce barrel but it's already been eaten. Both Patrick's fall from the barrel)
Patrick #2: Wow. I've never eaten that much tartar sauce.
Patrick: Yes, you have.
Patrick #2: Well, it sure ain't sitting right.
ManRay: (laughs) Foolish fools. Once again, your bafoonery has given me victory. (zaps the tartar sauce barrel) Oh, I'm going to savor this. It's not every day I get to defeat Mermaidman and Barnacleboy three times over. (another time machine box appears)
SpongeBob #3: Patrick, don't eat the tartar sauce.
ManRay: Ha! You're too late. Your fat friend beat you to it. Now, prepare to taste laser. (another time machine appears) So, how…?
SpongeBob #4: I told you we had to go back farther.
ManRay: Uh... (another time machine appears)
Mermaidman #3: Up, up, and away. (Mermaidman #3 and Barnacleboy #3 fall out of the time machine)
SpongeBob #5: (another time machine appears. SpongeBob and Patrick have a tartar sauce barrel ready) Now, Patrick! (they poor tartar sauce on Mermaidman #3 and Barnacleboy #3)
ManRay: I can't get my head around this. Where are they all coming from? (another time machine appears) Another machine? (another ManRay flies out)
ManRay #2: (zaps the Time Machine and laughs evilly) I took care of your blasted Time Machine.
ManRay: Oh, I got to sit down and think this through.
Young Mermaidman: (handcuffs ManRay) Gotcha! You've got plenty of time for thinking in the stoney lonesome.
ManRay: Uh, I'm sorry, did you say something? I'm still trying to comprehend what just happened here.
Young Mermaidman: It's pretty simple really. You were defeated by a cadre of continuum-cruising crime stoppers. Thank you, SpongeBob and Patrick.
All SpongeBobs & Patricks: You're Welcome. (another time machine appears with a bunch of SponeBobs and Patricks)
Other SpongeBobs & Patricks: Oh, hi there! Hello! Hello! Hello!
SpongeBob #6: We just wanted to come back and revisit the day that evil was defeated forever.
SpongeBob #7: (another time machine appears) Hey, how you doing?
Patrick #3: We're here. (more time machines appear one after the other as the greetings overlap)
End