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SpongeBob's Last Stand

(at Jellyfish Fields)
SpongeBob: (looks at his watch) Just two more minutes, Patrick.
Patrick: (looks at his invisible watch) Yup.
SpongeBob: Look, here he comes.
Patrick: Who? (Ranger switches the 'closed' sign to 'open.' Turns around and sees SpongeBob and Patrick in their jellyfishing gear)
SpongeBob: Thank you, Mr. Ranger.
Patrick: Yeah, thanks. (he and SpongeBob breath heavily)
Ranger: Yes.
SpongeBob: Aren't you forgetting something?
Patrick: Yeah, something.
Ranger: (stretches his eyeballs and lets go) Please show me your... (SpongeBob and Patrick show some cards) ...jellyfishing licenses. (they run off, through the 'open' sign)
SpongeBob: (catches a jellyfish in his net) Patrick, look, I caught a rare breed-- a glowing three-spot.
Patrick: Hey, I caught one, too! This one's a five-spot. (it is actually a one-spot)
SpongeBob: (tears up) Patrick, guess what?
Patrick: You like it here so much, you feel yourself being moved to a song?
SpongeBob: Yes, yes. How did you guess?
Patrick: Well, I kinda feel the movement coming on myself.
SpongeBob: Let's just start with the song.
Patrick: You mean the jellyfishing song?
SpongeBob: That's the one.

---------------
Oh...

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
It's the Jellyfishing Song (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Everyone sing along (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
It's the Jellyfishing Song (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Everyone sing along

(reggae beat)
I go jellyfishin' in da mornin'
I jellyfish all de night
Jellyfishin' in the afternoon
Jellyfishin' makes me feel all right (clapping)

(clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
It's the Jellyfishing Song (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Everyone sing...
Everyone sing along. (timpani hits)
---------------

SpongeBob: Isn't it great that these majestic creatures have Jellyfish Fields to call their home?
Patrick: You bet! And it's highway convenient, too, according to that big sign.
SpongeBob: Big sign? I didn't see a... (turns around to see a big billboard sign about Shelly Superhighway) Jumping jellyfish, that's a big sign!
Patrick: It says, "Future site of the Shelly Superhighway."
SpongeBob: Superhighway? Do you know what that means?
Patrick: Well, yeah, its sort of like other roads, except there are no stops.
SpongeBob: I know what a superhighway is. I mean for all this jellyfish?! For us?! For Jellyfish Fields?! (rips off two pieces of Patrick's skin) Sorry. (puts the pieces back on)
Patrick: So what you're saying is that if they go through with their plans to build this new superhighway through Jellyfish Fields, that every single specie of flora & fauna that makes this place their habitat will be forced out of the ecosystem that they have formed-- effectively being destroyed?
SpongeBob: Well, that's a simplified version, but yes, something like that. Which is why I hereby make this solemn vow to stop this so-called Shelly Superhighway from ever being built! (cut to Larry lifting some weights in Bikini Bottom)
Larry: 1,397... 1,398... Whoa! (SpongeBob is on the weights)
SpongeBob: Larry, you gotta help me stop the highway.
Larry: Can't right now, bro. I got about 4,098 more reps to do. (SpongeBob slides off the weight. Cut to Shady Shoals Rest Home where Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are sitting on a bench)
SpongeBob: Mermaidman, Barnacleboy, certainly with superpowers like yours, we can stop this superhighway! (silence) Hmm. (cut to Squidward's house)
Squidward: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I actually would like to help, but I'm just too busy right now.
SpongeBob: Too busy doing what?
Squidward: I'm too busy telling you... No! (shuts his front door, leaving SpongeBob's body in pieces. Cut to The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is cleaning tables. He sees SpongeBob)
Mr. Krabs: Private SpongeBob, ahoy.
SpongeBob: Captain Mr. Krabs, ahoy.
Mr. Krabs: Why, SpongeBob, That's not your usual four-fingered salute.
SpongeBob: Well, I guess I'm just upset because they're building a highway over Jellyfish Fields. (sniffles)
Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBob, I'd sure hate me customers to see you like this. Is there anything I can do to help?
SpongeBob: Really, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Sure, why not?
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, I just know that together we can stop that nasty old highway from going right through Jellyfish Fields.
Mr. Krabs: Uh, you're not talking about the Shelly Superhighway, are you?
SpongeBob: Yeah, why?
Mr. Krabs: Uh, well, 'cause I'm actually in favor of that highway being built.
SpongeBob: (pulling on his eyelids) No! No!
Mr. Krabs: Yes! I've already calculated how many new customers I'll get once it's finished. You can see for yourself, in this whole series of charts and diagrams I have displayed.
SpongeBob: Charts and dia... (eyes get wide) Mr. Krabs, didn't you see?!
Mr. Krabs: See what?
SpongeBob: This. (folds out the rest of the diagram) According to this plan, after the Shelly Superhighway goes right through Jellyfish Fields, it goes right over the Krusty Krab. Hey, look, there you are-- destitute and living in a cardboard box. Then it does sorta a loop-de-loop for some reason, and goes right through the front door of the Chum Bucket.
Mr. Krabs: What?! Who approved this plan?
SpongeBob: (reads off the diagram) "Plan approved by & sponsored by Sheldon J. Plankton Enterprises, a division of No Fun Incorporated."
Mr. Krabs: Come on, lad, let's go give that Plankton a piece of our minds.
SpongeBob: (rips off a corner piece of his head) Think this piece will get the point across? (cut to them walking over to the Chum Bucket)
Mr. Krabs: Alright, Plankton, it's Eugene Krabs here, with... what's his name. Now come on out!
Plankton: I can't.
Mr. Krabs: Come on outside, and take what's coming to you.
Plankton: I really can't come outside.
SpongeBob: Why not?
Plankton: (yells) Because I'm already outside, you bumbling bottom-feeders! Open your eyes for crying out loud! (Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob look down)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, sorry.
Plankton: Now what's this all about, anyway?
Mr. Krabs: Don't play coy with us, Shelly. We both know you've been up to no good. Now start talking.
Plankton: Alright, so I've been stealing your mail for the past five years. Big whoop.
SpongeBob: Not that.
Mr. Krabs: What? You've been what?
SpongeBob: We're talking about that new superhighway you're planning on building. And in case you didn't know, it's gonna destroy Jellyfish Fields. Not to mention that your plan is stupid and dumb and dumb and stupid.
Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute, you've been what?
Plankton: Well, that certainly was an interesting series of words that just tumbled out past your teeth and lips. But frankly, my dear sponge, I don't give a barnacle.
SpongeBob: Huh?
Mr. Krabs: I don't know.
Plankton: Forget it. Even if I wanted to stop the Shelly Superhighway from being built, it would be impossible.
SpongeBob: Why?
Plankton: Because the whole city has already approved it. See for yourself-- through this conveniently timed flashback. (at Bikini Bottom Town Hall & Fun Center)
Mayor: Order, order, order in the Meeting Hall. (pounding gavel on one of the baliff's head) Now all those in favor of paving over Jellyfish Fields and building the Shelly Superhighway, raise your right fin and say "Aye."
All: Aye.
Mayor: Everybody else just sit there quietly.
Fish #1: I like highways.
Fish #2: I like things that are super.
Mr. Krabs: And I like saying "aye." (flashback over)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, why did I say "aye"?
Plankton: Seems as though the ayes have it. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got superhighway preparations to be attending to. Toodles. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk back to the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: What are we gonna do now, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm gonna do the only thing I can do when me character is tested by insurmountable odds-- lie on me back and sob loudly.
SpongeBob: Normally, Mr. Krabs, I would lie on my back and sob loudly too, but I am not giving up. There's still one citizen of Bikini Bottom who won't sit still in the face on this outrageous injustice.
(cut to SpongeBob and Patrick handing out flyers to citizens and then a song montage)

---------------
Chum Bucket!
Sludge bucket!
Highway flyaway!
Lilly liver!
Pizza giver!
Mashed potato!
Kelp tomato!

All we are trying to say is give Jellyfish Fields a chance!

Ketchup bottle!
Net and Goggle!
Toll booth!
Rotten tooth!
Freeway plan!
Toast and jam!
Mermaidman!
Garbage can!
Citrus fruit!
Combat boot!
Give a hoot!
Gorilla suit!

All we are trying to say is give Jellyfish Fields a chance!

Plankton's eye!
Ham on rye!
Larry's thigh!
Battle cry!
Mustard squirt!
Long-sleeved shirt!
Self assert!
Hit the dirt!
Krusty Krab!
Smash-n-grab!
Barg-n-Mart!
Grocery Cart!

All we are trying to say is give Jellyfish Fields a chance!

C.E.O.s!
Gary's toes!
Squidward's nose!
Panty hose!
Rocking chair!
Wash 'n' wear!
Empty stare!
Patrick's hair!
Green trees!
Sandy's fleas!
Rise 'n' shine!
Lemon lime!
Outta time!
Squiggly line!
Take a stand!
Hand-in-hand!

All we are trying to say is give Jellyfish Fields a chance!
---------------

SpongeBob: (citizens are throwing trash and both of them) It's working, Patrick. They're booing the highway. Looks like our message has really started getting through to the people. Let's play a song while their hearts are open. (piece of paper flies on his face) Hey, wait a minute. This is one of our fliers. They're pelting us with our own pamphlets. What does this mean?
Patrick: I couldn't tell you.
Nat: I'll tell you what it means. (grabs tambourine) It means this. (stomps on it)
SpongeBob: It means you hate tambourines?
Fish: No, it means... (cop car shows up)
Cop: Alright, you guys the highway haters?
SpongeBob: Yes, but with good reason, sir. You see, without Jellyfish Fields, jellyfish will have to find a new home and...
Cop: Alright, you two. You're under arrest.
SpongeBob: What for?
Cop: Unlicensed use of a sitar.
SpongeBob: But my grandma gave me this sitar. It didn't come with a license.
Cop: Yeah, well, neither did this. (SpongeBob and Patrick are dragged away)
Crowd: (chanting) Highway! Highway! Highway! Highway! Highway! Highway! Highway! Highway! (cop shuts the door and everyone cheers. Cut to cop car driving out of Bikini Bottom)
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm scared.
Patrick: SpongeBob, I'll never forget what my Great Uncle Cletus said right before he was arrested during a freedom march.
SpongeBob: What was that?
Patrick: It's when a bunch of people go walking down a street--
SpongeBob: I know what a freedom march is, Patrick. I mean, what did he say?
Patrick: Oh. (chuckles) He said, "Let not your heart walk away from you, lest your mind grow legs and follow it."
SpongeBob: Wow. Your uncle sounds like a pretty smart guy, Patrick. What happened to him after he was arrested?
Patrick: I don't know. He was never heard from again. (SpongeBob and Patrick are kicked out of the cop car. As the cop car speeds away, their clothes fly off and now in their underwear)
Cop: See you later, longhairs. (drives off)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Bye!
SpongeBob: See you later!
Patrick: (giggles) It's a wig.
SpongeBob: Thanks for the lift! They left us, in the middle of nowhere!
Patrick: Well, this isn't the middle of nowhere. We're actually on the edge of Nowhere. (points to the sign behind him that reads "Now entering NOWHERE. Population: 0")
SpongeBob: Well, at least it isn't raining. (rain cloud starts raining over the two of them. One of the fliers floats up to SpongeBob's foot and then it stops raining)
SpongeBob: I'm not ready to give up just yet!
Patrick: I am!
SpongeBob: If we could just come up with a better way to reach the people. Something everybody can see and hear.
Patrick: You mean, like a parade?
SpongeBob: Oh, a parade! Patrick, how did you come up with such a brilliant idea?
Patrick: There's one going by right there. (a giant parade of citizens marching for the Shelly Superhighway walk by)
SpongeBob: That certainly is a parade.
Patrick: (points) Look!
SpongeBob: (gasps) Plankton! Driving a big tractor. This doesn't look good at all, Patrick.
Patrick: Does this? (makes poses and flexes his back muscles)
SpongeBob: Come on. Let's go follow them! (parade stops)
Plankton: (using a megaphone) People of Bikini Bottom...
Fish #3: Did you hear that?
Fish #4: I'm hearing the voices again.
Scotsman: (points to Plankton) Look! Up there!
Plankton: Today marks a new... (everyone murmurs) Stop murmuring! (everyone stops) Thank you. As I was saying, today marks the beginning of a new...
Crowd: For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's...
Plankton: Shut up!
Citizen: Huh? What?
Plankton: Today marks a new beginning for Bikini Bottom! (crowd cheers and confetti falls from the sky) Now, its time to pave our way down the road to success. (bulldozes through the grass and pours tar behind the bulldozer. The parade walks on the new pavement. Plankton sniffs the air and sighs) I love the smell of hot tar in the morning. Yeah, baby! (stops the bulldozer. A band member with a hat covering his face is standing in front of it) Hey, you there. Are you trying to get yourself crushed?
SpongeBob: (takes off the hat) I won't let you do it, Plankton! If you're going to pave over Jellyfish Fields, you're going to have to pave over me first!
Plankton: Ooh, your wish is my command, Sponge! (pushes the levers forward, crushing SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Is that all you got? (hot tar is poured over him. Patrick plays the trumpet)
SpongeBob: Knock it off, Patrick. (cut to the superhighway completed)
Mr. Krabs: I used to dream of me restaurant with easy highway access.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but this is more like highway excess.
Squidward: Well, I'm going to go soak my tentacles. (shivers) It's cold in here underneath all of this concrete.
Mr. Krabs: But Squidward, you can't leave! What if we have a customer?
Squidward: Really? We haven't had a customer since the day this highway was built.
SpongeBob: Uh, Squidward, it's technically called a superhighway.
Squidward: I don't care what it is! I'm out of here!
SpongeBob: But Squidward...
Mr. Krabs: No, no, SpongeBob. Squidward's right. I think it's high time we started accepting facts.
SpongeBob: (takes out the fax that just came in) I'm on it, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: No, boyo, not that kind.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what are you saying?
Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab can't stay in business. Not like this.
SpongeBob: It can't?
Mr. Krabs: No, SpongeBob. And its time to activate plan "zed dash niner niner."
SpongeBob: Zed dash niner niner?! (faints into Squidward's arms)
Squidward: Eugene, what is plan zed dash niner niner? And more importantly, how does it affect me?
Mr. Krabs: Plan Zed dash niner niner is, I'm... (horn honking) I'm... (horn honking again) I'm sending the Krabby Patty secret formula to Plankton!
Squidward: Eugene!
Mr. Krabs: I have no choice. And stop calling me Eugene. (walks out of Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Tell me I'm dreaming.
Squidward: Not this time, little fella. (sniffles. Mr. Krabs changes the 'open' signed to 'closed.' Cut to the Chum Bucket where Plankton is getting a massage from Karen's power cord)
Plankton: Lower. A little lower. Yeah, that's it! (knock on door. Plankton is riding on a segway) Now who could that be during my hour of triumph? (opens the door to Mr. Krabs holding the formula) How appropriate. (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: Plankton, I'm ready to negoitiate a price for me secret formula.
Plankton: Oh, goody. (takes out a large pocketwatch) Let me just wind my watch.
Mr. Krabs: What for?
Plankton: 'Cause I'm gonna love every minute of this! (a faint buzzing is heard) Did you hear that?
Mr. Krabs: What?
Plankton: Karen, is that you?
Mr. Krabs: (points) Up there! (a bunch of Jellyfish come through the vent) Whoa, Nelly!
SpongeBob: First I lost Jellyfish fields. And-and... (spluttering)
Squidward: And what?
SpongeBob: And now I lost the only job I ever wanted! (sobs)
Squidward: Look at it this way. I don't have to see you everyday now! Oh, this really could be the start of something beautiful! (jellyfish stings him on the forehead) Ow! What in the name of...?
SpongeBob: Squidward, look!
Squidward: What am I looking... (screams)
SpongeBob: All the jellyfish who used to live in Jellyfish Fields are coming to Bikini Bottom.
Squidward: Yeah, but for some reason, I don't think it's to distribute holiday gift baskets!
SpongeBob: Oh, you don't? (both of them run away as the jellyfish swarm the town of Bikini Bottom)
Mr. Krabs: You know something, Plankton? Let's just talk about this later. I think I'm just gonna run for me life. (runs out of the Chum Bucket)
'Plankton: Wait, I'm coming with you! (a jellyfish grabs Plankton before he can escape) No! (jellyfish are stinging him) Not the eye. Not the eye!
Ben: Chaos runs rampant in Bikini Bottom. (ducks down from some jellyfish flying by) That's right, folks. This is news reporter Ben Glenney standing in for Perch Perkins, who's out today with a terrible case of indigestion. And we are coming to you live with day three of what appears to be Bikini Bottom's worst--
Fish #5: Am I on television?
Ben: Uh, yes sir, you are. Would you care to say a few words about...
Fish #5: Hi Mom. Hi Dad. Hey Dr. Slean. (SpongeBob is seen running away from jellyfish in the background) Hey Jennifer. Hey Sally. Hey Francis. Hey Mabel. Hey Julie. Hey Abigail.
SpongeBob: (stops running) Now they'll have to listen.
Fish #5: And there's my pals in El Tuna, and the gang at the Pudgy Flipper... (Ben pushes him away)
Ben: Thank you. (SpongeBob runs up) Hello, Little Boy. How about saying a few words into the camera about the current crisis?
SpongeBob: Um, okay. Sorry, I'm a little nervous.
Ben: That's understandable. Just talk nice and clear.
SpongeBob: Well, okay, I guess. All I have to say is that, um... that probably... Stop the madness! We need to give Jellyfish Fields back to the jellyfish! If we restore their natural habitat then they will go in peace and balance will, once again, be restored to our land. So what do you say everybody? Will you help me?
All: No!
SpongeBob: You're kidding, right?
All: Yes!
SpongeBob: Well, alright! Everyone, follow me. Okay, everyone. Say goodbye to the worst thing that happened to this town since 97 cent stores. (everyone cheers as SpongeBob rides the bulldozer up to the highway. It suddenly stops and everyone gasps)
Plankton: (using megaphone) Good effort, SpongeDope, but you can't tear up my highway. It's indestructible!
Larry: Not if we have anything to do with it!
SpongeBob: Larry Lobster!
Larry: That's right, pal, but that's not all. (Sandy walks up)
SpongeBob: Sandy Squirrel. (Mrs. Puff walks up) Mrs. Puff! (Mermaidman & Barnacleboy walk up) Mermaidman and Barnacleboy! (Patrick walks up) Patrick!
Patrick: (throwing punches) Soo-soo-soo!
SpongeBob: And Squidward! (he doesn't come)
Fish #6: Nope, that's everybody.
Larry: Push! Harder! (everyone tries to push the bulldozer but it won't budge)
SpongeBob: Harder still!
Fish #6: You heard that little square guy! (everyone gets behind Larry and pushes)
Plankton: Wait! I didn't count on all of you working together!
Plankton: My highway! Stop, you can't! (Plankton gets crushed by the bulldozer as it rolls up the entire highway. Everyone cheers. The highway disintegrates into dust and the Krusty Krab gets a light shining over it)
Mr. Krabs: Praise Neptune.

---------------
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
It's the Jellyfishing Song (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Everyone sing along (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
It's the Jellyfishing Song (clap)

Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Jelly-lelly, Lelly-jelly,
Everyone sing...
---------------

Ranger: Everyone sing along. (switches the 'closed' sign to 'open')
End