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To Save a Squirrel

(Spongebob and Patrick are screaming and running towards Sandy's treedome)
Spongebob and Patrick: Sandy! Sandy! Save us! Sandy!
Sandy: What the...? (Spongebob and Patrick hide inside Sandy's suit. Sandy takes them out. Spongebob and Patrick try to run but Sandy is holding both of them) Whoa, there! Calm down and tell me what happened.
Patrick: Spongebob and I are being chased by a savage beast!
Spongebob: And he's gonna to eat us!
Sandy: Oh, no, he ain't! (a little cricket in a air helmet shows up)
Spongebob and Patrick: (both screaming) There it is!
Sandy:(laughs) This little guy? Why, he's just a harmless little cricket. He's a land creature just like me. Poor thing must have gotten lost. Well, he's not going to hurt you. See? (Spongebob and Patrick faint when Sandy shows them the cricket) Aw, let's get you back home, little fella. (blows a bubble and puts the grasshopper in it) There you go! (cricket floats up to the surface in the bubble) See, that wasn't nothing to be afraid of, huh, guys? (Spongebob and Patrick are rolling around the ground crying. Sandy sighs) I don't have time for this, I'm late for my survival training camp.
Spongebob: Survival training camp?! Patrick and I love camping!
Patrick: Can we come?
Sandy: This ain't no ordinary camping trip. I go out into the wild armed only with my bare hands, my quick wits, this harpoon, and 65 pounds of dynamite. (shows the dynamite). Out in the wild, it's eat or be eaten. You have to be willing to do anything when you're alone in the wild. You two wouldn't last a single day.
Spongebob: Hey!
Patrick: We would so!
Spongebob: Well, I'll have you know that just the other day Squidward commented at our survival skills!
Squidward: You two are harder to get rid of than cockroaches!
Spongebob: Thank you Squidward! (Spongebob and Patrick walk away)
Squidward: (playins with Spongebob and Patrick voodoo dolls) Why aren't these things working?
Sandy: No way guys! This is a serious trip for hardcore survivalists only!
Spongebob and Patrick: But, Sandy!
Sandy: No!
Spongebob and Patrick: Aw! (Sandy drives off in her jeep however Spongebob and Patrick are already on it. Spongebob and Patrick snicker)
Spongebob: Shh!! We'll show Sandy we're as tough as she is! (Spongebob and Patrick grunt as Sandy drives through some rough road) I guess the road smoothed out. (Spongebob and Patrick realize they are on a mountain and almost fall out of the jeep) That was a close one Patrick! Almost left in the wilderness without Sandy! And nobody would've known where to find us.
Patrick: Weird. There's a door back here too?
Spongebob: No, Patrick. No! (both fall out of the jeep with a box and some other supplies)
Spongebob: Sandy, wait! Sandy! Well, at least we have food, shelter, and water. I'll pitch the tent while you start a campfire. Then when we're all settled, I'll cook us up some grub. (cut to moments later) Okay Patrick, we're all set. We got fresh water, a rugged tent for shelter...
Patrick: And a nice fire to keep us warm.
Spongebob: Hey, where'd you get the firewood? (Spongebob looks at the box labeled "FOOD") You burnt our food supply?! Oh, no! Quick! Quick! Put it out with something! Fire! Fire! Fire! (Patrick puts the tent over the fire) Hey Patrick, nice job. (flames roar and Spongebob screams. Spongebob pours the canteen of water over the fire and puts it out) Phew! Uh-oh. Well, we burned our food, ruined our tent, and lost all our water. Patrick, we are going to need to use our razor-sharp, quick wits if we're gonna to make it out of here alive!
Patrick: Gotcha.
Spongebob: Okay, here's the plan.
Patrick: Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no. You made the last decision. It's my turn.
Spongebob: Sure, Patrick, what do you think we should do?
Patrick: Um...maybe...uh... (day turns into night. An owl is heard)
Spongebob: Uh, Patrick...
Patrick: Well, for crying out loud, Spongebob, I didn't rush you when it was your turn!
Spongebob: Sorry, sorry. Take your time. (long time passes between Patrick's thinking. Spongebob snores and paces back and forth)
Patrick: (gasps. Thunder begins to sound and rain falls) Oh shoot! I forgot what I was gonna say!
Spongebob: No hurry Patrick. (winter comes and goes. Then Spongebob and Patrick grow beards)
Patrick: Do you want to play hide-and-go seek?
Spongebob: Sure. Let's go play in that cave over there. (both walk into the cave) I like it here. It's roomy, and best of all, we have this cave all to ourselves. (crazed laughter is heard) Huh? Mice. We'll have stay here tonight, and then head home tomorrow. (crazed laughter is heard again. A green fish jumps out from behind a rock)
Coot: Home? This is your new home! You'll be here forever! Just like me! (crazy, goofy laughing. Patrick joins in)
Patrick: Ah, good times.
Spongebob: What do you mean we'll be here forever? How long have you been here?
Coot: Forty years I been here. There's ain't no way out of this valley. You're stuck here with me for the rest of your lives!
Spongebob: We'll be here forever? We're doomed!
Patrick: Are you kidding? That old coot's been here for years and look at him! He's in great shape. Look at his muscular arms, his rock-hard abs, and that great complexion. Why, he's glowing with health.
Spongebob: You're right Patrick. But what will we eat? Where will we sleep?
Patrick: Well, I don't know about you, but I've got all the comforts of home right here. (lifts up the big rock and attaches himself to it. The rock closes)
Spongebob: Patrick's right. If I'm stuck here, I should make the best of it. I'll build myself a new home. There, just like my pineapple in Bikini Bottom...only smaller.(has a muddy pineapple sculpture) Comfy. Safe and sound in my own little home.
Coot: Safe? You're never safe out in the wild! If I were you, I'd keep an eye on that big fella.
Spongebob: Patrick? No, Patrick is my best friend. He wouldn't hurt me.
Coot: He's a big boy! Just wait till he gets hungry. Out here, it's eat or be eaten. (Patrick sniffs, licks then chews on his arm)
Spongebob: (screams) He's gotten the taste of flesh. (cut to later) Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Hey Spongebob. (his stomach growls)
Spongebob: Sounds like you're hungry.
Patrick: Oh, boy am I! I'm so hungry, I could eat anything! I could eat an entire sponge.. (Spongebob screams and runs away) ...cake. I was just going to share my golden sponge cake with him. It's got delicious cream filling too. (eats the sponge cake)
Spongebob: It's all true! Patrick is going to eat me! What should I do?
Coot: You gotta protect yourself. What you need is a fort.
Spongebob: This mud replica of the Krusty Krab should protect me from that fiend Patrick! Aah! He's onto me. Must hide. (hides inside the mud replica. Panting) I'm safe. Patrick can't get me in here, (laughs), I don't need to go outside, I have everything I need right here. (makes a mud tool) Spatula. (makes a mud patty) Now I just need some buns, (makes some buns and takes a hard bite) Oh, crunchy. (spits the patty out) I can't take it! (breaks the Krusty Krab in pieces) I need some real food.
Coot: Remember kid, it's eat or be eaten.
Spongebob: Yes! Yes! I shall eat Patrick before he eats me. (Patrick sniffs the smoke aroma)
Patrick: Mmm, something smells good. What are you cooking Spongebob?
Spongebob: I'm cooking you up and eat ya!
Patrick: Aah! Well, why do you want to eat me?!
Spongebob: I know what you're doing, you're playing dumb, but it won't work, because I'm going to eat you before you eat me.
Patrick: Well, not if I eat you first!
Spongebob: Oh no you don't! (chases after Patrick) Where'd he go? Come on out, Patrick. You can't hide forever. What's this? (notices he's in a pot of water) warm water?
Patrick: You seemed kinda tense, so I drew you a hot bath.
Spongebob: Wow, thanks Patrick! I did get a trifle unhinged, didn't I?
Patrick: Oops, I forgot the bath beads. (Patrick cuts up some carrots)
Spongebob: Thanks Patrick. You're a real pal! Funny-looking bath beads. They almost look like carrots. Carrots?! You're making soup out of me!
Patrick: I was not! It was supposed to stew! (runs then becomes tired) Phew! I'm getting tired.
Spongebob: Why don't you take a nap on this nice soft bed. (actually a white piece of bread), There, that's it. Here, I'll tuck you in with this nice soft blanket. (puts another piece of bread on top of Patrick) And what's a little blanket without a little ketchup!
Patrick: This isn't a bed!
Spongebob: Wait! Come back! You're not properly seasoned! (Spongebob trips over a rock. Patrick grabs the ketchup bottle and sprays it on top of Spongebob's head) Aah! Aah! (hanging from the ceiling, Spongebob grabs the ketchup bottle out of Patrick's hands)
Patrick: Wha...hey! Give me that ketchup back!
Spongebob: No! (Spongebob and Patrick fight over the ketchup bottle)
Spongebob: Gotcha! (holding Patrick's right arm in his mouth)
Patrick: No, got you! (holding Spongebob's right left in his mouth)
Spongebob: I got you!
Coot: (clapping) Congratulations. You did it.
Spongebob: Did what?
Coot: Why, earned your survivalist medals, of course! Only a hardcore survivalist will break down and nearly eat his best pal.
Patrick: Why do you care if we're survivalists?
Coot: 'Cause I'm not just some old hermit...
Sandy: I'm... (tears costume off) Sandy Cheeks, survivalist extraordinaire.
Spongebob and Patrick: Sandy?
Sandy: It weren't no accident that you fell out of truck. I was just testing your survival skills.
Spongebob and Patrick: You planned this?!
Sandy: Yup. And I'm happy to say that you both passed. Here's your survivalist medals. (hands them medals that say "Non Failure" on them)
Spongebob and Patrick: Hooray!
Spongebob: Wow, it's great that we won our medals but I'm still hungry.
Patrick: (takes out ketchup bottle) Me too.
Sandy: Guys...what you doing? Uh, fellas?
Spongebob and Patrick: Eat or be eaten.
Sandy: Uh-oh. Next time I'll bring more granola. (runs away)
End