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Ripped Pants

Narrator: Ah, Goo Lagoon. A stinky mud puddle to you and me. But to the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a wonderful stinky mud puddle.
SpongeBob: What a great day. (SpongeBob rushes off scene for a bit) Hey, Sandy! Look! I'm Sandy! (SpongeBob looks like a sand castle. Next he dresses up like Squidward) Hey, Sandy? Who am I? (Sandy laughs as SpongeBob picks up a sandy phone and imitates Squidward) Hello, SpongeBob. Could you try and keep it down. I'm trying to be boring.
Sandy: (laughs) SpongeBob! (doorbell)
SpongeBob: Did someone order 20 pepperoni and sand pizzas? (both laugh)
Larry: Hey, Sandy. Hey, SpongeBob.
Sandy: Hey, Larry.
Larry: You guys wanna go lifts some weights?
Sandy: Sure. Well, c'mon SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Coming. (next scene is everyone lifting weights)
Larry: Give it a try, Sandy. (Sandy lifts up a heavy weight)
SpongeBob: Good job, Sandy. Well that's about enough for today, don't ya think?
Larry: How about a little more weight? Observe. (Larry lifts an even heavier weight)
SpongeBob: Alright, stand back everybody! (SpongeBob lifts a stick and sinks. No one cheers)
Sandy: Ya'll watch this. (Sandy lifts up something heavier and everyone cheers. Larry lifts up the 2 bleachers with citizens in them and everyone cheers even more)
Sandy: Way to go, Larry! (SpongeBob digs underground to a campfire)
SpongeBob: Can I borrow a couple of these?
Fish: Mm-hmm.
SpongeBob: Now, with the addition of two, count 'em two, marshmallows. (SpongeBob tries to lift it but rips his pants instead. Everyone laughs)
Scooter: Hahahahahaha. That was too funny. You are hilarious.
Sandy: Ain't he the funniest sponge you ever saw.
Larry: Anyone up for some volleyball? (Larry spikes the ball over the net and everyone cheers. SpongeBob gives it a try, next)
SpongeBob: I got it! (SpongeBob hits the ball but it doesn't go anywhere) Incoming! (SpongeBob hits the ball again but it doesn't go anywhere. The crowd gets restless so SpongeBob rips his pants again to get a laugh) Oops, I guess I ripped my pants again. (everyone laughs)
Scooter: Hahahahahaha. Once again, dude, you have split my sides. Hahahahahaha.
SpongeBob: (playing Frisbee) Hey, Sandy? How about throwing it to me?
Sandy: Okay. Here it comes. (Sandy throws it and hits SpongeBob with it)
SpongeBob: I could use a hand here. (Sandy helps him get up)
Sandy: You okay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I guess so. Except I ripped my pants! (SpongeBob rips his pants again and everyone laughs)
Scooter: Hahahahahaha. You still got it, dude!
Ice Cream Man: May I help you?
SpongeBob: I'll take a banana split.
Ice Cream Man: Uh, we don't have that.
SpongeBob: That's okay. I already split my pants. Get it?
Ice Cream Man: Tee-hee. Anything else?
SpongeBob: How about ripple? (splits his pants) No, thanks? Already got one. (Sandy laughs hysterically. Then SpongeBob walks up to a guy eating a burger) Is that a burger you're eating?
Fish: Why, yes, it is.
SpongeBob: You know what would go good with that?
Fish: No, what?
SpongeBob: Ripped...pants. (rips his pants then goes up to two other guys eating) Ripped pants a la mode. (rips pants again) Delivery. Did you order 20 cases of...ripped pants? (rips pants through the cardboard box)
Surfing Announcer: Surfs up in the Goo Lagoon. And here comes Larry doing his trademark lay back. There goes Sandy hanging ten. Figures, that is. There goes SpongeBob... (SpongeBob is ripping his pants on his board) ...ripping his pants again. (wipes out and washes it up on shore)
Lifeguard: Oh, look, a cardboard box washed up on the beach. (looks through his telescope) Holy fish paste! It's a guy! (gets SpongeBob and flips him over) Why-y-y? Why-y-y? Why-y-y?
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Come closer. I need...I need...
Lifeguard: What do you need?
SpongeBob:...a tailor...because I ripped my pants! (no one laughs)
Sandy: That wasn't funny, SpongeBob. Ya'll had me worried sick.
Scooter: Dude...
SpongeBob: C'mon SpongeBob you're losing 'em. Think. Your public's waiting. Let's see... (reads list) ...lifting weights: big laugh, Frisbee in face: kills, surfing: knocks 'em dead, pretending to drown: No. C'mon think! I got it! Hey, everybody! Not ripped pants... (rips pants off) ...pants ripped off. Huh? Someone call the police, there's a pants thief on the loose. (no one is there) Oh, no! Everybody's gone. Even Sandy. She'd rather hang out with Larry! Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. We blew it pants.
Pants: What do you mean we? (pants walk off)
SpongeBob: Ohh...I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention. Am I the biggest loser on the beach?!
Female Fish: No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen. (touches sunburn)
SpongeBob: Ouch.
Male Fish: No, I am. I got sand in my buns. (whales comes up from under the sand)
Whale:: No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.
All: What happened to you?
SpongeBob: I lost my best friend.
All: How?
SpongeBob: (takes a guitar) When I ripped... (rips pants) ...my pants. (plays Ripped Pants song)
---
I thought that I had everybody on my side,
But I went and blew it all sky-high.
And now she won't even spare a passing glance
All just because I (rip) ripped my pants.

When big Larry came 'round just to put him down,
SpongeBob turned into a clown,
And no girl ever wants to dance
With a fool who went and (rip sound) ripped his pants.

I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse,
But the pain feels so much worse.
'Cause windin' up with no one is a lot less fun
Than a burn from the sun or sand in your buns.

Now I learned a lesson I won't soon forget,
So listen and you won't regret,
Be true to yourself, don't miss your chance,
And you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants. (rip sound)
---
(Everyone cheers)
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Sandy! (both hug)
Sandy: Your song is true. If you all wanna be my friend, just be yourself.
Larry: SpongeBob, that was so righteous. Will you...sign my pants?
SpongeBob: Absolutely, buddy. (SpongeBob rips his underwear while signing Larry)
End