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Story Time

Story Time

Gather round and let me tell you a tale...
This page is home to stories, both written and hastily ad-libbed, of all shapes and sizes.

There Once Was a Man From Peru from Sleepy Time
There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright in the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true.

The Ugly Barnacle from Something Smells
There was an ugly barnacle.
He was so ugly that everyone died.
The End.

The Hash-Slinging Slasher from Graveyard Shift
Most people just call him the Ha because that's all they have time to say before he... gets them!
Years ago, at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook just like you.
Only clumsier. And then one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened.
He cut off his own hand by mistake. It didn't grow back!
And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then he got hit by a bus!
And at his funeral, they fired him!
So now, every Tuesday night, his ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance.
There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next, the phone will ring, and there will be nobody there. And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over!
Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead.
Then, he taps on the window with his grizzly spatula hand.
He opens the door.
He slowly approaches the counter.
Then he gets you!

Adventures in an Underground City from Mermaidman and Barnacleboy VI: The Motion Picture
There's a city.
And it's underground.
And they have adventures.
The end.

Scary Story from Night Light
And slowly... Ever so slowly... The ancient crypt door creeps open... And from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, cralwed forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel!

The Little Ugly Mollusk from Roller Cowards
And then, the little ugly mollusk ran all the way home.

Squidward's Happy Gland from Breath of Fresh Squidward
Whenever Squidward sees us, the storm clouds in his brain roll in and a nasty storm rages.
So, Squidward's happy gland is forced to take shelter in the recesses of his mind.
But the happy gland can't find a recess deep enough, so he gets the flu and has to stay in bed until we leave.

Pennies for the Penniless from Penny Foolish
Three dimes. Two nickels. One quarter. Zero pennies.
As I realize the images seen here tonight may be wretchedly hideous
I am going to tell you what you can do to end this travesty.
You can donate one penny to me-- Mr. Krabs
Also known as Mr. Krabs: The Man Who Doesn't Have One.

The Little Angler Who Got Lost from A Day Without Tears
There once was a little angler who was little and sad.
One day the little sad angler was walking through the park.
But, he was sad, because he was lost and very sad.
And then, he started to cry.
He cried and he cried. And he cried even more.

The Main Drain from The Main Drain
It happened a long time ago to a pair of little kids.
It's said that the main drain beckoned to them, putting them under its spell.
One day, those two kids were wandering through the ocean when they stumble upon it.
Legend has it that their curiosity got the best of 'em.
The entire ocean rushed in the drain and sucked those two kids right down with it.
The drain was so powerful, it pulled all of Bikini Bottom into its gaping maw, causing an apocalypse of the sea.
And nobody was ever heard from again.

Snail Tales from Pet Sitter Pat

The Land of Perpetual Excitement from inSpongeiac
Once upon a time, there was a sleepy little boy.
The sleepy little boy was the sleepiest boy in all the kingdom.
One night, he nestled into bed for a long slumber.
And Sir Cecil, the sea sleep king, sprinkled him with mystical sleepy dust.
He couldn't have been cozier, when without warning, an excitable sea troll burst through the window.
"Wakey, wakey, sleepy-doo!" he bellowed.
Then suddenly he was whisked away by eagle-winged mollusks into the night sky!

Pink Idiot from Sponge Out of Water
Once upon a time there was a big pink fat idiot who went to sleep. The end.