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Survival of the Idiots

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick

(SpongeBob and Patrick start yelling at the same time.)
SpongeBob: Alright! We're going to Sandy's house! Yea! Keep the tree warm, Sandy! We're coming to your house!
Patrick: Yay! Yay! Uh ha! Yay! I'm going to beat you there! Uh huh! Its going to be fun! Uh huh!
(SpongeBob and Patrick stop yelling and froze while jumping to notice that Sandy's house couldn't be seen and it had a "Keep Out" sign in front of it.)
SpongeBob: Sandy? (opens the door) Hey Sandy! What's with the sign?
(SpongeBob and Patrick come up to the TV and notice Sandy was on it)
Patrick: Look! She's on the eating channel!
Sandy: (she's eating acorns) Howdy! If ya'll watching this, that means I'm asleep for the winter! This sleep is called Hiberation! (starts to eat acorns manically) During Hibernation, animals don't like being woken up, so do not disturb! (Sandy stops eating and gives a blank glare at the camera) That means you, SpongeBob! (TV turns off itself)
Patrick: Better put these on!
SpongeBob: Never mind, Pat! Sandy said not to come in!
Patrick: When are you going to learn, SpongeBob? No means yes!
SpongeBob: Patrick, how many times do we have to...
Patrick: (interupts SpongeBob) Look, SpongeBob! Look at this!
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gasps loudly and they walked inside to gaze) What is this stuff?
Patrick: Its a vast swirly wonderland of sparkly white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading fluffy pillows of excitement and confort as you've never felt before!
SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick! (SpongeBob starts to sniff while starting to cry) That was beautiful!
Patrick: What? I was just reading this candy wrapper, see?
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gasps again) Patrick! Put your helmet back on! You know there's no water here at Sandy's house!
Patrick: Its O.K. SpongeBob! This stuff is water! Look! (Patrick sticks out his tongue and SpongeBob notices its water)
SpongeBob: I guess you're right! Its O.K. here!
Patrick: Take it off! (puts his elbow on SpongeBob's helmet) No one's looking!
SpongeBob + Patrick: Yea! Woohoo! Yea! (both dive into the snow and tunnel through with woohoos) Yea! (both came out with noses shaped like Squidward's and start giggling)
SpongeBob: You...
Patrick: (interupts SpongeBob) SpongeBob! Did you hear that?
SpongeBob: I think it came from Sandy's tree! (both notice there's snoring coming from Sandy's tree)
Patrick: That is one tired tree!
SpongeBob: Let's check it out! (both get up and walk into Sandy's tree and SpongeBob notices something sleeping in Sandy's bed and gasps loudly) Look what's in Sandy's bed!
Patrick: It looks like an over inflated Sandy doll!
SpongeBob: I think this thing is Sandy!
Patrick: Hibernation must mean the opposite of beauty sleep! (Sandy starts to snore in bed)
Sandy: I've had enough for your dasterly deeds, Dirty Dan! I'm going to get you and your partner, Pinhead Larry or my name ain't Sir Cindy! (Snores really loudly again and SpongeBob giggles for a second)
SpongeBob: She must be dreaming about Texas outlaws! (both start giggling) Look out, Sandy! I'm Dirty Dan!
Sandy: I'm gonna catch you and throw you in jail at Tax Fair's Expense!
SpongeBob: Oooo! You better faster, Sandy!
Patrick: Yea! I'm gettin' away; run faster!
SpongeBob: Hurry! We're getting in a taxie!
Patrick: Faster! Faster! (both start giggling again)
Sandy: I'll get you two! You're nothing but pure evil! Just like newspaper comics!
SpongeBob: (both still giggling) Come on, Patrick! We shouldn't disturb her anymore!
Patrick: That's not disturbing! This is disturbing! (Patrick turns around, shows SpongeBob his back, and makes a face out it... he then pretends to make it like a puppet) Hi there, SpongeBob! My name is Pat-back!
Spongebob: HA! That really is disturbing! (both start giggling again and wake Sandy up... Sandy then gets out of bed)
Patrick: Uhhh, SpongeBob!
Sandy: (starts to growl and makes a roar... SpongeBob and Patrick then start screaming, but then Sandy pulls their pants and holds them up)
Patrick: Faster, SpongeBob! She's gaining on us!
SpongeBob: Sandy! No! Stop!
Sandy: I warned you, Dirty Dan! Now you just cross the border to Hurtville!
SpongeBob: Sandy, its us! Your friends, SpongeBob and Patrick!
Patrick: Please, Sandy! I can't afford dry cleaning!
Sandy: Gonna skin you all and make a pair of sized 6 boot! (Sandy starts sleeping again, snores, and falls back into the bed)
Patrick: Fun's over!
SpongeBob: (starts feeling relieved) Whoo! We sure don't wanna wake her up again! Too bad we don't have any ear plugs to put on her!
Patrick: Yea! Alls I got is this belly button lint! (pulls out a big wad of lint out of belly button and magically turns into head phones)
SpongeBob: All right, Pat! (slithers next to Sandy and slips on headphones)
Sandy: I'm gonna reck your arms off, flapjacks!
SpongeBob: Well, that outta work!
Patrick: Hey, Sandy! Does it work? (Sandy turns and doesn't hear a thing... SpongeBob and Patrick get an idea of playing around with her)
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy! If you can't hear us, don't say anything!
Patrick: Hey, Sandy! Don't wake up! (more giggling)
SpongeBob: (starts talking with megaphone that appeared out of no where) See you later, Sheriff Sandy! (more giggling while leaving)
SpongeBob: (both start impersonating with Texas accents) You're under arrest!
Patrick: You'll never catch me! Uh huh!
SpongeBob: (laughs until hit with a snowball)
Patrick: (laughs until with a cannon ball thrown by SpongeBob... SpongeBob then laughs) Hey! That's not fair! Cowboys couldn't afford cannons!
SpongeBob: They also couldn't afford station wagons! (SpongeBob throws with his cannon a station wagon made out of snow)
Patrick: Nice family.
SpongeBob: (pretends to be a Sheriff) Alright, Pinhead! You're time is up!
Patrick: Who you calling Pinhead? (Patrick is revealed with a goofy face that he has a pinhead) I wanna be Dirty Dan!
SpongeBob: What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?
Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob hits Patrick with a giant shovel made of snow while he completes saying "Dan") I say I'm Dirty Dan!
Patrick: (pulls out a club with a needle at the end of it sticking sideways) I'd say I'm Dirty Dan! (hits SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: OW! (hits Patrick back and Patrick yells ow) I'd say I'm Dirty Dan!
Patrick: (hits SpongeBob again and SpongeBob yells ow) I'm Dirty Dan!
(This keeps on going over until Sandy's headphones fall off and she wakes up again. She gets out of bed.)
Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan!
SpongeBob: AHHHHH!!!
Patrick: Screaming won't get you no... (Sandy interupts by pulling off Patrick's "cone" part of his head... Sandy then starts growling)
Sandy: Which one of you fellers is the real Dirty Dan?
Patrick: Uhh, I am? (Patrick gets smacked and gets pushed all the way to the end of the tree dome)
SpongeBob: PATRICK!
Patrick: Hot wienies!
Sandy: O.K. Pinhead Larry! Now you get your's! (SpongeBob screams and runs away) PINHEAD!!!! (chase scene happens until SpongeBob gets on the wheel and tries to run away from Sandy but she ran too hard) Now you're going to pay for those crimes, Pinhead!
SpongeBob: Sandy, stand back! I'm warning ya! (Sandy screams in his face) O.K. Sandy! I warned ya! (he throws a piece of wood)
Patrick: Did you win? (gets hit in the head by SpongeBob's miss of aim... falls down and rolls in hole where SpongeBob is) Hi SpongeBob! (Sandy growls and they scream in terror... SpongeBob and Patrick are found in graves marked with "Pinhead Larry" and "Dirty Dan") O.K. SpongeBob! You can be Dirty Dan! I just want to be Patrick!
SpongeBob: Let's get out of here before Sandy wakes up again! (both race torwards the door with deep breaths along the way... SpongeBob tries to open the door but fails by hitting Patrick) Sorry Patrick, but the door is slippery. The door is frozen shut!
Patrick: Let me have a try! Open sesame! (door doesn't open) Well I've done what I can do.
SpongeBob: Then we're stuck in here until the door thaws in spring.
Patrick: Barnicles! (both wait there freezing) Is it spring yet?
SpongeBob: Noooooooo.
Patrick: I'm so c-c-cold that I'm s-shivering! (piece of Patrick falls off due to the temperature)
SpongeBob: I'm so cold, that I can use my own nose drippings as a pair of chopsticks.
Patrick: I'm so cold, that... I'm shivering!
SpongeBob: M-Maybe we should build a fire! I got it! We'll burn the bark off from Sandy's tree!
Sandy: (SpongeBob starts rip a piece of the tree bark) You're gonna be wearing an iron lung when I'm through with you, Pinhead! (SpongeBob closes the piece and tapes it shut)
SpongeBob: The fire's not gonna happen, Patrick. I don't get it! How does Sandy survive these intense conditions every year!
Patrick: Maybe she just ignores it.
SpongeBob: May be.
Patrick: May be.
SpongeBob: May be its her fur! (picture of a squirl shows up)
SpongeBob + Patrick: Yea! (both appear in Sandy's tree)
SpongeBob: Look at all of that warm, toasty, fur!
Patrick: Its like a gold mine, but with fur!
SpongeBob: Carefully! Carefully!
Patrick: Come on, do it! I'm freezing here!
SpongeBob: Alright! Alright! Hang on a second! (SpongeBob pulls 1 piece of fur and Sandy gets up with pain, but falls back asleep) That should be enough, right?
Patrick: Sponge, I'm a big man... a big BIG man!
SpongeBob: Well, I guess I've lived a full life! (SpongeBob pulls another piece out and sandy does the same thing again)
Patrick: This is taking too long, I want the warmth now!
SpongeBob: Pat, NO! (Patrick takes a huge piece of her fur by using a piece of tape... she does the same thing again, screams and sleeps)
SpongeBob: (sighs) Pat, are you crazy?
Patrick: No, I'm warm! (shows him wearing the fur on his forehead)
SpongeBob: Let me see that roll of tape! (SpongeBob gets a roll and then they keep pulling 4 more times... they walk out with Patrick having his forehead covered and his pants full of fur, SpongeBob walks out with a head of hair and a beard)
Patrick: Man, that fur really hits the spot! No more frozen arm pits!
SpongeBob: And this eyebrowed goatee combo works like a charm! This is the best idea we've ever had!
Patrick: You've said it!
SpongeBob: I'm ready for the longest, coldest, winter ever!
SpongeBob + Patrick: BRING IT ON! (Winter immediately ends and Spring comes and the whole treedome is wet instead of snow)
SpongeBob: Spring?
Sandy: (Sandy wakes up from Hibernation) Ahhh! Wow! Spring already? (SpongeBob and Patrick run torwards the door while panting)
SpongeBob: Tarter sauce! The lock is still frozened!
Sandy: I sure can't wait to get outside and warm my fur! (they try thawing it out before Sandy knew) Oh look! Its SpongeBob and Patrick! (they manically try to open the door while screaming) Hey guys! (Sandy is revealed that she's bald and she notices when she sees her fur on them) AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
SpongeBob: Its O.K. Sandy! Square pattern baldness is quite common for small mammels!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Sandy! We've got you covered!
Sandy: More lemonade, boys? (its revealed that she's covered by both of them)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Thanks, Sandy!
Sandy: Spring sure is lovely!