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Whirly Brains

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Honest Slug

(The episode starts in SpongeBob's house, both SpongeBob and Patrick hold a bored expression)
SpongeBob: *Sigh* *Eh* (Hits a cup with a stick) your turn. (Hands the stick to Patrick)
Patrick: *Uh* *Eh* (Hits the cup with the stick) Now you. (Hands the stick to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: *Shoo* (Hits the cup with the stick) Hey Patrick?
Patrick: *Sighing* Yes SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Do you think maybe it'd make the game more exciting if we played it with… two sticks! (SpongeBob shows a rush of excitement on his face as he holds two sticks)
Patrick: (Patrick's eyes bulge and grabs the sticks, he also receives a surge of energy) Two sticks? That's against the rules! You can't change the rules, SpongeBob, just because I'm winning!
SpongeBob: I'm sorry Patrick, I'm just so bored playing stick and a cup.
TV Advertiser: (TV turns on and a commercial is on) Are you tired of playing with the old Stick and a Cup?
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Both turn towards the TV) Yeah…
TV Advertiser: Well say goodbye to boring, and hello to Whirly Brains, The exciting new toy that puts you in the driver's seat of your own mind!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Both drool with their eyes hypnotized towards the screen)
TV Advertiser: It's so simple! Lift your lid, attach your propeller, and watch your brain soar hundreds of feet into the air, as you control the action! (A kid is shown demonstrating by opening his head like a lid, attaching a propeller to his brain and his brain flies away)
SpongeBob: (Licks his lisps mumbling in excitement)
Patrick: (Gasps)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Two fishing hooks pop out of the TV and reel them in)
TV Advertiser: Get your Whirly Brain today, and free your mind!
SpongeBob: Free my mind! Free my mind! Free my mind! (Eats the stick)
Patrick (Chomps on the cup)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Both tug the TV and try to get it for themselves) want it! I want it! I want it! No I want it! No it's mine! I want it! I want it! I want it! (The TV breaks in two)
Patrick: Sorry to hear about your TV, SpongeBob. (Both put the TV back in once piece)
TV Advertiser: (Talking very fast) Whirly Brains, available now at Bikini Bottom Toy Shop.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains! Whirly Brains! (SpongeBob and Patrick run around the house)
SpongeBob: (The scene opens outside of SpongeBob's house as SpongeBob takes a propeller out of a Whirly Brain box) Okay, Patrick, just let me flip your lid, so I can attach the propeller directly to your brain. (SpongeBob crawls on Patrick to his head and struggles to open Patrick's head)
SpongeBob: (Reaches inside the Whirly Brain box and grabs an instruction manual: Step one… *mutters* oh, I see what to do. (Grabs a scary mask out of the Whirly Brain box and puts in on) Ahhhh!
Patrick: (Being frightened by the mask) Ahh! (His head opens revealing his brain)
SpongeBob: (Puts off the mask) It's just me, Patrick.
Patrick: Ohhh… *Exhales*
SpongeBob: (Attaches the propeller to Patrick's brain) Now you do me. (Hands the mask to Patrick)
Patrick: (Puts the mask on) Boo!
SpongeBob: (Screaming in terror) *Ahhhh!* (His head opens and Patrick attaches the propeller to SpongeBob's brain. SpongeBob proceeds to grab two remote controllers out of the box and gives one to Patrick. SpongeBob presses a button on the controller) It's time to free our minds! (SpongeBob and Patrick's brains pop out of their heads flying above the ground, their eyes are attached to the brains) Whoa Patrick. I've never seen the world from this angle before!
Patrick: And the propeller tickles my think folds! *Laughs* Hey. Hey. Hey, SpongeBob, eye bump. (Points towards an empty socket where his eye was before)
SpongeBob: Eye bump! (SpongeBob and Patrick's brains ram into each other)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh!
SpongeBob: Patrick, no more eye bumps, okay?
Patrick: (Rubbing where his eye would be) I feel you.
SpongeBob and Patrick: (SpongeBob and Patrick stand right near SpongeBob's pineapple, their brains, go through a tube sticking out and plop into a sink, behind SpongeBob's brain SpongeBob's refrigerator starts floating revealing Patrick's brain inside the freezer portion, SpongeBob's brain joins inside and the refrigerator bumps around hitting floors and walls until it bashes through a wall leaving a hole in SpongeBob's pineapple) *Laughing* Brain freeze! (Their brains cut through some seaweed sculpting it to look like SpongeBob and Patrick holding each other, Patrick's brain cuts SpongeBob's pineapple into many pieces tearing down the walls, completely revealing what's inside, showing Gary in his litter box, in shock Gary pulls a curtain hiding himself, SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh)
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. I know who we can spy on! *Laughs*
Squidward: (The scene cuts to Squidward being inside a tub within his bathroom) Ahhh, the sanctity of my bathroom, the only place in the world where I can let it all hang out. (Squidward loosens his nose and his nose enlarges) Ahhh, me. (Squidward sits back and submerges himself in the bathtub, with only his head slightly sticking out, the point of view is shifted towards SpongeBob and Patrick's brains, now inside Squidward's bathroom)
SpongeBob: Hey, where's Squidward? I'm sure I saw him in here. (SpongeBob's brain rests on the top of Squidward's head)
Patrick: Well maybe he fell in the toilet? I'll check! (Patrick's brain plunges into Squidward's toilet) Squidward, are you in here? Did you fall in? Squidward!
Squidward: (Squidward jumps up) Stop serenading me, you sap! It's my day off. Now, go away. (Squidward pulls up a mirror, looking at himself, he sees SpongeBob's brain on his head and screams)
SpongeBob: Found him.
Patrick: (Patrick's brain gets out of the toilet and makes eye contact with Squidward) Yup, that's him. Hi, Squidward.
Squidward: Aliens from Mars! It's an invasion! Waaaah! (Squidward jumps out his window and falls to the ground) *Uggh* (Squidward falls over, grunts, shouts, and flies away by grabbing his propelling tongue)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoa! *Laughs* (SpongeBob and Patrick fly their brains around a jewelry store, their brains cut their heads as SpongeBob's head lands on Patrick's body and Patrick's head lands on SpongeBob's body) Whirly Brains are go! (The scene switches near a café, they giggle and the view is switched to two fish with different drinks, SpongeBob and Patrick's brains witch the cups around and as the fish drink their exchanged cups they squirt it out in disgust.
SpongeBob and Patrick: *Laughs*
Patrick: She spit in his face! *Laughs*
Mr. Krabs: (The scene shifts to an alley where Mrs. Puff and Mr. Krabs are eating two Krabby Patties together) Mrs. Puff, we've been dating for 16 years now, so I was sincerely hoping that today might finally be the day that…
Mrs. Puff: Yes, Eugene?
Mr. Krabs: (Holds Mrs. Puff) That I steal a little kiss?
Mrs. Puff: Oh. Oh Eugene, I thought you'd never ask.
Mr. Krabs: (SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other and SpongeBob proceeds to flip the "Brain Gas" lever on his controller, Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff get closer to each other for a kiss) C'mere you
Mrs. Puff: (SpongeBob and Patrick's brains fart right next to Krabs and Puff and Mrs. Puff enlarges like a balloon, Mr. Krabs is squeezed between her and the wall) Oh.
Mr. Krabs: What a woman.
Mrs. Puff: (Blushing and speaking in a deep voice) Oh, Eugene. (Blinks rapidly)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (They laugh as the scene cuts to the air as SpongeBob and Patrick's brains' gas form a Whirly Brain cloud, they add pupils as a final touch) *Laughing* (Two eggs hit them) Ow. What was that?
Fish child: Ooh, that smarts. *Laughs* Bull's-Eye.
Patrick: I thought we were the first kids on the block to get Whirly Brains?
Fish child: What are you, thick? Every kid in town's got a Whirly Brain. Pssh! (SpongeBob and Patrick's brains view the many brains in the air)
Fish child #2: (Jumping) Daddy, daddy, can I have a Whirly Brain too?
Fish father: Absolutely not, son. Your brain is your body's most important organ, not a toy.
Fish child #2: (Sobs until a flying brain rams into his father) *Laughs*
SpongeBob: (Jumping in the air) Hooray! Now we can play Whirly Brains with the whole neighborhood. Hey kid, race you to the end of the street.
Fish child: Eat my brain stem, slowpoke. (SpongeBob's brain, Patrick's brain, and the kid's brain meet and line up in the air like the start of a race, the kid's brain farts as SpongeBob and Patrick's brains follow)
Patrick: Get ready, get set, punch it. (The three brains fly fast in competition as squealing tire sound effects play, the kid's brain farts leaving SpongeBob and Patrick's brains coughing in a gas cloud)
Fish child: Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
Bubble Bass: (Walking down a cross-walk licking ice cream) Ahh! Ohh! Ahh? (He looks confused as the kids' brain in stick in his butt)
SpongeBob: Yes! We're gonna beat him, Patrick. We're gonna win! (SpongeBob and Patrick's brains fly until they approach a house and get hit by a cane)
Old Fish: Fly your toys into my yard, will you? Well, they're mine now! (He carries the brains into his house and smashes the door shut, he continues to grumble as the puts the brains into a barrel where other brains are put, and he put a tarp over the barrel while grumbling)
SpongeBob: Hey, what's going on, everything went dark? Patrick, can you see anything?
Patrick: Only the dismal abyss of black nothingness. (His eye sockets enlarge)
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob rapidly presses buttons on his controller) Oh, our remote controls are dead too. Oh Patrick, I don't want to jump to any conclusions here, but I think that we have lost our minds!
Patrick: *Chuckling* M-O-O-N. That spells moon! (Hysterically chuckles)
SpongeBob: Okay, don't panic, Patrick. We'll find them. Just take it easy. (Grabs Patrick) Take it easy, Patrick, take it easy!
Patrick: I'm taking it easy, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Our brains are probably around here somewhere. Here brains. Brains. Here, boy.
Patrick: Here, brains.
SpongeBob: Brainy, where are you? (Blindly touches a baby and its mother)
Patrick: Brain, brain, brain. (Touches police officer) I think I found it, SpongeBob! (Points forward)
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob has a baby in his head and Patrick has a fire hydrant on top of his head) I found mine too. Aw, darn it. I still can't see.
Patrick: Yeah, and my brain won't fit back in. (Patrick pulls out a hammer and hits the fire hydrant, the baby giggles and the mother removes the baby from SpongeBob while the diaper remains within him)
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, ma'am, you forgot something.
Fish mother: That's okay. You can keep it.
Patrick: I'll take it! (Patrick grabs the diaper and plops it into his head, he takes a pencil and adds dots to the parts of the diaper that stick out of his eye holes) Oh, yeah, looking good.
SpongeBob: Ew, gimmie that. (Takes the diaper and throws it afar)
Patrick: Aw man, that felt all squishy. *Laughs*
SpongeBob: Patrick, we need help. Let's call Sandy.
Patrick: Okay, (Shouting) Sandy!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I meant on the phone. (SpongeBob dials)
Sandy: Hello?
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Screaming) Sandy!
Sandy: (The scene cuts to Sandy, SpongeBob, and Patrick, with Sandy using a radar sand some equipment) Dang. You two sure are lucky I created this missing brain detector last summer. I was beginning to think I'd never get to use this thing.
SpongeBob: I hope we find our brains soon. They're probably cold and hungry by now. Poor things.
Fish child #3: Brain, where are you?
Fish: Hey, brain. (Another fish runs into him) Oof.
Fish #2: Come out, we're looking for you.
Sandy: And it looks like you're not the only critters around these parts to lose your minds. (Looks at detector) Hmm, and my detector is leading directly to that house. (The detector screen shows a target match up with a brain as the device turns towards the house)
Old fish: *Snores*
Sandy: Excuse me, kind sir. Would you mind too terribly if we just came in your house for a minute and looked around for my friend's missing brains?
Old fish: *Snores*
Sandy: We're gonna take that as a yes. Step lively, fellas.
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Both hum as they enter the house)
Sandy: This place has a ten-gallon case of the creepies. (Approaches a barrel and starts to remove tarp) I wonder what's in… *Gasps* Hey fellas, I think I found your brains.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! (As they step back to the floor it creeks)
Old fish: Hey!
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy: Huh?
Old fish: What are you sneak thieves doing in my house? Them brains violated my air space, and I'm keeping them. I'm calling the cops!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, don't send us to jail. Oh, no, no, no. (Both start sobbing) Please, no, no. I don't want to go to jail. We were just having fun. We're sorry.
Sandy: Sorry nothing. (Sandy gets face-to-face with the old fish) Look old-timer, one false move, and I'll be on you like a horsefly on a cracker barrel.
Old fish: Bring it on, slippy whiskers. I'll twenty-three skidoo you your bee's knees with wooden nickels, sister. (Sandy proceeds to get even closer)
Sandy: All right, now, you listen to me, ya twisted coot. You can't steal someone's brain just because it flies into your yard. That's brainnapping, and it looks like I'll be the one calling the police.
SpongeBob: ooh, I love it when Sandy gets aggressive. Let's give her some room. (SpongeBob and Patrick go backwards and trip over the barrel, breaking the barrel and releasing all of the brains inside of it) Yow! Oof! (The brains fly out of the house, Sandy and the old fish duck so they don't get hit by them, the brains start to return to their owners)
Fish: (Brain rings doorbell) Oh, Brainy, you're back!
All of the fish in town: Oh-hey-hey-hey!
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob and Patrick's brains return to them, both of them plop the brains into their heads and throw the propellers elsewhere) Phew, I'll never be a no-brainer again! *Laughs*
Sandy: Everyone has their brains back, so I'ma let it go this time, (Gets up close to the old fish again) but if you steal as much as a beach ball, (raises hands in the air) so help me I'll…
Old fish: (Starts sobbing) I'm sorry, squirrel lady, I just couldn't take watching all the kids have fun in the air while I'm stuck down here with this crotchety cane on the ground.
SpongeBob and Sandy: Aww…
Sandy: Well, I think we've got a cure for what ails you, right, SpongeBob? (Bumps SpongeBob in the shoulder)
SpongeBob: Sandy, are you thinking what I'm thinking? (Points to his head with light bulb sound effect)
Sandy: I think I'm thinking you're thinking. (Points towards her head too) Patrick?
Patrick: My think is clogged (Patrick is revealed to be using a plunger on his head)
Old fish: (The scene cuts to the Jewelry store from earlier, the old fish has SpongeBob and Patrick's propellers attached to his rear as he his flying himself in the air with a remote) Wahhh-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Almost rams into SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick but they get out of the way) Yee-haw Yee-haw!
Sandy: Sure was nice of you two to donate your Whirly Brains to the old-timer. You fellas did a good deed today! (Sandy holds her two thumbs up)
SpongeBob: Oh, no need to thank us, Sandy. If we can just make one angry old man happy, that in itself is thanks enough. The dignity of the elderly was the victory here today.
Old fish: (The scene shifts to where the old fish is flying around Shady Shoals) Ha-ha! Look out, ladies! Take a ride on the love-copter!
Squidward: (From the street to the left Squidward runs towards the screen) The Martians are coming! Run for your lives! You're next! You're next! (Squidward looks directly at the screen with a crazed expression)