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Mutiny on the Krusty

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Amphitrite

Johnny: (on TV) News flash! A severe rip current may soon touch down in Bikini Bottom! Residents are warned to bar all windows and stay indoors! (pan out to reveal the rip current blowing various objects, including the TV) Save yourselves!
Mr. Krabs: Ah, rip current, shmip current! (walks into the Krusty Krab, which is below the rip current)
SpongeBob: Gee, Mr. Krabs. Do you think the rip current will hit the Krusty Krab? (makes noises and rapid movements imitating the current)
Squidward: Uh, shouldn't we clear the docks? Or batten down the hatches? Or whatever people say?
Mr. Krabs: Calm your waters. (points to a danger meter on his knee. The meter is pointing in the green area) Me sailor's knee says we're not in danger. See? Now get back to work!
Octavius: Excuse me. Are we in any kind of peril?
Customer #1: I think we should all go home.
Mr. Krabs: As soon as you buy some patties to go, you can go.
Customer #2: I'll have three Krabby Patties. (the restaurant rumbles) On second thought, cancel that order!
Mr. Krabs: (grabs the customer's purse and dump her money in the cash register) No takie-backsies! Three Krabby Patties.
(the siren on Krabs' money detector in the doorway goes off)
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Me money detector! (sees a customer about to walk out of the restaurant) Where do ya think you're goin'? Get back in there and spend the rest of your money!
Customer #3: But I needed it for rent!
Mr. Krabs: Listen up, everybody! New store policy! All money brought into this store must be spent here!
Customer #4: Tyrant!
Mr. Krabs: (appears from behind him) Oh, tyrant am I? Alright, I'm a tyrant! The worst in all the seven seas! One of 'em! (growls as he hides back behind him)
SpongeBob: Gee, why is Mr. Krabs so crabby today?
Squidward: Probably because it's pay day.
Mr. Krabs: (through the microphone) Pay day's been cancelled! Now hear this: I'm captain of the ship! Captain Krabs! And I say no rip current will ever harm the Krusty Krab!
(a pirate ship in the rip current sweeps by and its anchor gets stuck through the roof of the restaurant and hauls it out of its place and into the rip current. Everyone and everything begins flying around the restaurant. Squidward's legs get tangled to a pole. SpongeBob struggles to flip patties. Mr. Krabs gets crushed by a bunch of barrels. He checks his danger meter and taps on it. It turns to the red area)
Mr. Krabs: Darn arthritis!
(the chain on the anchor snaps and the restaurant flies through the rip current while the customers holds on. Squidward is stuck in a customer's butt and Mr. Krabs falls inside a barrel)
SpongeBob: (leaps through the kitchen window and chews his spatula in the shape of a key. Unlocks a chest and pulls down the lever, activating sail and a keel. SpongeBob grabs a table and uses it as a wheel to steer the restaurant) Squidward, while I steer, you tell everyone we're safe.
Squidward: (through the microphone) It's alright now, everybody. Everything's under control now. And whatever.
Octavius: Three cheers for Squidward!
Customer #1: The guy who saved our lives!
Customer #4: Let's make him our new captain!
Octavius: Hip hip...
Customers: Hooray for Captain Squidward!
SpongeBob: Congratulations, Squidward! Uh, I mean Captain Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: What's the meaning of this?
Octavius: What should we do with this tyrant, Captain Squidward?
Mr. Krabs: Captain Squidward?
Customer #1: Let's flog him!
Customers: Yeah!
SpongeBob: Let's put the past behind us and start all over!
Customers: No!
Mr. Krabs: This is mutiny! Listen here, Squidward. Fun is fun, but get me out of here!
Squidward: Sorry. I don't think that's the captain's job. You're on your own.
SpongeBob: Hey, everybody, can we take a time out? This is Mr. Krabs we're talking about. The worst tyrant in the seven seas.
Mr. Krabs: (still stuck in the barrel) You're not helping, boy.
SpongeBob: You remember Mr. Krabs. He's the man who brought you the Krabby Patty. (the customers murmur in agreement) And he's the man who brought you the Double Krabby Patty, and the Krabby Patty with cheese, and the Bratty Patty for kids.
Mr. Krabs: (slide about in the barrel) Um, a little help here!
SpongeBob: He also created the Chatty Patty for teens. And who can forget the Hatty Patty, the patty you wear as a hat!
Thaddeus: (wearing a Hatty Patty) I wear it because I'm bald.
Octavius: Well, I guess any man who invented the Hatty Patty can't be all bad. Okay, let's get him out.
Mr. Krabs: (slides out through the doors) Whoa! Man overboard! (screams as he gets caught in the rip current)
SpongeBob: No! Mr. Krabs!
Squidward: Well, I guess that solves that problem.
(Thaddeus removes his Hatty Patty in respect of Mr. Krabs and takes a bite of it)
SpongeBob: I know you'll come back to us, Mr. Krabs! Until then... (licks a dollar bill and sticks it to the doors) I'll leave a dollar in the window for you.
Octavius: Hey, it's Captain Squidward's fault that we lost the man who invented the Hatty Patty!
Customer #1: Yeah! We're freckled, and we say you're the tyrant now!
Customers: Yeah!
Squidward: Uh, uh don't be hasty! Remember, I'm... I'm still the captain! The Hatty Patty was my idea!
Octavius: But we're still stuck in this rip current!
Customer #1: We'll never get out!
Squidward: Oh barnacles! (the customers corner Squidward as his head gets caught in the steering wheel, causing the restaurant to spin out of control. The customers fly all over the restaurant like earlier until it crash lands)
Octavius: We're alive! Captain Squidward steered us out of the rip current!
Customer #1: How about a cheer for Captain Squidward! (the customers cheer)
Squidward: Thank you! Thank you! Just doing my job as captain protecting my crew.
SpongeBob: (looks out the window with the customers. The Krusty Krab is in a strange environment) Whoa! Where are we?
Customer #3: Oh, look at that. That's amazing.
Octavius: This neighborhood's crazy! I wonder if there are any good places to eat.
Customer #1: You think maybe they got a Krusty Krab around here?
Customer #4: Hey, good idea! I could go for a Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: I'm calling the local Krusty Krab right now. (takes a part of his head off and uses it as a telephone)
Squidward: (answers the Krusty Krab phone) Hello, Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: (talking on the phone looking goofy) Yes, I'd like to place an order. (Squidward shoves the receiver on SpongeBob's head, causing a bump to form. The receiver rings)
(a monster suddenly appears, scaring the customers. Squidward inks and runs away. The monster sticks its head through the doors and licks the customers)
Octavius: Captain!
Customer #4: You gotta save us!
SpongeBob: (the monster licks SpongeBob's eyeballs off) Captain Squidward! (SpongeBob notices the ink stain) Um, I know where he is.
(SpongeBob runs into the kitchen. He opens the cabinet, takes out a big box, opens it and takes out a "Pickles" box, opens that box, takes out a pickle jar, and opens it, releasing Squidward from it)
SpongeBob: Uh, Captain. Sorry to interrupt, but the crew needs you to protect them.
Squidward: Are you crazy? I can't fight a monster!
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm afraid the crew insists, sir. (the customers have formed an angry mob. They carry Squidward, now attired in armor, out of the kitchen)
Squidward: I don't want to be captain! I don't want to be captain! (SpongeBob gives Squidward a mop to fight the monster with. The customers throw Squidward out the doors and the monster eats him, leaving the customers in stunned silence)
Octavius: Well that was anticlimactic.
Customer #1: Maybe he'll make the monster sick.
Customer #3: Okay. Who had their money on Captain Squidward, pay up. (SpongeBob gives his money)
SpongeBob: Well, somebody has to step up, fight that monster, and become captain! And that somebody is me! (SpongeBob pulls up his pants, takes out his left eyeball, blows and rubs it clean. He smells his bad breath and gargles mouthwash. He performs karate moves, ties his untied shoes, clips his fingernails, and pulls a string off his pants) Uh, what was I doing now?
(Mr. Krabs screams from a distance and crashes through the roof. He lands on a table with a crabby look)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! You're alive! Welcome back, captain!
Mr. Krabs: Haven't you forgotten something? I am not captain anymore. Squidward is.
SpongeBob: Uh, the monster ate him. We need a captain and that's you! (to the customers) Isn't that right? (the customers agree)
Mr. Krabs: Why would I want to be captain to such a sorry bunch of lubbers? I'm through! (the monster breaks the window with its tentacle) And that's coming out of your pay!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, this job calls for a dictator like you!
Mr. Krabs: (pouts) Hmph!
SpongeBob: Do something, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Beg me.
(the customers start begging. The monster licks Mr. Krabs, who still refuses)
Mr. Krabs: Not buyin' it.
Customers: Oh come on! We'll do anything! Please! (Mr. Krabs continues to pout)
SpongeBob: (gets an idea. Runs to Krabs' office and grabs a dime) Got it! (goes back to Krabs and shows the dime) Do you know what this is, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I don't care.
SpongeBob: It's the first dime you ever earned and I'm going to tear it up if you don't go back to being the meanie we need!
Mr. Krabs: I said I don't care.
SpongeBob: Okay. Here goes. (tries to break the dime by pulling it apart. SpongeBob uses an axe to hit the dime, but it breaks. He then tries to slice it with a buzzsaw, which flies off-screen)
Fred: My leg!
Mr. Krabs: Ha! You lose.
SpongeBob: Well then. I'm gonna do the worst thing I can do to your old dime!
Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah? What's that?
SpongeBob: (whispering) Spend it.
Mr. Krabs: (gasps. SpongeBob walks up to the vending machine about to put the dime in the coin slot) Oh no you don't! Come here! (leaps on SpongeBob, crushing him, and gets his dime) Alright, everybody! What am I?
(customers confused)
Mr. Krabs: Come on. It starts with a "T".
SpongeBob: A tree?
Customer #5: A teddy bear?
Octavius: A tuba?
Customer #4: You're a tyrant?
Mr. Krabs: I can't hear you!
Customer: A tyrant! (customers cheer)
Mr. Krabs: Correct! Alright, I'll save ya. But you gotta promise to spend most of your--ALL of your money right here, got it?
(customers mumble in agreement. The monster burst its head through the door with its tongue licking everywhere)
Mr. Krabs: (to SpongeBob) Hold on to me dime, boy-o.
(Mr. Krabs lunges at the monster as it charges at him. The monster eats Mr. Krabs, leaving the customers stunned in silence again)
Octavius: Well that was anticlimactic.
Customer #1: Again.
(Mr. Krabs suddenly yells from inside the monster and makes it cough up Squidward, who runs in the restaurant sobbing hysterically. Mr. Krabs punches one of the monster's eyes out of its socket and uses it to swing on top its head. Mr. Krabs starts hitting the monster's eyes like bongo drums, which SpongeBob, Squidward, and the customers dance to. The monster shakes Krabs off, who flies into a coral plant and back. The monster grabs him and pulls his legs a right arm off)
Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute! Give me that! (grabs his right arm and slaps the monster with it. Mr. Krabs then knocks the monster into a boulder, causing it to reduce to smaller monsters, which scurry behind the boulder. SpongeBob, Squidward, and the customers cheer)
SpongeBob: (giving Mr. Krabs' dime back) Here you go, Mr. Krabs. You earned it.
Mr. Krabs: Well, boy-o. You believed in me. So today will be a payday for you.
Squidward: What about me?
Mr. Krabs: You, Ex-Captain Squidward, have gone from payday to mayday! Mush! Every last one of ya! All the way back to Bikini Bottom! (laughs as Squidward and the customers haul the Krusty Krab back to Bikini Bottom)