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The Whole Tooth

(open at the fair. SpongeBob and Patrick are chewing taff
SpongeBob: Mmmm! Isn't this saltwater taffy just taffy-licious?
Patrick: Mmmm! Sticker-ific!
(SpongeBob plucks his taffy like guitar strings with his tongue. Patrick shapes his taffy into a dog. SpongeBob uses his taffy like a jump rope. Patrick's tongue uses his taffy to lasso more candy into his mouth. Patrick's cheek starts to swell up)
Patrick: Ow!
SpongeBob: What's the matter, Patrick?
Patrick: I have a headache inside of my mouth!
SpongeBob: Maybe you should do something about that.
Patrick: Okay. I will! (runs off-screen, screams in pain, and comes back covered in mouse traps)
SpongeBob: How does that help?
Patrick: Well, now that my all over hurts, I'm not thinking about my mouth. (his mouth swells again) Ow! I guess that didn't work. (shakes the mouse traps off himself and onto SpongeBob, who also shakes them off)
SpongeBob: That's it! I'm taking you to the dentist, Patrick.
Patrick: No way! I've heard horror stories!
SpongeBob: Oh, don't worry, Patrick. Dentists are our friends. (Patrick has disappeared) Huh? Patrick? Patrick?
(SpongeBob looks around the fair and sees Patrick hanging up with the prizes at the Bottle Toss. SpongeBob goes to the Bottle Toss, and tosses a ball at the bottles, knocking them over)
Carnie: And we have a winner. (gives Patrick to SpongeBob like a prize)
SpongeBob: Thank you!
Patrick: Aw, darn it.
(cut to the dentist office)
SpongeBob: Oh boy! Aren't dentist offices fun? (gaps) Oh, they've got colorful wooden beads on wires! (plays with the beads on wires) Oh, look at it go!
Patrick: Slow down, SpongeBob. This place is scary enough without you going crazy with the beads! (horror music starts playing. Patrick gets more frightened as he looks at a "Modern Dentistry" magazine with a picture of an old man with rotten teeth, a Jack-in-the-Box with a tooth that snaps off of it, and finally a lady with headgear braces)
Radio announcer: (horror music stops) And that was the Incidentals with the startling number called "Dramatic Music Stings". Coming up, here's the Spookers with the haunting little tune called "Ominous". (ominous music starts playing as the dental receptionist arrives in the doorway)
Agnes: Patrick Star. We've ready for you now.
SpongeBob: (Patrick hides under the sofa) Aw, come on Patrick. The doctor will fix you right up. (pulls Patrick from beneath the sofa and into the dental chair)
Agnes: Sit here, please. Dr. Mundane will be right with you. (Patrick becomes scared as Dr. Mundane's dark shadow looms in the hallway and the ominous music gets louder)
Dr. Mundane: Agnes, please turn down that radio. (the ominous music stops) I'm Dr. Beige Mundane. You must be Patrick Star. What seems to be the problem?
Patrick: No problem. I was just leaving.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick! Sit! (grabs the tooth rinser and sprays Patrick to sit him back down) Good boy. (accidentally sprays himself in the eye. He laughs and squeezes the water out)
Dr. Mundane: Let's take a look in your mouth. Open wide please. (Patrick opens his mouth) Mmm-hmm. I see the problem. Your friend here still has a baby tooth.
SpongeBob: Oh, I wanna see! (looks inside Patrick's mouth and sees the baby tooth) Aww! Coochie coo! (tickles the baby tooth. It starts crying and Patrick accidentally bites SpongeBob in half. Patrick puts the other half back on SpongeBob, who laughs)
Patrick: I still have a baby tooth.
Dr. Mundane: Yes. And the pain is coming from your adult tooth trying to push your baby tooth out of the way.
Patrick: (gasps) That's not right!
Dr. Mundane: It's the natural way of things. If you want the pain to go away, then I need to extract the tooth. (uses a big pair of pliers to open a drawer and get a smaller pair)
Patrick: You leave my baby tooth alone you monster! (leaves the dentist)
SpongeBob: Patrick, come back! (walks with Patrick)
Patrick: Nobody's gonna tell me what to do with my baby tooth! This tooth is staying in my mouth!
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. But that means your tooth won't be going to Tooth Island.
Patrick: Tooth Island?
SpongeBob: Yeah! Tooth Island! It's where the Tooth Ferry takes all the baby teeth that are left under pillows. (a visualization of Tooth Island is shown) Tooth Island is a wonderful place where teeth can be free! They can soak in the calcium pools all day or sleep in the comfort of the pink gum trees. They get to swing of floss vines and never ever have to worry about cavities.
Baby teeth: (to Patrick's baby tooth) Hey, come on over! Come on!
SpongeBob: Of course, I guess your baby tooth could be happy in your mouth all alone by itself. (Patrick's baby tooth cries. Visualization ends)
Patrick: I don't care, SpongeBob. I know what's best for my tooth! I can make it happy.
(cut to nighttime at Patrick's house. Patrick's baby tooth is still crying. He tries to rock it to sleep)
Patrick: ♪Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop♪.
(Patrick gets some keys and jingles them. The baby tooth stops crying and giggles. Patrick accidentally drops the keys)
Patrick: Oops. (the keys hit the baby tooth on the head and it continues crying)
(cut to the Krusty Krab)
Patrick: (tries chewing on a Krabby Patty, which causes him to scream in pain each time)
SpongeBob: (hears Patrick screaming) My friendship sense is tingling. Patrick must be in trouble. (goes to the dining room) What's the matter, pal?
Patrick: Nothing. Just uh... practicing being a seal! (starts clapping and barking like a seal. Craig Mammalton gets offended by this and leaves) Ow!
SpongeBob: Patrick, Dr. Mundane always says, "If you can't bite, things ain't right."
Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob. I guess I have to get my tooth to the Tooth Fairy.
Squidward: (laughs) You rube. There's no such thing as a Tooth Fairy.
SpongeBob: (he and Patrick gasp) Squidward!
Squidward: It's all a bunch of made up baloney.
SpongeBob: It is not baloney!
Squidward: It is baloney!
Patrick: Who's got baloney?
Squidward: There is no baloney! Just like there is no Tooth Fairy. In fact, if you could prove there were a Tooth Fairy, I would eat, uh, a bucket of chum!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ewww!
SpongeBob: Squidward, why would you want to do that?
Squidward: I said I would, only if there was a Tooth Fairy, and since there isn't a Tooth Fairy, I will never have to eat a bucket of chum.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I've been your friend for a long time. I would never lie to you. You need Dr. Mundane's help so you could get your tooth to the Tooth Ferry.
Patrick: That's okay, SpongeBob. I think I can manage. (Patrick obliterates a Krabby Patty in a blender to make a smoothie. He sucks it in his nose through a straw. A drop of the smoothie drips on Patrick's tooth, causing it to cry again. Patrick yelps in pain)
SpongeBob: You see, Patrick? We have got to get that tooth out.
Patrick: You'll have to catch me first! (runs off)
SpongeBob: Patrick, wait! (tries to chase after him and runs on top of a barrel)
Squidward: (laughs) Tooth Fairy. What a couple of molar morons! (SpongeBob gets off the barrel and accidentally kicks it into Squidward to chase after Patrick)
(Patrick runs from SpongeBob, who is now clad in cowboy attire and chasing him with two worms)
Patrick: The worms! (runs through a grass field and leaps over a fence as SpongeBob and the worms continue chasing him. Patrick grabs a bamboo stick, leaps in a lake, amd sucks up the water to camouflage with it. SpongeBob and the worms spot him and he spits the water out at them, propelling him at a tree with a "Wanted" sign of him. He writes "Not" on it) "Not Wanted". That fixes it. (Patrick sees SpongeBob and the worms and climbs up the tree to avoid them. In reality, it's actually two small worms barking at Patrick. SpongeBob walks up to the tree)
Old lady: Mipsey! Pipsey! You bad girls! You get back on this leash! (the worms go on their leashes and leave with her)
Patrick: You may have called off your worms, but I'm not coming down!
SpongeBob: Patrick, they weren't mine.
Patrick: A likely story.
SpongeBob: (sighs) Patrick, can I show you something? (goes up the tree with Patrick and gets out a scrapbook)
Patrick: What's that?
SpongeBob: It's a scrapbook of all my baby teeth. (shows the pictures) Ha. That was a good one. I remember every tooth. Even though they're no longer in my mouth, I still keep the memory of them in my heart.
Patrick: (laughs) I thought you kept them in the scrapbook!
SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think your baby tooth wants to see all his old friends on Tooth Island?
Old lady: Don't listen to him. I still have all my baby teeth and look at me! (smiles and reveals her incredibly rotten teeth, which terrifies SpongeBob and Patrick)
Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob. We can go.
(back to the dentist)
Patrick: I'm ready, Doc. Do what you have to do.
Dr. Mundane: (removes Patrick's baby tooth with his pliers) I'm done.
Patrick: That's it?
Dr. Mundane: That's it. (gives Patrick his baby tooth now happily wrapped in a blanket)
Patrick: You're going under my pillow so you can go to Tooth Island, my sweet boy!
(cut to nighttime at Patrick's house. SpongeBob opens up Patrick's rock and tries to take Patrick's tooth. Squidward shines a spotlight on them, waking up Patrick)
Patrick: SpongeBob?
Squidward: Ha! I was right! The Tooth Fairy isn't real!
Patrick: (feeling betrayed) Oh, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, you don't understand! I'm just helping to get your tooth to the Tooth Ferry!
Squidward: (sarcastically) Oh, that's a good one.
SpongeBob: It's true!
Patrick: How can I believe you?! All the lies! (holds out dictionary) The chicanery! (sobs)
Squidward: (laughs) Look at how betrayed Patrick feels! Oh, this was totally worth staying up all night.
SpongeBob: You don't believe there's a Tooth Ferry? Well, follow me and I'll show ya. (takes Patrick and Squidward to a dock) Behold! The Tooth Ferry! (reveals a huge ferry, where other people are saying goodbye to their baby teeth)
SpongeBob: This is where parents and friends take teeth so they can be ferried to Tooth Island!
Patrick: There really is a Tooth Ferry!
SpongeBob: Of course. (Squidward's jaw drops)
Ferry worker: All aboard! (Patrick's baby tooth goes on the Tooth Ferry and happily waves goodbye to Patrick before leaving. Patrick smiles and sheds a tear. Dollars emerge from the flettner rotors of the Tooth Ferry like smoke as it begins to leave)
SpongeBob: (a dollar flies to him and he catches it) Oh, here. This is yours.
Patrick: Could you wait 'til I'm asleep and put it under my pillow?
SpongeBob: Sure, Patrick. Anything for a pal. (Squidward becomes nervous and tries to leave)
Patrick: Hey! Where do you think you're going, chum chewer?
Squidward: (Patrick picks him up) Hey, come on! This is just a big misunderstanding! "Ferry". "Fairy". They're two different words that just happen to sound alike!
SpongeBob: (holds up a bucket of chum) Open wide, Squidward!
Squidward: No! (Squidward's teeth scream, jump out of his mouth, and swim after the Tooth Ferry)
End