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Sandy's Nutmare

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: dmandaman

[The episode begins with SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick eating patties inside Sandy's treedome.]

(Patrick laughs a little.)
Patrick: Watch this!
(Patrick opens the top of his water helmet, throws in two patties, sucks them through his mouth like a vacuum, and burps. SpongeBob and Sandy laugh. They both spot the last patty, and both repeatedly stop each other from grabbing it with multiple hands.)
SpongeBob: Hey!
Sandy: Hey!
SpongeBob: Hey!
Sandy: Hey!
SpongeBob: Hey!
Sandy: Hey!
(They look at each other, visibly mad. They jump away from the table.)
Sandy: Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Hiiiiii-yah!
(Sandy is now wearing pink karate gloves, and makes a "come here" gesture. SpongeBob, wearing red karate gloves, charges towards Sandy. They jump in the air, and Sandy kicks SpongeBob, causing him to fly and face-plant into the large tree. He falls, and several leaves pile atop him. He emerges, looking like Abraham Lincoln, complete with hat & beard made out of leaves, laughing. The leaves fall off.)
SpongeBob: Isn't it a little early for autumn, Sandy?
Patrick: Yeah, it's only, um… (He eats a patty and locks at a clock drawn on a bandage on his arm.) …June o' clock. (He finishes the patties.)
Sandy: It ain't autumn! (She picks up an acorn, smells it, and gasps.) Oh! My tree is dying!
(Suddenly, we hear a loud chopping sound. Patrick is dressed like a lumberjack and is holding an axe.)
Patrick: Good, we can use the wood! (He chops the tree again, as Sandy and SpongeBob run over.)
Sandy: Patrick, stop! I can save it! With science!
Patrick: OK. (He throws the axe, and it causes the glass of the treedome to break. Water flows in. Sandy looks unimpressed.)

[Transition to Sandy in a lab within her treedome.]

(Sandy turns a knob on a machine, and stares through a magnifying glass at an acorn attached to many wires and tubes.)
Acorn: Feed me…
(A screen in the back displays skull and crossbones and is flashing.)
Sandy: Jumping beans on a trampoline! You're starving! I gotta make you the best fertilizer known to critter-kind!
(In a room with four plants, Sandy pours liquid into the right-most one, but it swells, bursts into flames, and explodes, startling her. She then pours some "fertilizer" into the next one, but it grows into a hand and attempts to choke her, until she stuffs a broom into it, breathing heavily. For the next plant, she pulls out a large container.)
Sandy: Ah, growth pills!
(Sandy stuffs a large pill into the pot, and a large tree grows out. Everything seems fine, until the touches the tree and it explodes, splattering yellow stuff everywhere.)
Sandy: Nuts.
(Sandy shakes to get the stuff off her, and she proceeds to open up a secret compartment in the lab table, revealing a set of scientific equipment making a growth serum.)
Sandy: Aha!
(She uses a pipette to drop some of the serum into the last remaining pot, and it grows into a decently-sized tree, which produces acorns.)
Sandy: Yee-haw! (Sandy jumps in the air.)

[Transition to outside of lab, but we remain inside the treedome.]

(Sandy is outside humming, while spraying the serum all over the large tree.)
Sandy: Aw, I hope this is the pick-me-up you needed, old girl.
(We hear rustling leaves, and an acorn falls onto Sandy's head.)
Sandy: Well, kiss my grits! This here's the biggest acorn I ever did see!
(More acorns fall.)
Sandy: And so are those! I better start storing these for winter!
(She stuffs acorns into her mouth until it is completely full.)
Sandy (mouth full): I might need an alternate storage solution.

[Transition to inside of tree again.]

(Sandy is struggling to store a bunch of acorns in a metal cabinet. Eventually, they appear to settle.)
Sandy: Phew.
(But, they just tumble onto Sandy moments later. She gasps for air. She uses her tongue to dial a phone outside.)
Sandy (tongue still out): Hey there. SpongeBob, could you swing by my place?

[Transition to both SpongeBob and Sandy inside the tree.]

(The treedome is filled with acorns.)
Sandy: I love squirreling away nuts, but this is just too much.
SpongeBob: I'd say you've certainly got a real NUTmare on your hands.
(After a second of silence, Sandy slaps SpongeBob.)
Sandy: Just dump these somewhere! I'm gonna put more under my bed.
(Sandy's bed is indeed lying atop a pile of acorns.)
SpongeBob: Yes, ma'am!

[Transition to a darker part of Bikini Bottom.]

(SpongeBob uses a wheelbarrow to push a bunch of acorns off the side off a cliff.)
Shalmon: Stop!
(SpongeBob stops. He sees a shaman pointing at him with an oyster on a staff.)
SpongeBob: Whoa, who are you?
(The shaman begins to floats down with the jellyfish on his head.)
Shalmon: I am the spirit guide of the salmon people. I am a shaman.
SpongeBob: Oh, hey there, shaman. My name is SpongeBob.
Shalmon: Why do you dump your nuts on my people's lands, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, they're not mine. They're my friend Sandy's.
Shalmon: Allow me to give you some sage advice. You must not squander nature's bounty; nuts are meant to be eaten. It's all in my book.
(He pulls out a book, with "Shalmon Secrets" on the cover, and drops it on SpongeBob. SpongeBob then rises from the ground and looks in the book.)
SpongeBob: Meant to be eaten, eh?
Shalmon: Of course! The Earth provides our food, and we must care for her in return. It's all about balance, my friend.
(He balances on a few rocks.)
Shalmon: Look at my garden!
(SpongeBob uses a telescope to look at the shaman's "garden".)
SpongeBob: Wow, it's coming in great.
(As he focuses, it's revealed SpongeBob was actually looking at a close-up of the shaman's left armpit. SpongeBob laughs a bit as the shaman grunts and pulls up his sleeve.)
Shalmon: Over there.
(As he points, SpongeBob uses the telescope and focuses on a picture of a real-life garden.)
SpongeBob: Even better!

[Transition to the inside of Sandy's tree again.]

(Sandy is putting nuts in a box and storing it above her fridge.)
Sandy: So some shaman guy told you people would wanna eat my nuts, and you believe it?
SpongeBob: Uh-huh, uh-huh! Surely the shaman isn't a sham!
Sandy: Shertainly not-- I mean, certainly not! Let's see what we can cook up!
(She opens up a cookbook.)
Sandy: Aged nut brie, ghost nut chili… how about nutty butter? Seems easy enough to make.
(She pulls down a branch, as several nuts fall down. She uses a knife to cut away parts of nuts, leaving a pile resembling a cube shape behind. She rolls it with a pin, mixes the nut cream in a bowl, adds lard, mixes again, adds salt, and taste tests the mixture.)
Sandy: Woo-hoo, that's delicious!
(She shoves some in SpongeBob's mouth. SpongeBob is satisfied.)
SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick'll wanna try this!
(Patrick walks in out of nowhere, startling the two.)
Patrick: Try what?
(He rubs it on his belly while laughing a little.)
Sandy: Patrick, that nutty butter is for eating!
Patrick: I know. (He takes off his water helmet and bites his chest.) Ow! (He sucks on the butter a little before biting himself again.) Ow! (Repeat process.) Ow!
(Sandy looks with a "weirded-out" expression.)
Sandy: Hmm. Why don't you boys take some for the road?)
(She hands them jars full of nutty butter.)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Thanks!
(Sandy begins to put the bowl of nutty butter up, but a knocking on the tree door disrupts her.)
Patrick: Can I have some more? It's hard to eat of this side of me.
(Patrick points to his nutty butter-covered back. He tries to eat it, but his tongue is blocked by the helmet.)
Sandy: Sure, Patrick! Here's the left of it!
Patrick (pleased): Thanks, Sandy!

[Transition to inside of tree, SpongeBob and Patrick have left.]

(Sandy is sweeping nut dust on the floor.)
Sandy: There. Everything's back to normal!
(People can be heard chanting outside the treedome.)
Sandy: What in tar nation?
(She walks out to see a crowd of fish.)
Fish: We love nutty butter! We love nutty butter!
(Patrick walks through the crowd.)
Patrick: Hey, Sandy!
Sandy: Patrick, what's going on here?
Patrick: I want more nutty butter.
Sandy: Who are all these people?
(The fish continue to chant.)
Patrick: Oh, ha-ha, they licked the nutty butter off my back.
(We see Patrick's back is completely clean, except for one speck of nutty butter. One of the fish in the group licks it off Patrick's back while he laughs.)
Patrick: And now they're here for more.
Sandy: Aw, gosh Patrick. I don't have enough to feed everyone.
(The group saddens.)
Mother: But it's the only thing my boy will eat!
Son: Guess I'll have to go to bed hungry again…
(The crowd shames Sandy.)
Sandy: Well, I don't wanna let anyone down. I can make some more acorns!

[Montage scene]

(Sandy sells nutty butter in a stand to a waiting line of fish. Then, she and SpongeBob deliver it to people on the road, including a man, a worm, and a mother and her baby. The container hits the baby in the head, who begins crying until the mother gives them some nutty butter. She gives a thumb up.)

[Transition to outside of treedome.]

(Sandy sells the last of the nutty butter while Patrick eats some.)
Sandy: Making everyone's day with my nutty butter really gives me the warm-and-tinglies!
Patrick: Uh-huh.
(They go inside the treedome.)
Sandy: In fact, demand's been so high, I've scienced up a way to increase my production!
(The tree now is covered with metal tubes and is constantly being fertilized. Leaves and nuts fall out. SpongeBob is sitting on a pile of nuts and reading "Shalmon Secrets".)
Sandy: SpongeBob here scoops acorns onto the conveyor belt. Then the tubes take them inside, where I turn them into nutty butter!
(The tree is sprayed with more fertilizer. As more leaves and nuts fall, the tree thins.)
SpongeBob: Sandy, according to the shaman's book, we shouldn't try to force nature to give us more than she's able.
Sandy: Don't worry about my tree, SpongeBob. Worry about the crowd of nutty butter fans outside!
(Zoom to outside.)
Fish: We want nutty butter! We want nutty butter!
Sandy: We're gonna need a lot more acorns to feed them all!
(She inserts a syringe filled with the serum into the tree root. More acorns grow, and Sandy pulls a wagon filled with containers. But when the syringe falls off, the tree thins more and lesser nuts and leaves fall. SpongeBob is still shoveling nuts onto the conveyor belt. Some fall on his helmet.)
SpongeBob: Uh-oh, Sandy's tree's not looking so good. I don't think it can take much more of this, Patrick.
(Patrick is holding and umbrella. He shrugs.)
Patrick: Well, it's like Sandy said. Something, something, something, science; and who are we to argue with science?
(As SpongeBob keeps shoveling, the nuts eventually stop falling from the tree.)
SpongeBob: Oh no, the nuts stopped!
Patrick: Hold on, I got this!
(He pokes the tree with the umbrella. A huge crack forms, all the leaves fly off the tree, and the tree tilts to the side. SpongeBob and Patrick scream.)
SpongeBob: Oh, no! Patrick, we have to do something! Sandy will never forgive us if we've ruined her tree!
Patrick: Then I'll never forgive her if she runs out of nutty butter!
(SpongeBob tries to staple the leaves back on to the tree, while Patrick tries to crush and chew the nuts in his mouth to recreate the nutty butter.)

[Transition to outside of treedome.]

(Sandy is handing out the last of the containers in the wagon.)
Sandy: Please, please, no pushing! I'll make more! Remember, Sandy's the squirrel you can count on!
(She pulls the wagon back into the treedome, as she sees the dying tree.)
Sandy: Oh, no!
(Still of the dying tree.)
Sandy: What in the sand hill is going on around here?
SpongeBob: The tree got real sick.
Patrick: Don't worry; I made more nutty butter with the rest of the nuts.
(He holds up the bucket filled with the nuts he chewed in his mouth.)
Sandy: You used all the nuts? (She pulls out another syringe.) Jumpin' jiminy, time for another dose of fertilizer!
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait! I don't think that's what your tree needs.
Shalmon: The boy is right!
(We see the shaman standing atop the tree.)
Shalmon: Why do you hurt your tree? A tree would never hurt you. (He suddenly jumps, and is shown to have a splinter in his palm.) Ouch! Dang splinters! (His palm starts beating.)
SpongeBob: Shalmon?
Sandy: Wait; you're the one who said I should feed my nuts to the people?
Shalmon: Indeed, but to feed so many from a single tree, it, it- let me share with you a story.

[Screen rises to show an abstract art style for story while the shaman continues as the narrator.]

Shalmon: Long ago, before fish walked the seas, there lived in the sky one sun… (The sun, which looks like SpongeBob, laughs and emits rays.) …One star… (The star looks like Patrick, and waves.)
Star Patrick: Hello!
Shalmon: …And one moon. (When the sun rises, it shows a butt, which rotates to reveal a similar face to Squidward.)
Moon Squidward: What the?
Shalmon: During the day, the star would play with the sun. (The star and sun are playing baseball while laughing.) At night, the star would play with the moon. (They are playing "tag"; the star is chasing the moon and is laughing.)
Moon Squidward: Get away from me!
Shalmon: The star did not want to let his friends down, but he alone could not keep up with both the sun and the moon. (The star gets tired, begins sleeping, as the sun rotates around him and sets him on fire. The sun notices and leaves, and the moon rises again.)
Moon Squidward: Finally, some peace.
Shalmon: That is when the star had an idea. (The star awakens, begins flexing, cracking, and then breaks apart. The background is covered with stars which begin chasing the moon.)
Moon Squidward: Oh no, there goes the neighborhood…

[We return to reality.]

Shalmon: By creating many copies, the star was able to keep the sun and moon happy without wearing himself out. Do you understand why I tell you this tale?
(Patrick, SpongeBob, and Sandy are all asleep.)
Shalmon: Hello? Wake up!
(They all wake up.)
Patrick: I didn't know there was gonna be a test!
Sandy: Oh, I got so wrapped up in not letting anyone down, that I asked too much of my tree, and my friends.
Shalmon: Perhaps with many trees, you can continue serving your community, in a natural and sustainable manner. (Looks around.) I mean, pretty much anything is better than this mess, yeesh!
Sandy: Thanks, shammy. But I'm a one-tree kinda squirrel! I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place. Order the old girl some nutritious new dirt from Texas!

[Transition to inside of treedome, tree is much better.]

(SpongeBob, Sandy, and Patrick are replanting the tree with new soil. Patrick is moving away the fertilizer tank.)
Shalmon: Well, my work here is done. It's time I return to my people.
(He walks up to a bus stop, boards on, and talks to the driver.)
Shalmon: Let me offer some sage advice; you must listen to the Earth and the stars, for only they can guide you… to my stop at the corner of Olive and Victory.
(The driver pushes the shaman away.)
Driver: Sir, stand by on the white line please.
(The bus drives away.)
Shalmon: Typical. It never ends!