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The Executive Treatment

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: MrTortellini00

(Patrick walks into the Krusty Krab and Mr. Krabs grabs him)
Mr. Krabs: Alright, hold on a second you free-loader! What are you doing here?
Patrick: I'm here for a lunch.
Mr. Krabs: Did you bring money this time?
Patrick: (shows Mr. Krabs dollar bills) Yes!
Mr. Krabs: (tongues come out his eyes) Let me see that! (verifies that the bills are real) Alright, tastes real. Now get in line!
Patrick: Yes sir! (takes his money back and gets in line. Some executives are eating the new executive treatment)
Executive #1: Hey, how's that new executive treatment sandwich treating you? Cause it's hitting all the quadrants of my hunger markets.
Patrick: Mmm… Quadrants.
Executive #1: You know, it reminds me something I was saying about business the other day.
Executive #2: The satisfaction earnings of the fourth quarter of my lunch are off the charts! (both laugh)
Executive #1: And I love the way it tastes! (the line progresses)
Executive #3: And business, my friend, is the business I'm talking about.
Marv: Well, one can't have business without business, right?
Executive #3: Interesting point, Marv. How is your sandwich?
Marv: Absolutely spectacular! This new menu item is a business plan I can really get behind. (the line progresses)
Executive #4: I tell you this is one dynamic little sandwich!
Executive #5: With lettuce of pro-activeness that are off the charts, business-wise.
Executive #4: It really appeals to my demographic.
Executive #5: Well, you are an executive in a fast-paced world of business.
Executive #4: Ohoh, that's for sure!
Patrick: (walks to the register) These guys talk funny words.
Squidward: Oh, yeah. They're a riot. What can I get you?
Patrick: I guess I'll have one of these business sandwiches everybody's talking about.
Squidward: Ah, the executive treatment.
Patrick: Is that what you call it?
Squidward: Well, that's what Mr. Krabs makes me call it. (makes sure nobody is looking at him) It's really just a Krabby Patty that costs more, and SpongeBob wears a different tie when he makes it.
Patrick: Oh wow! I'll take seven!
Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry sir. The executive treatment is available for executives only. I'm not sorry.
Patrick: But I've never wanted anything so much in my whole life! Since this morning when I wanted a doughnut and I ate that doughnut, and it was great! The doughnut is gone. (shakes Squidward) The doughnut is gone!
Squidward: First of all, a lot of that doughnut is still on your face!
Patrick: (sees that he has a bit of the donut on his face and eats it) Now, where is my executive treatment?
Squidward: I told you, it's for executives only! And you aren't even dressed like an executive! (grabs a tie) I could of course sell you an official Krusty Krab business tie for only 10 dollars.
Patrick: Will the tie let me order the executive treatment?
Squidward: Not on its own, no. But you could krabby-size the tie (grabs glasses) and get a set of business glasses for an additional 10 dollars.
Patrick: (laughs) Why I'd be stupid not to.
Squidward: Well, you're half right.
Patrick: Here's your 20 bucks! (gives the money to Squidward and puts on the tie)
Squidward: Here's your glasses! (gives the glasses to Patrick)
Patrick: Thanks! (puts on the glasses) I'll take one executive treatment my good man!
SpongeBob: (pops out the kitchen window holding the executive treatment sandwich) Here's your executive treatment!
Squidward: (takes the sandwich) Here you go!
Patrick: Oh man! (whispering) That looks executively delicious!
Marv: Harold! What are you doing standing around in a time like this? We're gonna be late for the big brainstorming meeting! (the other executives push Patrick outside the restaurant)
Patrick: But! But! Save my sandwich for me Squidward! Squidward!!
Squidward: I'll save it alright! I'll just put it here in the circular file! (laughs and throw the sandwich in a trashcan. Mr. Krabs appears from the trashcan)
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing throwing away a perfectly sellable sandwich?
Patrick: (the executives push him towards a building called "Business Industries") No! No!!! (Patrick tries to stop the executives but his hands rip off. He puts his hand in the punch in/out clock and it gets shaped like a ticket. He gets pushed in the elevator) No!!!!! (Patrick and the other executives quietly wait for the elevator to reach the 115th floor and they start to push Patrick again) No!!!!! (they stop in front of conference room 4-B) Not 4-B! No!!!!!
Marv: Wow! You're very upset about conference room 4-B, and I can't say I blame you. Because conference room 4-B is the most terrifying conference room in the whole building. More people have been fired in here than all the other conference rooms combined. (Patrick screams and Marv interrupts him) Save it for the big brainstorming meeting! (opens the door and everyone comes in) Right here is where all the biggest business decisions in the business are made! Why if an impostor were to be caught in here, hmm…
Patrick: He'd be given a sandwich and sent on his way?
Marv: No. He'd be convicted as a corporate spy and sent in jail forever and ever and ever. (Patrick tries to go away) Hey! Where are you going?
Patrick: I think I forgot to… Water my manatee. I'll just… (The stockholder eel comes in and slams the door on Patrick)
Stockholder Eel: Gentlemen! Ladies!
Patrick: (confused) Where am I?
Stockholder Eel: Exactly! I like you, young man. Everybody scoot down and so he can sit next to me. And I won't intimidate him at all by my terrifying largeness and proximity. As this junior executive so eloquently put it, where exactly are we?
Marv: Sir, if you take a look at this (shows a chart) I believe you'll agree that we are perfectly positioned for our marketing to be number 1 across the business sector. (the other executives murmur "business)
Stockholder Eel: What I need is a straight answer! Not a bunch of meaningless charts! (to Patrick) What do you give a disappointed stockholder to make him feel better?
Patrick: A sandwich? (the executives laugh)
Executive #1: Get a load of this guy! A sandwich!
Marv: This guy has sandwiches on the brain!
Patrick: (his brain is shaped like a sandwich) No I don't!
Executive #2: That's just about the silliest piece of idea…
Stockholder Eel: Alright, hold it. Now all of you, just hold it right there! It's easy to laugh and josh and heap a man with scorn when you hear an idea that stands out because it's so unusual. (the executives feel sorry) So everybody just stop and think for a minute about what your colleague is really trying to say because I want to be the one to tell him "That's the silliest thing I've ever heard".
Patrick: What if I have a meaningless chart?
Stockholder Eel: Yes. Maybe I was too hasty about that. (Patrick draws himself holding a sandwich on the easel) Well you've definitely given new meaning to the world meaningless (rimshot)
Patrick: Oh wait! (draws the sun and a house) And this is a little house, with smoke coming out of the chimney. See what I mean? (the stockholder eel angrily stares at Patrick. To Marv) I guess he likes my chart. He's smiling.
Marv: He smiles like that when he's really angry. (the executives discuss about it)
Patrick: Do you slap your palms down on the tables like that too?
Stockholder Eel: (growling) Yes.
Patrick: Oh.
Stockholder Eel: I don't know who you are, but you better not be an impostor. You know what happens to impostors in conference room 4-B?
Patrick: Let's see. Don't tell me. I know it's not sandwiches, they don't get sandwiches. Do they?
Stockholder Eel: (slaps his head) Mister (shows a drinking straw) This is the last straw!
Executives: (look at their glass) Oh!
Stockholder Eel: I'm gonna give you just 18 more chances to prove yourself.
French Narrator: Montage. (Patrick is resolving an equation on a board, with the answer being a sandwich)
Stockholder Eel: (rips his moustache off in anger. The executives gasp) Jenkins!
Jenkins: Yes sir?
Stockholder Eel: Moustache!
Jenkins: (rips his moustache off) Here you are sir (sheds a tear. The stockholder eel takes it and puts it on him. Cut to Patrick and Marv stamping "don't" signs on paper but Patrick accidentally stamps on Marv's head, Marv stamps him back and they repeatedly stamp each other. The stockholder eel looks at them disgusted. Marv stamps "VOID" on Patrick's forehead, but two police officers start to hit him with police batons and force him to leave the building with all his stuff. Cut to Patrick taking a pie from a hoven, he then puts the pie on a copy machine and a makes a copy of it, obtaining a purple circle. He shows the copy of the pie to the stockholder eel who slaps it on Patrick's face and leaves. Patrick licks the pie off his face. Cut to an executive filling a mug with water and putting it on a table. He thumbs up to Patrick, who jumps off a diving board and lands on the mug. The stockholder eel takes the mug off Patrick's head and starts to drink the water. Cut to Patrick showing the stockholder eel his official report)
Patrick: And so in conclusion, I would like to submit my official report
Stockholder Eel: (takes the official report, reads it and sees that the papers are shaped like paper-dolls) You know kid, we need someone like you around here.
Patrick: You do?
Stockholder Eel: For me to fire!
Patrick: Oh yeah? Well, I've got a surprise for you! (takes off his tie and his glasses. The other executives gasp) You can't fire me, I'm not an executive at all! I'm just a guy who happens to like sandwiches. So go ahead! Send me away forever as a corporate spy if you want to! But not before I've had my saying. (two police officers start to hit him with police batons before he could start his sentence. Cut to the Bikini Bottom jail where Patrick is ironing his chain ball. A police officer comes in)
Police Officer: You have a visitor. (the police officer takes Patrick to the meeting room where SpongeBob was waiting)
Patrick: Who is it?
SpongeBob: Hello Patrick.
Patrick: Hi SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hey, I heard you're in charge of the laundry room on Thursdays. That's nice.
Patrick: Yeah. Yeah, it's… pretty nice I guess.
SpongeBob: You know what that makes you?
Patrick: Uh-uh.
SpongeBob: An executive! (shows an executive treatment sandwich)
Patrick: Oh, wait! Is that what I think it is?
SpongeBob: Uh-uh! An executive treatment! (makes sure nobody is looking at him, shoves the Krabby Patty through the telephone and Patrick eats it. They stare at each other for a while, then Patrick tears his jail clothes and puts his tie and his glasses on. The police officer gasps)
Police Officer: What happened to prisoner 665321? (pushes the alarm button and officers run all over the room. Patrick leaves the meeting room)
Patrick: Let's go home SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Okay, but, who are you? (both start to laugh and they leave the jail together) No seriously, who are you?