Sign In | Register

Bumper to Bumper

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: CowBob RanchPants

(The episode starts off at Boating School as Mrs. Puff and a student are taking the driving test.)
Student: Once around the round about. (He makes a circle around the little lighthouse.) Left at the wall. (he makes a left) Over the bump of truth. And finally the flaming hoop. (He drives to the finish line and Mrs. Puff gives him his test.) Thank you Mrs. Puff, I am now a card carrying driver and a productive member of society. (he screams in delight as he jumps out of the boat)
Mrs. Puff: Oh nothing gives me more joy than teaching. I can't wait to pass my next student.
(The screen zooms out and SpongeBob is in the driver's seat.)
SpongeBob: Hello Mrs. Puff, I'm all set for my driving test!
(Mrs. Puff literally shatters into pieces.)
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff are you okay?
(She goes back to normal.)
Mrs. Puff: Just start driving... (SpongeBob floors it in reverse.) Turn this boat around immediately.
SpongeBob: Right away ma'am. (he makes the boat spin) Sorry Mrs. Puff, I have this under control. (he breaks the stirring wheel) Egh, uh huh. (They crash into all the obstacles. It causes the lighthouse, flaming hoop and brick wall to break and the Bump of Truth to be tied into a knot. The episode cuts to two guys watching TV.)
Announcer: Next up, Goin' Bananas in 3-D.
Fish #1: Hey dude, pass the 3-D glasses. This is suppose to be like in 3-D.
Fish #2: Oh, yeah right.
(Fish #2 gets them out and put them on.)
Fish on TV: Here I am, I'm coming at ya! Like your worst nightmare. Yeah haha!
(The room's wall breaks when SpongeBob crashes into it.)
Both fish: Woahohoho!
Mrs. Puff: I think it's safe to say that you once again failed your driving test!
Both Fish: Woahahaha!
SpongeBob: Uh but Mrs. Puff I-
Mrs. Puff: No buts SpongeBob, you've failed this test over and over. I'm beginning to believe you're simply unteachable.
Both fish: Hahaha!
Mrs. Puff: Now get out of my sight.
SpongeBob: I'm sorry Mrs. Puff! (SpongeBob runs off crying.)
Fish 1#: Dude this is like the gnarliest 3-D movie ever.
(Mrs. Puff inflates and it crushes them as they're laughing. The scene flash forwards to Mrs. Puff's home as she sits on her sofa.)
Mrs. Puff: If only SpongeBob could past his boating test. He'd be out of my life once and for all. Unfortunately, I keep getting reminded of the consequences if I get too angry with the little nuisance. (On here ankle there is a tracking device.) I can't even leave town without violating my parole. Oh, if there was only some way I didn't have to live in fear. Fear, that's the answer. SpongeBob is afraid of the driving coarse. So it would stand to reason that if he took the driving test somewhere besides the driving coarse, he would pass. (She opens her house door where there's a lot of boatmobiles driving by.) Of course, the answer has been in front of me all along. I'll test SpongeBob on a real road and then he'll be out of my life forever. (laughs) What could possibly go wrong?
(We cut to SpongeBob sitting on a chair at home. He looks awful and moans. Gary carries his food bowl and drops it near SpongeBob's feet.)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Not now Gary, can't you see I'm wallowing in my own filth? (He moans again as there's a knock on the door.) Come back later I'm wallowing. (There's another knock and he gets up to open it, sighing.)
Mrs. Puff: Good morning SpongeBob! (SpongeBob runs off.) SpongeBob? SpongeBob? (There's a cough.) SpongeBob. (He's inside the TV.)
SpongeBob: I'm sorry Mrs. Puff, I am trying to stay out of your sight.
Mrs. Puff: Oh that, let's forget what I said. It's time to take a fresh approach.
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff.. I... you said... don't you remember... I'm un-
(She mutes the TV.)
Mrs. Puff: We don't have time for this SpongeBob. We have a long day of driving ahead of us.
(We see Mrs. Puff driving SpongeBob out to a barren land.)
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, why have you taken me to this rather remote and slightly scary landscape?
Mrs. Puff: To overcome your fears silly.
(They pass by a live skeleton and it breaks apart.)
SpongeBob: It-it's not working.
Mrs. Puff: Here we are.
(They pass a sign that says "road closed".)
SpongeBob: Where are we?
Mrs. Puff: This old, abandoned road is the perfect venue for your driving test.
SpongeBob: Driving test?!
Mrs. Puff: That's right, now you're free from all the distracting obstacles on the boating coarse. (They stop.) Out here there's nothing but the road. Now scooch over. (She gets out to the passenger side.) Come on, scooch over. (She pushes him to the other side.)
SpongeBob: But Mrs. Puff, what about the fact that I'm unteachable?
Mrs. Puff: Forget all of that. Out here you can teach a hermit crab to boat.
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff I'm still imitated.
Mrs. Puff: If you're nervous about boating, simply repeat the words: focus on the road, there is nothing but the road. Got it?
SpongeBob: Okay. Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road. (He keeps repeating it while he slowly making the boat move.) Hey look at me, all not crashing and stuff.
Mrs. Puff: Wonderful! Keep that up and I'll have no choice but to pass you. Just repeat your mantra.
SpongeBob: Focus on the road, the open unintimidating road.
Mrs. Puff: Boating within the lines. (She checks it off on her clipboard.) Well done.
SpongeBob: Focus on the road, (he uses his blinker) there is nothing but the road.
Mrs. Puff: Finally using your turn signal. (She checks it off.) Check.
SpongeBob: Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road.
Mrs. Puff: Round about navigation, check.
SpongeBob: Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road.
Mrs. Puff: Safe and steady acceleration. Check!
SpongeBob: Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road. (They go up a very steep hill and down. Mrs. Puff checks it off.) SpongeBob: Focus on the road (He drives through circle.) there is nothing but the road. Focus on the road, (he jumps a break in the road and drives under a truck.) there is nothing but the road. (SpongeBob repeats the words as there's a trippy scene of him doing various things with the road.)
Mrs. Puff: Check, check and check. What is this? Only one more test and it's the easiest one yet. SpongeBob all you have to do is safely dock this vessel.
SpongeBob: (in a hypnotic trans) Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road. Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road. (They through break a road closed sign.) Focus on the- road? What happened to the road?!?!
Mrs. Puff: Calm down SpongeBob, listen. All you have to do is safely stop this vessel.
SpongeBob: Focus on the road, there is nothing but the road!
Mrs. Puff: Just stop this boat!
SpongeBob: Focus on the- the road!
(He drives over to a bumpy area.)
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob wait! SpongeBob!
(The boatmobile trips over a large rock and lands on an actual road.)
SpongeBob: That was a close one Mrs. Puff. But I'm back on the road and ready to focus upon it.
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, this isn't just any road. It's a ten lane, inner tidal sea wave. (SpongeBob says some gibberish.) Be calm SpongeBob. (He melts in his seat.) SpongeBob? SpongeBob? (She pulls him back together.) SpongeBob! Remember your mantra.
SpongeBob: Right. Focus on the road, there is nothing but the- (gasps as there's a large truck ahead of him.) I can't even see the road!
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob!
(He jerks towards other lanes.)
Mrs. Puff: Give me the wheel SpongeBob. Oh dear, he's completely frozen up. (She breaks his hands off and steers the wheel with them.) Fiddlesticks!
(A cop takes notice of their spinning, out of control boat.)
Officer: Reckless drivers, I loathe reckless drivers. (He puts on his sunglasses and mustache as he drives after them on his motorcycle. He gets out a megaphone.) Pull over you menace!
SpongeBob: Aaaaah! Um, Mrs. Puff can I have my arms back?
Officer: I said stop your vessel!
SpongeBob: Sorry Mr. Officer sir, I'm applying the breaks. (He accidentally floors it.) Aaaah!
Officer: Ah, we got us a runner.
Mrs. Puff: Pull over SpongeBob and make it quick! Look! (She points to the upcoming one lane tunnel.) Aaaah!
SpongeBob: Baaaahhh!
Mrs. Puff: Nooooo!
(He spins the boat around but it hits the officer, causing them both to spin towards the tunnel. Outside screaming Mrs. Puff is in the hood of the boatmobile as it swerves.)
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, hit the brakes!
SpongeBob: Huh? Dah! Okay! (He hits the brakes and it keeps swerving. Mrs. Puff gets back in the boat. It spins right into a parking spot.)
Mrs. Puff: Goodness gracious, there isn't a scratch on this vessel. SpongeBob, the test is history. You- you passed. Here's your license. (She hands it to him and jumps out of the boat.) And I'm free! Haha!
Officer: I don't think so.
Mrs. Puff: Is there a problem officer?
(The anklet on her is beeping and flickering.)
Officer: Well you crossed the county line three miles back. You ma'am are a parole violator. Which makes this test null and void. I'll take that. (He grabs SpongeBob's license and rips it apart. Mrs. Puff is thrown into the back of a police truck.)
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, I'll get you for this! I'll get yooooou!