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Move It or Lose It

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: homestuck

(the scene begins with a car driving up to the street, comes to a halt)
Mr. Krabs: (inside the Krusty Krab) Hmm. What could be the doings of this stranger?
Plankton: (inside the Chum Bucket) This looks suspicious.
Both: (step out of respective restaurants) What's the big idea?
Male Fish: Mr. Eugene Krabs and Sheldon Plankton...
Both: Yes?
Male Fish: These are for you. (fish walks away as Mr. Krabs and Plankton look at signs)
Both: (reading signs) "Updated city ordinance: Fast Food Restaurants cannot be within 100 feet of each other". Huh?
Male Fish: The Krusty Krab and The Chum Bucket are located too close together. One of your restaurants is going to have to be bulldozed.
Plankton and Mr. Krabs: (In shock) B- b- b- buldozed!!?? (Mr. Krabs and Plankton pull out measuring tape, measure the distance between their two restaurants)
Plankton: (surprised) 99 feet!
Mr Krabs: Its true.
Plankton: (lets go of tape measure) Ahh! (crashes into pole) OOF!
Mr. Krabs: Which one of us is gonna get bulldozed?
Male Fish: Thats for you two to decide.
Mr. Krabs: (yelling) I'm not going anywhere! You're the one who is moving!
Plankton: You are moving!
Mr. Krabs: Oh no, you are!
Plankton: Oh no I'm not!
Male Fish: (interrupts them) Gentlemen you have 24 hours to decide which of you moves. Thats the law around here! (enters car, drives away)
Mr. Krabs: Pack your bags pipsqueak!
Plankton: You might as well close up shop right now Krabs. Your customers won't miss a thing!
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) At least I have customers!
Plankton: Oh yeah!? Well, I'm gonna put together a....uh...a petition of customers signatures.
Mr. Krabs: Ha! Good luck with that ludicrous idea! (walks to the Krusty Krab) Petition? (enters Krusty Krab) Squidward! SpongeBob!
(Squidward puts down magazine, walks to Mr. Krabs, while Spongebob runs to him)
Mr. Krabs: (gives petitions to Spongebob and Squidward) You two take these petitions to save The Krusty Krab and secure as many signatures as you can!
SpongeBob: (saluting) Sir yes Sir!
Squidward: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, I'm definitely gonna do this.
SpongeBob: (signs the petition) And I'm gonna be the first signature! There! And how about you Squidward? Could we count on your support? (Squidward is gone, but the petition remains at the Krusty Krab) Squidward?
(cuts to Mrs. Puffs Boating School)
SpongeBob: Hello, Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff: (scared) No! Stay away! I can't afford to go back in the slammer!
SpongeBob: I'm just here if you would sign this petition. It'll save the Krusty Krab from getting bulldozed!
Mrs. Puff: Why would I care about that?
SpongeBob: (gasps) Mrs. Puff, don't you care what happens to Mr. Krabs? Squidward? Gary? Me?
Mrs. Puff: Not particularly.
Delivery Man: (enters the room) Excuse me? I'm looking for a Mrs. Puff.
Mrs. Puff Yes, that's me.
Delivery Man: Your new boats here. Just sign here, please. (Mrs. Puff signs)
SpongeBob: Speaking of signatures, would you sign this petition to save the Krusty Krab? (Spongebob holds out a piece of paper)
Delivery Man: Why would I care about the Krusty Krab? (annoyed) I'll unload the boat. (Spongebob and the delivery man both exit the room, closes up on lever)
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Delivery Man. I got this. (Spongebob pushes down on the lever, causing the car to go backwards and crash into the Boating School)
Mrs. Puff: NO!!! (Mr. Puff closes the door, but the boat crashes. Mrs. Puff inflates)
(cuts to Spongebob walking down the street, walks up to fish)
Spongebob: Excuse me sir, would you like to sign a petition to save the Krusty Krab?
Fish: Why would I wanna do that? The food there is dangerous! (holds up paper)
Spongebob: (grabs paper) The food there is dangerous... sir, where did you get this!?
Fish: It was on my windshield! They're all over the place! (zooms out to show Bikini Bottom covered with papers)
Spongebob: This must be Planktons dirty work. (running to Krusty Krab) Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!
(shows multiple angry fish in Krusty Krab)
Nat: Hey Mr. Krabs! Why are your patties dangerous?! (holding paper, fish agreeing)
Mr. Krabs: (sweating) They're dangerous because they're so... uh... so....
Spongebob: (bursts through door, holding a fresh plate of Krabby Patties) Delicious!
Nat: Kids got a point. (fish agreeing, start taking Krabby Patties)
Mr. Krabs: Thanks for saving me shell, boy.
Spongebob: Don't thank me Mr. Krabs, thank the Krabby Patty.
Plankton: (watching crowd eating patties, storms into Chum Bucket) That does it! (crying)
Karen: Throwing in the napkin, are we?
Plankton: My restaurant... my laboratory... my evil inventions... all about to be flattened! (carrying suitcase) Just give me a moment to say my goodbyes. (looking at inventions) Goodbye, stench-vision goggles, farewell, Chum Bucket replicator, farewell Hypnotizer Helmet. We had some diabolical times together, didn't we? So long, sonic cannon that destroys every known material in the universe. (shoots out beam)
Spongebob: (walking down street, notices laser beam being shot, hears Plankton crying) Plankton, I-I'm sorry... Sorry I made my Krabby Patties so delicious!
Plankton: Hey, get lost! I'm the only one who weeps around here.
Spongebob: Yeah, but I can't help thinking I played a hand in your misery! Or at least a spatula... nobody would sign a petition to bulldoze the Krusty Krab unless you paid them! And who would be low down enough to do that?
Plankton: (closes wood door over hole, laughing) Karen, are you thinkin what I'm thinkin?
Karen: Before you start buying up those bank account signatures, you should know that our check account balance is... -375 dollars.
Plankton: Not to worry, my lady! I have a plan.
(cuts to Mr. Krabs in Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Hmm... there's something you don't see every day!
Spongebob: (serving 3-headed creature) 3-Headed Jake? He comes in every day!
Mr. Krabs: Not him! (looking through telescope) It appears they are actually giving him... MONEY?!
Plankton: You just got a steal, sir. You'll get many villainous years out of that little number! (fish in Hypnotizer Helmet walks away, Plankton holding cash and laughing) Oh forget this business non-sense Karen, I should have had a yard sale YEARS ago! (putting money into cash register) Step up fishes! Every evil invention is priced to move!
Fish: I'll take this repti-generator off your hands! (hands Plankton money)
Fish #2: I'll give you 1,000 dollars for the stench-vision goggles! (hands Plankton money)
Fish #3: Hey, how much for the computer!
Plankton: How much you got?
Karen: Plankton!!!!
Plankton: Alright, my wife's not for sale. But everything else must go! (fish cheering with money, large pile of money rains on Plankton) Well, wifey! Looks like it's time to proceed to the next phase. (Plankton pulls down sign that reads "$ for your signature") Who wants... free money!!!
Multiple Fish: (twist their necks) Free money? (all fish cheer, Nat throws car to the ground in excitement, car lights on fire and explodes)
Plankton: (with multiple fish surrounding him) Okay, okay! To get free money, just sign this petition to save the Chum Bucket. (holds up petition)
Fish #1: Oh, oh, me first. (signs, receives money)
Plankton: (laughing) Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: (bursts into Krusty Krab) This is outrageous! You see what Plankton is doing, don't you? He's undermining the democratic process, by lumbraging the financial windfall, to buy every signature in Bikini Bottom! (counting money) Why he just bought mine four times! (looks out window) My tasty food is one thing, but how can I compete with free money? I'm doomed! Well, order up boy, order up. I'm afraid we're closing up for good. (crying)
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs this hurts so much!
Squidward: (laughing hysterically) Priceless.
Plankton: Thank you, thank you! I got all the signatures! All but one... I guess I won't be hiring the yellow sponge soon... but none of that matters now, because the majority is on my side! Which in a democracy, is all you need.
(cuts to Mr. Krabs and Spongebob closing the shop, bulldozer is seen driving down the street)
Mr. Krabs: It's time. (Mr. Krabs standing in the middle of the road)
Fish: (rolls down window) So, who's getting bulldozed today?
Plankton: (leaning against poll, with petition) Oh, not me, your bureaucraticness, I completed my petition.
Fish: The people have spoken. Step aside, Mr. Krabs. (fire begins in exhaust pipe)
Mr. Krabs: (walking backwards, while the bulldozer comes towards the Krusty Krab) But... but... No! NO! I'm not going anywhere!
Fish: Please comply, Mr. Krabs. It will be quick and painless.
Mr. Krabs: (locks himself to Krusty Krab) If you want to bulldoze me restaurant, it will be long and painful!
Spongebob: (also locked to Krusty Krab) Stand your ground Mr. Krabs, we are right behind you! Right Squidward! (shows empty handcuffs) Squidward?
(cuts to Squidward enjoying tea under an umbrella)
Fish: Okay, now this is really your last chance.
Mr. Krabs: I'm never leaving the Krusty Krab!
Fish: Fine. Have it your way. (switches lever to drive)
Plankton: (pulls up chair, starts eating popcorn) Haha, bring it on! Bring on the destruction!
Mr. Krabs: Goodbye Krusty Krab...
(bulldozer starts driving, pushes Krusty Krab back one foot)
Fish: Thank you for your cooperation.
Plankton: (spits out popcorn) WHAT?! Excuse me sir, but you forgot to LEVEL THE PLACE!!!
Mr. Krabs: Uh... yeah.
Fish: Demolition is outside of my purview. I simply request that restaurants comply with my ordinance. (pulls out measuring tape, measures distance) That's one more foot! Perfect. (walking away)
Plankton: (jumping on seat) But that's not fair! (gets stuck in chair)
Spongebob: So you're not gonna destroy the Krusty Krab?
Fish: No I-
Spongebob: Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you! (attacks fish, they start going in reverse before backing into Chum Bucket) Oh dear. (The Chum Bucket is destroyed)
Plankton: (frees himself from chair)Come on, let's do this! I wanna see some destruction! (sees Chum Bucket, destroyed) I've seen enough. (sticks self back into chair)