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Chum Fricassee

Typed By: CowBob RanchPants

(The episode starts at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob and Squidward are ready to go home.)
Squidward: Just clock out already.
SpongeBob: I'm trying Squidward but clocking out is the most upsetting part of the day. (Squidward face palms himself.)At least soon I'll be home. Where I can relive all the glorious from my day at work.
(He has a vision of himself cooking in his kitchen at home.)
SpongeBob: (in the vision) I'm all over it bossman. (He makes a Krabby Patty in his vision.) Order up Gareward.
Gary: (unexcitedly) me-eow.
(End of the vision.)
SpongeBob: It's just so hard to leave, even for one night. (SpongeBob walks out.)
Squidward: I beg to differ. (He clocks out for the both of them and walks out to the main portion of the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob.) I mean just look at this place. (We see how messy it is.) It's disgusting. Not to mention our cheap boss. (Mr. Krabs is using a spatula do get a cent off the floor.)
Mr. Krabs: Woohoo! Got it. Hey, who you callin' cheap?
Squidward: The guy who won't even spring for a doormat.
(The entrance is full of dirty foot prints.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh give me a break Mr. Complains-A-Lot. As if you would know anything about running a restaurant. (laughs)
Squidward: Well if I did run a restaurant my exquisite taste and gourmet know how would have customers waiting in line for years just to table. (He walks out.)
(Mr. Krabs laughs again.)
Mr. Krabs: See you fellers tomorrow. 'Gourmet know how'. (laughs)
(SpongeBob and Squidward are walking home when Plankton overhears and sees them on his large telescope.)
Squidward: Laugh it up. My knowledge and intelligence could even make the Chum Bucket a success.
(Plankton runs out of his restaurant.)
Plankton: Hey! Hey! Heeeeeey! I'm yelling over here. (He jumps on SpongeBob's nose and holds onto Squidward's head).
Squidward: Ouch ooh! I think I picked up a tick. (He grabs Plankton.) Plankton? What do you want?
Plankton: Well I like to take you up on your offer to make the Chum Bucket a success.
Squidward: Oh I don't know about that.
(Mr. Krabs walks by them.)
Mr. Krabs: I don't value you at all. (laughs)
Squidward: I'll do it.
(SpongeBob taps Squidward's shoulder).
SpongeBob: Don't you think working at the Chum Bucket and Krusty Krab is a conflict of interests Squidward?
Squidward: Gee SpongeBob I hadn't thought about that. You're right. I quit.
(The next scene has Squidward entering the Chum Bucket.)
Squidward: Eh, a little bit industrial but I can make it work. (Inside Plankton's laboratory with Plankton and Karen.) You call this a kitchen? We should start by tearing down these walls so the chef is visible to his adoring fans.
Karen: Great, two megalomaniacs.
Squidward: I don't see any use for these old pipe racks. We should just break them down for parts.
Plankton: But but that is my chum fueled antennae massager.
Squidward: Oh I'm sorry, you remind me. Who's in complete creative control here?
Plankton: Anyone can come and redecorate pal. But you still haven't proven how you're make chum edible.
Squidward: So I guess the proof is in the pudding then isn't it?
Plankton: You're making Chum Pudding?
Squidward: I'm making Chum Fricassee. (Squidward pours a wheelbarrow of chum.)
Plankton: Frica- what?
Squidward: (He picks some up.) See Plankton there's a trick to making chum edible. (He smells it and puts it down in disgust). We just have to follow Grandma Tentacles' secret fricassee recipe.
Plankton: Secret recipe you say huh? (He pulls out a pencil and paper.) Whats in it?
Squidward: Nice try tiny cyclops. You won't get Grandma's delicate mix of seasons and spices that easily. But operation can not be rushed. Each batch must sizzle for exactly twenty four hours.
French narrator: (time card) Twenty- four hours later.
(Plankton is sleeping on a table and Squidward gives him a plate of chum.)
Plankton: Who took my blue blanky? Huh? This is the secret stuff? Doesn't look very promising.
Squidward: Oh just taste it already.
(Plankton sniffs it).
Plankton: Well the smell of it doesn't make me retch. (He takes a spoon full and eats it.) Hey, that ain't bad at all. (He takes more.) It's actually amazing. (Plankton grabs the full plate and eats it all down.) This is gold in the form of chum. Squidward my friend, you'll be the toast of Bikini Bottom. This recipe is going to make you a star.
Squidward: A star.
Plankton: (whispering) A star.
Show narrator: Hello hungry eaters, it's time for flavors of the bottom. A collectible guide on dining out in Bikini Bottom. With your host, Perch Perkins.
Perch Perkins: Hey all you bottom feeders. If you already have eaten well you might want to make room for second. (Inside the Chum Bucket Squidward is serving customers.) Because we are tasting Bikini Bottom's sensational new up scale eatery, Le Chum Bucket. Look at all those classy diners. What's on the menu? It's called, Chum Fricassee. Earlier I spoke to head chef Squidward Tentacles. He shared with us on why it's such a frica-success. (The classy diners realize how good the food is and pig out on it.)
Squidward: Actually I can't share the recipe with you it's a secret.
(At the Krusty Krab Mr. Krabs is watching the show on a little TV.)
Mr. Krabs: What?!
Plankton: (on TV) Heheheh, that's right Krabs. (holding a bottle) Now we have a secret formula and it's in a bottle and you can't have it. (Squidward takes the bottle.)
Squidward: Give that back please. Thank you.
Plankton: Secret!
Perch Perkins: Well it's clearly no secret-
(A bride and groom pose with Squidward.)
Groom: Say 'fricassee'.
Perch Perkins: -that Le Chum Bucket is a hit.
Random fish: Chef Squidward! Chef Squidward! Will you sign my chum?
Squidward: Anything for my fans.
(Back at the Krusty Krab.)
Mr. Krabs: This is mutiny. And the public is actually eating it. Well at least our loyal clientele haven't jumped on the chum wagon.
SpongeBob: Don't speak too soon Mr. Krabs.
(The restaurant is totally empty.)
Mr. Krabs: So we're having a slow day. At least old Jethra has stuck with us. That Krabby Patty hitting the spot Jethra?
Jethra: Actually, they's all filled up at the Chum Bucket. So I had to get my chum to go. I got it signed by Squidward himself though. (He shows them his chum.)
(Mr. Krabs explodes.)
Mr. Krabs: Time to get to the bottom of this.
(SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs go into the Chum Bucket disguised. They notice how it looks inside.)
Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob: Oooh.
Mr. Krabs: Just act like you're another fancy customer.
SpongeBob: Aye aye Mr. Krabs-
(Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob's mouth.)
Mr. Krabs: Shhh. Why did you do that? What's gotten into you? High balloted customers just don't barge at the top of their lungs like a sea dog.
SpongeBob: Oops. (fake accent) I mean, I fancy a bit of the old chum. Indeed I do squire.
Mr. Krabs: Good evening madamer. Table for two please.
Karen: Your name please?
Mr. Krabs: I be Eugene Kr-err I man (he looks at a wrapper on the ground) Sir Crimple-O-Wrapper. Heh, that's my name. Don't wear it out.
Karen: Alright.. Let's pull up your reservation. Oop. I'm so sorry sir, I'm not showing any O-Wrapper.
Mr. Krabs: Reservation? In this sink hole?
Karen: There's a two year wait for a table.
(Squidward walks up.)
Squidward: What seems to be the problem? (He looks at Krabs and SpongeBob.) Well, well well. (He takes a fan and it blows away their fake facial hair.) If it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me, I believe I have a table reserved just for you.
(It's a toilet in the bathroom and Squidward puts a tablecloth over it.)
Squidward: Bon appétit suckers. (laughs)
(SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walk out with shame as the customers are laughing at them.)
Squidward: See you in two years. Hahahaha!
Plankton: Yeah, see how you like it Krabs.
(Squidward, Plankton and the customers continue to laugh.)
French narrator: (time card) One week later.
(There's a long line outside the Chum Bucket where people are waiting to get autographs from Squidward.)
Nancy: I was here first.
Brown fish: No I was!
Squidward: One at a time, please.
Nancy: Oh Mr. Tentacles, it's so nice to finally meet you.
Squidward: Yes, isn't it? Next? Woah! (He sees Karen making reservations for others.) Plankton?
(Plankton is in the kitchen making the fricassee.)
Plankton: Yeah? What's up?
Squidward: Are you not seeing the line of people out there? What's the hold up with that new batch of fricassee?
Plankton: What's the hold up? You said it took exactly twenty four hours.
(A timed clock containing the chum is visible.)
Squidward: I don't care if it isn't finished. Just take the orders.
Plankton: But I haven't even Sautéed it yet. Whatever you say.
(SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are sitting next to the road outside.)
Mr. Krabs: (sniffling) What am I going to do? What am I going to do? (sobs)
SpongeBob: Oh sir I'm sure that new Chum Fricassee can't taste better than a Krabby Patty.
(A customer leaves the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: Thank you sir come again. Enjoy your leftovers.
Brown fish: Oh I will. (He sees Krabs sobbing and he goes up to them.) Please mister, take my chum. (He gives them the bag.) It- it is the least thing I can do to help. Poor guys.
Mr. Krabs: Here boy go first. (He puts some on his hand.)
SpongeBob: Hey this is great.
Mr. Krabs: Better than a Krabby Patty?
SpongeBob: A what?
(Krabs eats the rest.)
Mr. Krabs: (gasp) It's delicious. Noooo! I'm ruined. (he sobs again)
(At the Chum Bucket.)
Squidward: Here you go folks. Enjoy my world famous fricassee.
(Grandma Tentacles enters the Chum Bucket.)
Squidward: Grandma!
Grandma Tentacles: Somebody's been cooking my recipe and they're doing it wrong.
Squidward: What are you doing here?
Grandma Tentacles: Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. (She stabs his foot with her walker.)
Squidward: Ow! I didn't do it. It was him.
(Plankton comes out with a plate of fricassee.)
Plankton: What? Oh you're not pinning this on me. You said you didn't care if it was ready or not.
Squidward: Okay I admit it, I admit it. But what's the big deal?
(She stabs his foot again.)
Squidward: Ow!
Grandma Tentacles: The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly twenty four hours it causes severe tummy trouble.
Fish: You fed us undercooked chum?
Grandma Tentacles: Tear him apart people.
Fred: I've had it and I'm not going to take it anymore. (He throws a garbage can. Other people start to mess up the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: Not the napkins!
Fish: He got what he deserved that's what I think.
(The Chum Bucket sets on flames.)
Other fish: Run! It's on fire! It's all burning! Run!
Plankton: My restaurant. (sobs)
Squidward: My fan base. (sobs)
Grandma Tentacles: I hope you learned your lesson genius.
(Grandma Tentacles hits his foot.)
Squidward: Ow!
(The scene cuts to the Krusty Krab.)
SpongeBob: Gee Mr. Krabs, it was sure nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.
Mr. Krabs: I figured it's the least I can do for him after causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket. In fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat.
(Squidward groans in pain as customers wipe their feet on him.)
Squidward: Living the dream. (groans)
End