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Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: homestuck

(begins with SpongeBob singing in the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: (mopping, singing about it)
Squidward: SpongeBob! Why don't you mop your way over to the kitchen. (points at customer) We need another Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: Sure thing. (SpongeBob makes a Krabby Patty for the customer, but adds too much mustard. Mr. Krabs enters the room, panicking)
Mr. Krabs: What's that?
SpongeBob: Perfection.
Mr. Krabs: I don't think so. (grabs the Krabby Patty angrily) You used too much mustard!
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs I...
Mr. Krabs: You obviously you didn't use your hydronic mustard gage... (Mr. Krabs removes some of the mustard with a spoon, sees 101%) You think mustard grows from seeds? (throws away the spoon) Oh, at this rate I'll be broke in… (typing the list) 411 years!
SpongeBob: Really?
Mr. Krabs: Your skills are rusty, you're not your usual sharp self! Did you have breakfast this morning?
SpongeBob: Yes, I had a cup of sea kelp and a neptune muffin.
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm, what would about sleep, young man. Did you get enough sleep?
SpongeBob: I did go to bed 2 minutes later usual.
Mr. Krabs: That's it! (points to SpongeBob) You're an insomniac!
SpongeBob: An insomni-what?
Mr. Krabs: You're a person who can't sleep and you can't get enough sleep. Your mind starts to go! Here. (pushes SpongeBob to the grill) Come on, now cook! (SpongeBob begins cooking, Mr. Krabs interrupts) I knew it. You lifted a patty from one side, instead of straight up. What are you trying to do, sabotage me? (takes his spatula) Now, you go home and get some rest!
SpongeBob: Oh, but sir, I can't miss work at the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: Miss work? If you keep making mistakes like that, boy-o, there will be no Krusty Krab!
SpongeBob: No Krusty Krab?
Mr. Krabs: That's right, now, get!
SpongeBob: (leaving) Yes, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Come back tomorrow after a good night's sleep!
(cut to SpongeBob's house)
SpongeBob: I just don't get it Gary, I don't usually have a problem sleeping, do I? (Gary is eating)
SpongeBob: Well I am not going to allow a mistake like today's to happen again. I am going straight to bed! (he walks upstairs and gets into bed)
SpongeBob: This pillow is as hard as a rock. What to do?
Gary: Meow meow meow meow.
SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! Warm milk puts me right to sleep. (he leaves, comes back with milk) Now, that should do the trick! (the milk pours out of his holes) Boy, it sure is quiet around here. Only 5 hours until I go to work. 5 hours 59 minutes. 5 hours 59 minutes 51 seconds. 5 hours 59 minutes 41 seconds. (throws away his clock) What if I don't get to sleep at all? Oh, Mr. Krabs was right! (closes up on SpongeBobs eyes) I am an insomniac. What am I gonna do? I need some help. (runs to Patricks house) Patrick, Patrick, wake up.
Patrick: Mmmm, spongecake. (chewing on SpongeBob's hand)
SpongeBob: Aw, yuck! Never mind that Patrick! I need your help desperately! I'm an insomniac! I need to sleep!
Patrick: Say no more buddy, I know just the thing! (blows sand off of the book) Get comfy.
SpongeBob: Ooh, a bedtime story! (creates a sand pillow)
Patrick: (reading) Okay. Once upon a time there was a sleepy little boy.
SpongeBob: Ah, yay!
Patrick: (reading) And the sleepy boy was the sleepiest boy in all the kingdom!
SpongeBob: Sounds like me.
Patrick: (reading) And one night he nestled in the bed for a long slumber. And Sir Cecil, The sea sleep king sprinkled him with mystical sleepy dust. He couldn't have been cozier. When, without warning, an excitable sea troll bursted through the window. "Wakey wakey sleepy doo!" He bellowed. Then suddenly he was whisked away by eagle-winged mollusks into the night sky! (puts down book)
SpongeBob: What are you doing? And what kind of a bedtime story is that?
Patrick: It's called "The Land of Perpetual Excitement!" You know, it's a 'get-out-of-bed' story.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm trying to go to sleep.
Patrick: (throws book onto SpongeBob's nose) Hmmm, oh I know! I'll sing you a lullaby from my childhood. (singing) "Get up be active. Get up be active. Get up be active. Get up be active. Get up, be active. Get up, be active. Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down!
SpongeBob: Um, Patrick, that's…
Patrick: (still singing) Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down. Get up be active. Get up be active!
SpongeBob: Patrick, this isn't...
Patrick: Get up be active. Get up be active. Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down!
SpongeBob: That's a catchy bit.
Patrick: Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down!
SpongeBob: That's an excellent number.
Patrick: Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down. Get up don't lie down!
SpongeBob: (angrily) Patrick, this isn't help either!
Patrick: Well, what, what, well, I don't know what you want from me, it's not like I have some magic wand to wave. (gets magic kit) Or do I…?
SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles.
Patrick: Hocus-pocus!
SpongeBob: Patrick, get serious please!
Patrick: Abracadabra!
SpongeBob: I appreciate your efforts, but we gotta keep trying buddy.
Patrick: SpongeBob, I see you're serious about this now. I didn't want to do this, but I'm gonna let you in on a little family secret. Ol' Grandma suffered from severe toe barnacles.
SpongeBob: Blech!
Patrick: And she invented the secret elixir for just such an emergency. Drink up.
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, how is this gonna…?
Patrick: Drink it!
SpongeBob: Hey, that wasn't half bad. What was that anyway?
Patrick: Coffee.
SpongeBob: C-c-c-coffee? Oh, for the last time, Patrick, I'm trying to go to sleep!
Patrick: Oops...
SpongeBob: Uh-oh, feeling jittery, heart pounding, teeth grinding… (starts running) Uh-oh. (starts to fly around, breaks Patricks rock) No, no! Guys, We gotta get to sleep. Well, I guess I just have to let my legs tire out before I can catch up with my weary brain... (begins to dream)
Sea Troll: Wakey wakey sleepy doo!
SpongeBob: Ahh! Sea troll! Huh? Just a shrub. Keep going till you crash SpongeBob… (crashes into billboard)
Warm Milk: SpongeBob, why'd you drink me?
SpongeBob: I'm sorry warm milk, you just tasted so good. (rubs eyes) Shoo! That billboard is definitely not talking to you.
Warm Milk: Why, SpongeBob, why?
Mr Krabs: (mustard spouts for eyes, chasing SpongeBob) You're wasting all me mustard boy-o! Me profits! Me profits! (SpongeBob gets knocked into a mustard container)
Squidward: (laughing, with multiple heads while surrounding SpongeBob) Mr. Krabs is going to be upset! (a seagull kidnaps SpongeBob and takes him to a giant Patrick)
Patrick: Spongecake! (eats SpongeBob, SpongeBob crashes onto his bed)
SpongeBob: Whats this? Another vision? Why, why? Oh, Please let me sleep for just 5 minutes!
Sir Cecil: Do not despair, my child.
SpongeBob: Sir Cecil, the sea sleep king!
Sir Cecil: Just close your eyes in slumber. And I'll sprinkle you with some magic dust! (sprays SpongeBob with dust)
SpongeBob: It's getting all sleepy around here. Thank you Sir Cecil. Hmm? Hey, looks like I finally got some sleep. Now to prepare for work. (puts on hat) Bye Gary. (leaves)
Mr. Krabs: Boyo-? (he snaps and SpongeBob wakes up)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Yes sir, SpongeBob reporting for sleeping.
Mr. Krabs: Ew! You're stinking like Davy Jones' locker! Are you sure you didn't forget something boy?
SpongeBob: You're right Mr. Krabs, How could I be so forgetful? (washes his hands with the mustard dispenser) All employees must wash their hands.
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing? That's not the sink! (SpongeBob gets into the mustard barrel)
SpongeBob: I know, I just need a quiet place to nap.
Mr. Krabs: Me mustard! You didn't hear my words, did ya? You couldn't be bothered to get some shut eye, could ya?
SpongeBob: I'm sorry Mr. Krabs, I tried, I really really tried! But my insomnia got the best of me! (crying tears of mustard)
Mr. Krabs: Now he's crying away me mustard. That's enough boy! Me profits! (looks surprised) Huh? You're crying the perfect amount! Hold it, boy-o. You're a natural mustard dispenser! (holds out Krabby Patties, mustard lands on them)
SpongeBob: Is that a good thing?
Mr. Krabs: Doh…uh, no boy. It's terrible.
(SpongeBob continues to cry)
Mr. Krabs: Just terrible.
Squidward: (looking through window at SpongeBob) Best day at work ever!