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Are You Happy Now?

(cuts to Krusty Krab)
Narrator: Ah, ze Krusty Krab, (cuts to behind restaurant) Bikini Bottom's answer to fine dining. (Patrick pops out of dumpster) Here, we see one of it's patrons now. (Pat shoves patty in cheeks and crawls away) Ah, yes, moving on. (sees SpongeBob through door) Ah! It is a-Sponge-u-Bob, creator of the fine cuisine within. Now, let us watch.
Squidward: (holding order ticket) One Krabby Patty, extra grease.
SpongeBob: Oooh. (turns page on book) Ohhh! (Squidward groans) Oooh! (laughs, Squid groans again, SB hugs himself, Squid groans, Sponge makes weird movements and noises)
Squidward: Alright, lemme' see that! (looks at book) The Krusty Krab work schedule? What's so great about this!?
SpongeBob: What's so great about— This is my happy book, the Krusty Krab is where all my happiest memories occurred!
Squidward: (puts book on grill, book sets on fire and burns, sarcastically) Oops, I accidentally burnt your memories.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. (walks to cabinet, opens it to reveal books) I have a whole cabinet of back-ups. (Squid's head deflates) So what's your happiest memory, Squidward?
Squidward: Um, lemme' think… (thought bubble comes up, sees analog blur followed by colored bars) I guess I don't have a happiest memory, oh well. (sits, Sponge comes to boat) YES!!!
SpongeBob: (sad) Squidward, you don't have a happiest memory?
Squidward: So, what?
SpongeBob: How can you live without a happiest memory? (holds hand) Do you cry yourself to sleep at night?
Squidward: (pulls hand away, folds arms) I hear you cry all the time.
SpongeBob: (hands on cheeks) With joy, Squidward, with joy.
Squidward: Look, I don't need a happy memory! So just get back to your culinary grease factory and leave me alone! (SB dashes)
Fish: Hi, I'd like to order a Krabby Patty please. (Squidward bursts out sobbing) Okay, can someone else take my order? (SpongeBob comes and sobs, he hugs Squid) I'll wait.
Squidward: (sad) You're right, SpongeBob, I don't have a happiest memory, this is horrible!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, I'll help you make a happiest memory.
Squidward: Really? Do you think you can?
SpongeBob: No problem! (grabs Squid)
Squidward: Well, it's against my fair judgement, but, okay. (SpongeBob happily grins)
(cuts to a theater with violin players)
SpongeBob: (walks to seats) You love music, right Squidward? (Squidward nods) Then this will definitely be your happiest memory!
Squidward: (happier) Hey, this isn't so bad. I actually think I feel kinda, happy.
SpongeBob: See, your happiest memory is forming. (player gets bow caught in a string, the bow shoots into Squidward's eye)
Squidward: This is not my happiest memory.
(cuts to museum)
Squidward: (walks through art wing) Why are we at the art museum?
SpongeBob: Well, you love art, maybe you'll find a happy memory in here!
Squidward: Great, I get to see the art of all the people who've succeeded, (sadly) where I've failed. My art will never be shown in this— (bumps eye into sculpture, sees sculture, happily) What, th- this is my sculpture! (sees label with his name) how did it get here!?
Fancy Fish: Ooh, you're just in time! Art lovers, this is Squidward Tentacles, creator of this piece!
Art Lovers: Oooh!
SpongeBob: Wow! Your work in a museum, Squidward!
Squidward: (eyes get big) Yeah, I can't believe it! I think this might be it!
SpongeBob: Your happiest memory?
Squidward: Yeah.
Fancy Fish: And now, the performance artist Fiasco will say a few words about this piece. (sees Fiasco)
Squidward: Gosh, Fiasco himself is talking about my art!
Fiasco: Eh, em. (making movements) Squid, ward, go toward, the light… (pulls out flame thrower) Of my flame thrower!!! (burns sculpture)
Squidward: (disappointed) And now, he's melted it. (Fiasco replaces Squidward's name with his) Not a happiest memory.
SpongeBob: Uh, it's kinda smoky in here, you need fresh air! (guides Squidward out, cuts to in the sky) What a majestic view)
Squidward: (wearing a blindfold) What view?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, I forgot about your blindfold. (takes blindfold off) Isn't it beautiful!?
Squidward: (sees town from birds eye view) Very nice, except that I'm (scared) afraid of heights!!!
SpongeBob: Uh-oh, sorry, Squidward, I'll take us down! (takes out needle)
Squidward: What? No! (SB pos the hot air balloon) Oh, boy. (both scream, balloon goes zooming, they crash at the tip of a mountain, he takes basket off tip) Oh, yes, nice view. (SB squirms and gets out)
Hiker: (angrily) Son, of, a, seahorse! 20 years of training and a couple of amateurs just leap out of a balloon! Here, you plant it! Rrr, (gives flag to SB and walks down the mountain complaining)
SpongeBob: Hey, we're the first to ever reach the top of Mt. Bikini! Surely that must make for a happiest memory. (excited, lifts flag) I claim this mountain in the name of Squidward Tentacles! (drops flag on Squidward's foot hard, Squidward struggles to get foot out, causes snow to rumble)
Squidward: Uh-oh. (avalanche starts and rolls the two down)
Hiker: Stupid amateurs I— (turns around) fantastic. (snow piles on him and continues down all the way to Squidward's house)
Squidward: (comes out of snow depressed) Time to face facts, I'll never have a happiest memory. (opens snow door and leaves, sees SB) And if I do, it definitely won't involve you. (closes snow door and locks it, walks home, goes to stairs) Hello, misery. I'm home. (drags on stairs, gets to bed) I might as well go to bed for a hundred years or so. (lays down) Wake me, when I'm dead. (tucks himself in, rolls off and under bed) Aw…
Narrator: (with matching time card) Two Weeks Later.
SpongeBob: Gary, I am worried about Squidward, he hasn't come out of his house for two weeks now!
Gary: Meow-ow Meow.
SpongeBob: (walks with Gary to Squid's door, knocks on it, concerned) Why isn't he answering!? (looks into mail slot and sees a pile of mail) Squidward! (puts dry lips through slot) Squidward!? (sees house a wreck, water running) Now I'm really worried! Squidward? Squidward!? (sees silhouette of Squid in window, gasps) Squidward! Down here! He's upstairs. (rides Gary up wall, sees Squid miserable, knocks and waves) Hey! Hey! (Squid pulls down shade) Squidward!? (Squid pulls down other shade) Well, at least we know he's still alive. (falls off of Gary on shell, Gary jiggles) Aaahh! (acts like a hermit crab, crashes and breaks shell) I'm okay, Gary!
Gary: Meow.
(cuts to later)
SpongeBob: Squidward sure seems depressed, (picks up phone) I think I'll call him and cheer him up. (dials, Squidward goes to phone and mumbles, walks away) Hello? Squidward? Are you there? (Squid opens window and throws phone out and into SB's window, lands next to Gary) Squidward? Are you there?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary, what are you doing at Squidward's? (Gary brings him Squid's phone) Gare, could you put Squidward on the phone? (Gary holds up phone) Hold on a second, someone's on the other line. Hello. (other phone says hello back) Hello!? (other phone says it back, screams) HELLO!!! (other phone says it back and shorts out) Hello? (other phone shorts out)
Squidward: (miserably) I just can't seem to get happy. (opens oven, puts head in it, takes out a tray of burnt brownies) Well, that didn't help. (phone rings) Huh!? That's strange, I swear I just threw that darn phone away. (sees fax machine) Oh yeah, my fax machine, now, why did I buy that? (scratches head)
SpongeBob: (comes out like paper through the fax machine) Hi Squidward, you sure are a hard man to get a hold of. Hey, do I smell brownies?
Squidward: Yes. (puts him in a paper shredder and SB shreds, picks box of shreds up) Thanks for stopping by. (pours shreds out window)
Gary: Uh, Meow. (puts SpongeBob back together flat digitally)
SpongeBob: (gets up flat and slimy) Thanks, Gary. I got to find a way to give Squidward a happiest memory. These pants may be square, but it's time to think outside the box!
Squidward: (picks up a rope, miserably) I just can't seem to get happy. (hangs rope) Maybe this will help. (pulls to see a bird cage, scallop tweets, he grins, scallop spits purple goo on him and knocks him down, flies away, with cage on head) No, I guess not. (hears a knock) Oh, great, I wonder who that could be. (looks in mail slot to see mailman) You're not SpongeBob.
Mailman: (with a package) I have a package here for Squidward Tenta-clees.
Squidward: Tentacles, yes that's me.
Mailman: Well, here you go. (hands Squid package)
Squidward: Thanks. (slams door) Doesn't say who it's from. No doubt Sponge-Bob's hiding inside. Oh, well, here goes nothing (opens box) Gotcha! Huh, uh? It's empty. Empty, just like my miserable life. (SpongeBob comes out from box lifting a box, rubs nose) I've seen this ahead* (correct please)
SpongeBob: (he jumps and traps Squidward in the box, tapes the box shut and carries it to the Krusty Krab, opens box inside and Squid comes out angered) Surprise! I figured that what you needed was a party to cheer you up! (points to cake) Unfortunately, everybody I tried to invite was either busy or sick, but don't worry, I used my paper mache skills to fill the party with your favorite person. (excitedly) ME!!! (sees a lot of paper mache SpongeBob's) So what do you think? Happiest memory or what!? (walks away)
Squidward: You don't seem to understand. (outraged) I, DON'T, WANT, A, (eyes screaming with skulls) HAPPIEST MEMORY!!! (goes crazy like an animal, lands on cake and smashes it)
SpongeBob: (talks to mache holding deviled eggs) Are you enjoying the hor d'oeuvres?
Squidward: (lands on mache and rips it, kicks 2 mache's, chainsaws 3 maches, climbs pole and bites banner, rides it like Tarzan, kicking rows of maches, crazily) I feel wonderful!!! (laughs evilly on a pile of machos ripping and making odd noises) This is it! My happiest memory!
SpongeBob: (grateful) Aaahh, he's so handsome.
End