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Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Amphitrite

Mr. Krabs: Who's ready for some excitement?
SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Pearl: We are!
Mr. Krabs: Who's ready for some fun?
SpongeBob & Patrick: We are!
Mr. Krabs: Who's ready to look at vacation pictures?
Patrick & Sandy: We- huh?
Mr. Krabs: (turns off lights. Slideshow starts) I'm sure you know this charming fellow. Here's the one that almost got away. Look at these pile towers of golden green. Here's how the whole thing started.

(open at the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: (takes money from customer) That will be $6.75, please.
Mr. Krabs: (over speaker) Attention! Attention all employees of the Krusty Krab! Report immediately to the main office! (SpongeBob and Squidward do so)
Customer: Hey, what about my change?
(inside Mr. Krabs' office)
SpongeBob: You called, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: That's right. You better have a seat, Laddy. Gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of tomorrow, I'm closing the Krusty Krab.
Squidward: Hallelujah! (runs out door. SpongeBob breathes heavily in horror)
Mr. Krabs: Relax, boy. I'm just going on vacation for a few days. Yessiree, Laddy! I think the old Krusty Krab can afford a few days in dried up while I take little Pearl to a long, overdue vacation. And I was kinda hoping that you come along with us, SpongeBob. (the latter words echo in SpongeBob's mind) For a nominal fee, of course. So, what do you think, boy? (SpongeBob smiling) SpongeBob? SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: (the words "Yes" and "Please" appear in his eyes) Yes... please!
Mr. Krabs: Great! We'll have some fun! (laughs)
(cut to Mr. Krabs' house)
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, my dear. Are you all packed and ready to go?
Pearl: You bet your bottom dollar.
Mr. Krabs: Me bottom dollar?! Why I'd never do that!
Pearl: It's just an expression, daddy. I just mean I'm really excited! (they both go outside. SpongeBob is in the car. Pearl gasps)
SpongeBob: La la la la la la la la la...!
Pearl: (in horror) Daddy, one of your employees is in the back seat!
SpongeBob: (singing) Going on vacation with Mr. Krabs! Going on vacation with his daughter, Pearl! Going on vacation with the whole Krabs clan! La la la la la la la la... I'm a vacation man! (to Pearl and Krabs) Hey, travel buddies!
Pearl: Daddy, I thought this was supposed to be our family vacation.
Mr. Krabs: It still is. SpongeBob's... like the son I never had. Plus, he'll pay a top dollar to tag along.
SpongeBob: Hi, Pearl. Looks like you and I get to spend some quality time together!
Pearl: You know, SpongeBob. We've got an old family tradition of having our guests ride on the floor with the luggage until we leave town. (throws suitcase on top of SpongeBob, crushing him)
SpongeBob: I will happily honor this family tradition.
Mr. Krabs: See? You two are already having fun together. (Laughs. Starts driving off. Cut to Squidward relaxing in a lawn chair)
Squidward: And there they go. Two whole days of no work and no SpongeBob! This is almost too good to be true. Nothing can possibly go wrong. (Patrick appears behind Squidward, laughing)
SpongeBob: Ow.
Mr. Krabs: Did you hear something?
Pearl: Just the sound of this vacation dying.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, cheer up, pumpkin puss. We're almost there!
SpongeBob: Um... is it time to come up, yet?
Pearl: Sure, why not? Join the funeral. (spots a mall) Super Mega Mall World?! Is that where we're going?
Mr. Krabs: (drives past it) No, no. The place we're going is much better.
SpongeBob: Um... Mr. Krabs? Think we could make a bathroom stop?
Mr. Krabs: But, we're making such great time! Try to hold it a little longer, lad.
Pearl: (spots a rollercoaster) Holy moly! Planet Rollercoaster! (Mr. Krabs drives past it) But, daddy... wh-why aren't we stopping?
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) The place we are going is 100 times better than that old amusement park.
SpongeBob: Is it Bathroom Land? 'Cause I could really use a bathroom right now.
Mr. Krabs: (laughing) Bathroom Land. Oh, SpongeBob, you kill me!
Pearl: (sarcastically) Yeah, he's a real chuckle factory. (fake laughs)
Mr. Krabs: Okay, kids. We're just about there! Just over that hill is the greatest sight in the sea. Now close your eyes for a big surprise!
(Pearl and SpongeBob close their eyes)
Pearl: Teenage Boy Museum. Teenage Boy Museum!
SpongeBob: Bathroom! Bathroom!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, we're here. You can open your eyes now.
Pearl: Yay! Teenage Boy Museum! (runs up to it. A demolition crane appears, and demolishes the museum with a wrecking ball) It was right there!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, that's okay, honey. We weren't going there, anyway. (points) That's where we're going. (Pearl gasps) It's the Bikini Bottom Mint, where they make all of the money! Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in all of your life?
Pearl: There is no way I'm going in there! I'd rather sit through the rubble of the Teenage Boy Museum! (searches through the rubble)
Mr. Krabs: Well, laddy, looks like it's just you and me. And, of course, the Mint.
(cut to the Mint)
Mr. Krabs: Is this the most exciting day in your life?
SpongeBob: Not really.
Bill: Thank you for coming to the Bikini Bottom Mint. My name is Bill.
SpongeBob: "Bill"? (laughing)
Bill: And yes, I am aware of the hilarious irony between my name and my job. Now, I'll be your tour guide for today. This tour will take you through the entire money-making process.
Mr. Krabs: Did you hear that boy? The entire money-making process!
SpongeBob: Yeah, I... sure did sir.
Bill: This just to your right is the first part of the dollar-making process. Where very special sheets of paper are prep for- (Mr. Krabs licks the glass constantly)
SpongeBob: Uh, Mr. Krabs. Everyone is staring at us. Sir, get ahold of yourself, it's just paper!
Mr. Krabs: Just paper?! That's like saying the ocean is just water! Or- or the Krabby Patty is just a- a- a sandwich!
Bill: Ahem...
(Mr. Krabs moans nervously. Cut to a stamping press)
Bill: And, in this area here to my left we see the process in which sheets of silver are pressed into shiny blank coins which are collected in the back of one million pieces for the coining press.
Mr. Krabs: (stammering) One million shiny pieces of... silver coins?! (eyes inflate and pop)
Bill: They call- (Krabs' eye skin plasters everyone's faces)
SpongeBob: Uh oh. I thought this might happen. (takes out a box of "Replacement Eyes" and screws them in Mr. Krabs' head. Turns them on like a lightbulb)
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Anytime, sir. Oh, the tour is leaving without us. We better catch up with them before we miss something, right Mr. Krabs? (gasps. Sees Mr. Krabs, laughing a crawling after money on conveyor belt. He is directly under the stamping press) Mr. Krabs! (pushes Mr. Krabs off, and gets reduced to coins by the stamping press) I'm not sure how I feel about this sudden change. (laughs) Good one, huh Mr. Krabs? (screams) Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: (on conveyor belt holding a quarter) Hello. My name is Eugene. What's yours?
(a giant needle drills a face on a coin)
Mr. Krabs: Do you believe in love at first sight?
(SpongeBob pushes him off the conveyor belt to avoid the needle)
SpongeBob: Phew. That was close.
Mr. Krabs: I'd say. I almost had that quarter's phone number.
Bill: Now, this machine here is where we destroy old money by means of shredding.
Mr. Krabs: Pretty neat, huh boy? This is where they... (finger deflates) destroy money?! NO! Why? Why? (starts crying like a fountain)
SpongeBob: It's okay, sir. I'm sure I- (Mr. Krabs bursts into tears, flooding the mint) Uh oh. (turns a knob on Krabs that stops his crying. Absorbs all of the tears, and spits them through the wall)
Pearl: (still searching through rubble. Finds a photo) Huh? Ah, an autograph- (the tears shoot through the picture. Sobs) No!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, it's okay. The shredded money is recycled and turned into brand new money. See?
Mr. Krabs: It's a miracle!
SpongeBob: Yay!
Bill: (angry at SpongeBob and Krabs) That is it! I have had enough of your nonsense! Guards, show these two good-for-nothing toddlers out, right now- (sees the guard tied up. Two robbers stealing money. Hides behind crowd) Angry, thieving criminals aren't a part of this tour. Take whatever you want.
Robber #1: Take care of them.
Robber #2: No problem, boss.
(they both start towards the crowd)
Mr. Krabs: (jumps in front of them) Oh no you don't! (throws SpongeBob at robber #2, which has no effect)
SpongeBob: That didn't work at all.
(the robbers growl. Mr. Krabs knocks into robber #1 and 2. Grabs SpongeBob, lassos them, and flings them through the ceiling, and straight into a police car)
Police #1: That was easy.
Police #2: Yep. Sure was.
Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy.
SpongeBob: You too, sir.
(the crowd claps)
Bill: Clearly I misjudged you. You are both brave citizens. And for that, on behalf of the Mint, I would like to present you both brand new, extremely fine, limited edition, limited brand dollar bills with your faces on them.
SpongeBob & Mr. Krabs: Ooh...
SpongeBob: Wow, it's-
Mr. Krabs: (takes dollars from SpongeBob) Mine! I haven't charged you yet for tagging along on me vacation.
Pearl: (takes dollars from Mr. Krabs) And I haven't charged you yet for taking me on this terrible vacation. Here's the two dollars I was short on those shoes. I must've maxed out daddy's credit card. (give dollars to clerk, and takes shoes) Yay, shoes!
Mr. Krabs: (about to cry) Shoes...?
SpongeBob: Uh oh.
(Mr. Krabs bursts into tears, flooding the mint, again)