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Barnacle Face

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Ohad

(We see a high school, in which kids throw things at each other. A kid with headphones talks with two girls, but they ignore him and take his headphones off. A bully does a wedgie to a kid, which in return tweaks his nipples hard. Meanwhile, Pearl sits on the bench and talks with her female friend.)
Pearl: Boy, do I love high school? (laughs) You know what? Some day, we are going to remember all this and we'll look back and say.. 'remember?'
Friend: (giggles) Speaking of remembering, you didn't forget the Bikini Bottom High-School Dance is tomorrow night, did you?
Pearl: Of course I didn't forget. I'm so excited!
Friend: Ha, me too!
(Both laugh, until Pearl's friend freezes at place)
Friend: Barnacle.
Pearl: What?
Friend: Pearl, I'm going to say it as tactically as possible- There is a hideous barnacle growing at the side of your face.
Pearl: Where?!
(Pearl's friend moves her face to show her)
Friend: There.
(Pearl sees the barnacle and screams extremely loud, up to the point when it's heard all over Bikini Bottom.)
Friend: Pearl, it's not really as bad as you-
(Pearl screams again, and it is again heard all over Bikini Bottom)
(In the Krusty Krab, we see SpongeBob whistling while mopping the floors)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Didn't you already mop this area?
SpongeBob: Affirmative, Captain!
Mr. Krabs: Well, then, why would you mop it again?
SpongeBob: Why wouldn't I?
Mr. Krabs: (pauses for a second) Good boy.
(Pearl enters the Krusty Krab, crying)
Mr. Krabs: Pearl! What brings you here in such a fine afternoon?
Pearl: Oh, daddy, It's terrible! The school dance is this weekend.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, that is terrible. It makes my shell crawl just by thinking about it. (Shivers)
Pearl: No, daddy, don't you understand? The terrible part is that I can't go to the dance.
Mr. Krabs: (approaches Pearl) Why ever not?
Pearl: Because I have a hideous barnacle growing on the side of my face!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, oh, oh, oh. Now, calm down there, me little Pearl. I'm sure it can't be as horrible as you- (a close-up of the barnacle is shown, with something drops out of it) great rusty hitchfit of Davy Jones locker!
Pearl: I have to get rid of it, no matter what it takes!
Mr. Krabs: Anything for me beloved angel!
Pearl: Oh, okay. I need an appointment with a Dermatologist, a trip to the Spa, expensive creams and lotions, and probably some other kind of-
Mr. Krabs: (stops her in the middle) I meant everything you need to get rid of your blemish, not to liquidate my retirement fund! (Angry)
(Pearl starts crying again)
Harold (sitting with Nat at a table, when tears are dropping at both): You know what? Let's go across the street to the Chum Bucket.
Nat: I heard they have better weather over there.
(Both leave)
Mr. Krabs: (Attempts to chase them) No! Wait! This is starting to eat away my profit margin. If I won't come up with a solution fast, it's gonna cost me more than a couple cases of cold cream.
SpongeBob: (Mopping across the restaurant) La la la la, la la la! La la la la la la la!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob, (SpongeBob stops at place) How would you like to.. (SpongeBob raises his hand) Ease it. (Lowers his hand back) How would you like to do your dear old chum a favor and rid his beautiful daughter of her evil barnacles?
SpongeBob: (Salutes) I will do you this favor, old chum, never fear!
(In the street, SpongeBob walks the road with Pearl)
Pearl: I don't know, SpongeBob. The school dance is right around the corner, and this barnacle seems to get bigger by a minute!
SpongeBob: Don't fear, Pearl. We'll get rid of this barnacle in no time! I know just what to do.
Pearl: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: One time, my friend Patrick, he had this barnacle the size of an extra large krabby patty right at the center of his forehead! Anyway, I fixed it, so we never saw this barnacle again!
Pearl: (Surprised) How?
SpongeBob: I took him to see a hypnotist.
Pearl: You took Patrick to a hypnotist?
SpongeBob: No, the barnacle. It became convinced it was a pelican and flew south to the winter. We never saw that pelican again.
Pearl: I thought you said it was a barnacle.
SpongeBob: What I said?
Pearl: Pelican.
SpongeBob: (Stops) He was a really good hypnotist.
(At Pearl's room, Pearl sits down, SpongeBob brings a chair)
SpongeBob: Now just remain calm, and it's all over before you know it.
Pearl: You really gonna use hypnosis to get rid of the.. Barnacle?
SpongeBob: Hypnosis? (Laughs) No! I'm just gonna wrung it off with my spatula.
(Blows on the spatula in order to clean it)
SpongeBob: Hold still now. (Hits the barnacle with his spatula)
Pearl: Is everything okay?
SpongeBob: (Reveals the spatula broken) I don't think this is going to work.
(Again at Pearl's room, this time, SpongeBob brings a shovel)
SpongeBob: This ol' shovel is gonna do the work!
(Hits the barnacle again)
Pearl: Did it come off?
SpongeBob: (Broken shovel is stuck in his head) Getting at!
(Moving to the outside of the house, we hear voices of drilling)
(At a close-up, we see SpongeBob attempting to remove the barnacle with a drill)
Pearl: SpongeBob, how much longer?
SpongeBob: Oh, shouldn't be too much longer.
(Drill breaks)
SpongeBob: Personally, you could take a break-off if you'd like.
Pearl: (gets up) Good idea. I'm gonna scrape my face with some soap and water.
SpongeBob: Okay. (Throws the drill away to a pile of other broken drills)
(At bathroom, Pearl rubs some soap on a towel and puts it on her barnacle, and rubs it. SpongeBob hears a scream from outside the room.)
SpongeBob: (Enters the bathroom) Pearl!
(Pearl is shown with soap all over her face)
SpongeBob: Pearl, what happened?
Pearl: There's more!
(Soap comes off, revealing more barnacles on her snout and face)
(SpongeBob screams)
SpongeBob: I mean, you're right! There's more.
Pearl: All I did was wash with soap and water!
SpongeBob: (Takes the soap) Hmm.. Water and.. This soap?
Pearl: Yes, but why?
SpongeBob: (Sniffs the soap) Because this soap smells so wonderful, that's why! Hmm.. I know this fragrance from somewhere.. (Continues sniffing) Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to whiff?
Pearl: No.
SpongeBob: (Sniffing) More for me!
(At the living room, Pearl is shown with cream all over her face, and SpongeBob holding the cream's package)
Pearl: (Mumbles)
SpongeBob: No, I think one jar of concealing cream is enough. Don't worry, Pearl, no one will notice a thing.
(Mr. Krabs humbles a tune while entering the house with groceries)
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, I'm home!
(Mr. Krabs sees Pearl and shrieks)
SpongeBob: Something wrong, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: For a second there, I thought a towering, hideous, mind boggling abomination was standing here, staring me at my own living room. But then I realized it's only my ol' loved daughter, Pearl.
Pearl: (Mumbles)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Pearl. No, no, no need for these expensive trips to the spa. But don't worry, SpongeBob here will take care of it.
(Mr. Krabs walks away, entering a chamber on the wall that is full of diamonds)
Mr. Krabs: MY GOLD! (Jumps into the diamonds)
(Pearl cried behind a door, SpongeBob knocks on the door)
SpongeBob: Pearl. (knocks) Pearl, you've been on the bathroom crying for three hours now, you can't stay in there forever!
Pearl: (Sobbing) I'm not going to the dance!
SpongeBob: Okay, I'm coming in.
(SpongeBob opens the bathroom door, a river of tears flows on him and floods the floor. SpongeBob swims pass and enters the room.)
SpongeBob: Look at the bright side, Pearl! At least you can still play the piano.
Pearl: And what exactly would that do me?
SpongeBob: I have no idea.
(Pearl continues crying)
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Pearl, I'll fix your crying.
Pearl: How?
SpongeBob: Well, I'm sure if I'll think strong enough, something will pop up.
(More barnacles pop out on Pearl's face)
SpongeBob: Oops, I didn't mean like that.
(Soap is flowing on the water, SpongeBob picks it up)
SpongeBob: Hey, it's that delicious smelling soap again! (Sniffs the soap)
Pearl: (Takes the soap from SpongeBob) Would you mind stop smelling my soap? Why won't you make yourself useful and get me another bar of it? (Scrubs the soap on her skin)
SpongeBob: Okay. Where do you keep yourself?
Pearl: In the basement. Duh, where else? (Continues scrubbing)
(SpongeBob is seen entering the dark basement with a torch. An odd noise is heard.)
SpongeBob: Hello? (His voice echos. SpongeBob jumps from scare and continues walking. Another voice is being heard.)
SpongeBob: (Turns around) Something there? Pearl?
(His torch sets off, SpongeBob finds himself in complete darkness)
(A door is being opened in the distance, SpongeBob enters the room and sees Mr. Krabs attempting to push a handle)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Don't just stand there, boy! Come help me with this!
(Both push the handle until the end of it)
Mr. Krabs: There we go. Sometimes it just gets a little stuck.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what is this thing?
Mr. Krabs: Why, it's my old soap press!
SpongeBob: Soap press?
Mr. Krabs: That's right! All the soap Pearl and I use comes from this machine. And the best part is, it runs on one hundred percent pure leftovers of old krabby patties!
SpongeBob: Leftovers of krabby patties?
(Mr. Krabs throw a krabby patty into the machine)
Mr. Krabs: Their precious essences are harvesting, and after brief cooling process, turn convertible into fresh, wonderful bars of soap!
(The process described is being seen, the soap bars fall into a basket)
Mr. Krabs: Fresh and invigorating. Plus, it's absolutely free.
SpongeBob: (Picks a soap bar and sniffs it) Oh, that explains why it smells so familiar! I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. If Pearl finds out that you-
Pearl: (Angry) I've been using soap made out of krabby patties?!
Mr. Krabs: Krabby patty essence.
Pearl: That's GREASE!
Mr. Krabs: Well, if you want to split pairs, I suppose-
Pearl: (Screams) DADDY!! (Mr. Krabs runs away while Pearl throws soap at him)
Mr. Krabs: Gotta go. Keep your cellphone.
Pearl: (Cries again) I'm never gonna be able to take these barnacles off! My young life is ruined forever.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Pearl. I said I'm not going to let Mr. Krabs down, and I'm not going to! What do you think of that?
(Pearl cries)
Pearl: The Bikini Bottom High-School Dance was supposed to be my chance to sparkle, my-
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, Pearl! Say that again.
Pearl: Okay. The Bikini Bottom High-School Dance was supposed to be my chance to sparkle.
SpongeBob: Okay, you can stop. I think I have an idea.
(At Pearl's room, SpongeBob is being shown on a ladder next to Pearl)
Pearl: Are you done yet?
SpongeBob: (Gets down the ladder) All set! Close your eyes and get ready to sparkle!
SpongeBob: One, two, three. (SpongeBob turns Pearl's chair, showing her the mirror)
SpongeBob: Ta-da! What do you think?
Pearl: I don't know, SpongeBob. What would my friends say?
SpongeBob: (Leads her outside the room) We shall see shortly.
Pearl: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: (Opens the house's door, shushing Pearl out) Trust me.
(Three of pearl's friends enter the house)
Friend: Pearl, we're here to pick you up to the- Wow!
Friend: Pearl, you look amazing!
Pearl: I do?
Friend: Well, not amazing. Sparkly and shiny and amazing!
Pearl: Whee! To the Bikini Bottom High-School Dance!
(All four laugh)
All four: Let's go! (Exit the house)
SpongeBob: (Closes the door) You have a good time, care-free teens!
(Mr. Krabs is heard screaming, getting out of the chamber)
Mr. Krabs: My golds! SpongeBob, my entire collection of precious jewels is gone! Seen it?
SpongeBob: Of course! Pearl's wearing it to the Bikini Bottom High-School Dance.
Mr. Krabs: Help! Police! Thief! (Runs away from the house, breaking through the door) STOP THAT WHALE!
SpongeBob: I promised Mr. Krabs I wouldn't let him down, and I partially fulfilled his promise.