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Big Sister Sam

SpongeBob: (snoring with Gary)
Patrick: Makin' it clean, I'm living a dream. Makin' a scene, I'm making it clean, I'm making it clean. I'm making it clean!♪
SpongeBob: Hey, hey, buddy, what are you cleaning for?
Patrick: Cause I'm expecting some very important company.
SpongeBob: Who's that?
Patrick: My big sister Sam.
SpongeBob: Wow! I didn't know you had a sister.
Patrick: (tears up) Nobody does. I lost her in the surf when we were kids.
SpongeBob: Gee, I'm sorry, Patrick.
Patrick: Sam took care of me when I was just nursing on coral. She was my... (sniffles) my... (sniffles) my... (cries) rock!
SpongeBob: It's gonna be okay. You're gonna see her again today, right, today? Come on. Cheer up, buddy. Hey, I'll make sure her visit here will be extra super special, no matter what.
Patrick: Thanks man. You're right. I can't wait to make up for our lost years.
Squidward: Would you two pipe down?
Patrick: Sorry. I was getting my place ready for my sister.
Squidward: Well, I hope she's not as obnoxious as you. (a bus drives up. Sam punches a hole through the door and walks over to Patrick. Squidward closes his window)
Patrick: Sam! Uh… (Sam grabs Patrick by the throat and breathes in his face)
Sam: (squeeze-hugs Patrick) Brubber!
Patrick: Sis. It's so good to see you.
Sam: You, Sister Sam, have much catch-up to do. (smacks Patrick back into his rock)
Patrick: Wow. You pack a wallop, sis. Sam, this is my best friend SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yeah, Patrick and I go back a long way. (both laugh) Long way, go back.
Sam: (eyes bug out) Yellow square touch brubber. Make Sister Sam mad! (tosses SpongeBob away)
Patrick: I cleaned my rock, just for you. (SpongeBob screams and crashes into the ground head first) Hey, let's go inside and play.
Sam: House too small. Make bigger. (pushes rock)
Patrick: Hey, great idea! I'll just go get some tools and--
Sam: No.
Patrick: Huh?
Sam: I have own tools here. (takes a briefcase out and a bunch of sand is poured out of it. Sam starts digging)
Squidward: Oh, dear Neptune, didn't you hear me? (sand comes pouring into his mouth. After the new, giant sand rock is made, Sam pulls the antenna off the old one and puts it on the new one)
Patrick: Thanks, sis!
Sam: Sister Sam loves to make rock for brubber.
Squidward: Well, make rocks someplace else. My house is full of sand.
Sam: If Big Nose no like sand, Big Nose move! (pushes Squidward's house)
Squidward: This is way beyond my property line. Hey, Patrick! That oaf makes a better bulldozer than a sister. (laughs) Construction humor.
Sam: (growls) No laughing.
SpongeBob: No, no, don't be upset with Squidward. He doesn't mean it, don't you Squidward?
Squidward: Oh, I mean it all right. She's a big buffoon, like Patrick, except bigger, and dumber, and buffoon-ier. (Sam huffs)
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, you jokester.
Squidward: Um… do you think she looks a little miffed?
Sam: (huffing so angry, she starts to sob) Those boys mean! They pick on sister Sam. (cries)
Patrick: Shame on you two! Look what you've done.
Squidward: Look what we've done? (Sam's tears are huge. A tear sends Squidward and SpongeBob flying back. SpongeBob is flung back into a horseshoes game)
Tuck: Golly gee diddly, Clint. That was a nice toss.
Clint: Wasn't me, Tuck. My money's on the little missy over yonder.
Patrick: Aw. Hey, sis. Don't listen to those meanies. Hey, the new rock, it's-- it's looking kind of, uh-- boring. What do you say we decorate it?
Sam: Bleck-orate?
Patrick: You can call it whatever you like, Sis, just as long as we make it spiffy. (Squidward empties out all the sand in his head by removing his nose)
Sam: Make new house spiffy. (takes a window off of Squidward's house) Spiffy.
Squidward: Hey, you can't do that! That's my window.
Sam: (puts window through the antenna and laughs) Bleck-orate.
Patrick: That's the spirit, Sis.
Squidward: Oh, no. That is definitely not the spirit, Patrick. Your sister is out of control!
Patrick: Hey, just mind your own business, and let us bleck-orate in peace.
Squidward: You can bleck-- decorate until the sea cows come home, for all I care, just do not use my property to do it.
Sam: (has put another window, the door, and the nose from Squidward's house on the new rock) More spiffy!
Squidward: But that's from...my house! That's it! I have had my fill of this thieving brute.
Patrick: Oh, how dare you call my sister a thief, just-- just ‘cause she took some of your things.
SpongeBob: Easy now, gents. Let's not let tempers flare. Now don't you think, Patrick, it's a teensy bit unfair that sister Sam dismantled Squidward's house?
Patrick: No, I don't, not even a teensy, eensy, teensy bit. (a tiny hand grows from Patrick's hand to show how tiny) I see now that, not only have you've turned against my sister, you've turned on your best friend, as well! (cries)
SpongeBob: It's not like that at all, Patrick.
Sam: Shush! Meanies make brubber's eyes water. (grabs SpongeBob and Squidward) Meanies go home. (throws them into their homes)
Patrick: Come on, Sis. They can't bother us under our rock.
Sam: Meanies is mean. (sand rock closes. Squidward picks up a rock and walks towards the sand rock)
SpongeBob: Squidward? Oh! Wait! Squidward, wait! Before you do anything too rash let me try to talk to them.
Squidward: The time for talk is over! Now is the time for action! A rock made of sand by two idiots is no match for one carved from the tides of time!
SpongeBob: I don't think you should do that.
Squidward: Who cares what you think? If it's destruction they want, it's destruction they'll get! (Squidward's rock bounces off the sand rock and destroys the pieces from his house. Sam opens up the rock and sends Squidward flying in the air)
Sam: Who makes noise? (sees the broken pieces) Aah! Spiffy broken! (Squidward falls) Sister mad!
SpongeBob: Now, Sam, it's not what it seems. Squidward was just rearranging the spiffy.
Sam: (picks up the broken pieces) Sister Sam rearrange now!
SpongeBob: Please don't.
Sam: (chews up the broken pieces in her mouth and spits them all out at Squidward's house, destroying it)
SpongeBob: Well, Squidward, on the bright side, this will motivate you to finally take care of that kitchen remodel. Right, Squidward? Huh? Hmm, must be eager to get started.
Squidward: (driving a bulldozer towards the sand rock, laughing maniacally)
Patrick & Sam: Huh?
SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward! Squidward, stop! (jumps on the bulldozer) Just calm down, buddy. Let's ease that tentacle off of the accelerator, hmm?
Squidward: Oh, you mean like this? (pushes the accelerator, which causes to SpongeBob to fall off) Sweet destruction!
Sam: (picks up the bulldozer. Squidward falls off. Sam throws the bulldozer into SpongeBob's pineapple, destroying it) That'll teach those meanies.
Patrick: You're still my rock big, big sis.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I think your sister's temper is getting out of control.
Patrick: SpongeBob, why are you still saying mean things about Sam?
SpongeBob: She destroyed my house in a fit of rage! She needs to control her temper.
Patrick: I guess she can get a little carried away.
Sam: What Patrick doing? Why Patrick talk to meanies?
Patrick: Well, um… um… it's about your temper, Sam.
Sam: No have temper. This make Sister Sam so mad! Sister Sam put on mean face. (twists her face around to show an angry face. Picks up the sand rock) Now smash brubber house.
Patrick: Not the rock! (jumps on the sand rock that Sam destroys)
Sam: (her other face sees Patrick hurt) Patrick? Little Brubber? Little brubber no wake.
SpongeBob: Patrick? (takes out cookie dough)
Patrick: (sniffs the cookie dough then eats it) Cookie Dough. (swallows)
Sam: Patrick okay! Sister Sam feel bad. Sorry she hurt Patrick. Should protect little brubber. She go now. (walks away)
Patrick: Sis, no, hold on! Oh, don't feel sad. You don't have to go.
Sam: Yes, Sister Sam must go. Late for manicure. Bye, brubber. (squeeze-hugs Patrick)
Patrick: Bye, sis. (a bus drives up and Sam punches another hole in it)
Patrick: Gee, isn't my sister something?
SpongeBob: Oh, she's something alright. (laughs)
End