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Karate Star

(SpongeBob is in his kitchen, karate chopping a pineapple)
SpongeBob: Hi-ya! Hi-ya, ya, ya ya ya ya ya, ya! (Reveals a snail sculpture made from pinapple chunks) A gift, in your likeness. (Puts it next to Gary) 'Cause you're so sweet. Get it? 'Cause pineapples are sweet and you are sweet also as well. Get it? (Laughs. A fly goes down his throat and he chokes.)
Patrick: (Walks in) Hey, buddy. You still got that bucket of cheese? (Notices SpongeBob choking) Oh no … he's … not right! Don't worry, pal, I'll help you! (Punches SpongeBob, who flies across the room, dislodging the bug) Buddy! You OK?
SpongeBob: Patrick, thank you so much. If it wasn't for your tremendous gorilla strength I would've been a goner! If there's anything I can do to return the favor, anything at all, you just let me know. Anyway, back to my karate exercises. (Pulls out a watermelon) Oh, and help yourself to the cheese bucket. Thanks again, buddy. Hi-ya! (Chops watermelon)
(Patrick eats from the cheese bucket and watches SpongeBob chop a baguette)
SpongeBob: Phew!
Patrick: Hey! I want to learn how to do that.
SpongeBob: What, you mean karate?
Patrick: Uh huh.
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, my dear, dear friend. Karate is a delicate art, a skill that takes years to-
Patrick: If I recall correctly, I seem to remember saving your life a few minutes ago.
SpongeBob: Yeah, however-
Patrick: And I also remember you saying if there's anything you can do to return the favor, anything at all, to let you know.
SpongeBob: Oh ... I did say that, Patrick, but, well, karate is about finesse, not so much brute strength. You see, there's so much you don't know; you have not even scratched the surface of the surface.
Patrick: Then teach me.
SpongeBob: As you wish. Just remember one thing – with power comes responsibility.
Patrick: Oh yeah, momma!
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick outside wearing karate gear)
SpongeBob: OK, let's start off simple. This is a basic move called the Inverted Whirlpool.
Patrick: Inverty werpy, got it.
(SpongeBob flips onto his head, twists his legs together and uses them as propellers to fly himself into a stack of bricks)
Patrick: Woo hoo! That was awesome!
SpongeBob: Think you can handle that?
Patrick: Yeah yeah yeah! (Does the Inverted Whirlpool) Oh yeah, oh yeah! Hey, how do you stop this thing? (Crashes into a juice stand)
Server: Neptunes trousers, what's that? (Runs away as Patrick destroys the stand)
(Cut to Patrick stood next to SpongeBob again)
SpongeBob: Now this is very easy, watch closely. (Poses) Got it?
Patrick: Definitely. (Starts to do the pose but spins out of control. SpongeBob stops him.)
SpongeBob: Patrick, I didn't want to have to say this but you're … you're unteachable.
Patrick: What? Barnacles! (Chops some cinder blocks)
SpongeBob: (Amazed) Look what you did to this wall of cinder blocks! In all my years of training I've never seen a perfect slice. No-one's ever been able to execute such a clean karate chop through solid cinder!
Patrick: Wow!
SpongeBob: You're a natural, a karate genius.
Patrick: Plemo! (?)
SpongeBob: (Holds out a sword) Now let's put your new skills to the test. This is sharpened tempered steel. But don't be frustrated if it takes a few tries. (Patrick slices it easily) Whoa. Amazing!
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick approaching an abandoned boat)
SpongeBob: This is an abandoned wrought iron steam boat. Solid as a rock. Think you've got what it takes? (Patrick hits it and at first nothing happens) Ah, better luck next time. (It splits in two)
Patrick: Yeah! I bet I could chop anything!
(He runs up to a mother and baby and raises his hand)
Patrick: Hiiii-
SpongeBob: (Clings to his hand) Nooooo! What did I tell you?
Patrick: I'm a genius.
SpongeBob: Not that, this. (Hits play button on tape recorder)
SpongeBob recording: With power comes responsibility.
SpongeBob: That means no chopping of other lifeforms or their property, you understand?
Patrick: Yes.
SpongeBob: Good. (Watch beeps) Oh man, I'm late for work! See you later, buddy, don't forget what I said! (Leaves)
Patrick: OK. I'm a genius!
(Back at his rock, Patrick chops some hot dogs into chunks)
Patrick: Karate power! (Eats some)
(At the Krusty Krab, Squidward is reading a magazine)
Squidward: Oh, what's this? Hmm, haven't seen this before, oh yeah, mmm.
SpongeBob: Hey look, it's Patrick!
Patrick: (At the door) Hiya, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Whare are you doing-
Patrick: (Smashes door) Hi-ya!
SpongeBob: Dear Neptune!
Patrick: (Walks up to Squidward) Good day, gents. Uh, Squidward, I would like a hi-ya!
Squidward: A what?
Patrick: I said one Krusty Combo. Don't you speak karate?
(Patrick takes his tray to a table, throws it in the air and chops it in half)
Patrick: Hi-ya! Looks delish.
SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think you're taking your perfect slice bit too far?
Patrick: I don't know what you're talking about, you were the one who called me a karate genius, and frankly, I'm offended by your previous accusation. I don't need this! I bid you good do! (Leaves)
SpongeBob: But- but- but-
Patrick: No buts. Just hands. (Chops the window)
Mr. Krabs: (To SpongeBob) You do realise I'm taking that out of your paycheck?
(Cut to Patrick in an ice cream store, drooling)
Patrick: Seaweed surprise! Also, uh … malted coral crunch! (The employees add a scoop of ice cream to an already towering cone) Oh, also, lipids and cream.
Employee: We're all out. In fact, we're out of everything. Which means you owe us 86 dollars and 50 cents.
Patrick: (Holds out a old, disgusting lollipop) What do you say to a trade?
Employee: I say pay up before I call the cops.
Patrick: You dare refuse my barter? Then accept my chop! Hi-ya! (Chops the counter, breaking the tip jar and knocking the ice cream into his mouth. He freezes over but chops the ice off his body.) I don't feel so good.
Employee #2: Aha! Hand in the tip jar again, eh?
(Patrick, now too fat to fit through the door, chops it to make it wider. He walks down the street and gets a whiff of something.)
Patrick: What is that wonderful stench? (Rushes over to a fish who is eating something) What you got there?
Fish: Spinach and chocolate spaghetti in calamari sauce, do you want a bite?
Patrick: No! (Chops it) It's more fun to chop. (Laughs and runs away)
(Goes into an arcade and chops a machine)
Patrick: I win, I win, I win!
(Runs around town)
Patrick: Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
(At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is mopping)
Fish: Help! Help! There's a mad chopper on the loose!
SpongeBob: Mad chopper? Patrick!
Fish: We need the cops, kid!
SpongeBob: Cops? No, that won't be necessary. I'll handle this, citizen.
Fish: Don't do it, kid! (Grabs his leg)
SpongeBob: Unhand my ankle, sir. My friend needs me.
Fish: You don't know what you're doing. Don't walk out that door! Noooooo!
(Cut to SpongeBob riding a unicycle downtown, where everybody is in panic. Patrick chops a boat.)
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: SpongeBob, just the man I was looking for. Wanted to thank you buddy. (Chops the unicycle, sending SpongeBob flying)
SpongeBob: (Mumbles into the ground)
Patrick: For teaching me the karate chop, silly.
SpongeBob: (Gets up) You've got to stop, buddy. You're destroying the entire town. (Points)
Patrick: Whoa.
SpongeBob: Just stop chopping, OK, Patrick?
Patrick: You got it, buddy. No more karate chops. (Chops a police van, freeing prisoners)
SpongeBob: You're still chopping!
Patrick: I know! (Takes a swipe at SpongeBob, who ducks) Weird, huh?
SpongeBob: Patrick, stop it!
Patrick: Uh, OK. I know, I'll stop a chop with a chop. (Chops his own hand)
SpongeBob: (Grabs Patrick's arm) You must resist!
Patrick: I- (Throws SpongeBob onto a fire hydrant)
SpongeBob: Ahhhh!
(Controlled by his chopping hand, Patrick runs around down destroying things. He chops Squidward's hedge sculpture.)
SpongeBob: Wait up, Patrick! (Gasps) Triton's tunic!
Fish: He's headed straight for the Bag'n-Mart! (Everyone screams and runs away)
Patrick: (In the store) Hi-ya, hi-ya, yaaa! Oh no, not the muffin display! (Chops it)
News anchor on TVs: This just in. A mad man is chopping everything.
Patrick: Not the giant screen TV! (Chops it) Oh no!
News anchor: The suspect is considered fat, pink and dangerous.
Patrick: Oh no, giant-er TVs! (Chops one)
SpongeBob: Pull it together, buddy!
Patrick: I'm trying to but this thing has a mind of it's own! (Chops SpongeBob, then the counter, until the whole store collapses. He emerges from the rubble.) SpongeBob? SpongeBob? SpongeBob? SpongeBob … SpongeBooooob! (Spots a kitchen sponge) Oh no, I'm so sorry! My best friend, crushed by all this rubble, entombed in this cheap plastic bag! (Cries and hugs it)
Old man: That isn't your friend, you kelp for brains. Those are cleaning sponges.
Patrick: So I haven't crushed the life out of my best friend in the world?
Old man: Um, I wouldn't say that. (Points to SpongeBob's legs sticking out of a pile of rubble)
Patrick: SpongeBob! Oh no! (Pushes the rubble away) Oh, I'll never forgive myself! No, I'll never forgive you! (Points at chopping hand and rips it off)
SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Patrick. What did I miss?
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're OK!
SpongeBob: Patrick, your arm!
Patrick: Don't worry, SpongeBob, I'm a sea star. My limbs grow back. See?
SpongeBob: Hooray for regeneration!
Patrick: And in the spirit of healing, I vow to use my hands only to join things together, starting here.
(Later, the Barg'n-Mart is shoddily reassembled)
SpongeBob: Hey, great job, Patrick. I like the architectural detail.
Patrick clone: Hi-ya! (Chops shopping cart)
SpongeBob: Patrick, I thought you gave up chopping?
Patrick: Oh, I did. Unfortunately we sea stars have limbs that grow new bodies.
Patrick clone: Hi-ya! (Barg'n-Mart collapses again)
End