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The Main Drain

(at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob comes out of the freezer with a frozen Krabby Patty)
SpongeBob: Nothing like a fresh frozen krabby patty with extra freezer burn flavor. (his nose breaks off into pieces from being so cold. He walks up to the grill) Here we go... (stops himself from putting the patty on the grill when he notices how filthy it is) Hmm, grill look a tad dirty.
Customer: Yeah, I'd like to order... (SpongeBob makes some noises in the kitchen)
Squidward: Hold that thought. (SpongeBob is cleaning the grill with a red sponge. Squidward pops his head in the window) SpongeBob, what is all that racket? (SpongeBob uses the sponge he's trying to clean the grill with and clean's Squidward's face. Squidward then goes back to the counter, covered in grease on his face)
Customer: So I'd like to order...
Squidward: Shh!
SpongeBob: (the grill is not cleaned) Say... who wants the first patty from our freshly cleaned grill?!
Customer: I would like a Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: Okay! How about you, Squid...
Squidward: No! I do not want a Krabby Patty!
SpongeBob: You sure?
Squidward: Don't touch me.
Customer: Why don't you want a Krabby Patty?
Squidward: I've seen what he cleans the grill with.
SpongeBob: Now all I need is a fresh patty. (as he's walking to the freezer, he slips on some water)
SpongeBob: Hey, where'd all this water come from? (the sink is running. He walks over to turn it off) There we go. Oh my stars and garters, the sink is clogged up. (places a 'danger' sign on the floor) Safety. (whistles as he walks up to the sink) Now what seem to be the trouble? (Patrick slips and falls in the kitchen) Patrick, what happened?
Patrick: There I was, walking along, just minding my own business and then, boom, some dumbbell put this thing in the way. (shows danger sign. Throws it away) What'cha doing?
SpongeBob: Trying to see what has this sink all backed up. Would you excuse me a second?
Patrick: Uh-huh. (SpongeBob inhales his breath and looks inside the sink water. He sees it's plugged up)
SpongeBob: (bubbling) Aha! (takes his head out of the sink) Ah, this is easy. All I have to do is pull the drain plug-- pull the drain plug-- pull the drain plug-- pull the drain plug-- the drain plug-- the drain plug-- the drain plug...(Mr. Krabs' eyes enlarge after hearing this) the drain plug.
Mr. Krabs: The drain plug?! (SpongeBob is yanking on the drain plug chain) SpongeBob! (SpongeBob jumps up to the ceiling and hits his head) What in Neptune's bathtub do you think you're doing, lad?
SpongeBob: Well, the sink is clogged, so I was going to pull out the drain plug. (Mr. Krabs smacks his hand)
Mr. Krabs: Stop messing with that drain plug! Are you daft?
SpongeBob: Why don't you want me to pull out the drain plug, Mr. Krabs?
Mr Krabs: Why don't I-- Hmm. One sec. (walks over to turn off the kitchen lights then walks back) Time for a scary story, boys-- The story of the main drain. (shines a flashlight on his face. Eerie music is heard from Patrick's radio) Patrick.
Patrick: Sorry. (turns the radio off)
Mr. Krabs: As I was saying...(Takes out the flashlight and shines to his face again) It happened a long time ago... (Patrick plays his eerie music on the radio again) Patrick. (Patrick turns his radio off) ...to a pair of little kids.
Patrick: (frightened) Two little kids? (cries)
Mr. Krabs: Anyway, (shines the flashlight on his face again) it's said that the main drain beckoned to them, putting them under its spell. (flashback of a green and orange fish, as kids, running along)
Mr. Krabs: (Narrating) One day, those two kids were wandering through the ocean when they stumble upon it... (kids notice a giant drain plug)
Kids: Huh?
Mr. Krabs: ...the main drain. (kids laughs and are trying to pull the plug)
Mr. Krabs: Legend has it that their curiosity got the best of 'em... (kids pull the plug out) and they pulled the plug. (a tornado sucks in the two kids) The entire ocean rushed in the drain and sucked those two kids right down with it. The drain was so powerful, it pulled all of Bikini Bottom into its gaping maw, causing an apocalypse of the sea. (all the ocean water is sucked through the drain. End of flashback) And nobody was ever heard from again. (lights turn back on)
SpongeBob: Where is the main drain, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's right, uh, I don't know where it is. And I'm certainly not gonna tell you. (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of the Krusty Krab) So--so--so get outta here and stay away from that drain. No plugs will be pulled on my watch. (closes the Krusty Krab doors)
Patrick: Mr. Krabs sure has a lot of baggage about drain dealies.
SpongeBob: The main drain sounds very, very dangerous. I'm never gonna go near that thing.
Patrick: We should go find it to protect it from people like us.
SpongeBob: What if we get sucked in like those other two kids?
Patrick: Oh, don't worry, we're not little kids. We're all grown up. (pulls one of his teeth out) Hey, a baby tooth.
SpongeBob: Who's been in Bikini Bottom for as long as Mr. Krabs? (steps on Plankton)
Plankton: Ow!
Patrick: Ew.
SpongeBob: Oh, Hi Plankton! (peels Plankton off the bottom of his shoe)
Patrick: Let's ask Plankton. He's a geezer.
Plankton: What stupid question do you want the answer to, idiots?
SpongeBob: Patrick and I are trying to find the main drain.
Plankton: (gasps) The main drain? What are you two bothering me for? I mean I-I don't know where the Main drain is. It's a myth anyway. It doesn't exist.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but Mr. Krabs said--
Plankton: Krabs?! Why that-- he was just telling you a fish tail. There's no such thing as a Drain at the bottom of the sea. So go on, scram, shoo! Get outta here. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk away)
Plankton: Why on earth would Krabs tell those two blunderers about the main drain? (cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down the streets of Bikini Bottom)
SpongeBob: I wonder who else knows about the main drain? (Old Man Jenkins grabs SpongeBob and Patrick and pulls them inside his house)
SpongeBob & Patrick: (gasps) Old Man Jenkins!
Old Man Jenkins: Why are you two asking about the main drain?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs told us a story of how the main drain once destroyed Bikini Bottom.
Patrick: So we've been looking for it.
SpongeBob: Does the main drain even exist?
Old Man Jenkins: Oh, it exists alright. But it's been, uh, hushed up.
SpongeBob: (whispers) Where is the Drain, oh, wise Jenkins?
Old Man Jenkins: I have no idea. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk out of his house annoyed)
SpongeBob: Patrick, we need to find that drain!
Patrick: Why?
SpongeBob: Isn't your curiosity piqued? What if somebody accidently pulls it? What if-- what if...
Patrick: (thinks) Oh, man, I hope this question's not for me. I hate questions.
SpongeBob: What do you think, Patrick?
Patrick: (yelps) 42! Uh, no! Triangle! Meatballs! Screwdrivers! Pajamas! (sobs)
SpongeBob: I hear you, Patrick. Let's go find that main drain!
Patrick: Okay. (cut to SpongeBob and Patrick packing bags)
SpongeBob: Let's start walkin'.
Patrick: Oh, no thanks, I'm not into the whole walking thing.
SpongeBob: But, Patrick, how are we gonna get to the center of the ocean?
Patrick: Wait for it to come to us.
SpongeBob: Hmm. I have a better idea. (gets out his bubbles and blows a bubble of a bus) Well, what do you think?
Patrick: I love it.
SpongeBob & Patrick: (laughs) Road trip! Whoo! (bus bubble pops)
SpongeBob: Well, that's out.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Hmm.
SpongeBob: I know! (blows six giant balloons and attaches them to Patrick's rock. It floats away until scallops come and pop them. The rock falls)
Squidward: Another miserable day. (groans. Patrick's is falling) Huh? (gets squishes by the rock)
SpongeBob: Ohh. How are we gonna find the center of the ocean now?
SpongeBob & Patrick: Hmm.
Patrick: Oh, oh, I know exactly what to do. (bites on the rope that is attached to his rock and starts pulling. Squidward is no longer underneath the rock)
Squidward: (groans) That's better.
SpongeBob: Doing great Patrick. We'll be there in no time.
Patrick: (runs into something) Ow. (ran into the main drain) Oh. Huh, I found it!
SpongeBob: Wow. Good job.
Patrick: Let's pull it.
SpongeBob: What? Why would we do that?
Patrick: Well, that was the whole point of coming here, wasn't it?
SpongeBob: No! We came to see if it was real.
Patrick: Well, how do we know if this one is a fake?
SpongeBob: We-- We don't know...
Patrick: We won't know unless we pull it.
SpongeBob: But if we pull it, and if it's real, the world may end.
Patrick: And if we don't, we'll never know. (Patrick reaches for the drain)
Mr. Krabs & Plankton: No!
Mr. Krabs: Boys, there's more to that story about the drain! You see...
Plankton: We were the two ding-a-lings who pulled that plug. (SpongeBob and Patrick gasp)
Mr. Krabs: That's right. One day, Plankton and I were wandering around. (start flashback)
Mr. Krabs & Plankton: (both young and laughing and running along) Huh? (laugh as they pull the drain plug and throw it in the air. The drain sucks them both in and everything else under the ocean. End flashback)
Mr. Krabs: You see, we had to lie to keep you from looking for it.
Plankton: We just didn't want you to make the same mistake we made.
SpongeBob: Whew, that was a close one.
Patrick: Yeah. We almost messed up big-time. Whew. (accidentally pulls the drain)
SpongeBob: Huh? (sees the tornado sucking up all of Bikini Bottom. Everyone screams as they try and run away but the drain sucks them in, as well as the whole town and citizens. Patrick wakes up from this nightmare and screams)
Patrick: That's the most realistic story I've ever heard. (hears loud pop from a drain plug)
End