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Someone's in the Kitchen With Sandy

(at the Krusty Krab. Plankton unzips a sesame seed on a krabby patty bun)
Plankton: All the way from the bakery. But it'll all be worth it when I finally get the Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob walks into the kitchen scatting) Here we go. (SpongeBob walks out of the kitchen with a krabby patty) Perfect! He's headed for the front door. Now's the time to make my exit.
SpongeBob: (walks up to Sandy's table) Here you go Sandy. A special Krabby Patty for a special friend.
Sandy: Why, thanks SpongeBob. I sure am obliged. I love these things, but it's always a little tricky eating one. Pardon me. (unzips her suit and sticks the Krabby Patty in it))
Plankton: Oh no! What's happening? (Sandy starts eating the patty and Squidward jumps into her helmet. Then looks up and sees her eating the Krabby Patty noisily) Ew. (starts choking) No water! Can't breathe! (faints. Cut later to Sandy entering her treedome, scatting. She enters her bathroom and takes off her suit)
Sandy: Time to get this stinky thing off. (tears her fur off and smells it) Boy, that's ripe. (hangs the suit up. The water from the shower head drips in her helmet, which revives Plankton from his fainting)
Plankton: What's going on? Where am I?
Sandy: Scrub, scrub, scrub in the tub, tub, tub.
Plankton: What in Neptune's ocean is that repulsive thing?
Sandy: Uh-uh! Nothing like a hot shower to make a squirrel feel like a new woman.
Plankton: Sandy Cheeks? But where's her fur? (notices the fur hanging up) Wow! Wait a minute. (snaps fingers) That's it! I think I've just found out how to get the Krabby Patty formula once and for all. (rolls the helmet over to the suit, puts it in the helmet, and rolls out of the bathroom)
Sandy: Getting clean, no fleas on me. Getting clean.
Plankton: Hope you like long showers, squirrel. (cut to Chum Bucket where Plankton comes in with Sandy's fur)
Karen: Was there an accident? What is that?
Plankton: Our ticket to the Krabby Patty formula-- that's what that is!
Karen: Oh, no. You can't be serious.
Plankton: As serious as a shark attack. (cut to Sandy's treedome where she wraps a towel around her after turning off the shower)
Sandy: (sighs happily) Now it's time to wring out my stinky fur coat. (notices fur is gone) What in tarnation? Maybe I left it outside. (tries to open the bathroom door) I'm locked in! (kicks down the door) Hi-ya! (angry) Some low life varmint stole my things and broke into my home. My home! I'm gonna get that son of a guitar picker! (takes a coffee pot and puts it over her head to use as a helmet. Cut to Chum Bucket where Plankton is now using Sandy's fur)
Plankton: Okay, Karen. Wish me luck.
Karen: Repulsive.
Plankton: (laughs) This is going to work like a charm. (walks awkwardly out of the Chum Bucket and down the street. Runs into Larry the Lobster)
Plankton: (speaking through Sandy Robot) Watch where you're standing, coral brains!
Larry: Sandy? You don't look so good. Hey, you gotta stop eating at the Chum Bucket. That stuff will rot your insides.
Plankton: Lies! Lies! The Chum Bucket will always be my favorite restaurant!
Larry: Sandy, you don't sound like yourself.
Plankton: (closes Sandy's mouth and tries talking in a Texan accent) No, Sandy is herself. No reason to be suspicious in any way, y'all. (walks off)
Larry: Well, as long as there's no reason to be suspicious.
Plankton: (to himself, in the robot) That was close. I gotta perfect that Texas drawl. (passes by a couple fish at a bus stop) Yee-haw! Yee-haw, yee-haw, yee-haw! (crashes through the Krusty Krab doors and passes a customer) Howdy, partner. (kicks down kitchen door)
SpongeBob: Sandy, you're back!
Plankton: Yep! That Krabby Patty was so darn good, I gotta see how you make one.
SpongeBob: Say, Sandy. You look...different.
Plankton: Uh, what are you...y'all talkin' about, SpongeBob? It's...it's your old pal, in the living fur.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but something about you is different. I just can't put my finger on it.
Plankton: Please don't put your finger on it.
SpongeBob: I got it! You're not wearing your spacesuit and helmet!
Plankton: Uh, yeah. That's 'cause, uh, I just breathe underwater now. It's as simple as that.
SpongeBob: Let's get cooking.
Plankton: Phew! (SpongeBob gets out a barrel of patties)
SpongeBob: (sniffs a patty) The gooey freshness that is the Krabby Patty patty.
Plankton: Let me stop you there, SquarePants. I'd be much obliged to know how y'all make one of them there patties.
SpongeBob: (chuckles) No can do, buddy. That would require revealing the secret formula. And that is explicitly forbidden as per my current labor contract. (shows a thick packet entitled "Krusty Krab industries Labor Agreement")
Plankton: Yeah, but this is your old buddy Sandy Cheeks. Why, you and me are as closer 'n two catfish in a skillet.
SpongeBob: Ah, Sandy, section 934.44-929b specifically prohibits the disclosure of the secret formula to friends, even when those friends are quote, "closer 'n two catfish in a skillet." (shows the specific section in the contract)
Plankton: Curse you, Krabs!
SpongeBob: But I can show you all the other ins and outs of making a steamy Krabby Patty. First, I make sure I'm at the comfortable grilling temperature of 274 degrees. (turns stove on to temperature) And now we are guh-rilling.
Plankton: And approximately how long do you cook a patty?
SpongeBob: A Krabby Patty is cooked for exactly 283 seconds on each side.
Plankton: (taking notes) 283 seconds! I can't believe I'm getting all this straight from the source! How could this get any easier? (Mr. Krabs comes through the back door)
Mr. Krabs: I'm puttin' the secret Krabby Patty formula out in plain sight.
(Plankton jumps through the eyeholes)
Plankton: Yee-haw! (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs stare)
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna leave it out here while I clean out the safe. Don't let it out of your sight, boyo.
SpongeBob: (salutes) You can always count on me, Mr. K.
Plankton: Oh-ho-ho, man! That secret formula is as good as mine! (cut to Sandy on the outskirts of Bikini Bottom in her helmet and bikini)
Sandy: That no-good who nabbed my pelt surely came here. Probably wanted to cash it in on the Bikini Bottom black market. Well, not if I catch that varmint first! (in town, stops and points at a citizen) You! You seen anybody in these parts hauling a fur pelt?
Fish #1: (laughs) Look-it! A naked chipmunk! (everyone laughs)
Sandy: Chipmunk?! What is so funny about getting my fur stole?
Fish #2: Aren't you ashamed of having your pink rat flesh exposed?
All: Yeah!
Sandy: (to herself) With this much attention, that no-good fur thief will see me comin' a mile away! I best find something to cover my hind end. (goes into an alley and spots some grass. Puts on a grass skirt) Time to go catch me some scum! (cut to Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Now that we're grillin', we can work on the fixin's! See? There are two patties here. But before we get into slicing and dicing, we always start with the washing. We'll begin with the seaweed.
Plankton: Okay, I'll stand on that a-side for a better view.
SpongeBob: Okie-dokie. But pay close attention, for cleanliness is the public's last defense against a life of horrible disease.
Plankton: (looking at the formula) There it is!
SpongeBob: Always ensure that your brush is adequately lathered. Then thoroughly clean the surface. Always making sure to get both sides.
Plankton: That's nice. That's interestin'. (reaching for the bottle) Almost there!
SpongeBob: (drying the seaweed with a blowdryer) Then lay it down onto the drying rack and we'll engage our drying phase, hmm? Sandy!
Plankton: What? Nothing!
SpongeBob: Remember, never over-dry. Otherwise, the seaweed becomes brittle and cracks. (cut to Sandy where a heater is blowing on the grass skirt)
Sandy: That dastardly rustler's got to be somewhere in these parts. (her grass skirt crumbles into pieces)
Cop: Hey look! A hairless goat! (Sandy, embarrassed, runs away as they laugh at her. Cut to Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Steady... steady... Nice! Oh, you're off-center by 3.6 millimeters. Mm! Try it again, Sandy.
Plankton: (frustrated grunt) This is getting so tedious! Maybe you should demonstrate a few more times so I can get the hang of it.
SpongeBob: Or we could address your problem areas directly. Are you struggling with the final wrist flick? Or is your difficulty with the initial transfer move? (Plankton grunts. Cut to Sandy behind some bushes)
Sandy: I...I'm tired of running. Time to take a stand!
(Sandy steps out of the bushes. A random fish gasps and turns her baby's stroller away from Sandy)
Female Fish #1: A nudist ferret!
Female Fish #2: Get in the car, kids.
Sandy: It's not my fault. I... (citizens are throwing trash at her)
Fish #3: Get out of here!
Sandy: (behind the bushes again, she spots a sewer opening) I better go underground. (jumps inside the sewer) What am I gonna do? If I'm ever gonna catch this thug, I'm gonna need some help.
SpongeBob: Oh, still off by that much. Try it again. (Plankton groans and tries again) Oh, try again. (Plankton tries again) Mm, try again. (Plankton tries again) Oh, try again. (Plankton tries again) Oh, try again. (Plankton tries again) Oh, try again.
Plankton: (screams) You try it again! I'm making my move! It's finally mine! (swallows the formula bottle) Time to kick this baby into four-claw drive! (runs out of the kitchen on all fours)
SpongeBob: Wait, Sandy! We can work this out! (Sandy comes up from the sewer, which leads into the Krusty Krab)
Sandy: My pelt!
SpongeBob: (running out of the kitchen) Mr Krabs! Sandy's makin' off with the formula! (Mr. Krabs is cleaning the safe in a maid's outfit when he hears this)
SpongeBob: Sandy, you're naked! And you don't have any clothes on!
Sandy: Unhand my pelt, you unknown varmint!
Plankton: Only from my cold, dead feelers!
Sandy: Plankton! I should have known this was your doin'! Now feel this! (punches her pelt) Hi-yah! (karate chops and kicks the pelt) (Sandy rolls up her pelt. Plankton flies out of it and so does the formula. Sandy catches Plankton while Mr. Krabs catches the formula)
Sandy: Gotcha! And now for the appropriate punishment for a no-good, yellow-belly like yourself. (puts Plankton in a mustard jar)
Plankton: My eye! This condiment is highly irritating to my eye!
Mr. Krabs: (shaking Sandy's pelt's hand) Oh, thank you Sandy. Thank you Sandy.
Sandy: Uh, sure, Mr. Krabs.
Cop: We'll take that sicko off your hands.
Sandy: Cops! Thank goodness you've here. (holds up the mustard jar) Take the sicko away.
Cop: Actually, we're referring to you, ma'am. Public nudity is against the law in this county. (handcuffs Sandy) But don't fret, you'll look just fine in prison orange. (Sandy sighs)
End