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I ♥ Dancing

(Squidward opens his front door)
Squidward: The coast looks clear. (tip toes outside and down the street until SpongeBob opens his door)
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! (dances in front of Squidward) Today I feel like doing some dancing.
(He points down, and then points to Squidward as the music stops)
Squidward: That's funny. Even a barnacle knows you need music to dance.
Spongebob: Oh-ho, I got music, friend. (takes his brain out) In my mind. (musical notes come off the brain as SpongeBob turns a dial on his brain to change music) Oh, I love this song! (throws his brain up in the air and back down into his head) Here I go! (does some dance moves)
Squidward: That is the most stupidest dance move I've ever seen.
Spongebob: Who put you on the planet? (sighs. Cut to SpongeBob making Krabby Patties while dancing. As he is dancing, the Krabby Patty plates are thrown onto each customer's table) Your Krabby Patty, ma'am. (raises the tray he's holding) Now eat it, swallow it, and chew it down!
Agent Fish: Oh, thank you very much, darling. And your dance moves are pretty cool, too.
SpongeBob: Really? You like my dancing?
Agent Fish: (holding a phone) That's right, kid, you got the dazzle-dazzle-dazzle. I love how you did that shuffle into the moonsault, and then stuck the landing.
SpongeBob: (giggles) Well, that's very nice of you to say (he starts walking away)
Agent Fish: Wait, I'm not finished speaking words. I'm a high-class talent agent, and I want to invite you to an audition. I have a very talented client who needs a backup dancer and you've got what it takes. (gives SpongeBob her business card) Come down to my dance studio tomorrow at noon. You're going places, kid. (dances over to Squidward)
Squidward: Would you please stop dancing?
SpongeBob: No, I can't stop dancing now, Squidward. I have to practice for my big audition tomorrow. (shows Squidward the business card)
Squidward: You got a dance audition?
SpongeBob: That's right! (moves his feet again) So I gotta practice as much as I can until tomorrow. (dances back into the kitchen)
Squidward: That idiot got a dance audition? He doesn't know the first thing about subtle intricacies of dance. (sighs) Let him practice till he drops. He's never gonna get that part. (gets a roguish look) That's it! He'll just have to practice till he drops. When he does, I'll be there all leotarded up and ready to show my stuff. Oh, SpongeBob! SpongeBob, wait, SpongeBob... (jumps through the kitchen window) Uh, I mean, um... I suppose I could take you under my tutelage. You know, show you a few moves.
SpongeBob: Under your tutelage? Really, you mean it? (SpongeBob's mouth shrinks)
Squidward: But you must do exactly what I say. Got that?
SpongeBob: (eyes grow big) I am dance putty in your hands. (cut to Squidward's house where he's examining SpongeBob)
Squidward: Hmm... (stretches SpongeBob's headband)
SpongeBob: Well, what are you doing, Squidward?
Squidward: Oh, um, just a physical assessment I do with all of my new pupils. (snickers) Yeah, I'd say judging with the condition of those flabby ankles...
SpongeBob: Flabby?
Squidward: That's right. You need some physical conditioning before you ever set foot on a dance parquet. I want you to run to the top of Oyster Peak then back.
SpongeBob: Oh, anything to get rid of these flabby ankles of mine. (jogs off)
Squidward: By the time that idiot gets back, he'll be too tired to dance. (laughs as SpongeBob is already back. He drops his clipboard) What are you doing here?
SpongeBob: I'm back from Mount Oyster. (takes out a snow globe and shows Squidward) Here, I got this for you at the gift shop.
Squidward: Fine! (takes the snow globe and tosses it over his shoulder) Let's move on to our first dance lesson. (takes SpongeBob and puts him on a treadmill, backwards) I want you to moonwalk on this treadmill while I read this entire novel. (SpongeBob begins moonwalking. Squidward hears some beeping later and closes the book) Huh? What, is he still at it? (opens the door and sees the treadmill explode while SpongeBob is still moonwalking on it) My treadmill!
SpongeBob: You know Squidward, exercising's fun and all, but when am I gonna learn some dancing?
Squidward: Alright, you want to learn some dancing? I'll show you dancing! You know what gets people started? Ribbons. (holding a ribbon on a stick and waves it in the air)
SpongeBob: Whoo!
Squidward: Now, do just as I did. (SpongeBob takes the ribbon)
SpongeBob: Like this? (twirls the ribbon into a helicopter, a dinosaur, and a mermaid that takes him and dances with him in the air. Squidward spits out his coffee. Squidward takes the ribbon and stomps on it until he falls through a hole in the ground that he made. SpongeBob does the same) Like that, Squidward? (cut to SpongeBob wearing a top hat and holding a cane)
Squidward: Okay, try this. It's simple and a real showstopper. Pay close attention. (song starts and Squidward twirls his cane into the air, slides, and catches the cane in his right tentacle. Song ends) Now you.
SpongeBob: Gee, I don't...I don't know, are you sure?
Squidward: You want to ace the audition, don't you?
SpongeBob: Well, yes but...
Squidward: Then...do it! (orchestral music plays. SpongeBob begins twirling his cane and gets excited. He takes the top of the cane off and reveals flowers that he puts in Squidward's top hat. Squidward uses a vacuum to suck them up. SpongeBob continues dancing with his cane. Squidward walks up and gets hit in the face with SpongeBob's cane. SpongeBob keeps dancing until Squidward tears through the background scene) Enough! Listen, you pea brain, we are going to keep working on your routine until you get it right. (pokes one of SpongeBob's eyes) And I don't care how long it takes. Now, watch closely. (waltz playing. Squidward hops on one pair of tentacles) And a-one. And a-two. And... a... do you think you can handle that?
SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
Squidward: Then go and practice it. And don't stop until you've done exactly as I did.
SpongeBob: (waltz playing. Hops around) And a-one. And a-two. And a... (falls on bottom) No. And a-one. And a-two. And a... (falls on face) No.
Squidward: Remember, don't stop until you've done it right.
SpongeBob: Right, Squidward. And a-one and a-two and a... (falls on top of head) Nope. (does this til next morning. Squidward gets out of bed)
Squidward: (yawns and sighs) Better go check on the little yellow sea monkey's progress. Well, SpongeBob, have you learned the moves?
SpongeBob: And a-one. And a-two. And a... (falls over out of exhaustion)
Squidward: Aw come on now. After all I've done for you? We've got one day, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (sighs) You're right.
Squidward: (clapping tentacles) Let's go. Let's go. We're burning daylight. (montage of SpongeBob dancing and Squidward telling him how to do it while music plays)
SpongeBob: (waltz playing the next day) One... and a-two. And... Is that okay, Squidward?
Squidward: I'm still not convinced. Do it again.
SpongeBob: (waltz playing) And a-one. And a-two. And a... one and a-two and...a... (falls asleep standing up. Squidward tries to wake him up) And a...
Squidward: Goodnight, sweet prince. And hello stardom for yours truly. (cackles. Cut to the auditions)
Twins: (singing) We're tiny. We're cuddly. We're bubbly, wubbly, huggly. (end song)
Agent Fish: That was very cute, girls. (girls gasp) In fact, it's too cute. You're out.
Twins: Told you it was a stupid idea. And I hate you, too.
Agent Fish: Let's see who's next. (reads her list) SpongeBob Square... Oh, SpongeBob SquarePants? SpongeBob? Ah, I guess he's not here. It's too bad. He was good. But who could replace a dancer of such high caliber?
Squidward: Only the best dancer in Bikini Bottom.
Agent Fish: Really? Well, I'll be the judge of that.
Squidward: Observe a true master at work. (classical music plays as Squidward plies')
Agent Fish: Oh, sweet sassafras. Do my eyes deceive me? That was the greatest routine since the greatest-thing-since-slice-bread dancing routine. Congratulations. You got the gig.
Squidward: Oh, baby, I knew it. You won't be sorry you've made this decision.
Agent Fish: I don't think you'll be sorry, either, because you'll be dancing in... Squilliam's show. (Squilliam is on stage in a tux)
Squidward: Squ...Squ...Squ...Squ...Squ...Squ...Squ... Wah?
Squilliam: Well don't just stand there. Get the sand out of your leotard and dance for me, nitwit. (plays some Hawaiian music) Dance! (Squidward dances. Squilliam slaps him with a glove) Not like that, kelp-for-brains. You call that dancing? Do it like this. Here I go. (does some of SpongeBob's dancing from earlier) Who put you on the planet? Ugh! Now do it exactly as I did, and don't stop till you get it right. And I don't care how long it takes. (Squidward dances as SpongeBob and Patrick are watching from the seats)
SpongeBob: I was up for that part. (they continue to drink soda and eat popcorn)
End