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Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: iPlankton

(SpongeBob is asleep when his ringing shell phone wakes him up. He gives a startled yelp and then answers. It's Sandy.)
SpongeBob: Hello?
Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob? How's it going?
SpongeBob: Oh, hiya, Sandy!
Sandy: Hey, listen, I was wondering if you could come by tonight.
SpongeBob: Sure! What's up?
Sandy: I whipped up an invention I'm gonna unveil tonight in front of my comrades, and I need you to be my test subject.
SpongeBob: I will be there!
Sandy: You're not gonna forget, are ya?
SpongeBob: Of course not! Have I ever let you down before?
SpongeBob: Hello?
Sandy: Just be here!
SpongeBob: With Gary as my witness, I won't let you down, Ms. Cheeks!
(Cut to him walking to the Krusty Krab.)
SpongeBob: (Chanting) I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down!
(Inside, Mr. Krabs is sitting at a table trying to assemble a "Build-Your-Own-Telescope" kit.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, how do you put this thing together?
(SpongeBob passes Krabs and walks into the kitchen.)
SpongeBob: I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down! Good morning, cap'n! I won't let Sandy down! I won't let Sandy down, down! Right after work I'm going over to Sandy's, who I'm not gonna let down.
Mr. Krabs: Boy?
SpongeBob: Yes, sir?
Mr. Krabs: I've got a special assignment for you. This is a build-it-yourself telescope. The only problem is, I can't figure out how to putthe darn thing together. That's where you come in.
(Pushes a book at him.)
SpongeBob: "Telescope Assembly Manual"...
Mr. Krabs: Now read this cover-to-cover, and be prepared to put this together at me house tonight.
SpongeBob: Tonight?
Mr. Krabs: That's not gonna be a problem, is it?
SpongeBob: Umm... Well, actually...
Mr. Krabs: Excellent! Because I was looking at your annual employee report card...
(Puts on reading glasses and looks at a sheet of paper, where such tasks as "Keeps Work Area Clean", "Arrives at Work on Time" and "Keeps up on Hygiene" are checked under "Annual Employee Report for SpongeBob SquarePants". The only one unmarked is "Does a Laborious Task for Supervisor".)
Mr. Krabs: ...and it appears the "Does Laborious Task for Supervisor" box is unchecked.
(SpongeBob gasps.)
Mr. Krabs: See ya tonight!
SpongeBob: What am I gonna do?
(Krabs leaves.)
SpongeBob: You can do it. You made the commitments, you have to honor them. Both of them.
Patrick: (Offscreen) Who're you talking to, buddy?
(Patrick appears and SpongeBob accidentally flings a patty over his eyes, blindly bumping into Patrick.)
SpongeBob: Oh, hiya, Patrick. What're you doing back here?
(Puts the patty in his pants.)
Patrick: Sorry to disturb you during work hours. I just wanted to remind you about my birthday.
SpongeBob: No need to remind me! I wouldn't forget about my best buddy's birthday!
Patrick: Then why aren't you saying the words?
SpongeBob: What words?
Patrick: "Happy birthday"! It's today! My birthday's today!
(SpongeBob deflates.)
Patrick: Well, you surely must remember what you're gonna bring to my birthday, right?
SpongeBob: Uhh...
Patrick: My birthday cake!
SpongeBob: Tonight?
Patrick: Yes, tonight! Well, when else am I gonna celebrate it? At least I had the courtesy to start the party after my best friend got off of work. See ya tonight, buddy.
SpongeBob: Oh, Neptune! This is worse than I ever could've imagined!
(Cut to 6 pm. SpongeBob removes his Krusty Krab hat.)
SpongeBob: Right! Time to be all I can be!
(He runs to Sandy's treedome house in a tux and his usual water helmet. Tons of fish are there, and Sandy is up on a stage, in a purple dress, putting the final touches on her invention, which is still mostly covered by a veil except the part she is working on.)
SpongeBob: Man, these people sure look sciencey. Sandy must be pulling out all the stops on this one.
(SpongeBob walks up to Sandy.)
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy! Watcha doing?
Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob! Just putting the finishing touches on my invention. Thanks for assisting me! You're such a big help! No wonder Mr. Krabs relies on you so hevily.
(SpongeBob gasps.)
SpongeBob: (Quietly) I gotta help Mr. Krabs! Uh, Sandy, I gotta go to the, uh, gent's room.
(He leaves the treedome, and stuff his tux into the front of his pants, and the sleeves into the sides.)
SpongeBob: Now, if I finish up with Mr. Krabs, that'll clear me up to assist Sandy!
(Runs over to Mr. Krabs' anchor house. Krabs sits on the living room floor with the kit.)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! I knew I wouldn't have to fire ya!
SpongeBob: You can rely on me, sir! I wouldn't wanna jeopordize my employee record.
SpongeBob: OK, let's see what we got here. Oh, it says on page 472 section C-17 that you need a right-angled motorized hex drill to assemble this thing.
Mr. Krabs: Really... Why don't you go into town and pick up one of those hex drill thingies.
SpongeBob: I...
Mr. Krabs: Or you could sit there and watch me fill out your employee report card...
(He clicks his pen, and SpongeBob runs out into downtown Bikini Bottom. He slams into the door of Tom's Toolery. There is a note on the door.)
SpongeBob: (Reading) "Dear valued Tom's Toolery customers, we are closed this week in observance of Porpoise Day. Please call again." Barnacles! Where can I find a motorized hex drill now?
(Has flashback to Sandy holding one while finishing her invention.)
Sandy: (In thought cloud) Just finishin' up here!
(He is about to run to Sandy's, when he slams into Patrick.)
SpongeBob: Heh, oh, hey, Patrick! What're you doing in town?
Patrick: I was just buying some birthday hats for my birthday party.
(He pulls out a transparent bag with a red hat, a green hat and a purple hat inside. He wears a purple one, and puts the red one on SpongeBob.)
Patrick: You didn't forget my party, did you?
SpongeBob: Forget? How can I forget my best friend's birthday party?
Patrick: You're already forgetting something!
SpongeBob: Ha, ha! No, I haven't! ...Have I?
Patrick: Hello!?! My birthday cake!
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, that! I w- I was just getting to that! That's why I was here in town! Forget your birthday cake! You're hilarious, Star, you really are! Now, you just go home, and I'll get your cake, you silly guy, you!
(He rounds the corner and darts off to the bakery, which is shaped like a muffin and run by a nasty old lady.)
SpongeBob: Hi! I need a birthday cake!
Cashier: This is what I got...
(Hands him a yellow cake with lavendar and baby blue icing that says, "Sorry About the Scabies".)
SpongeBob: (Reading) "Sorry About the Scabies". Um, can you change it to say, "Happy Birthday"?
Cashier: You want it or not? I haven't got all night!
SpongeBob: Yeah, here you are.
(He pays her and runs out with it just as the store closes, and runs by the treedome on his way back, stopping in his tracks.)
SpongeBob: Sandy's drill!
(He wriggles out of his pants, his tuxedo underneath, while still holding up his cake and kicks them into his back pocket. Inside the treedome, everyone is sitting in front of the stage, chatting impatiently, waiting for SpongeBob. Sponge slips behind the stage and shifts through Sandy's toolbox.)
Sandy: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: (Startled) Oh, hi! I was just, uh, making sure you had your hardware!
Sandy: Well, that's an unusual getup.
(She looks at his birthday hat, which he forgot to take off.)
SpongeBob: Oh, I just thought I'd be a little festive, you know, for the scientists...
Sandy: And the birthday cake?
(SpongeBob shrugs and chuckles. But Sandy doesn't have time. She drags him onstage under a banner that says "Night of Discovery" and goes up to the podium to speak into a microphone.)
Sandy: Greetings, my distinguished colleages! Tonight, you will witness an invention so revolutionary, it may change modern science forever! Now to demonstrate, my assistant will disrobe and enter the machine.
SpongeBob: What?
(She hands him a hospital gown.)
Sandy: Some of you may be wondering why the test subject is disrobing. It is because...
(She looks at SpongeBob with a horrified look.)
Sandy: What's under your gown?
(There is a bulge coming from the back of SpongeBob's outfit.)
SpongeBob: It must be that spicy kelp I ate earlier. I gotta go use the lavatory. I'll be right back!
(He runs out and goes to Patrick's rock. He knocks and it opens.)
SpongeBob: Happy birthday!
(He walks inside, and it slams shut on his arm.)
Patrick: You finally made it!
(Slides his arm out.)
SpongeBob: Yeah, there was a, uhh... Big... Traffic... Storm.
Patrick: Well, just leave my present over on the present table!
(He points to a sand table with a banner over it that says, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEE". The "P"'s, "R"'s, "D"'s and "E"'s are backwards. Spongy's eyes burn out in desperation.)
SpongeBob: Your present?
Patrick: I'm so excited; I've been waiting for a whole year!
SpongeBob: I've got it, it's right here!
(He tears off a piece of his lab robe and wraps Sandy's drill with it.)
SpongeBob: Tada! See, all wrapped up and ready to go!
(He places it on the table.)
Patrick: Well, what're you waiting for, buddy? Serve up the cake so I can tear into that present!
SpongeBob: The cake! I must've left it at Sandy's!
Patrick: You took it to Sandy's?
SpongeBob: No! I said, "The bakery delivers, isn't that dandy?". In fact, I think I hear them right now outside! Wait there while I go check.
(He sneaks back into Sandy's treedome and grabs that cake.)
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles.
(Goes back onstage with the cake.)
Sandy: I apologize for the delay. Now let's continue the demonstration. I give you, the Protogenerator 2000!
(She uncovers a large machine with a pump, chamber and vaccuum tube. Everyone applauds.)
Sandy: This device gives a single laborer the productivity of 5, 6, 7, up to 8 workers...
(The door closes after SpongeBob steps inside the machine. He pulls a string, and the gown falls off of him.)
Sandy: ...Which is great for the management, but is also a boom for the workers because they'll always get high marks on their employee report card!
(SpongeBob remembers Mr. Krabs talking to him.)
Mr. Krabs: (In thought cloud) I was just looking at your employee report card...
SpongeBob: (Gasp) The telescope!
Sandy: Without further delay, I will now initiate the protosequence.
(SpongeBob pops out of the machine.)
SpongeBob: Uh, Sandy, I hate to delay the procedings, but, uh, I forgot to mail in this mail-in rebate and, uh... I'll be right back.
(Everyone looks on angrilly as SpongeBob runs to Mr. Krabs house naked.)
SpongeBob: OK, let's get started.
Mr. Krabs: What happened to your clothes, boy?
SpongeBob: Sardines! Yeah, I was attacked by a can of wild sardines. Now let's finish this telescope.
(He struggles to put together two pieces in a frenzy.)
Mr. Krabs: Boy? Hold on, boy, you're supposed to be using that motorized hex drill! Now, where is it?
SpongeBob: Ugh! I left it at Patrick's rock!
Mr. Krabs: Patrick's rock? Whatcha doing there?
(SpongeBob runs out, Mr. Krabs hot on his trail.)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, wait! Get back here, boy!
(SpongeBob hops into Patrick's rock.)
Patrick: SpongeBob, why are your clothes invisible?
SpongeBob: Nevermind that, could I please borrow your present?
Patrick: No, no, you can't borrow my birthday present!
SpongeBob: Not even for a minute?
Patrick: No, not 'till you deliver my birthday cake.
SpongeBob: OK, I'll be right back!
(Sponge darts off again.)
Patrick: Hold on, where're you going?
(Mr. Krabs catches up, and he and Patrick follow SpongeBob to the treedome.)
SpongeBob: I'm right here!
(Out of breath, he pants up to the stage, grabs the cake and is about to leave when Sandy stops him.)
Sandy: Hold it! Where is my little assistant going this time?
(Mr. Krabs and Patrick come in, wearing water helmets.)
Mr. Krabs: Your little assistant? That's my little assistant you're talking to! What's going on here!?!
Patrick: Yeah, I'd like to know also! What kind of a birthday present is this?
(Unwraps the hex drill.)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, SpongeBob was supposed to bring that to me!
SpongeBob: That looks like my power drill! You've got a lot of explaining to do, mister!
(Everyone is shouting.)
SpongeBob: (Drowned out) I've got something to say. I've got something to say. I've got so-- I HAVE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!!!
(They all shut up.)
All: Huh?
SpongeBob: I know you all had important things tonight. Mr. Krabs, with your telecope. Patrick, your birthday. Sandy, you have this big presentation. I just couldn't say "no" to any of you.
Sandy: Aw, you overextended yourself.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you should've said something.
Patrick: We could've worked something out.
SpongeBob: Aw. You know, you guys are right. It was silly to think I could be in 3 places at once.
Sandy: Nonsense, SpongeBob! Of course you can, if you'll just step into the Protogenerator 2000!
(He does so.)
Sandy: First, I close the protochamber...
(She shuts the door and turns a dial.)
Sandy: ...And finally...
(She presses a button, and there is a glowing light from the chamber. Everyone gasps as 2 SpongeBobs emerge from the tube.)
SpongeBob #2: D'oh!
SpongeBob #3: D'oh!
Sandy: As you can see, I've made 2 clones of my subject which will allow him to honor all of the commitments he's made this evening.
(Everyone applauds.)
Sandy: You hear that, SpongeBob? You can be in 3 places at once now!
(The glass door slides back open to reveal SpongeBob asleep.)