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Cephalopod Lodge

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: ssj4gogita4

(at Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Workin' at the Krusty Krab! Workin' at the Krusty Krab! La, la, la! Ooh! (sees Squidward smiling) Squidward? Squidward? (snaps fingers four times) Squidward, are you okay?
Squidward: Hmm? Oh! I couldn't be better!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! It happened again, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?
SpongeBob: It's Squidward. What is it about the third Wednesday of every month that makes Squidward so happy?
Roger: Psst, Squidward?
Squidward: Roger, is that you?
Mysterious man: Tonight's the big night. (Squidward gasps. Cut to later at night)
SpongeBob: These camouflage outfits should help us find out what Squidward's secret Wednesday secret is! (SpongeBob & Patrick giggle. Squidward tip toes out of his house and SpongeBob and Patrick follow him to the bus stop. The bus drops him off at a pyramid building)
Squidward: Hello, Brother Roger. (they do secret handshake)
Roger: Come right in, Brother Squidward.
Squidward: Thank you. (all the other squids are in red robes and talking to each other) Ah. This almost makes the other 353 days worth living for. (gong chimes)
Leader: For centuries, cephalopods have had but one nemesis. Let he among you who wishes to join the lodge face your greatest fear-- Cantankerous moray-eelious! (everyone gasps)
Albino Eel: Huh? (sighs. A lodge member comes up to the eel)
Squidward: I'll never forget my initiation ceremony. (the eel stings the new member on the forehead. A hat is put on him afterwards and everyone claps)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Yeah! Way to go! (everyone gasps)
Squidward: SpongeBob, Patrick! Did you follow me here?
Leader: Brother Squidward...! For thousands of years no outsiders have witnessed this sacred initiation. You have desecrated the sanctity of this lodge.
Squidward: But, but, I-I-I-I... (Squidward & SpongeBob get kicked out of the lodge)
Squidward: Oh, I can't believe it. They kicked me out of the Cephalapod Lodge.
SpongeBob: Do we get to join the lodge?
Squidward: Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby?
SpongeBob: (gasps) How did you know?
Squidward: Psychic powers. Hey, where's Patrick?
SpongeBob: Maybe he got to join the lodge. (Patrick falls on top of Squidward) Or maybe not. They didn't let you join either?
Patrick: No. I found the institution had nothing of to offer me. I was stagnating.
SpongeBob: Hey, where's Squidward?
Patrick: Hold on. (shakes right leg then left leg. Squidward's head pops out) Found Squidward. (pulls Squidward out and puts his hat on top of his head)
Squidward: The last thing in my life I really enjoyed. Then SpongeBob ruined it, too.
Patrick: At least you still have the hat.
Squidward: Yeah. I do, don't I?
Roger: Ahem. (takes Squidward's hat)
SpongeBob: You still have your robes. (Roger takes Squidward's robe)
Patrick: You still have your underwear. (Roger takes Squidward's underwear. Squidward screams. SpongeBob covers his and Patrick's eyes)
Squidward: (pulls on his brown shirt) You can look now.
SpongeBob: Don't you worry, Squidward. I'm sure if Patrick and I just explain what happened, they're sure to let you back in. (SpongeBob knocks on the lodge door)
Roger: What is it? Oh, it's you two.
SpongeBob: We just came to explain that Squidward had no idea that we followed him to the lodge. So, it's not his fault.
Patrick: Yeah, not his fault.
Roger: Then whose fault was it?
Patrick: Is it my fault?
SpongeBob: No, it wasn't your fault, Patrick.
Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob. And it wasn't your fault either.
Roger: Well, if it wasn't your fault, and it wasn't Squidward's fault, whose fault was it?
Patrick: Uh...maybe it's your fault.
Roger: Squidward is never allowed in this lodge again! (closes door)
Squidward: SpongeBob, are they letting me back in the lodge?
SpongeBob: No. You can't set foot in the lodge.
Patrick: Ever!
Squidward: Oh. Now that you two have ruined the last good thing in my life, I think I'll go slam my head in the door-- repeatedly.
SpongeBob: Squidward, wait. I'm sorry we got you kicked out of your lodge. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Squidward: No! Why didn't you just make up your own dumb club, instead of ruining mine?
SpongeBob: That's it! (jumps on Squidward) Squidward, we'll make our own club! And it'll be so much better than that dumb old Cephla-flafla-pod-lod Lodge! And you can be our leader. How great does that sound, oh might one? Wanna join our club, Patrick?
Patrick: Dog-pile on Squidward! (Squidward screams. Cut to them walking up to Squidward's house)
SpongeBob: Squidward, you're the lodge expert. What do we do first?
Squidward: Say good-bye. (enters his house and slams door)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Good-bye.
Squidward: Morons.
SpongeBob: (climbs in through one of Squidward's windows) So anyway, Squidward, I was thinking, we should be working on our secret lodge initiation.
Patrick: (falls through the window) Hey.
SpongeBob: Patrick and I have come up with a secret handshake.
Patrick: Secret.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Patty cake, patty cake, sailor man! Bake me a cake as fast...
Squidward: SpongeBob! That's not a secret handshake. Everybody knows "Patty Cake."
SpongeBob: Not the way we do it.
Patrick: We don't use our pinkies.
Squidward: (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out of his house) Out!
Patrick: I don't think Squidward wants to join our lodge.
SpongeBob: Oh, sure he does. He just needs a little push. (a knock on Squidward's door)
Squidward: Oh, what now? I'm coming. What do you...? Great. Must be one of SpongeBob's pranks. (a bag is thrown over Squidward and then tied up) =
SpongeBob: Let's move. (SpongeBob and Patrick carry the bag to Jellyfish Fields) Okay, we can let him out now.
Squidward: Are you insane? You kidnapped me?
SpongeBob: No, we didn't kidnap you. We just brought you here for...
Patrick: Initiation.
Squidward: What-what kind of initiation?
SpongeBob: A very special initiation. (pulls a jellyfish out)
Squidward: Oh, boy, look at the time. Gotta run. (Patrick pushes Squidward's head down to the ground to make him sit)
SpongeBob: Would you care to go first, Brother Patrick?
Patrick: After you, Brother SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (flicks the jellyfish and stings his tongue with it) Ow! (muffled) Brother Patrick.
Patrick: Brother SpongeBob. (slaps the jellyfish and gets stung on his tongue. He screams and hands the jellyfish to Squidward) Brother Squidward. (pulls Squidward's tongue and puts the jellyfish on it. Squidward screams and jumps into the air. Cut to next morning at Squidward's house. There's a knock on Squidward's door)
Squidward: What's this? Can it be? My lodge robes! I'm back in the lodge! I gotta try 'em on. (comes out in a chicken suit) Huh? This can't be right. These aren't my cephalopod robes. (SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing because they are in chicken suits, too)
SpongeBob: They sure aren't. They're your uniform for your new lodge. Welcome to the first official meeting of...The Feather Friends.
Squidward: Feather Friends?
SpongeBob: Somebody already had Feather Buddies.
Patrick: Yeah, those Feather Buddies better hope they don't run into us in a dark alley.
Squidward: (sputtering. Rips his chicken suit in half) Aw! I don't want to be a Feather Buddy!
SpongeBob: Do you still wanna be a Feather Friend?
Squidward: (groans) No.
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, I hadn't realized how special your lodge was to you. I'll get you back in that club and I know just how to do it. (takes off his chicken suit) Everything we need is in this drawer. (takes out a sock)
Squidward: A sock?
SpongeBob: Not just a sock...a disguise. Patrick and I will climb inside the sock and pretend to be a giant albino eel. We will then gain entrance to the lodge and frighten everyone inside. Once they're good and terrified, you Squidward will storm in, defeat that giant eel, and rescue all of the lodge members. You'll be a hero, Squidward. They'll have to let you back in the lodge.
Patrick: Hmm, it's genius. But I see one flaw in your plan.
Squidward: One flaw?
Patrick: That sock is way too small.
SpongeBob: Yeah, it is. Time to break out the heavy artillery. (gets a giant sock)
Patrick: That's what I'm talkin' about. (cut to night at the Lodge)
SpongeBob: (in the giant sock) Okay, Squidward. Just give us five minutes and then do your stuff. (SpongeBob and Patrick, both in the sock, walk towards the lodge)
Squidward: Hmm...
Narrator: 5 minutes later...
Squidward: (walks through the lodge doors) This is ridiculous. No one is dumb enough to believe SpongeBob and Patrick are a...a giant albino eel?! (the lodge members are running from side to side, avoiding the giant sock, as SpongeBob and Patrick are roaring at them) Unbelievable.
Member: Squidward!
Roger: Look out!
Member #2: There's a giant albino eel on the loose!
Squidward: (clears throat) Do not worry. I will save you. Be gone, foul beast, or, I will smite thee. (hits the sock twice with his fist)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Argh! Oof! (sock flattens and is defeated. All the lodge members cheer) Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! (the robe and hat are put back on Squidward)
SpongeBob: (he and Patrick cheer) Way to go, Squidward.
Patrick: It worked!
Squidward: Whoa, whoa...whoa! (the three get kicked out again)
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, we still have the Feather Friends.
Patrick: But you'll have to pass the initiation again. (screen fades to black as Squidward gets his tongue stung by a jellyfish again. Squidward screams)