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Giant Squidward

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: ssj4gogita4

(at Squidward's home where he is asleep until his alarm beeps. He wakes up and grooms himself in front of the mirror)
Squidward: Squidward, my man, you are perfect! (walksoutside to the back of his house) Oh no! My kelp garden is all wilted! Don't worry fellas, I've got just the thing to perk you up. Kelp Grow. Hold still. (sprays the kelp garden and it magically gets healthy again. Squidward sniffs but is face-to-face with Patrick)
Patrick: They're pretty.
Squidward: (screams) Patrick!
SpongeBob: And SpongeBob.
Squidward: What are you two doing here?
SpongeBob: Patrick is helping me to do good deeds today. Like trimming your kelp garden.
(Patrick eats some of the kelp)
Squidward: Stop eating my kelp! (pushes Patrick away)
Patrick: Okay, okay. Geez. Try to help a fella out. I'll just have to eat this ice-cream cone instead.
Squidward: Oh, do you like to eat ice cream, Patrick?
Patrick: Mm... Yeah.
Squidward: Then have some more! (sprays some Kelp Grow on the ice-cream and it gets bigger. Patrick falls down and Squidward laughs) Still want that ice cream?
Patrick: Boy I do. Thanks Squidward. Want some SpongeBob? Last one to the cone is a rotten clam. (both start licking it)
Squidward: Are you done yet? (both have already devoured the cone)
Patrick: All done.
SpongeBob: Wow, I wish I had a bottle of that kelp grow stuff. (Patrick takes the Kelp Grow bottle and hands it to SpongeBob)
Patrick: Here you go. SpongeBob.
Squidward: Hey!
SpongeBob: Thank you, Patrick. You know my shoes feel kinda tight. (sprays his shoes with Kelp Grow and they grow bigger) Ah, nice and roomy! (hands the bottle to Patrick)
Patrick: Do you want your grow juice back?
Squidward: Oh no, I only paid for it. I wouldn't want to deprive you of it.
Patrick: Okay.
Squidward: Give me that.
Patrick: But you said you didn't want it.
Squidward: Fine! Why don't you two use it for your good deeds.
SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Squidward.
Patrick: Yeah. I'll go first. (sprays Squidward's nose and it grows to the ground)
Squidward: (screams) What did you do?
SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh!
Patrick: Quite an improvement, don't you think?
SpongeBob: Oh yes, I agree completely. Come on Patrick, let's do some good deeding.
Patrick: Yay! (runs off)
Squidward: Hey! Get back here... (goes after them) and fix my nose!
SpongeBob: Hey Gary, that shell of yours looks a little cramped.
Gary: Meow. (retracts to inside his shell while SpongeBob sprays it with Kelp Grow and makes it bigger)
SpongeBob: There, now you've got plenty of space. (both run off. Squidward notices Gary's shell)
Gary: Meow.
Squidward: Aha! They went this way.
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Squidward: Oh, tell me about it. (chases after them again)
Gary: Meow. (pants as he slowly drags his big shell across the lawn. Cut to Mr. Krabs walking down the street, flipping a coin)
SpongeBob: There he is.
Patrick: Get ready.
SpongeBob: Now, Patrick! (Patrick sucks him inside his belly button and spits him into the air. SpongeBob makes the penny big by spraying the Kelp Grow and it falls on top of Mr. Krabs) There you go Mr. Krabs. You always wanted to make big money. (crowd boos) Good deed accomplished. I ask for no reward.
Patrick: You're a saint, SpongeBob. A saint!
SpongeBob: I know, and it is a burden I must carry, but times a-wastin'. We need another good deed!
Patrick: Oh, I've got one! Um... You know that thing?
SpongeBob: Um, right. That thing that we did that day.
Patrick: No, the other one. Um...
SpongeBob: Oh, um...
Patrick: Uh...
Squidward: SpongeBob! Hey! Look at what you did to me! You better fix my nose or you'll hear from my lawyer.
SpongeBob: Are you sure?
Patrick: Yeah, you'll be ugly again.
Squidward: Yes, I'm sure.
SpongeBob: Hmm... how to fix his nose?
Patrick: Well, if you turn the bottle upside down, maybe it'll shrink it.
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's brilliant!
Squidward: No, wait. Don't! (SpongeBob sprays his nose but it just gets bigger)
SpongeBob: Didn't work.
Patrick: Well, try it again.
SpongeBob: Hmm... I think I'll just even him out. First, a bigger head. (sprays Squidward's head)
Patrick: Now his body is too small.
SpongeBob: Right. Too small. (sprays Squidward's body)
Patrick: Arms are too short. (SpongeBob sprays his arms) Legs are too short. (SpongeBob sprays his legs) Other arm. (SpongeBob sprays Squidward's left arm) Feet too small. (SpongeBob sprays all of Squidward's feet) Teeth! (SpongeBob sprays them) Belly button. (SpongeBob sprays the belly button then Patrick blows a kiss) Perfect!
Squidward: I look horrible! (Squidward releases blue ink)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Eww! (both cough) He inked!
Squidward: Well, pardon my anatomy! What's happening? (grows into a giant)
SpongeBob & Patrick: All right!
Squidward: What did you do to me?
Patrick: I know, I know! Uh, made you a monster!
SpongeBob: And a giant.
SpongeBob & Patrick: A giant monster!
Squidward: I don't want to be a giant lumbering monster! (picks up SpongeBob and Patrick) What do I do now?
SpongeBob: That's easy. Play giant lumbering monster tag.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah! You chase us.
SpongeBob: And we run around and scream like crazy! Try and chase us, giant monster Squidward! (both run off)
Squidward: (echoing) SpongeBob, get back here!
SpongeBob: (screams) This is really fun.
Patrick: (screams) I know! We should do this... (screams) ...more often. (run through Bikini Bottom screaming)
Female Fish #1: (screams) A monster! (makes her kid have wheels for legs and rides on his back)
All: Monster!
Peasant: Monster! (angry mob goes after Squidward with pitchforks and torches)
Fish #1: Huh? (opens his briefcase and takes out a torch and runs with the angry mob. Squidward picks up SpongeBob & Patrick)
SpongeBob: You are very good at pretending, Squidward. Look how you're all sweaty and angry and you got the whole town to play along. (the angry mob is around Squidward)
Squidward: What the...
Fish #2: Let's skin him and make back bacon!
Fish #3: Scoop out his eyeballs and use 'em as giant misshapen soccer balls!
Kid: Wait. Maybe he's a nice monster, like in my story book. (two torches go out)
Fish #3: Oh right, I hadn't thought of that. Well, are ya?
SpongeBob: Oh, goodness gracious, yes. Squidward is the nicest giant of them all.
Patrick: Yeah. Squidward, tell them about all those times that you didn't punch me in the face.
SpongeBob: Even though you really wanted to.
Squidward: Oh, quiet you morons! (everyone gasps)
Female Fish #2: He hurt the little ones feelings.
Female Fish #3: Why, that's not very nice at all.
Fish #3: Take him down boys. (They use a giant rake slingshot to hit his foot. it is actually a catapult.. subtitles uses like this Man: Take him down, boys! (crowd yelling) )
Squidward: Ow! (everyone uses giants rakes to make Squidward fall)
Fish #3: This oughta fix him. (puts lipstick on Squidward's lips)
Squidward: Okay, okay, I'm nice. Now will you leave me alone?
Female Fish #3: Oh yeah? Then prove it! (captions uses like this (angry) Oh yeah, then prove it)
Fish #3: Yeah! Are you nice enough to um...
Hideous Hair Fish: Compliment me on my new hairdo?
Squidward: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Hideous Hair Fish: (laughs) Thank you.
Troop Leader: Let the junior guppies camp out under your toenails? (we see fish sleeping under Squidward's toenails)
Ski Fish: Take me to the top of Mt Humongous? (Squidward puts the skier on the mountain) Whee!
Farmer: Blow on my old windmill? (Squidward blows on it)
Kid #2: Do my homework?
Fish #4: Dust my attic?
Boy Scout: Feed my snail? (Squidward pants)
Female Fish #2: Wow, this giant really is friendly after all.
Fish #1: He taught my grandmother how to read.
Fish #3: He helped me start my own blimp ride company. (the blimp is actually Squidward's entire nose)
Female Fish #3: He helped me build a... a... (sneezes. All clear throats at Squidward)
Squidward: What?
Female Fish #4: He didn't say "bless you."
Fish #3: Get him! (Squidward runs away. it uses like this Man: Get him! (crowd muttering angrily..) )
Female Fish #2: Where'd he go? (captions uses like this Male Voiced Woman: Where did he go?)
Fish #3: Is that him over there?
Squidward: Uh, I'm a lamp post.
Fish #3: Oh, well lets go check down by the creek. We'll teach him to dip his feet! (cut to Squidward's house surrounding by a giant bear trap)
Squidward: Well Squidward, I guess this is your new life. (cuts to Squidward sitting on some hills) And this is your new bed. (lays down) Good night, old life. (sobs) I'll miss you.
SpongeBob: Good night, Squidward.
Squidward: Where are you?
SpongeBob: Patrick and I are having a sleepover, in your belly button.
Squidward: What the... Get out of there! (picks them out) You two have ruined my life! (cries giant streams of tears)
SpongeBob: Oh Patrick, this is terrible. Squidward did not like the kindness we did him.
Patrick: So?
SpongeBob: We shall do him another. (cut to next morning where SpongeBob and Patrick are drilling and hammering on something inside a door with a sign that says "KEEP OUT" on it) We did it! (they push a giant gift towards Squidward)
Squidward: What the...
SpongeBob: Since our last kindness didn't go so well, we brought you a new one. (Squidward opens it)
Squidward: A giant clarinet? (Squidward plays a gentle sound on it) And it sounds divine! (the more he plays the more he shrinks) Now I'm too small to play my giant clarinet! (cries. The giant clarinet crushes him but SpongeBob and Patrick pull him out from under it) It was the most beautiful thing I've ever played. (sighs) Well, at least I still have my kelp garden. (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh nervously) What? (cut to Squidward looking at the garden) You cut it down?
SpongeBob: We used your kelp to make a kelp-maché clarinet. (Squidward chases them as they scream and laugh)