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Banned in Bikini Bottom

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: ssj4gogita4

(At the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is cooking Krabby Patties)
SpongeBob: I know I've said this 90 times already but... I love Krabby Patties I think that they are swell. They are the best There's no contest And now I'm going to yell. Whew! (SpongeBob sings really loud knocking down Squidward's stack of cups he is working on) I love Krabby Patties! I think they're swell. They're so neat and quite a treat And how I love the way they smell... La, la, la-la-la-la-la. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Squidward: I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed today.
SpongeBob: La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la (a bus drives up to the Krusty Krab where an old lady gets out and blows her whistle while the remaining fish, who look like her, walk out)
Mr. Krabs: Hello. And welcome one, and all, your money to ye olde Krusty Krabby!
Miss Priss: Come along, sisters. Pay no mind to this crimson abomination! (group walks up to Squidward, who screams after seeing them)
Miss Priss: Greetings. Although your establishment seems repugnant and foul in nature, it seems not to offend our sensitivities. It is for that reason, plus the fact that we have been stuck on a tour bus for several days, that my sisters and I would like to eat something here.
Squidward: Okay, but first, let me call the mortician and tell him his uniform's been stolen. (laughs) Clothing zinger.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! These wretched hags...I mean, uh...these little lovely ladies are obviously here to eat. So let's sell them...I mean serve them some delicious Krabby Patties.
Miss Priss: Well, Mister...
Mr. Krabs: (pulls off hate) Krabs, milady. (puts hat back on)
Miss Priss: Mr. Krabs, you seem to know the basic rules of behaving like a civilized bottom-feeder. Perhaps your restaurant isn't quite the hive of degenerates it appears to be, and we had you figured all wrong.
Mr. Krabs: Of course you did, as you're about to find out, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: (opens kitchen door with a tray of Krabby Patties in hand) Ah... I like Krabby Patties! I think they're swell. I like Krabby Patties. Can you not tell? Krabby Patties Krabby Patties. They're so neat. La-la-la-la-la. Sweet to eat. La-la-la-la-la. Really neat. Really sweat. Treat that's neat. Sweet treat, sweet treat. Go go go go! (clicking tongue rhythmically) La-la-la-la-la-la-la (Miss Priss blows her whistle and everyone stops)
Miss Priss: Look at this wild hooligan, running amuck, singing, dancing. It''s shameless. (close-up of her face) It's disgusting. Avert your eyes. Young man, what has caused you to act like this? I must know.
SpongeBob: Actually, ma'am, (holds up a Krabby Patty) it was the absolute fun and deliciousness of a Krabby Patty.
Miss Priss: Krabby Patty?
SpongeBob: Yeah. That's right.
Miss Priss: Well, anything this fun and delicious can't be good. Why, what would this world be if everyone cavorted it in such a manner?
Mr. Krabs: Who are you with your tight lips, raised eyebrows, and conservative clothes?
Miss Priss: I am Miss Gristlepuss. We are The United Organization Of Fish Against Things That Are Fun And Delicious. Or, 2-0-FATTAFAD. And we are going to ban these so called Krabby Patties and close your restaurant forever.
Mr. Krabs: What the...!
SpongeBob: Miss Gristlepuss, maybe if you were to taste the Krabby Patty for yourself you, too, could experience the awesome pleasure.
Miss Priss: I would sooner sprout legs and do the Watusi!
SpongeBob: Ooh! Okay.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, it don't matter anyway, lad. She can't close us down. (cut to the Krusty Krab chained and locked up with a "closed" sign on it)
Mr. Krabs: She closed us down! I'm ruined! (cries) How did it come to this?
Squidward: You called Miss Gristlepuss a disgusting old prune and then you threatened her with a french-fry strainer.
Mr. Krabs: Well, I didn't know her husband was the chief of police!
Miss Priss: Thanks again, Al.
Al: Anytime, honey. See you at home for dinner. (licks lips) Mmm! I'm starving. (drives away) Yee-haw!
Miss Priss: I just love that man. (Mr Krabs is tugging at the locks)
Squidward: How long has he been standing over there?
Spongebob: (looks at watch) Umm, 4 days.
Mr. Krabs: (walks over) It's no use. I'm ruined!
Spongebob: You know, it's too bad. The only way to make Krabby Patties again would be if you opened up a place that didn't look like a restaurant and did it secretly.
Mr. Krabs: That's it! A secret Krusty Krab! And I know just where to open it. (Cut to Spongebob's house with a banner over it saying "Grand Opening! The New Secret Krusty Krab!")
Mr. Krabs: (dusting off the cash register) There ya are, Betsy! Good as new. (kisses it when SpongeBob opens the door)
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs,.. (Mr. Krabs screams) Whoa, sorry. I was just wondering...
Mr. Krabs: You know, lad, I can remember a time when people used to knock before entering someone else's home!
Spongebob: Yeah, but this is my home.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah.
Patrick: Hey guys!
Spongebob: Hey, Patrick! Thanks for helping out today.
Patrick: You bet. Where do you want these extra buns? (holds up an empty bag of buns)
Spongebob: Patrick, that bag is totally empty.
Patrick: (belches) Oops. (Cut to Plankton looking through a telescope at the Krusty Krab being closed)
Plankton: Happy day, Karen! That fool Krabs changed the name of his restaurant to The Closed Krab! Everyone will think it's closed, and come eat here instead. He'll be ruined by tomorrow. (chuckles) What an idiot!
Karen: It is closed.
Plankton: What?
Karen: Miss Gristlepuss and her husband banned Krabby Patties for being fun and delicious.
Plankton: Banned? Then that means, my day of reckoning has come at last! I've won, I tell you! I've won! And what better way than by default? (takes a hat and coat off a rack)
Karen: Where are you going?
Plankton: Oh, out to celebrate. (opens an exit door) Don't wait up for me! (Door closes. Cut to the line at the new Krusty Krab)
Fish #1: (someone pushes him) Quit shoving.
Fish #2: I wasn't shoving. I was just going like that and you happened to be standing there.
Fish #1: That's called shoving.
Fish #2: No, it isn't.
Fish #1: Yes, it is.
Fish #2: Nope.
Fish #1: Yes.
Fish #2: Nope.
Plankton: (walks up) Excuse me, gents, but what's with all the hullabaloo?
Fish #1: We're just waiting in line to buy a Krabby Patty.
Plankton: Krabby Patty?! (He notices the secret restaurant and steam comes out of him)
Patrick: (Opens door for the customer) Thank you. Come again. (Closes door and slides open a latch) Can I help whoever's next, please? (Plankton climbs up a tiny ladder up to the latch) What's the password, please?
Plankton: What are you talking about, you gargantuan buffoon?
Patrick: That's it! (opens door) Come right in.
Plankton: Curse you! (ladder falls)
Gary: Meow.
Squidward: So, would you like to "secret size" that for two dollars more?
Fish #3: Of course.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward. You haven't seen any sign know... (whispers) the cops, have you?
Squidward: Did you just call me Squidward?
Mr. Krabs: Okay, thanks. I'm gonna see what SpongeBob's doing. (goes into the kitchen) Hey, SpongeBob! SpongeBob? (notices SpongeBob is shivering under a table) SpongeBob? What are you doing under the table?
SpongeBob: If Krabby Patties are illegal now...aren't we breaking the law?
Mr. Krabs: There's an old saying, lad. "What doesn't kill ya usually succeeds in the second attempt."
SpongeBob: But what does that have to do with making Krabby Patties?
Mr. Krabs: Nothing. But if don't get out there and start cooking, I'll make ya start taking weekends off.
SpongeBob: (runs out from under the table) No!
Plankton: (secretly spying) So, Mr. Krabs is operating under the table, huh? Well, two can play at that game!
(cut to Plankton climbing a rope onto a telephone)
Plankton: (panting) Being a ruthless mastermind sure takes a lot out of you. (dialing and ringing)
Al: Hello, this is officer Al, chief of police.
Plankton: Cops, I need you. (four cop cars drive with their sirens on)
Miss Priss: (points to SpongeBob's house) There! (cops arrive on scene and everyone runs away. Knock on the door)
Patrick: (opens hatch) What's the pass...? (police kick in the door) Nope, that's not it.
(everyone is screaming and running around. All the police officers are gathering the Krabby Patties)
Miss Priss: You missed one.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Miss Gristlepuss, I'm sorry we sold Krabby Patties. But do you really have to send us to jail?
Miss Priss: Of course I do. You are a nuisance to my community.
Al: You tell 'em, honey! Ha! (bites into a Krabby Patty) That's my girl!
Miss Priss: (gasp) Al, what are doing?
Al: Having some lunch.
Miss Priss: Unhand that sandwich at once! (runs at him)
SpongeBob: Miss Gristlepuss! Look out!
Miss Priss: What?
SpongeBob: Your shoe's untied!
Miss Priss: It is? (trips) Oh! (falls down on the ground. The Krabby Patty that Al has in his hand falls into Miss Gristlepuss's mouth)
Miss Priss: Ah... I like Krabby Patties! I think they're swell. Can you not tell? Krabby Patties, Krabby Patties, they're so neat! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
SpongeBob: (imitates her) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Really neat. (chuckles)
Miss Priss: Sweet to eat
SpongeBob: Treat that's neat
Miss Priss & SpongeBob: (rhythmic chattering) Ah... (they jump to the ground) Hey...Dismount!
Miss Priss: That was wonderful! I... I... feel... reborn!
SpongeBob: Does this mean you're not sending us to the slammer?
Miss Priss: Of course, my dear boy. I'm a kinder, gentler fish, and I owe it all to you.
SpongeBob: Don't forget the spatula! (everyone but SpongeBob laughs. Al walks towards Miss Gristlepuss)
Miss Priss: Don't push it, Al.
Plankton: (lifts the top bun from a Krabby Patty) Darn it! Ahh! Once again, so close and yet so far! When am I going to... (closes the top bun)
Miss Priss: Well, I think I'll have another one. (bites it, revealing Plankton)
Plankton: Oh, dear. (screams. "The End" time card appears)