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Mermaid Man vs. SpongeBob

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: ssj4gogita4

Narrator: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy have been captured by the evil ManRay. (ManRay laughs) Tickled to the point of wetting themselves and sent on a conveyor belt of their watery grave. (machine turns on)
Mermaidman: We cannot escape, Barnacleboy. He's too strong. Like the unbeatable taste of a Krusty Kids meal. (ManRay's maniacal laughter stops)
ManRay: The delicious new treat no mortal can resist?
Barnacleboy: Yup. (machine stops)
ManRay: Ooh, I just love the little pip-squeak patty, small fries, and cold juice product.
Narrator: Of course you do, ManRay. Everyone loves the new Krusty Kids Meal. And for a limited time, get your free toy inside.
ManRay: How can I be evil with flavors this good? (all laugh as the words "Only at the Krusty Krab" appear on the screen)
Plankton: Krabs calls that a commercial? Who'd fall for that schlock? (pulls down a periscope) Say, something is going on over there. (bunch of kids are flying through the air on a rope and playing in the Krusty Krab while watching Mermaidman and Barnacleboy on a big screen)
Squidward: The Krusty Krab welcomes... (reads the card in his hand) the Tarpon twins' birthday party. Here are your Krabby Kids Meals. (the kids literally dive in and devour the food as well as attack Squidward in the mess)
Plankton: Never trust kids, Squidward. Never trust kids.
Mr. Krabs: Gotta hand it to ya, boy. Gettin' Mermaidman and Barnacleboy to shill for me restaurant was a stroke of genius.
Spongebob: All in the line of duty, Mr. Krabs. (Squidward crawls over to the register with torn uniform) Isn't it great, Squidward?
Squidward: Great? Those little savages tried to kill me.
Spongebob: Yeah, but it's so worth it when you get to work in these. (closeup of his uniform - red underwear and a mask)
Plankton: Stupid kid. Wait a minute, what's this? Karen? My own wife? (Karen is talking and laughing with Mr. Krabs) Oh, how Krabs mocks me. (sends his periscope up)
Karen: (opens Chum Bucket doors) Hi, honey.
Plankton: What's that? A souvenir from your boyfriend, Krabs?
Karen: Oh, pipe down. I just went to get you this happy hero box.
Plankton: Well... (jumps on top of the meal box) Thanks, babe, you're too good to me. (opens the box then gasps) A Mermaidman action figure? And a Barnacleboy eraser? (plays with the new toys) Look at me, I'm Barnacleboy. Look at me, I'm Mermaidman. (sees Mr. Krabs on the side of the kids meal box and gets upset) Krabs... (hits the side of the box with both of his new toys and laughs) Sure...why didn't I think of this before? If Mermaidman and Barnacleboy can build Krabs up, they can tear him down, too. (evil laughter. Cut to Shady Shoals Rest Home) Ding dong. (door opens where Plankton is wearing a plaid, yellow suit and a brown hat) Hello, boys. (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are snoring then wake up)
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy: What? What?
Plankton: Down here, fellas!
Mermaidman: Who are you?
Plankton: Oh, Professor Plankton. Door-to-door salesman. (gets out a card) My card.
Mermaidman: (reads card) "Professor Plankton's Personal Products?"
Plankton: Say, you two look like a couple of ladies' men, am I right? (closeup of an ugly Mermaidman and Barnacleboy) I knew it! Just look at that heroic chin. (closeup of Barnacleboy's chin that has zits all over) Those chiseled features. (closeup of Mermaidman's ears that has hair growing out of it) That bra. But what's this? Dandruff?
Mermaidman: I've got dandruff?
Plankton: You sure do. (pours laundry soap around his neck) See?
Mermaidman: Oh, my!
Plankton: (lifts up Barnacleboy's hat but notices the real dandruff under there) Eww. A couple of studs like you can't go around like this. Lucky for you, Dr Plankton's come prepared with "Plankton's Dandruff Control Shampoo". A little of this stuff and the ladies will be breakin' down your door. (Barnacleboy pulls a lever and their couch folds back)
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy: Sign us up, Professor.
Plankton: Wise decision, gentlemen. (rubs the shampoo into both scalps) Hey, what do we have here? (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are under Plankton's mind control) You fellas look a little peaked. Hmmm, this shouldn't be. I wonder. (tears the "dandruff" label tape off the shampoo bottle) Say, this isn't Professor Plankton's Dandruff Control Shampoo. It's Professor Plankton's Mind Control Shampoo!(laughs) With conditioner. Time to prepare for your next role, fellas as my zombies. (laughs. Cut to the Krusty Krab where there is a long line formed outside and balloons of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy floating in the sky)
Kids: (chanting) We want Mermaidman. We want Barnacleboy. (kids throw Squidward into the window which breaks through, then throw more stuff around the building while chanting for their heroes)We want Mermaidman!! We want Barnacleboy! We want Mermaidman! We want Barn..
Mr. Krabs: Uhh, hey kids. Uhh, well, there's Mermaidman and Barnacleboy... in the ball room. (all the kids run inside the ball room. Mr. Krabs closes the door behind them and locks them inside) Spongebob?!
Spongebob: Yes, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Go get those awol do-gooders you talked me into hiring and bring their patoots back here on the double.
Spongebob: Aye aye, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Back you, back. (a broom is eaten by one of the kids Mr. Krabs is trying to hold back. Cut to Shady Shoals Rest Home where all of the fish are are trying to run as fast as they can)
Spongebob: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy, please? And I'm kind of in a hurry. (man at the counter screams and hides. Mermaidman taps Spongebob on the shoulder) Ahhh! (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy growl at him while still under Plankton's control) Oh, my gosh! You guys live in a dump. But we don't have time for that right now. We gotta get you back to the Krusty Krab for your special appearance. I'll take you. (Mermaidman grabs Spongebob's hand and swings him from side to side six times) Wow, I haven't seen you do the Spine Blaster since... (Mermaidman does Spine Blaster on Spongebob again six times) since episode 647. (Mermaidman does the Spine Blaster on Spongebob again six times) When you blasted that guy's spine. You still got it. (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy drag Spongebob off. Cut to the Krusty Krab)
Perch: Perch Perkins here, live at the Krusty Krab. We're just moments away from an important press conference with Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. I have with me here Eugene Krabs, owner of the restaurant. Any thoughts, Mr. Krabs? (talks gibberish and holds his pockets that are full of money. Perch chuckles) Oh, ok. We'll come back to you later. (Spongebob comes crashing through the Krusty Krab ceiling)
Spongebob: Ladies and gentlemen, I present Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. (our heroes crash through the glass. All the kids break through the ball room cage and run up to their heroes. Mermaidman and Barnacleboy walk through the crowd of kids, throwing them aside one-by-one, and walk up to the press conference booths while the cameras flash. They both growl)
Plankton: (hiding in Mermaidman's right ear) Oh, boy... everyone in Bikini Bottom showed up! This is gonna be so sweet. (maniacal laughter)
Perch: Mermaidman, what is your opinion of the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: Ooh, this is too easy. Now just tell everyone that... (whispers into his ear)
Mermaidman: I, Mermaidman, think that Krabby Patties are, uh......... what?
Plankton: They're terrible! You hate Krabby Patties.
Mermaidman: I'm late for "Snappy Pabbies?" Barnacleboy... we're late for... (snores)
Plankton: Oh, for crying out loud. (walks up to his ear drum) Tell them you hate Krabby Patties! (Mermaidman is still snoring. Plankton gets angry and goes through his ears)
Mermaidman: What?
Spongebob: Mermaidman. I brought something to refresh your memory.(whispering)
Mermaidman: Ooh, a Krabby Patty. Would you look at that. Barnacleboy, it's a Krabby Patty. Why these things are... (turns under Plankton's mind control) evil. (everyone gasps)
Spongebob: Ahh!!
Fish: Suzy, no! (slaps her Krabby Patty away)
Mermaidman: I hate these nasty things, (spits on it. Spongebob becomes breaks into pieces). And furthermore... (Plankton is talking into a microphone by Mermaidman's brain)
Plankton: ...let it be known that I, Mermaidman prefer the delicious food available at the Chum Bucket...
Mermaidman: Your new favorite restaurant!
Spongebob: The Chum Bucket?! Plankton must be behind this.
Plankton: Yes.Yesss! It's working. (Laughs. The crowd runs over Mr. Krabs and over to the Chum Bucket)
Spongebob: Hold it right there. You forgot your Krabby Patties!
Mermaidman and Barnacleboy: (drool) Krabby Patties. Krabby Patties.
Plankton: Oh, no. Those infernal Krabby Patties. Their grease-fried deliciousness could be enough to free Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. (Plankton turns a switch to slap Mermaidman from eating a Krabby Patty. He throws his away and then stomps on the other patty. They walk out, stepping on Spongebob but Spongebob stops them outside again)
Spongebob: Not so fast! You're not dealing with an ordinary fry cook. It's time for you to meet... (throws an exploding capsule on the ground) Fry Boy: Defender of... uh-oh! (notices his outfit is the wrong one and throws another exploding capsule on the ground. This time the right costume is on) Fry Boy: Defender of the Krabby Patty! (Mermaidman and Barnacleboy run after Spongebob. Spongebob throws the patties into the air and hits them with his two spatulas. However, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy duck and miss the Krabby Patties. Spongebob stretches his arms around some coral and send Mermaidman and Barnacleboy back at the opposite direction. They fall but not before Spongebob sets two Krabby Patties where they are landing) Yes, you lose, Plankton! Now watch as the Krabby Patties' wholesome flavors work their magic. (nothing happens so Plankton flips the toggle switch and Mermaidman and Barnacleboy run towards the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: I did it! I did it! Look at all these customers. (evil laugh) In your face, Krabs. Yes!
Fish #2: So, uh... where's the food?
Plankton: (laughs evilly then gasps) Food? Oh, yeah. Never thought I'd get this far. (goes into the kitchen)
Spongebob: It doesn't make sense. They should have been cured once the pureness of the Krabby Patties entered their... that's it! Mermaidman and Barnacleboy are elderly. Their poor aged tummies must be having a hard time digesting the food. I know just what to do. (crashes through the Chum Bucket's wall with a "FIBER" truck and pours it into each of their mouths. Their stomachs grumble and digest the food then they go back to normal)
Mermaidman: I'm back to my old self again. Thanks to you, Spongebob.
Spongebob: And the delicious power of Krabby Patties.
Mermaidman: Say, I could use a couple more of those, and an order of Krabby Fries.
Barnacleboy: (walks out of the bathroom) And a decent latrine.
Spongebob: Well, then, you guys know where to go!
Spongebob, Mermaidman, and Barnacleboy: To the Krusty Krab, away! (everyone goes over to the Krusty Krab)
Plankton: Hey, everyone, I made Chummy Joes!!! AHHH! (Plankton notices everyone is gone and at the Krusty Krab)