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The Pink Purloiner

Spongebob: You know, Patrick, the Jellyfish migration is my favorite time of year! For three whole days, jellyfish from around the globe gather on one spot to trade jelly secrets. (gasps as he sees a blue jellyfish) Patrick, look! It's a blue-crested blaster! I've never seen one before! They're really rare. And a speckled squirter, a two-fisted jumper, and a gold-throated stinger!
Gold Jellyfish: La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Spongebob: Oh, this year's migration is gonna be a big one! (Spongebob and Patrick are over-shadowed)
Patrick: Uhh, Spongebob? (looks up and sees a bunch of colorful jellyfish above them)
Spongebob: Wow. This looks like a job for Ol' Reliable! (opens his case to a metal net instead of one made of bamboo sticks. He catches many jellyfish while Patrick struggles to catch one. Scene cuts to the bus stop)
Spongebob: Ah, that was the most beautiful day of jellyfishing ever.
Patrick: Well, I didn't catch a thing with my dumb old net. (his net breaks)
Spongebob: Lucky for me, I have Ol' Reliable! Carbon fiber handle, titanium alloid netting and form-fitting silicone grips. Yes, sir, Ol' Reliable is the best net in the world.
Patrick: Wow! I would kill for a net like that! You know, something small like a carrot. But not spiders, they're icky. (shudders. Scene cuts to the bus dropping off Patrick and Spongebob on their street)
Spongebob: Good night, Patrick.
Patrick: Good night, Spongebob.
Spongebob: (in his bed) Ah, I love jellyfishing. (night breaks into day quickly and the foghorn alarm goes off) Whoo! Time to get ready for day two of the jellyfish migration. And I'll start with my trusty jellyfishing net, Ol' Reliable. (realizes he doesn't have it) Ol' Reliable? (gasps) It's gone! (runs out the door in his underwear)
Gary: Meow?
Spongebob: Oh, right. Pants.
Narrator: One pair of pants later...
Spongebob: Patrick, Ol' Reliable has been stolen! (both scream. Scene cuts to them stapling posters saying "STOLEN! OL' RELIABLE")
Spongebob: Put one over there, Patrick.
Patrick: I'm all done.
Spongebob: Maybe we should spread out a little. (newspaper ad of the "Bikini Bottom Gazette" reads "STOLEN OL' RELIABLE" on the front page)
A. Realistic Fish Head: Flash. The jellyfish migration enters it second day of fantastic jellyfishing. We now go live to our reporter on the scene.
Perch Perkins: (in Jellyfish Fields) This year's migration is the largest in a century! I feel truly sorry for the poor saps that will miss even one minute of this remarkable event. (Spongebob takes Perch's microphone)
Spongebob: Attention, Bikini Bottom, my jellyfishing net has been stolen. I am prepared to offer a large reward for its safe return. (Mr Krabs sees this on TV at home and runs to Jellyfish Fields then appears on TV instantly)
Mr Krabs: Reward? How much we talkin' about?
Spongebob: 12 dollars and... (counts the coins) ...38 cents.
Mr Krabs: I'm on the case. (takes Spongebob's money and runs off screen while Perch takes back his microphone)
Perch Perkins: Guys, I know it's a slow news day, but come on. (scene cuts to Spongebob sitting in his chair by the phone when it rings. He picks it up)
Spongebob: Oh! Hello? Hello?
Patrick: Spongebob, did you get your net back?
Spongebob: Oh, get off the line, Patrick. Someone might be trying to call about Ol' Reliable!
Patrick: Oh, sorry. (hangs up. The phone rings again)
Patrick: Did you get your net yet?
Spongebob: No, Patrick. Don't call unless you found my net. (hangs up. The phone rings again)
Spongebob: Hello?
Patrick: Spongebob, I found your net!
Spongebob: What! Really?
Patrick: Uhh, oh, not really. I just got lonely.
Spongebob: Oh, I'll never get my net back. I'll just have to accept that Ol' Reliable is gone forever. (looks out his window and notices Patrick running around with a jellyfish net)
Spongebob: (sighs) Patrick's lucky. He gets to practice in the middle of the night with his jellyfish net. (gets in bed) Funny thing is, Patrick's net disintegrated yesterday. (his eyes widen. Scene cuts to morning. Patrick walks up to Spongebob's pineapple)
Patrick: Hey, Spongebob, did you get Ol' Reliable back yet?
Spongebob: (sighs) No, not yet. Hey, Patrick, wouldn't it be the funniest thing if you had taken my jellyfish net? (Patrick laughs then stops)
Patrick: No. (Spongebob laughs)
Spongebob: Yeah, that would be silly. Oh, that reminds me. I got you a present.
Patrick: A present? What is it?
Spongebob: (pulls out a bear with a microphone in its hand) It's a Confessor bear. He's a special friend you tell all your secrets to.
Patrick: Wow, thanks, Spongebob!
Spongebob: I'll just leave you two alone to get aquainted.
(quickly dashes off to speak for the bear)
Confessor Bear: Hi! My name is Confessor Bear! Tell me all your secrets.
Patrick: Um, I did something recently I'm not very proud of. I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened.
Confessor Bear: Hmmm, maybe you should talk about it.
Patrick: Well, it involves my best friend Spongebob. I don't think he knows what happened, but it would really upset him if he found out.
Confessor Bear: Tell Confessor Bear!
Patrick: I've said too much already.
Confessor Bear: Tell Confessor Bear now! Now!!
Patrick: I accidentally knocked Spongebob's toothbrush in the toilet and put it back on the counter without washing it! Confessor Bear? (Spongebob runs around in the background wiping his tongue off) You're mad at me, aren't you, Confessor Bear? (scene cuts to Spongebob walking up to Patrick's rock)
Spongebob: Patrick, we need to talk.
Patrick: Uh, don't come in! I'm not decent! The house is a mess! There's a radiation leak!
Spongebob: Hmmm... (walks down some stairs into Patrick's rock) Patrick, where are you? Why are the lights off?
Patrick: I'm in here. Be out in a second. (Patrick's shadow reveals himself holding a jellyfishing net)
Spongebob: Ol' Reliable! Ah...ha.
Patrick: (standing with his hands behind his back) Hello.
Spongebob: What's in your hand, Patrick?
Patrick: (shows his left hand) Nothing.
Spongebob: What's in your other hand?
Patrick: (grows another arm through his chest) Nothing in my other hand.
Spongebob: Well, I gotta go.
Patrick: Ok, bye.
Spongebob: Patrick wouldn't steal Ol' Reliable. Would he? (imagines Patrick from earlier)
Patrick: I would kill for a net like that! (takes out a carrot, breaks it in half, and laughs maniacally)
Spongebob: (screams) Have I been best friends with a master thief? I must know for sure. (scene cuts to the next day) Good morning, Patrick.
Patrick: Good morning, Spongebob.
Spongebob: What are you going to do today, buddy?
Patrick: Eh, nothing.
Spongebob: (puts on his Krusty Krab hat) Well, I'm off to work. See ya later, Patrick.
Patrick: Bye. (Spongebob walks off then sneaks into a bush in the background)
Spongebob: Now, we'll just see what sort of nothing you're really up to, Sneaky McSneakyPants. (looks through binoculars)
Narrator: 8 hours later...
Spongebob: (still looking through binoculars) Oh, he is good. You never really know a guy until you stare at him for eight hours through high-powered binoculars. Hey, where'd he go? (Patrick is behind him)
Patrick: Hi, Spongebob. What are you doing?
Spongebob: Uh, you... what the...? What are you doing?
Patrick: Nothing. I just finished. (takes out his to-do list and crosses out 'Nothing') Oh, hey, look. You can see where I was just standing from here. Boy, if you wanted to, you could have spied on me all day from right here. (shudder) Creepy, huh? Anyway, what are you doing with those binoculars?
Spongebob: (yells and throws away the binoculars) I don't have any binoculars, see?
Patrick: You're acting wierd.
Spongebob: I'm not acting wierd! (runs off panting) You're acting wierd! You're... acting... wierd!
Patrick: Ok, bye. (later, Spongebob knocks on Patrick's rock)
Patrick: Hello! Who are you?
Spongebob: (wearing a mustache) Greetings, young fellow! I am willing to pay top dollar for jellyfishing items with sentimental value, if you know what I mean.
Patrick: Oh. No.
Spongebob: Word on the street is that you know where to get quality jellyfishing supplies.
Patrick: What street said that? Was it this one? (points at the street) Mind your own business!
Spongebob: Mr. Star, I know that you are in possession of a rare jellyfishing net. I will pay one billion dollars for that net. (shows a fake $1,000,000,000 bill that is colored on with crayon)
Patrick: I don't know who you are, but I'm not giving you this jellyfishing net. (holds the jellyfishing case out) I wouldn't sell it for a million dollars, not for a hundred dollars, I wouldn't even sell it for a dollar.
Spongebob: Oh really?
Patrick: You can't have it for any price.
Spongebob: And why not?
Patrick: This means more to me than money. It's my friend Spongebob's!
Spongebob: (rips off the mustache) A-ha!
Patrick: Spongebob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. There was this scary guy with a mustache asking a lot of wierd questions.
Spongebob: Patrick, I'm the scary mustache guy!
Patrick: (screams) Why, Spongebob, why? Why would you wear such a scary mustache?
Spongebob: Why would you steal my jellyfishishing net?
Patrick: What? I'm your best friend!
Spongebob: You were my best friend, you no-good jellyfish net theif!
Patrick: How could you think that?
Spongebob: Because you said it. You said that it was your friend Spongebob's.
Patrick: Gift.
Spongebob: What?
Patrick: It's my friend Spongebob's gift. (opens the case up to reveal a new jellyfishing net) I made you a new net.
Spongebob: (reads inscription) For Spongebob. You made me a new jellyfishing net? That is so thoughtful of you. Patrick? (a bunch of stuff is on the ground) What you doing, best friend?
Patrick: (sets the TV in the pile of junk) I'm not your best friend. I'm a no-good jelly netting thief fish.
Spongebob: Where're you going?
Patrick: I'm leaving Bikini Bottom while I still have my dignity.
Spongebob: Patrick, no! (bus stops in front of them) So, this is it?
Patrick: Barring the unforseen hand of fate, I'm afraid it is.
Spongebob: (hands onto Patrick's left foot) Patrick, don't go. I'm sorry I accused you. It's bad enough I lost my net. I don't want to lose my friend, too. Please forgive me.
Bus Driver: What's the holdup? Oh, it's you two. (shows Spongebob his net) Look, you left your net on the bus again.
Spongebob: Ol' Reliable? I left you on the bus?
Bus Driver: You do it every week. Now can we get going?
Spongebob: Patrick, I want you to take this to remember me by.
Patrick: You're giving me Ol' Reliable? (sobs) I accept your apology.
Spongebob: Oh, come here, you big lug. (both hug and sob)
Passengers: Aww...
Bus Driver: They do this all the time. I'm serious. I--ugh, nevermind.
Patrick: I'm staying in Bikini Bottom.
Passengers: Hooray! (bus drives off)
Patrick: You want to go jellyfishing? I just got a new net. (holds up Ol' Reliable)
Spongebob: So did I. (holds up the one Patrick made for him) My best friend made it for me.
Both: Whee! (both laugh and run into Jellyfish Fields)
End