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The Way of the Sponge

SpongeBob: (walks wearing karate gear) Oh boy, I can't wait to show Sandy my Karate move! (laughs, looks into Sandy's Treedome) Oh, Sandy—(gasps, sees Sandy jumping around Fuzzy and thinks she's in trouble) Sandy's in trouble! Don't worry Sandy, I'm coming to save ya'! (jumps up, drills underground with chops)
Fuzzy: Try again Sandy, your kicks should fly higher.
SpongeBob: (chops into tree dome, screams, attempts to chop fuzzy. Fuzzy lifts up smelly foot, sniffs, faints)
Fuzzy: Who is this intruder who fails to attack me?
Sandy: (points at SpongeBob worried) That's my friend, SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob: (wakes up) Whoa, what was that stench?
Fuzzy: That is what we in Karate call (points finger up) the smell of death.
SpongeBob: (stands up in wonder) You know, (almost blinks) Kah-Rah-Tay!?
Sandy: (points at Fuzzy) He doesn't just know Karate, he is Karate!
Fuzzy: (eyebrows slap fly, fly falls)
Sandy: This here is the legendary Karate master, Fuzzy Acorns! Fuzzy's here to test me for the highest belt in Karate (folds arms)
SpongeBob: But Sandy, you already have a black belt.
Sandy: Yes, (points finger up) but there's one even higher than that, (points at Fuzzy's belt) the blacker belt.
SpongeBob: Gee, (puts hands on pants) wish I had a Karate belt.
Fuzzy: (lifts eyebrows, dashes to SpongeBob) If you want a belt, (lifts finger) you must earn it!
SpongeBob: Okay, (hooks finger) how do I do that?
Fuzzy: Have you got cotton in your eyes!? (rapidly puts arms up) What do you think I'm here for? (puts arms on waist)
SpongeBob: Hm?
Fuzzy: (puts arms out) I am the mighty oak, (points at SpongeBob) and you are but a sapling.
SpongeBob: (hesitantly) I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Fuzzy: I'm here to separate the (chops) WEAKS from the (kicks) CHAFF! No?
SpongeBob: (shakes head)
Fuzzy: (quietly, snaps) Ah, that last one usually works.
Sandy: What Fuzzy's tryin' to say, is that (lifts arms one at a time) he's here to judge whether anyone's worthy of getting a Karate belt or not. (puts arms down)
SpongeBob: (worriedly) But how can anyone ever truly know (lifts arms) whether he or she is worthy?—
Fuzzy: It is simple, I conduct a series of tests, and if you pass, I will give you a belt that shows you know, Karate.
(cut to later, log drops on concrete)
Fuzzy: The first test is simple (walks to log) split a log with one hand chop, (lifts arm) like so. (splits log in half) (SpongeBob blinks) Your turn (lifts log) (sarcastically) Karate Man. (drops log on concrete, walks away)
SpongeBob: (walks to log in excitement, aims hand to chop log) Mm-Hm… Yeah… Okay…
Fuzzy: Please, proceed.
SpongeBob: (excited) Okay, prepare to see the (excidetly lifts arms) split of your life! (bounces up and lands helmet on log, lands and tears himself in half)
(cuts to later)
Fuzzy: (holds Bo Staff) Mastery of this test, will show me you're ready for (lifts staff) the next level of Karate-Dom. (loudly) Hi-Yah! (throws staff up) Woo-Pah! (chops staff to left) Ah-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya! (spins staff) Bah! (grabs staff) Alright, your turn. (hands staff to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: (grabs staff and lifts up, then down) And turn I will! (laughs)
Fuzzy: (angered) Just do the thing with the thing please!!!
SpongeBob: (lifts staff, runs and javelins onto Sandy's exercise wheel and breaks it, piano plays, SpongeBob spins wheel around piano player, staff up)
Sandy: Aaaaahhhhhhh! (Runs away)
(screen goes black with red and white stars, SpongeBob and Sandy appear hurt, wheel bent)
Fuzzy: We shall settle this on the battlefield tomorrow! You two (points) will fight each other! If I see you have the skill of real hand-to-hand combat, I will award you with Karate belts (shows and hides red and yellow belts) Otherwise, you get (swipes hand) nothing! (jumps into tree)
SpongeBob: (points up worriedly) Oh wait, sense!
Fuzzy: (in tree, sitting) No more talk! Only do.
Sandy: (pushes SpongeBob out the door) Better run on home and practice, SpongeBob, (waves) see ya' tomorrow! (walks back inside)
SpongeBob: (rocky-esque music plays, runs up and down stairs in a football field, breathing heavily, lifts stuffed animal weights, groaning, runs up and down stairs, chops a pile of bricks, disintegrating himself, sweats and walks up stairs, tumbles down them, tiredly punches punching bag, hits it) HAH! (bag hits him back)
Narrator: (with matching time card) Early the Next Morning
(sun rises, pile of wood is shown)
SpongeBob: (pops out of wood pile, worried) The Match!!! (scurries to door, gloves slide on it thrice, puts gloves on head) I can't get out of here!!!
Gary: Meow. (opens door with teeth)
SpongeBob: (runs out door) Thanks, Gary
Gary: Meow meow.
(cuts to Treedome)
Fuzzy: (impatiently) Where is the soft one? The match start in, (looks at abacus-like watch) right now!
SpongeBob: (extremely tired) Here! I'm right here! I have readied myself, into a full state of readiness, and I am ready, really ready. (whispers) So tired… (Sandy blinks) I'm so tired.
Sandy: (walks to SpongeBob) You sure ya' wanna do this, buddy?
Fuzzy: Enough talk! (angered, points) If you want your belt, you're gonna have to tussle it out, so let the match begin!!!
(bells ring)
(SpongeBob tiredly chops, Sandy grabs arm, chops thrice and flicks bumps onto Sponge)
SpongeBob: (quickly shakes head) Alright, brace yourself Sandy, cuz' it is about to get (blocks) ROUGH and tumble)
Sandy: (dodges quickly) Okay SpongeBob, but you have to catch me! First!
SpongeBob: (twists rapidly, Sandy drills him in ground, eyes fall out)
Fuzzy: Most impressive (twists braid), Sandy, but I am here to evaluate SpongeBob, (picks up SpongeBob with foot) let's see what he can do, on the offensive!
SpongeBob: (flaps arms in the air, Sandy grabs his gloves and throws him hard on tree trunk) Okay, Sandy, Wa-Cha! (chops table into pieces, pieces land like StoneHenge, jumps on wood) Prepare for my finishing move! I call it, the sleeper. (falls asleep on wood)
Sandy: Huh?
Fuzzy: Very good, Sandy, you put your opponent to sleep in under one minute! (taps wood, SpongeBob falls and wakes up) Too bad your opponent didn't put up a fight, I was prepared to give you the lowest of belts, the clear belt (shows SpongeBob clear belt laughing, SpongeBob tries to snatch it, Fuzzy pulls it away) But now I realize, you're not fit to wear a belt of any kind, INCLUDING THE ONE THAT HOLDS UP YOUR PANTS!!! (pulls off SpongeBob's belt, pants dangle around his legs)
Sandy: Don't be disappointed SpongeBob, (lifts arms) a belt isn't the most important thing in Karate.
SpongeBob: (sadly) Easy for you to say, Sandy, your pants aren't down around your ankles.
Fuzzy: And I'm revoking your black belt! (removes Sandy's belt)
Sandy: (annoyed) Hey! You can't do that!
Fuzzy: Oh yes I can, for wasting my time, and bringing me this SORRY EXCUSE FOR A STUDENT!!! Stick to something you're good at, son.
SpongeBob: (quietly and sadly) Yes, sense. (waddles to door, trips, leaves)
Sandy: (angrily, arms folded) That was pretty low-down, fuzzy, The way you humiliated my friend.
Fuzzy: The Sponge one will never earn his belt.
Sandy: I know he'll impress you if you give him one more chance!
Fuzzy: Silence! (points quiet symbol at Sandy) No more chances! Sense never gives two chances! (points two fingers) If you really want to impress me, (calmly) show me where I can get a decent meal around here. (whispers, rubs tummy) Lunchtime approaches.
Sandy: (excitedly, talks to viewers and herself) That's it!!! I'll take him to the Krusty Krab! Then he might just find himself impressed by a certain sandwich maker!
Fuzzy: Who are you talking to?
(cuts to Krusty Krab, sees forlorn SpongeBob)
Squidward: Come on SpongeBob! What's wrong with you!? Get grillin'!
SpongeBob: Squidward, I— (shniffs) I failed my Karate exam.
Squidward: (annoyed) Which is exactly why I keep telling you. Never try anything new, ever. (pops out at SpongeBob) Stick to what you're good at! And stick to it soon!
SpongeBob: (gasps, whispers) Stick to what I'm good at. (normal voice) Hey, Squidward's right! (picks up a row of Krabby Patties from the grill, puts patties in hat, slingshots them into buns)
Sandy: (seen at table, questioning) You sure you don't need an air helmet?
Fuzzy: Hu, this won't take long, Fuzzy has trained himself to go hours without air.
SpongeBob: (jumps out of kitchen with a plate of patties, throws patties onto fish's plates, flips)
Sandy: How ‘bout them moves!?
Fuzzy: Pretty okay, for a fry cook.
Squidward: SpongeBob, (holds up order tickets) twenty more orders here.
SpongeBob: Twenty, got it Squidward! (launches patties off head, patties land on four fish's plates, fish gasp, grabs plate and flips through order window)
Sandy: Well that sure took some agility!
Fuzzy: Simple parlor tricks.
SpongeBob: (jumps out window, patties land on plate one at a time, kicks patty on fish's plate)
Fuzzy: Yu, a Kung-Fu shorletin.
SpongeBob: (spin-kicks patties onto Sandy and Fuzzy's plates)
Sandy: Now you're convinced!
Fuzzy: I've seen better.
Sandy: (gives an annoyed look, then calls for Sponge) Hey, SpongeBob, I'd like my patty in twelfths, please!
SpongeBob: (enthusiastically) Twelfths, okay! (spins plate, chops patty into twelfths) There you go, Sandy.
Fuzzy: (lifts eyebrows) Huh!? Perhaps Squishy Boy is more skilled than I first thought!
Sandy: Told ya'!
Fuzzy: Not so fast, Squirrel Cheeks, the only way to truly know, is to test him myself. (puts on red bandanna, jumps on table, SpongeBob serves Patties, jumps onto table he is at, SpongeBob dodges and he crashes when punching the table) Ha!! (Table goes into pieces) Aw! (dashes)
Bill/Harold: (rudely) Hey waiter! An empty plate!
SpongeBob: (Fuzzy attempts to chop him, he slaps Fuzzy) Ooh! I forgot the fries! (Fuzzy falls)
Fuzzy: (kicks kitchen door open) Now, I see you are a skilled opponent, (whisks arms) with a cold-blooded heart of a warrior!
SpongeBob: (gazes at a Krabby Patty) Ah, you little Krabby Patties are so cute! Hm, something's not right here… (sniffs) It's the onions! They've gone bad! (flicks onions onto Fuzzy)
Fuzzy: (pelted by onions) He's on the offensive! (falls into trash can) Time for you to end this. (jumps out of trash can and walks on ceiling.
SpongeBob: (chops fresh onions, ends up chopping Fuzzy)
Sandy: (looks into kitchen) That's showing him, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob dashes and Fuzzy breaks counter in half) Ya' gonna give him a belt, Fuzzy? (sassyish voice) Or have you not had enough yet?
Fuzzy: You brought me to the dance, but the universe it cutting in!
Sandy: (confused) Huh?
SpongeBob: Okay, lookin' good!
Fuzzy: (runs on blue speedway) SpongeBob! Smell the vibrations! (foot lands in SpongeBob's crater)
SpongeBob: (turns and slips Fuzzy out) Wait, the fries! I almost forgot.
Fuzzy: (lands in pickle barrel, splashes juice)
Squidward: More patties!
SpongeBob: (runs to grill with patties) Grilling ‘em now. (patties sizzle) Your fries, sir (hands fries to fish, fish picks one up)
Fuzzy: (dashes out of kitchen with barrel) Hi-Yah!
SpongeBob: (dashes to another table) And your fries, sir, (hands fries to fish) ketchup? (drops ketchup bottle) Oops! (ducks to pick up ketchup, Fuzzy flies over him) Got it! (concerned, gasps) Fuzzy! (dashes, drops ketchup again, customer annoyed)
Sandy: (sees Fuzzy greatly injured) Oh No!
SpongeBob: (conforts him) Sense Fuzzy, are you okay?
Fuzzy: I was wrong about you, SpongeBob, you have bested Fuzzy, with your Karate greatness, (coughs) you are now, (holds blacker belt) a Karate, master! Here.
SpongeBob: (excitedly) For me! Thanks Sense Fuzzy, (concerned) Fuzzy! (sees Fuzzy looking bad) You look terrible! (Fuzzy gags, turns to Sandy) Sandy, what's wrong with Fuzzy?
Sandy: I know what he needs! (takes out air helmet) He just needs this. (puts helmet on Fuzzy)
Fuzzy: (Sees SpongeBob and Sandy) No, more, talk! (gets up) Only do! (holds Sandy's hands) Sandy, my dear, for holding your own against the Sponge, you have truly proven yourself worthy of (takes off belt and gives to Sandy) the blacker belt! (Sandy ties belt on)
Spandy: Thanks Fuzzy!!!
Fuzzy: (pants fall off, everyone gasps) Why must the universe confound me so!?
Everyone: (laughs)
End