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Dear Vikings

(at Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is sweeping and Mr. Krabs is looking at something)
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Huh? Oh. Ahoy, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's over with. Now why don't you go see if First Mate Squidward needs any help at the register. (Squidward has cobwebs on him)
SpongeBob: And what are you up to on this fine, fine Monday?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I was going to wait 'til this afternoon, but I guess I could show you now.
SpongeBob: Show me what?
Mr. Krabs: I'm introducing a new Krusty Krab promotion.
SpongeBob: Ah, you are?!
Mr. Krabs: I sure am. (the banner above him says 'New Krusty Krab Promotion')
SpongeBob: Who are you going to introduce it to?
Mr. Krabs: Well, all my loyal customers, of course!
Squidward: Ha.
Mr. Krabs: Anyway, we got new beverage cups.
SpongeBob: Wow.
Mr. Krabs: There's regular, large, and the new viking size.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, these are all the same size cup.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, this promotion is designed to save us money. And don't forget, each participating patron who purchases any drink of our new Krusty Krab Viking-Sized cup gets to a chance to try on this genuine cardboard Viking helmet. (holds up a cardboard helmet that is taped and has fake jewels on it)
Squidward: That he found while cleaning out his attic over the weekend.
Mr. Krabs: Don't you know when you're being ignored?
Squidward: You're the only one talking.
SpongeBob: (stares at the helmet) Mr. Krabs, it's beautiful.
Mr. Krabs: Not so fast. Access to the mighty helmet will be granted to active promotion participants only. And only those who purchase Viking Size.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what's a Viking?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, well, uh, the Vikings lived a long time ago.
SpongeBob: How long?
Mr. Krabs: Uh, about ten years.
SpongeBob: And...?
Mr. Krabs: Uh... (walks over to his office) You're gonna have to ask Squidward any more questions you got. He's the smart one. (closes his door)
Squidward: Barnacle butt.
SpongeBob: (appears next to Squidward) Hi, Squidward!
Squidward: (gasps) What do you want?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs said you were gonna teach me all about the Vikings.
Squidward: Oh, really?
SpongeBob: Will ya teach me, huh?
Squidward: Sure, I'll teach you. Listen closely, now. The Vikings were a race of scholars and scientists who lived before even Mr. Krabs was born. They are believed to have discovered ketchup and enjoyed dressing up their pets as chunks of masonry on the weekends. Their favorite movies are in black and white.
Viking: Look out!
Squidward: And grown Vikings are known to collect socks, which they display and trade at monthly sock-trading conventions called Sockengarten.
Vikings: Sockengarten.
SpongeBob: Wow.
SpongeBob: Squidward, do you think Vikings really drink their beverages in Viking Size?
Squidward: Of course they do. How else Mr. Krabs come up with such a brilliant idea?
SpongeBob: Do you think that...?
Squidward: SpongeBob, can't you see I am trying to work?
SpongeBob: But...
Squidward: But what?
SpongeBob: There's so much more about Vikings that I want to find out.
Squidward: (angrily) Well, then, why don't you go ask them?
SpongeBob: (gasps) Thanks, Squidward. (kisses Squidward on the forehead) Mwah!
SpongeBob: (now in the kitchen writing a letter) Dear Vikings, I am writing to ask you guys about your lives and stuff. (walks to the mailbox and puts the letter inside) If you would take the time to answer all my neat questions, then that would be really swell. (cut to Bikini Bottom Post Office)
(a mailfish separates the mail. Then he notices SpongeBob's letter 'To Vikings" and put's it in the trash. A dump truck comes up. One of the guys gets out and trips on his shoelaces. He sees the letter to the vikings and runs away. His hat comes off, revealing a viking hat underneath. He goes through all sorts of weather, up a mountain to where the vikings live)
King: Ah, Helga, tell me once again of the time you visited those remote Himalayan hot springs. (the viking from earlier comes in crawling up to the king)
Viking #1: A letter. (goes unconscious)
King: (angrily) Why must you always come in here during story time?
Viking: But, but, I...
King: Guards. (two guards grab the viking)
Viking #1: (drops the envelope) Please, no, you don't understand! I was only trying to... (thrown through the air)
Helga: Your Majesty! Look, a letter.
King: How incredibly interesting. I must read it at once. (cut to Krusty Krab where a viking ship crashes in and some vikings get off)
Squidward: Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I take your order?
Gordon: We are Vikings. Our chieftain has sent us here because we got this letter. (holds up SpongeBob's letter)
Squidward: SpongeBob, there are some Vikings here to see you.
SpongeBob: What's that, Squidward? I couldn't here you. I was.... ooh. (notices the Vikings)
Gordon: Ah.. are you the one they call the SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I think so.
Gordon: Well, we are here to teach you all about the Vikings.
SpongeBob: Huzzah!
Gordon: One of the things Vikings like to do is redecorate. (some of the vikings destroy a table, the soda machine, and the bathroom stall)
SpongeBob: How interesting.
Gordon: (there is fire everywhere) And another thing we Vikings like to do is appropriate. (pulls the cash register off the boat and throws it in the ship)
SpongeBob: What a fascinating culture.
Gordon: And on occasion, the Vikings-- we've been known to liberate. (ties Squidward up with some rope)
Squidward: What the...? Hey, you can't do (thrown onto the ship) that...!
SpongeBob: (tied up by some rope like Squidward) I can't believe how much I'm learning. (thrown onboard as the ship sails back)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I'll be back in one hour. I'm going on me lunch break. Squidward?
Squidward: Would you mind telling us what this is all about?
Gordon: (spits) Shush. Now that you're part of our crew, I guess we should introduce ourselves. (punches a Viking in the chest) This is Olaf. (slaps another Viking in the chest) And this is Olaf. (points to another Viking) This is Olaf. This is Olaf, Olaf, Olaf. Olaf, And, um.... (snaps fingers to try and remember)
Viking #2: Olaf.
Gordon: Olaf.
Squidward: So, let me guess. Your name must be....
Gordon: That's right-- Gordon.
SpongeBob: Nice to meet ya.
Gordon: Now, before I put you two to work, I want to know what...
SpongeBob: Wait! I still have lots more questions about the Vikings' way of life.
Gordon: Like what?
SpongeBob: Well... like, what do the Vikings like to do for fun?
Gordon: Hmm... fun. Hmm, uh, um, uh, well...
Green Olaf: What about the shield toss?
Gordon: Oh, yeah, yeah. (takes a shield and throws it at a door)
SpongeBob: Hmm, anything else?
Gordon: Um...
Green Olaf: Oh! What about flaming shield toss?
Gordon: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. (grabs another shield and lights it on fire with a torch then throws it at the door. All the Olafs clap)
SpongeBob: Anything else?
Gordon & Green Olaf: Hmm...
Gordon: Uh, I-I-I can't really think of anything.
Green Olaf: Me neither. Oh, yeah.
Gordon: What is it, Olaf?
Green Olaf: We like to sing songs.
Purple & Orange Olaf: Oh!
Gordon, Purple & Orange Olaf: No, we don't! (grab green Olaf)
Green Olaf: Wait, no! Okay, I admit it was a lousy idea. I promise it won't happen again. (gets thrown into a catapult)
Gordon: You got that right. (Green Olaf is launched into the ocean)
Gordon: Any other questions?
SpongeBob: I'll let you know if I think of anything.
Gordon: So, tell me. What is it that you two know how to do?
SpongeBob: Well, Mr. Krabs tells me I'm pretty good with a spatula.
Squidward: Ha.
Gordon: Fine. You're our ship's new head chef. And what can you do?
Squidward: Well, if you must know, I'm a widely renowned clarinet virtuoso, state-recognized interior design consultant, licensed and board-certified antique macrame connoisseur, born-and-raised collector and sculptor of driftwood, and able to recognize over 1,300 brand names of single-person-pedal-operated vehicles at a single glance. Plus, I make a killer Soufflé.
Gordon: Impressive. You'll be the ship's bathroom attendant.
SpongeBob: A Promotion. Congratulations, Squidward.
Squidward: Hold it right there, Whiskers. Let's not forget you're the one who dragged me onto this crate in the first place. Now, you ask me to pour my heart out, and this is the respect I get? Well, you got another thing coming, honey. I want off this boat, pronto. (cut to Squidward in the catapult) On second thought, bathroom attendants make decent tips. Well, look on the bright side, Squidward-- no more living next door to SpongeBob. Let her rip, Jacko!
SpongeBob: (stops the hammer from catapulting Squidward) Wait! You can't do that.
Gordon: You mean to question the will of the tribe?
SpongeBob: If it means saving my best friend, then yes.
Gordon: (throws an axe in front of SpongeBob) Then pick up the weapon and fight me a duel of accordance to the prophecy. (pulls out a wooden sword)
Olafs: Duel! Duel! Duel! Duel!
Gordon: Go on. Pick it up!
SpongeBob: But... (has trouble picking up axe)
Gordon: Go on, weakling.
Purple Olaf: (chuckles) Owned.
SpongeBob: But, but I... (ship crashes and water begins to build up as an alarm sounds)
Blue Olaf: (running around) We're being attacked by a giant monster. This is the end-- the end of the Vikings!
Tan Olaf: Oh, Vahalla, why have you forsaken us?
SpongeBob: Guys, you just ran into a piece of ice. No one's forsaken you. There's a breach in the hull over there. You just gotta patch it up.
Gordon: (pulls out a blanket) Quick, everybody, take one of these!
SpongeBob: What's that for?
Gordon: It's a security blanket.
SpongeBob: How you going to patch up a leak with that?
Gordon: We're not, but it makes us feel so much better. (SpongeBob runs off) Hey, you forgot your blanket!
Squidward: (still tied up in the catapult as SpongeBob jumps in) What the barnacles is going on down there?
SpongeBob: Pardon me, Squidward! (unties Squidward with his spatula)
Squidward: It's all yours.
SpongeBob: Thanks. (turns the catapult around) There.
Purple Olaf: Look up there. What's he doing?
SpongeBob: Here goes nothing. (throws his spatula to cut the rope on the catapult. It launches him into the breach and he sucks up the water in the ship. All the Vikings cheer) Now that's what I call a Viking-size adventure.
End