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Goodbye, Krabby Patty?

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Amphitrite

(open at Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob and Patrick are jellyfishing. They both catch jellyfish with their nets, trapping them on each other's heads. The jellyfish sting both of them, causing them to swell up. They look at each other and laugh. Later, they're skipping down the road. Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick brushing each other's teeth through a mirror at the Mirror Shop. Scene then changes to SpongeBob and Patrick sharing a pair of pants with each other at the pants shop. They stumble about as they walk together in the same pants and go to Barg'N-Mart's freezer aisle. They fall over)
Patrick: It's harder to walk, but worth it. (they both get back up)
SpongeBob: Ah... the perfect end to a perfect day: buying ourselves the perfect ice cream. (opens the freezer)
Patrick: So many flavors... (they look at the huge stack of ice cream tubs)
Mountain climber: (climbs on top of the mountain of ice cream tubs) Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (they leap inside the freezer) Whoo-hoo!
SpongeBob: Hmm... what brand should we buy? (picks one up) "Hogan Düp"?
Patrick: No. That's too fancy. (tosses it aside)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (searches through the pile. They find another flavor) "Rocky Road"!
Patrick: "With real rocks!"
SpongeBob: Rocky road, unlike our friendship, which is a smoothe avenue and will never have any bumps.
Mr. Krabs: (accidentally bumps into the freezer door with his shopping cart, closing SpongeBob and Patrick inside) Bump. (sees SpongeBob and Patrick in the freezer)
Mr. Krabs: When did food get so ugly? (gets a frozen TV dinner from the freezer and reads off it)
Mr. Krabs: "Lonely Krab Dinner for One: Now 30% lonelier". Can't believe what they're charging for this frozen debris, and I can't believe they're selling so much of it. But it sure is convenient. (puts many TV dinners in his shopping cart)
SpongeBob: (looks at one of Mr. Krabs' TV dinners) Can you imagine if they had frozen Krabby Patties at the supermarket? Oh, that would be so convenient everyone in the world could enjoy them.
Mr. Krabs: (his nose lights up like a fuse and his eyes pop like a party popper) SpongeBob, that's a million dollar idea that I just had that you just said before me!
(scene changes to the Krusty Krab exterior. A filmed commercial is shown)
Mr. Krabs: Hello! Welcome to my commercial! Would you like the convenience of a Krabby Patty at home without the hassle of going to the Krusty Krab? Well, now you can. (picks up a Krabby Patty and stuffs it in a "Frozen Krabby Patties" box) Have delicious Krabby Patties anytime you want! They're in your grocer's freezer section. Buy them! I want your money! Did you get that, Pearly-girl?
Pearl: (holding the camera) Yes, Daddy. And stop babying me! (commercial ends)
(inside a business office, the commercial was shown to ad executive, Don Grouper. The television the commercial was shown turns off)
Mr. Krabs: So, Mr. Grouper. What do you think?
Don Grouper: Call me Don.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, well. Okay, Don. Will this make me rich?
Don Grouper: Mr. Krabs, if you wanna sell zero Krabby Patties and wind up in the poor house, then I say go with your commercial.
Mr. Krabs: Oh...
Don Grouper: But if you really want to be rich, keep your mouth shut and listen to us, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh... okay.
Don Grouper: (presses a button. Four other executives appear on the other half of the table) Let me introduce you to the team here at GGK. That's Barry Goby, Rob Koi, and Limia with her team from creative. Everyone, this is Mr. Krabs and a yellow box.
SpongeBob: Oh, uh... actually my name Spon–
Don Grouper: Let's say we give a look-see at what we've cooked up for you. (pushes a button. The curtains on the window shut. A hologram of a Krabby Patty is shown. SpongeBob plays with it a little and Mr. Krabs makes him stop)
Don Grouper: The Krabby Patty: a mainstay of dining in Bikini Bottom for a very long time, like an old friend, but not too old because research shows us old is gross.
Limia: Yes. It's absolutely.
Barry Goby: Oh, of course...
Rob Koi: Just gross.
Barry Goby: Yeah, no... it's disgusting...
Elderly executive: Well, I don't think old is gross. (Don Grouper presses a button and send the elderly executive down a trapdoor. A baby executive takes his place)
Baby executive: (takes out phone and starts texting in it) Goo-goo! Social networking! Ahhh!
Don Grouper: Exactly. Now, here are some of the slogans we've been kicking around. (presses button. The hologram changes to a fish walking with an anthropmorphic Krabby Patty. He picks it up and takes a bite from it. The Krabby Patty gives a thumbs up) "Krabby Patties: like a friend, but edible". (hologram shows a delivery man, scared, leaving a package at someone's door. He knocks on it and runs off. A monstrous arm reaches out and takes the package from inside) "Krabby Patties: the shut-in's favorite patty". (hologram shows two Krabby Patties standing on the edge of a cliff. One patty pushes the other off the cliff and it falls in a hole, which morphs into a mouth, chews the patty, and belches) "Krabby Patties: you shove 'em in your mouth hole".
SpongeBob: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I have a slogan! (the executives eye at SpongeBob) "Krabby Patties: taste so nice that they... taste nice". (the executives shake their heads. The baby executive raspberries)
Mr. Krabs: Let's just leave it to the professionals, boy-o.
Don Grouper: The thing is, Frozen Krabby Patties are a convenience for everyone, and we need a campaign that says exactly that. We need a regular guy to represent all consumers.
SpongeBob: (starts pointing to himself) Me!
Don Grouper: Someone everyone can relate to...
SpongeBob: Oh! Me! Me!
Don Grouper: ...with a face that says "I love Krabby Patties". (SpongeBob opens his right eye, his left eye with a heart in it, and sticks his tongue out with a Krabby Patty on it) We find that face and we have our campaign.
Mr. Krabs: (puts his arm around SpongeBob) And I've got the perfect guy for the job. (SpongeBob becomes delighted)
(scene changes to another Frozen Krabby Patty commercial starring Patrick)
Patrick: (opens a microwave, takes out a Frozen Krabby Patty box and takes a bite from the patty) Krabby Patties: they taste so nice that they taste nice! (a filmmaker claps his clapperboard and the commercial ends. Patrick gets out of the recliner)
SpongeBob: Hey, that was my slogan.
Don Grouper: Great stuff, huh? This guy is gonna be a star!
Patrick: I'm already a star.
Don Grouper: That's the attitude!
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. Now that I'm finished doing whatever it is I'm doing, you wanna go play? (SpongeBob gasps in excitement)
Limia: Sorry, yellow box. Patrick has to make a personal appearance at the mall. (leaves with Patrick)
SpongeBob: I–oh... (walks away sadly)
Mr. Krabs: Don, will this commercial really help me make money?
Don Grouper: You need to call your bank, Krabs, because they are gonna have to build an extra vault to hold all the extra money.
Mr. Krabs: (faints in delight. Don catches him. In a Southern accent) Oh, I do declare, Mr. Grouper. I believe I have a case of the vapors!
Don Grouper: I told you, call me Don. (smiles)
Mr. Krabs: Don.
Don Grouper: Of course, you could double, maybe even triple or quadruple that money if you... no, forget it.
Mr. Krabs: What? Forget what? What?! What?! What are you saying?
Don Grouper: Well, we ran some numbers and realized that you could make a lot more money if you... changed the formula.
Mr. Krabs: How much "a lot more"?
Don Grouper: "A lot" a lot more.
Mr. Krabs: Well, then let's fill her up with filler!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you changing the secret Krabby Patty formula?
Mr. Krabs: No, I can... well, it's just a little tweak, me boy.
SpongeBob: But what is "filler"?
Don Grouper: Whoa, hey! This little yellow box sure is full of questions. What do you say we go see where the money's made?
Mr. Krabs: Ho ho! That sounds great!
(transition to the Krusty Krab. A huge factory is now behind it. Inside the factory, Don Grouper is driving a cart showing Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob the Frozen Krabby Patty-making process. In the background, one of the workers falls in the ground beef on the conveyor belt and gets burnt in the conveyor oven, then frozen in a block of ice in the freezer. A worker walks up to a "Day without an accident" sign and changes the number from "1" to "0")
Don Grouper: Take a look around. It's your dream come true. Through the wonders of automation, this factory can make as many Krabby Patties in one minute as you used to make in a week. Take a whiff of the future, Krabs. Does it smell like money?
Mr. Krabs: (takes a whiff) Oh, yeah.
SpongeBob: Hey, why does that barrel say "Sand"? (points to workers pouring a barrel of sand in a funnel with the word "Filler" on it)
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's imported. It's spelled "Sand", but it's pronounced "Filler".
Don Grouper: Hey, let's check in on our taste test area. (speeds the cart up to the Test Lab and stops, causing SpongeBob to fly out and hit the window)
Taste tester: (takes a bite of the frozen Krabby Patty) Hmmm... this tastes kind of bad.
Limia: (holds up a Frozen Krabby Patty box with Patrick's picture on it) Would you buy it, though?
Taste tester: Well, yeah. For the convenience and the face of that stupid guy. (laughs a little) Though I have noticed a bit of a side effect... (points to his behind, which is bigger than usual)
Limia: (calls the security guards, who take the taste tester away. Laughs) He loves it.
Executive: Great news Krabs. Sales are going all the way up to the surface of the ocean! Here's your first check.
Mr. Krabs: Huh? (looks at the check. It shows $100,000,000. He gasps and unfolds the check further and sees that he has up to septillion dollars. He flips the back of the check and has even more money than that. His eyes scream in excitement and he faints in delight again. Don catches him)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm rich, boy-o! Rich!
SpongeBob: Great. Can we go back to the Krusty Krab, now?
Mr. Krabs: Yes. Yes, we can.
SpongeBob: Hooray! Finally!
(cut to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs go inside, where several workers are doing renovations. SpongeBob runs into the kitchen and gets his spatula)
Mr. Krabs: Whatcha doing, boy?
SpongeBob: Making Krabby Patties.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. You've made your last Krabby Patty. (a worker brings in an animatronic SpongeBob, moves SpongeBob from in front of the grill, and puts it in his place)
SpongeBob: You mean my last one for the morning rush?
Mr. Krabs: No. Ever.
SpongeBob: You mean my last one for "today" ever?
Mr. Krabs: No, I mean forever... and ever. You're fired.
SpongeBob: Fired? (the worker takes his spatula and gives it to animatronic SpongeBob)
Mr. Krabs: But I'm ready to rehire you.
SpongeBob: (begging) Oh, please rehire me, Mr. Krabs! I'll do anything!
Mr. Krabs: Then follow me. (exits the kitchen. Animatronic SpongeBob stares at SpongeBob with red eyes. SpongeBob exits the kitchen. The dining room is now a museum with gifts, souvenirs, and animatronics of Krusty Krab employees and patrons)
Animatronic Patrick: (eating a Krabby Patty) This tastes nice.
(an animatronic Plankton is in the safe with the secret formula. An animatronic Mr. Krabs hits him with a mallet)
Animatronic Plankton: Ow. Curses. Foiled again. Ow.
SpongeBob: You turned the Krusty Krab into some kind of museum?
Mr. Krabs: That's right, me boy. It's all history now. But you. You have the most important job of all. You give tours and sell tchotchkes in the gift shop.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but what if someone wants a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, we've got plenty of Krabby Patties right here in the freezer. (takes out a frozen Krabby Patty, puts it in a Patrick microwave, and heats it up)
Patrick microwave: Ding.
Mr. Krabs: (takes the patty out) You see? Customers at the museum can cook the patties themselves, like this. (takes a bite of it and Krabs looks disgusted while eating it) Yeah... it's so convenient, see? (chuckles)
Squidward: And what about me?
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Squidward. You're fired.
Squidward Well, do I get rehired for a new job at the museum, too?
Mr. Krabs: Heh! No. You're just fired.
Squidward: What? No! You don't fire me–I quit! I got my resignation letter all prepared. (reading the letter) "Dear Mr. Krabs–"
Mr. Krabs: Do you have a ticket sir? Can't be in a museum without a ticket.
Squidward: What the–?! (stammers, then resumes reading as he gets taken out of the restaurant by a delivery man) "I tender my resignation from this greasy establishment. Too long have I toiled under your iron claw. Now I am free–free to live my dreams of being a ballet dancer, (laughs) and the first chair clarinet in the Bikini Bottom Orchestra (laughs again) and I am going to finally publish my mystery/thriller novel: 'Dial D for Doily'!" (Mr. Krabs gives SpongeBob his new uniform and hands him a card. Customers come in)
SpongeBob: Ahem. (reading card) "Hello, and welcome to the Krusty Krab Museum: the original home of the Krabby Patty, now available in the frozen food section of your local supermarket". (animatronic Squidward's head explodes and flies off) Oh, and don't forget to buy souvenirs at the gift shop.
Mr. Krabs: Atta boy. Embraces the future! (exits the museum. Animatronic Squidward's head lands next to SpongeBob)
(scene changes to customers buying more Frozen Krabby Patties at the supermarket, with their behinds bigger than usual. Mr. Krabs goes to the bank and hands his check to the bank teller. He receives a large bag of money and faints. At Barg'N Mart, Patrick is signing autographs on his fans' large behinds. SpongeBob is amongst the crowd, but Patrick just signs his forehead and doesn't notice. Mr. Krabs dives into a pile of money, swims in it, and pulls a cord to pour more money. Transition to Patrick's house, which is now a hotel. SpongeBob goes in the elevator)
Elevator operator: Going up?
SpongeBob: I'm going to a party–a party to celebrate my friend's upcoming 400th commercial.
Elevator operator: Uh-huh.
SpongeBob: I brought ice cream. Me and my best friend are gonna share the ice cream. Who knows? Maybe we'll even get a chance to share pants! (laughs) Again.
Elevator operator: (slightly disgusted) You should get out... now.
SpongeBob: (exits the elevator and goes into the room where the party is taking place) Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me...
Flounder: Uh, Patrick. Did you order something through the mail? 'Cause a yellow box just arrived for you.
Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Oh, I'm sure glad you made it to my party.
Flounder: Uh, excuse me, yellow box. Are you feeling a little overheated? Because I do–I say, I do believe that you are melting! (points to SpongeBob's ice cream, which is melting, and laughs with the other people at the party)
SpongeBob: (grins nervously and blushes) Oh, yeah. I should get this in a freezer. Patrick, where's the kitchen?
Patrick: Uh, I don't know.
Limia: It's just past the solid gold gym. Take a right at the zoo. (SpongeBob goes)
Patrick: I'll come with you, SpongeBob.
Limia: (takes Patrick's arm and escorts him across the other side of the room) He can find the kitchen by himself. The press needs some photos of you with your new mascot friends. (SpongeBob and Patrick look back at each other and sigh dejectedly. SpongeBob goes to the freezer and opens it, revealing that it is full of Hogan Düp ice cream)
Mountain climber (voice): Yodel-ay-hee-hoo! (SpongeBob, saddened, puts his ice cream on the countertop, exits the kitchen, and walks past Patrick, who is getting his photos taken with his party guests)
Press: This way, Mr. Star! Hey, Patrick, over here! Over here! Right here! Who are you wearing?
Narrator: The next day...
SpongeBob: (puts on his Krusty Krab Museum uniform and walks inside. He trips over Squidward's foot) Squidward? What are you doing here? I thought you were off following your dreams.
Squidward: I was. They turned out to be nightmares. Apparently, you need more than 17 years behind a cash register to be qualified for dreams. I never thought I would say this, but I'm begging you, SpongeBob. Let me come back and work at the Krusty Krab Museum.
SpongeBob: I guess you could help out the animatronic Squidward. There's something about him that seems a little off.
Animatronic Squidward: I love my job. Thanks for coming!
Squidward: Totally out of character. (shoves animatronic Squidward aside and takes its place) I hate everyone. Huh. Much better.
Narrator: Later...
Patrick: (filmmakers are preparing another commercial. Patrick is reading his script) "Tastes so nice that they..."
Squidward: They taste like lice!
Patrick: Oh! Now I gotta start over. Someone fix that broken robot.
Squidward: Huh? (a worker flips Squidward over and takes out a drill) What are you doing with this–? (screams painfully off-screen)
Patrick: "Tastes so nice that they taste nice".
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. Rehearsing your big 400th commercial, huh?
Limia: Excuse me, yellow box. Mr. Star is not to be disturbed. He's very, very busy right now.
SpongeBob: Yeah, sure. I get it... (sulks and walks away)
Patrick: But he's my friend.
Limia: You're a star. You have no friends.
Patrick: (sighs) What am I doing again?
Don Grouper: Stand over here and say your line. (takes Patrick to film another commercial with a lighted "400" sign and table with Frozen Krabby Patties boxes and some patties) And action!
Patrick: (begrudgingly takes a bite of the patty) Tastes so nice, it... (moans incoherently as he slowly starts slumping. The 400 sign lights up and confetti is released)
Don Grouper: And cut! Alright, you guys can fix that in post. Okay? That's a wrap. Let's pack it up.
Limia: (comes back with a contract with a contract for Patrick to sign) Okay, and here, and here. Okay, and then sign here and, again, here.
SpongeBob: Patrick, there's something weird about these Frozen Krabby Patties.
Filmmaker #1: (a filmmaker eats a Frozen Krabby Patty. His behind gets bigger) Looks like you've been hitting the patties pretty hard there.
Filmmaker #2: Speak for yourself! (points to filmmaker #1's behind, which is even bigger)
SpongeBob: Oh... nothing's been the same since those frozen patties came out. I miss the old Krusty Krab. I miss Patrick. (a filmmaker puts him in a crate of yellow boxes)
Limia: Come on, Mr. Star. You've got an 11:00 eyeball waxing.
Patrick: (sighs) See you later, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob sighs. Patrick sulks as he and Limia go and leave in a limousine. A fish rides a bike past the Krusty Krab Museum, which a banner that says "Eat Frozen Krabby Patties" attached to it)
Plankton: (peeks from behind the pole) Finally. Now is my chance to strike! (runs inside the museum and past SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: "Welcome to the original Krusty–" (Plankton runs to the safe, where animatronic Krabs is hitting animatronic Plankton with a mallet)
Animatronic Plankton: Curses. Foiled again. Curses. Foiled again.
Plankton: Pfft... never happened. (leaps into the safe, grabs the secret formula and kicks animatronic Plankton down)
Plankton: Now to make my escape. (laughs evilly as he runs past SpongeBob and notices he's not trying to stop him)
Plankton: Aren't you gonna try and stop me?
SpongeBob: That'll be $1.99, please.
Plankton: What do you mean "$1.99"? You're not gonna step on me? I've got the secret formula, you know.
SpongeBob: Anyone can have a secret formula. We sell them in the gift shop. (takes a secret formula bottle and pulls out the paper, revealing that the pages are blank) See? They're all just fakes. (rips the paper up) Everything here is a fake.
Plankton: Eh, forget it. What's the world coming to? (throws the bottle on the floor, breaking it) Alright, just give me one Frozen Krabby Patty to go.
Patrick microwave: Ding. (SpongeBob hands Plankton a Frozen Krabby Patty)
Plankton: (laughs) Yes! You fools! (runs off with the patty)
Squidward: Shouldn't we chase after him? He didn't pay.
SpongeBob: Oh, what's the point? (takes a Frozen Krabby Patty) These Frozen Krabby Patties have ruined my life, Squidward. And it was all my idea. Who am I to fight the future? (takes a bite of the patty. SpongeBob looks disgusted while eating it and spits out a sand in the shape of a sand castle and a shovel
SpongeBob: Sand?! It tastes like sand! Not good sand, either
Squidward: Of course it does. What do you think Krabs uses as filler?
SpongeBob: (becomes determined) Krabby Patties aren't made with sand! They're made with love! (dashes into the kitchen, takes his spatula from animatronic SpongeBob and kicks it away. He opens himself up to reveal the real secret formula, which shines. He uncorks the bottle and reads off the paper, which also shines. SpongeBob smiles)
SpongeBob: (puts on his Krusty Krab uniform) I am going to show the world what a fresh, not-frozen Krabby Patty taste like! And the first one is for my best friend, Patrick. (starts cooking a Krabby Patty. Outside the museum, some customers smell the Krabby Patty coming from inside and smile. Scene changes to the hotel. Patrick is getting interviews and photos taken from the press)
Press: Over here. Right here, Patrick. Right here! Right here! One more, Patrick!
Agent: Patrick, baby sweetheart. Have you thought about that feature film I pitched youse? (Patrick sadly looks at a picture of him and SpongeBob jellyfishing while sharing pants. A photographer suddenly covers up the picture to take a photo of him)
Patrick: (angrily) That's it! I can't take it anymore! Everybody out! (everyone exits the room)
Patrick: (looks at the picture) I wish things could go back to the way they were. (moans and goes to the balcony) I just wanna be able to share one pair of pants with my best friend without it being in the papers.
SpongeBob: (at the Krusty Krab, finished making the Krabby Patty) Freshly grilled Krabby Patty, you and I are going to save the world... and save a friendship. (runs over to the hotel)
SpongeBob: (calling out) Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob! (starts running to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: (through megaphone) Patrick, the frozen patties are made with sand!
Patrick: SpongeBob! What?!
SpongeBob: (through cell phone) Patrick, the Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand!
Patrick: (through telephone) I thought they tasted familiar! (runs into SpongeBob and gets stuck in him) SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: (pulls himself off Patrick, leaving behind a huge hole in his face, which he grows back) Missed you.
Patrick: I missed you too.
SpongeBob: (takes out his Krabby Patty) I got something for you, from one friend to another.
Patrick: No, no! I don't wanna eat another one of those things! (SpongeBob stuffs the Krabby Patty in Patrick's mouth. Patrick chews on it, his eyes sparkle, and he flaps his arms like wings delightfully)
Patrick: (puts his arm around SpongeBob) Now that's a real Krabby Patty! As delicious as our real friendship!
SpongeBob: Now that we've saved our friendship, we have to save the reputation of the Krabby Patty.
Patrick: But I have to speak at a shareholders meeting tonight. How am I gonna say nice things about frozen patties now that I know they're filled with sand? (kicks sand in SpongeBob's face)
SpongeBob: (waves his arm over his face and cleans the sand off) Well, Patrick. You're just gonna have to listen to your heart... and your stomach.
(transition to the shareholder meeting with a huge audience)
Don Grouper: Thank you everyone for coming to this gala event celebrating the meteoric success of Frozen Krabby Patties. In honor of this momentous occasion, we are going to premiere our 400th commercial.
Mr. Krabs: And here to say a few words is the face of the Frozen Krabby Patty: our own Patrick Star! Come on up, Patrick! (audience cheers)
Patrick: (goes on stage and speaks through the microphone) Good evening, ladies and... the other ones. I know you're all excited to see the 400th commercial, but before we see it, I just want to say... (looks at SpongeBob, who gives a thumbs up. He looks back at the audience) that... (looks at Don and Krabs) that... Frozen Krabby Patties are...
SpongeBob: Uh-huh... uh-huh... uh-huh...
Patrick: ...made with sand! (the audience gasps)
Mr. Krabs: (horrified) Oh no... (faints in Don's arms again)
Don Grouper: That was cute when you were rich. (drops Krabs) I'm out of here. (leaves the stage. The audience starting vomiting sand)
Perch Perkins: And in shocking news today, it has been revealed that Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand. (all the customers, upon the revelation, vomit sand. Harold coughs up balls of sand. Fred vomits square-shaped sand. Sand shoots out of Charlie's eyesockets. Scooter vomits sand and a snail in a litter box. The customers' behinds get smaller as this happens. They then proceed to throw away their Frozen Krabby Patties)
Mr. Krabs: (the factory is taken away, reverting the Krusty Krab back to its normal state) Well, it's gone. Everything I spent me life building is all gone. I'm ruined. (sobs) What? (peeks inside the restaurant. Everyone is enjoying Krabby Patties)
Harold: Now that's the taste I remember.
Mr. Krabs: That's strange. (walks inside and past the remains of the now-trashed Krusty Krab museum)
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, what is going on in here?
Squidward: (imitating animatronic) Uh, I am animatronic Squidward. I cannot answer questions.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward!
Squidward: It was SpongeBob's idea. Him and Patrick are behind this. They forced me to help.
(cut to the kitchen. SpongeBob and Patrick are sharing pants. SpongeBob makes patties while Patrick eats one)
Mr. Krabs: (walks in) SpongeBob, did you do all this?
SpongeBob: Absolutely! Well, Patrick helped.
Patrick: A friend always helps. It's called "frelping", and I was very frelpful.
Mr. Krabs: But how did you get these customers to eat Krabby Patties? They know they're filled with sand.
SpongeBob: The frozen ones are, but these are made fresh.
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) Fresh?
SpongeBob: Go on. Have a bite.
Mr. Krabs: No, no. I–
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, just a nibble. (rubs the patty over Mr. Krabs' mouth)
Mr. Krabs: (licks the grease off his mouth) Here! (eats the patty whole and savors it. Overjoyed) Ooh, hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Ooh, the flavor! The sweet, greasy nectar of the gods! How much are you charging for these patties, boy-o?
SpongeBob: Nothing. We're not selling them.
Patrick: Yeah, we just give them away.
Mr: Krabs: (twitches, then immediately perks up) Ah, SpongeBob, me boy, you've done a good thing here, lad. But you could use a little frelp, I think. (leaps into the pants with SpongeBob and Patrick) How about we partner up, and I become your boss and pay you minimum wage while I work you mercilessly? What do you say?
SpongeBob: Yeah! The Krusty Krab is back in business!
Mr. Krabs: Great! Now get back to work! (laughs)