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Two Thumbs Down

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Honest Slug

(The episode begins in SpongeBob's house)
SpongeBob and Patrick: 1-2-3-4, I declare a thumb war!
(SpongeBob and Patrick begin a thumb war, they are intensely invested in their battle circling around the room, SpongeBob's thumb sneaks behind Patrick's thumb and prevails)
Patrick: (Laughs with SpongeBob) Now that, (Breaths) was a great thumb war, mister.
SpongeBob: It was, Patrick, but now we will let peace prevail. Let us sign this treaty, and our thumbs will live in harmony. (SpongeBob pulls out a peace treaty and they use their thumbprints as signatures, they laugh) Great job, Patrick. (SpongeBob gives Patrick two thumbs up and Patrick is flattered)
Patrick: Gee, thanks, SpongeBob. That means a lot!
SpongeBob: Wow. Giving someone a thumbs up feels great!
(The episode shifts to the Krusty Krab)
Fish Customer #1: Boy, these Krabby Patties are delicious.
Fish Customer #2: I say, they're absolutely stupendous.
SpongeBob: Well you guys are stupendous customers! (He gives them two thumbs up)
Fish Customer #1: (Gasps) That thumbs up really touched my heart!
Fish Customer #2: Yeah, me too. It's like there's a thumbprint of happiness on my aorta. (His heart beats)
(SpongeBob walks off making thumb gestures, he goes to the kitchen. Mr. Krabs barges in)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you shifty sea slacker! Have you counted the cups like I told you to do?
SpongeBob: I sure have, Mr. Krabs. Five. But thanks for being on top of the situation, you're a fantastic boss. (He gives Mr. Krabs a thumbs up)
Mr. Krabs: Well, thank you. That's nice of you to say. Now back to work!
(SpongeBob falls to the ground)
SpongeBob: (Still happy) Yes sir! (Raising his thumb)
(SpongeBob goes back to serving customers in the Krusty Krab, he hands a lady a Krabby Patty and gives her a thumbs up. She looks happy)
Squidward: (Talking in a sarcastic manner) Oh, SpongeBob. Do you have one of your precious thumbs up for me? I would just love to get one! (Snickers)
SpongeBob: No Squidward, I do not have a thumbs up for you. (Walks away, only to come back quickly) I've got two thumbs up! (He holds his two thumbs up)
Squidward: (Looking a bit flattered) Oh… that's, thank you. I think. (Squidward looks confused)
(SpongeBob whistles back into the kitchen)
SpongeBob: Whooo!
(SpongeBob and Sandy meet on a sidewalk, in the background a driver in a boat-mobile is going all of the place)
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy. I'm giving your outfit two thumbs up! (He holds two thumbs up)
Sandy: (Chuckles) This old thing? (Acting humble) It's just something I threw on.
SpongeBob: Well girl you really… (Starts snapping his fingers) Make it work!
Sandy: Oh… k (Both notice the boat-mobile and look confused, the driver stops next to them)
Driver Fish: Excuse me, I'm trying to find the Goo Lagoon and I'm totally lost.
(Sandy is about to speak but SpongeBob talks first)
SpongeBob: Great job on not being afraid to ask for directions. (SpongeBob holds two thumbs up)
Driver Fish: (Looks at SpongeBob's thumbs) Hmm, that way? Okay. (The boat floats straight upward)
SpongeBob: You got the right stuff, golden boys. (He kisses both his thumbs)
Sandy: SpongeBob, don't you think you may be using the thumbs up a teensy bit too much?
SpongeBob: (Gets up in Sandy's face) Are you kidding? (SpongeBob's thumb circles around Sandy's face) The thumbs up is an iconic, internationally recognized sign of positivity and admiration. (Touches Sandy's nose) Boop!
Sandy: Yeah, I know. But when you do it all the time, the thumbs up loses its meaning. It becomes not special.
SpongeBob: Well I happen to think you can never give too many thumbs up. (SpongeBob raises two thumbs up, and ten other arms come out of his pores holding thumbs up)
Sandy: Uh, I don't know, SpongeBob. I think you should be careful.
SpongeBob: (Laughs) Oh, Sandy. Don't be such a worry whale! What could go wrong? (He walks away holding two thumbs up)
(SpongeBob walks down a road, giving thumbs up to a fish on a skateboard and a fish with a suitcase)
SpongeBob: (Blows on his thumbs) Woooo! I'm giving away thumbs up today! (He sees a pedestrian waiting to cross the road) Hey, guy! Way to wait! (SpongeBob holds out two thumbs up)
Pedestrian Fish: (Looks around) Who, me?
(SpongeBob blows on one of his thumbs causing the other thumb to inflate like a balloon, he points to his thumb)
Pedestrian Fish Um… (Starts whistling)
(SpongeBob cranks up one of his thumbs like a jack in the box)
(The pedestrian fish starts sweating, when the stoplight says to go he starts walking through the street)
SpongeBob: Hey guy, way to walk! (SpongeBob twirls his arms around and holds two thumbs up)
(The pedestrian fish looking frightened jogs away and is hit by a car off-screen)
SpongeBob: Oh, this feels great. (He looks at a fish waiting at the bus stop, he flicks an eye booger) Way to flick that (Framerate starts slowing down) eye booger. (His thumbs snap, live-action footage of trains crashing shows. His thumbs snap again and live-action footage of a bridge falling apart is presented. SpongeBob has a expression showing his pain. More live-action footage of a tree is show. His thumbs snap more and live-action crow is shown. Once more his thumbs snap and live-action footage of a baby crying plays, both of SpongeBob's thumbs start talking)
Thumbhawk Two: Thumbhawk One! Thumbhawk One! This is Thumbhawk Two! We have two thumbs down! Repeat, two thumbs down!
Thumbhawk One: Thumbhawk One, here. Copy that! Initiating emergency procedures!
Thumbhawk Two: Initiating one my count! 3-2-1! (Both scream)
(SpongeBob falls to the ground, para-shoots come out of SpongeBob's thumbs)
SpongeBob: My thumbs! My thumbs! My thuuuuuuuuummmbs!!!!!
(SpongeBob is taken to a place branched right next to the Bikini Bottom Hospital called "Manfish Center for Thumb Injuries" and SpongeBob is in a hospital bed)
SpongeBob: How's it lookin', Dr. Manfish?
(Dr. Manfish looks away from the X-Ray of SpongeBob's broken thumb)
Dr. Manfish: (Takes off his glasses) Well I'm afraid it doesn't look good, SpongeBob. Seems you severely damaged your only collateral ligament, possibly from some kind of repeated action.
SpongeBob: An action like… a thumbs up?
Dr. Manfish: Certainly that is one possibility. Hitchhiking, could be another.
SpongeBob: But, doctor, I will be able to use my thumbs again, right?
Dr. Manfish: (Takes off his contact lenses with his thumbs) SpongeBob, I can't say that for certain. I'm only a board-certified thumbologist. I don't know everything. (Uses water to clean his lenses) I can only say, you must give it time, and see. There are limits to science. But you should prepare yourself for the possibility that… you may never… regain your superior thumbs again. (Plucks his lenses back on with his thumbs)
(SpongeBob looks at one of his thumbs, on a wheel-chair. It coughs)
(The episode pans to the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: All right you boneless invertebrate, lazy-bones. (Chuckles) Come on. Lift them patties boy-o, just like the old days!
SpongeBob: Aye-aye, Mr. Krabs! (SpongeBob prepares to grill but the spatula falls out of his hand, Mr. Krabs puts on a nervous smile. SpongeBob grabs the spatula and when he tries to flip the patties he struggles to pull the weight and the spatula flies to the back of the kitchen)
Squidward: Uh, let me give you a hand, my thumbs work.
SpongeBob: No! I can do it! (He trembles trying to get the spatula and when he uses both hands to pick it up he tries once again to flip the patties only for the spatula to fly out and hit him square in the-face. Squidward and Mr. Krabs have expressions of sadness)
Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, son, but I have a business to run, I'm gonna have to let you go.
SpongeBob: That's okay, Mr. Krabs. I understand.
Mr. Krabs: Now where's me new fry cook? There he is! (Points to Patrick) Come on in here!
Patrick: (Patrick lands on the grill and the backside of his pants burn off) I'm sorry SpongeBob. (Mr. Krabs and Squidward leave the kitchen)
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm glad it's you. Better than some weird stranger, right?
Patrick: Uh, yeah I guess. I probably won't even… (Scratches back with spatula) be able to do good flipping.
SpongeBob: With a little practice, you could do anything. (Tries to pull thumbs up, but proceeds to be hurt and groans) oooh. (Exits the kitchen forlorn. A crowd of fish are revealed to be listening on the conversation)
SpongeBob: OI' Patty flippin' patties. Who'd a' thunk it, huh?
Fish spectator: (The whole crowd start murmuring) Poor kid.
(A song starts playing by a disembodied voice, SpongeBob walks sadly through the road)

♪Thumbs are opposable, thumbs are great
We share them with the monkeys, and with the apes
You can grab, you can tie, you can pinch a cheek (SpongeBob walks by someone flipping a dime and someone else pretending to tie a knot)
But without your thumbs, you're all thumbs (SpongeBob walks by a hitchhiker with their thumb in the air holding a sign saying "Goo Lagoon or Bust!")
All thumbs. No thumbs
Busting out your thumbs
Sucking on your pinkie would sure look dumb (A baby who was sucking on their thumb gives SpongeBob a thumbs up, SpongeBob is still sad and looks ashamed)
You'll never hitch a ride, or pull out a plumb (Someone pulls a plumb from a pie)
Without your thumbs, you're all thumbs (Echoing thumbs, thumbs, thumbs) (SpongeBob runs into a place called "Thumb Con" with people dressed up like thumbs)
All thumbs, no thumbs
Feels like a crime
Careful on a zipper or flip a dime
And forget about chopsticks, you'll starve every time (SpongeBob goes into a "Rice Barn" where he tries to use chopsticks to eat his rice, he drops the chopsticks and SpongeBob's head falls into the rice)
Without your thumbs you're all thumbs, thumbs, thumbs, thumbs, thumbs, thumbs, thumbs, thumbs (SpongeBob looks at Bikini Bottom, he views Bikini Bottom's buildings as thumbs, when he gets into his house his pineapple also turns into a thumb)
Without your thumbs you're all thumbs (Echoing thumbs, thumbs, thumbs)

(SpongeBob's house has no lights on, SpongeBob is starring at nothing and sits still on his chair. There is a faint light emitting from the window)
Sandy: (Knocking on the door) SpongeBob, it's me, Sandy! (Opens the door and comes inside) Hey, SpongeBob. I haven't seen you in days! Whatchya doin'?
SpongeBob: (Monotone) Waiting for autumn.
Sandy: Come now, it can't be that bad!
SpongeBob: Leave me Sandra. Forget you ever knew me. Erase from your memory the face of this useless Sponge… with these mutilated thumbs! (SpongeBob dramatically reveals his thumbs, bandaged with nails torn into them)
Sandy: (Gasps) Don't give up, SpongeBob! You have to find something you love, something to live for!
SpongeBob: And what might that be?
Sandy: I don't know, SpongeBob! (Breaths heavily) That's a question… (Breaths) you have to answer for yourself. (Walks out of SpongeBob's house saddened, SpongeBob tries to block the sunlight from his eyes)
SpongeBob: Sandy? Sandy? Sandy, come back! (Grabs peanut butter jar) I need you to help me open this jar of peanut butter! (He tries squeezing the lid and chomping on it with his teeth, to no avail. He throws the jar and starts sobbing) Enough sitting around feeling sorry for myself!
(SpongeBob tries to hold his thumb up in a miniature obstacle course, he's able to do it and the bandages on his thumb come off, he proceeds to light a miniature barbell weight with his thumb successfully. Afterwards he starts playing a "video game" with his thumbs, it is revealed to be a hospital and the video game was a heart monitor and a patient atsrats spazing out do to it. SpongeBob nods as he's ready to use his thumbs again)
Patrick: (At the Krusty Krab) Uhhhh… Turnover. (Lazy flips patty, not even flipping it on its other side)
SpongeBob: (Walking into the kitchen) My thumbs are better and I'm ready to work!
Patrick: The job's taken.
SpongeBob: Well I'm taking it back.
Patrick: (Looking more engaged) Just how ya gonna do that!
SpongeBob: (Rips the peace treaty in half and holds out his thumbs) Thumb war.
Patrick: (Raising his thumb) Ungaw!
SpongeBob and Patrick: 1-2-3-4, I declare I thumb war!
(SpongeBob and Patrick engage in a tense thumb war, they go outside the kitchen and walk up the walls into the Krusty Krab rafters and in the heat of the battle SpongeBob nearly falls off. The Krusty Krab customers gasp. Patrick's weight breaks the beam and they fall to the ground. In the air they continue to clash thumbs)
Patrick: Admit it, you have been bested!
SpongeBob: (Struggling) Never.
Patrick: (Falling onto the Krusty Krab table, he eats a Krabby Patty) Then prepare to be pinned! (SpongeBob starts sweating)
Sandy: Don't give up! (SpongeBob looks over) Something to live for! (She raises her thumb)
All Krusty Krab Customers: Something to live for! (All raise their thumbs including the baby from earlier)
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob looks encouraged and manages to rise up and beat Patrick in the thumb war) Yeah!
Sandy: SpongeBob wins! (Her and the Krusty Krab customers cheer)
Mr. Krabs: (Comes out of his office) SpongeBob, ya old patty junkie! (Holds hand around SpongeBob) Welcome home, son! (SpongeBob looks at Patrick)
Patrick: It's okay, I hate work anyway. (Everyone else laughs)
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick.
Patrick: No, but really, I do hate work. (Everyone else continues to laugh and Patrick starts laughing too) Everybody's laughin'! Oh hey, SpongeBob, I got somethin' for ya.
SpongeBob: Yes, Patrick?
(Patrick holds out two thumbs up for SpongeBob, and SpongeBob holds out two thumbs up for Patrick. Their thumbs rocket into the air and blow up into fireworks saying "The End")