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Safe Deposit Krabs

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Amphitrite

Johnny: (on TV) Witnesses are flunking around the unveiling of Bikini Bottom's newest bank: The Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank.
Mayor: (on TV. Cutting the ribbon) The first one hundred customers who joins Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank will receive instant interest on their deposit.
Mr. Krabs: (spits out his soda on the TV screen) "Instant interest"? That's practically giving money away! SpongeBob, you're in charge while I run down to the Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank. I gotta get down there before they run out of dough! (dashes out of the Krusty Krab, and into the bank) Money, here I com- oh. (sees customers at desks, receiving their interest. Starts mumbling)
Nancy: Thanks for banking with Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank. And, here's your instant interest. (gives customer money)
Bank Customer: Free moola... just for joining? Yes!
Mr. Krabs: I'm in Money Heaven! (laughs maniacally)
Police #1: Heads up. We got a live one.
Nancy: Welcome to Bank of Bikini-
Mr. Krabs: Hi! I want to see all of your money!
Nancy: Excuse me?
Mr. Krabs: Show me where the money lives! I bet you got a lot! I'd like to see all of it! I'm a huge fan of money! (Nancy presses a button under the desk. The police grab Mr. Krabs) H-Hey, get your hands off- (gets kicked out of the bank) Anchovies. (goes back inside, wearing a mustache) Good day, madame. I would like to take a look at your safe, please.
Nancy: Sure thing, sir. (presses the button, again. The police come and grab Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Not again. (gets kicked out of the bank, again) Scallops! (goes back inside, disguised as a woman. Speaks in a feminine voice) Good day, gentlemen.
Police #1 and #2: Good day, ma'am.
Mr. Krabs: Hello, young missy.
Nancy: Well, hello, ma'am. How can we help you, today?
Mr. Krabs: (in thought) So far so good.
Nancy: Ma'am?
Mr. Krabs: They haven't thrown me out yet.
Nancy: Ma'am? (gets ready to press the button)
Mr. Krabs: It's all coming together now.
Nancy: Can I help you, ma'am? A withdrawal? A transfer? Anything? Free interest?!
Mr. Krabs: (aloud) Oh, yes. I'll have that please.
Nancy: Okay, but you'll have to make a deposit, first.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, of course. (takes out a penny) Here's me prized. Deposit it into a new account.
Nancy: Okay, I'll set it right up. (opens a drawer)
Mr. Krabs: (normal voice) Wait! (feminine voice) Uh... what are you doing? Penny doesn't want to be crammed in there with all those other coins. She wants a money condo of her own.
Nancy: Okay. You want a safe deposit box, then?
Mr. Krabs; Oh, yes! Penny will have one of those.
Nancy: This way, please. (puts the penny away in a safe deposit box)
Mr. Krabs: Wait. Can I... have one moment with me penny... alone?
Nancy: (sighs) Make it quick. We're closing in five minutes.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, penny. I'll miss you. (starts crying) It's inhuman, I tell ya! Penny, penny. One last kiss goodbye. (climbs inside the safe deposit box. Normal voice) It's just you and me now, little penny. Oh, it's a wee bit cramped in here.
Police #2: (walks by, and notices the open safe deposit box) Oh, well that looks secure. (closes the box, shoving Mr. Krabs into the safe as he does. Locks the box) Were you people trained in a barn? (leaves)
Mr. Krabs: (inside the safe. Notices that the safe it full of money, and gasps) This can't be true! (sniffs the money) 'Tis true! I landed in money nirvan-er! Me wildest dreams finally come true! (dives into money)
(cut to the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: (goes into Mr. Krabs' office) Mr. Krabs, I'm done watering down the ketchup. Do you want me to... (notices the office is empty) Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs?!
Squidward: Would you pipe down!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. I can't find Mr. Krabs, and he said he'd be right back. I'm getting a little concerned.
Squidward: That's nice... and interesting.
SpongeBob: I can't take it anymore! I'm gonna go look for him. (runs out of the Krusty Krab) Hold on, Krabs. I'm coming for ya! (walks past the bus stop) Mr. Krabs! (walks through a field) Mr. Krabs! (walks past the hospital) Mr. Krabs! (walks past the bank) Mr. Krabs!
(inside the safe)
Mr. Krabs: Well, time to head home. I hope to see each and every one of you on the outside. (tries to climb out through the safe deposit box, but it is locked) Balmy. I'm locked in. I guess I'm trapped here all night! With all of this moola. So much moola... and no one to tell about it! Time to russel up me some friends.
(cut to Mr. Krabs' house)
SpongeBob: (knocks on front door. Pearl opens it) Oh, hi Pearl. Is Mr. Krabs here?
Pearl: No.
SpongeBob: Pearl, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Mr. Krabs is missing.
Pearl: Oh my gosh.
SpongeBob: No!
Pearl: Oh my gosh.
SpongeBob: Don't worry. I'll find him.
Pearl: Oh my gosh! Call him on my cell! (slams door)
(cut to inside of the safe, which now resembles a restaurant made of money. Mr. Krabs sits at a table in front of a woman made of money)
Mr. Krabs: You look absolutely stunning tonight, Mrs. Greenback. Waiter! (brings in a waiter made of money. Speaks in French accent) Oui oui, monsieur. What can I get you and ze lady, tonight. (normal voice) The lady would like to start with a million clams, a side of investments, and hold the taxes. I'll have the same, but with extra low taxes. (pushes him aside) Heh. What a friendly fellow. Good-looking, too. I'm almost gonna regret not leaving him a tip. (cell phone rings) Hello?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you okay?
Mr. Krabs: I'm fine, boy. In fact, I'm dancing with a beautiful lady.
SpongeBob: Oooh, that's nice.
Mr. Krabs: Yes, and she's made entirely out of money.
SpongeBob: What? Where are you?
Mr. Krabs: I'm locked in the bank vault, and I'm having the time of me life. Oh, and think I'm running out of oxygen, and it's making me lose my mind.
SpongeBob: I've got to save Mr. Krabs! (runs over to Patrick's house) Patrick! Patrick, you gotta help me, buddy. I need to break into a bank.
Patrick: (spits his water out in SpongeBob's face) What?! SpongeBob SquarePants, we have been friends for a long time, and you have asked me to do some crazy things over the years. But, breaking into a bank... has to be the coolest!
(cut to the bank. Inside the safe)
Mr. Krabs: Ah. This is the life. (imagines himself and the money lady relaxing in hammocks on a tropical island) Sun, sand, and surf. And, of course: Mrs. Greenback by my side. What's that? Oh, don't startle me, now. I'm sure this remote island has a food source. Oh, Krabs just hasn't found it yet, that's all. I'll just... (laughs nervously) hungry.
(outside the bank. SpongeBob and Patrick peek from behind the building wearing ski masks)
SpongeBob: Coast is clear. What's the plan, buddy?
Patrick: Okay. First, we climb up the walls. Then, we slide down the chimney. And, eat up all the milk and cookies they left out for us!
SpongeBob: Well, I don't see a chimney, but we could try getting in through a roof vent. If only we had a way to scale this wall.
Patrick: Luckily, I brought the Bank Break-In Kit! (looks through the case) How about this?
SpongeBob: A bunch of old shoelaces?
Patrick: It's as close as I'll ever get to having shoes.
SpongeBob: I wish we had something stronger, but this will have to do. (uses the tied-up shoelaces to climb the wall, but they come loose, causing him to fall back down)
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. I got an idea! Let's use this grappling hook! (they both climb on top of the building, tip-toe across the roof, and reach the vent)
SpongeBob: This vent will surely lead us straight to Mr. Krabs.
Patrick: Let's get him! (they leap inside. They scream as they tumble about through the walls. They somehow end up flying out the chimney of another building) Cool! Let's do that, again.
SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick. We're running out of time. And, more importantly, Mr. Krabs is running out of oxygen.
(inside the safe. Mr. Krabs, wearing a beard, is running around on the island, which is now on fire)
Mr. Krabs: So hungry... oh, why did I come to this uninhabitable-ble island? Why did I do it? What! Huh? Oh, why did I say all that to Mrs. Greenback? I-I miss her. Why isn't she...? Mrs. Greenback! Where could she be? What have I done? Huh? (spots the money lady) Mrs. Greenback! (picks her up) Mrs. Greenback, you're okay! Oh, I'm so sorry. I was so worried. You must never run away like that again. (the money lady gets sucked away by something off-screen) What's this? Little Miss? What the- Neptune! The slimy money dragon! You're not sucking away me fortune without a fight! (tackles the dragon. In reality, he's fighting a vacuum cleaner) Give me back Mrs. Greenback, you beast!
(outside the bank)
SpongeBob: Patrick, are you ready?
Patrick: Oh, this lock won't know what hit it. (uses a screwdriver to unlock the door)
SpongeBob: Uh, careful, Patrick. Use finesse.
Patrick: Oh, right. I'll use the finesse. (takes out a crowbar, and swings at the door. At the same time, the manager switches the "Closed" sign to "Open", causing SpongeBob and Patrick to fall through the doors)
Manager: Good morning, gentlemen.
(SpongeBob and Patrick scream)
Patrick: (runs away) We've been rumbled! Run! Scatter! Scamper! Save yourself!
Manager: What's this about? (gets ready to press the button. SpongeBob laughs nervously and removes his ski mask) May I help you with anything, sir?
SpongeBob: Uh, yes. I need to make a withdrawal. I need to withdraw one Mr. Krabs.
Manager: I assure you, Mr. SquarePants. We receive no such deposits. (opens the safe and gasps)
Mr. Krabs: (still fighting the vacuum cleaner) I've got you now, money sucker! (speaks gibberish) It's just you and me, now. Just you and me. (bangs the hose of the vacuum down several times. Tears the vacuum cleaner in half, and laughs maniacally) I conquered the money dragon! Victory!
Manager: Security!
(the police boot Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob out of the bank)
Manager: And don't forget your... (sighs) deposit. (flicks Mr. Krabs' penny on SpongeBob's head)
Mr. Krabs: You know, boyo, through this whole ordeal, I've learned a little something about greed, a little something about isolation, even a little something about love. And, you know what I've realized through it all?
SpongeBob: That you can't put a price on freedom?
Mr. Krabs: Barnacles, no, boy. I realized that they didn't pay interest on me deposit! Hey, you cheapskates! Gimme me interest! (another penny flies out, and hits him in the eye) Well, what do you know? I doubled me money! (laughs)