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Gary's New Toy

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: DadMom AngryPants

(SpongeBob's alarm sounds but then starts to cough and snaps in two. SpongeBob picks it up)
SpongeBob: Hmm. Gary, have you been chewing on my alarm clock again? Oh well. (Tries to fix it with tape but it falls over again) Up and at 'em. (Jumps out of bed) Eww. Gary, not my slippers, too! Nasty. (Goes into the bathroom and smells his breath) Eurgh. Oral hygiene to the rescue! (Reaches into the cabinet for his toothbrush, but Gary is chewing it) What the hey? Come on, Gary! (Pulls) Let go! (Tickles him) Coochie coochie coo! (Gary laughs and lets go) Golly, Gary, what's gotten into you? Are you bored? I'll play with you later. (Gary chews the toothpaste tube) Gary! (SpongeBob drops him into the bath) Gary, you are a nut. Sheesh!
Gary: (Chews a bar of soap) Meow.
(Cut to SpongeBob at the kitchen table making breakfast)
SpongeBob: (Pours cereal) That snail sure is acting weird. It's like he's teething again. (Pours milk, but it leaks out of the bowl) Hey, hold on a second. Gary, have you been chewing on my bowl?
Gary: (Spits a piece of bowl out) Meow.
SpongeBob: I'm beginning to sense a pattern here. (Gary chews the table) Gary, are you trying to tell me something? Could it be that what you need is a new chew toy? (Gary licks him) I thought so. (Gary chews his nose)
(Cut to the pet store)
SpongeBob: Ooh, I bet they have lots of toys here. Hey look, there's Patrick! Howdy, Patrick.
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, Gareth.
SpongeBob: What are you doing here? You don't have a pet.
Patrick: Confidentially, I'm just here for the free samples. (Punches a hole in a bag of worm food and eats some) Mmm, you can really taste the gourmet. (To the picture of the mascot) Thank you, ma'am, I may consider purchasing this brand for my worms. (To SpongeBob) Want some?
SpongeBob: No thanks, just had breakfast. We're here to buy Gary a new toy.
Patrick: They're on aisle 3, next to the most delicious snail treats. Follow me! (Takes one last handful of worm food then leads SpongeBob and Gary to aisle 3) Here they are! Tasty Time snail treats. (Eats one)
SpongeBob: Well, how about this one? (Gives Gary a bone shaped toy. Gary bites it and it deflates.) OK, how about this? Well? (Gives Gary a fire hydrant toy. He squeezes it and squirts water in SpongeBob's face.) Yeah, I don't think so.
Patrick: Hey, guys, check this out! (Points to a machine) A Pet Point 3000!
SpongeBob: A pet toy that plays with your pet! What do you think, Gary?
Gary: Meh. (Slithers away, uninterested)
Patrick: It's so futuristic. (Presses a button and a laser pointer appears) Look, a red dot! (He chases it) Come back here!
SpongeBob: That's brilliant! What will they think of next?
Patrick: I love this thing! Let's turn it up. (He does so) Huh? (The laser points at his head and starts to burn a hole) Where did it go?
SpongeBob: (Pointing) Uh, Patrick?
Patrick: Huh? Oh, there it is. Hey, do you smell something burning? (The laser burns right through his head. SpongeBob turns it off. Patrick's brain falls out of the hole and into SpongeBob. SpongeBob blows it out of his nose and puts it back into Patrick's head.)
SpongeBob: Here, you might need this. You know, I'm not sure that toy is safe for Gary. Where is Gary, anyway? Gary?
(Gary spots a small red ball on top of a pile and slithers up to it. He licks it and then bites it.)
SpongeBob: Gary? Gary! (Gary drops the ball and SpongeBob picks it up) Hey, where'd you come from? I wonder if Gary would like this ball. Ga- (Gary falls on top of him and licks the ball) I guess you do.
(Cut to SpongeBob and Gary arriving home)
SpongeBob: Are you ready to play with your new ball? (Takes it out of the bag) Here it is, boy!
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: You want it, boy?
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: OK, boy, go and get it! Go and get it! Go and get it! Fetch! (Throws it)
Gary: Meow. (Chases it into the kitchen)
SpongeBob: OK, Gary, bring it back! (Hears squeaking) C'mon, Gary, bring it back. (Goes into the kitchen and sees Gary chewing the ball) You're supposed to bring it … back … (Gary sees SpongeBob staring and moves underneath the table, chewing the ball excessively) Ah well, as long as he's not chewing on my stuff.
(Cut to SpongeBob waching TV. He turns it off.)
SpongeBob: I wonder how Gary's doing? I haven't heard a squeak out of him. (Looks in the kitchen) Gary? Hmm, where is that snail? Gary, where are you? (Looks in another room) Gary, I- oh, there you are! (Sees Gary having a tea party with the ball) Oh, a tea party, cute! Do you mind if I join you? I just love a spot of tea. (Sits down) What kind of tea is it? Green tea? Earl gray? Oolong? Slippery elm? (Gary puts the ball in a baby carriage and leaves) Gee, I think he likes that ball more than me. (Takes a sip of "tea" then spits it out in disgust) Deugh! That is not tea.
(Cut to SpongeBob walking into the kitchen. He takes a can a snail food out of the cupboard.)
SpongeBob: I know what will get Gary's attention. Good old Slimycan! (Opens the can slowly, checking to see if Gary hears and comes running) Here you go, Ga- (Notices that Gary isn't there and lets the food slide onto the floor) Darn it, Gary.
(Cut to SpongeBob looking for Gary with his food in a bowl.)
SpongeBob: Gary, dinner time! Gary! (Opens the garage door) Gary? (Gary turns around to reveal that he has painted his face red with lipstick to match the ball) OK, that's just creepy. Gary, I think you need to spend some time away from this ball. (Gary presses the garage door button and SpongeBob gets lifted to the ceiling) This isn't helping your case. (Gary grabs the ball and leaves)
(Cut to Gary sleeping. SpongeBob walks in.)
SpongeBob: OK, Gary, fun is fun, now give me that ball, pronto! (Holds out his hand)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Oh, so you've hidden it? (Gary tries to sneak away) Oh no you don't, come here! I bet I know where it is. (Flicks open a hatch in Gary's shell and puts his hand in) Hairball. Hairball. Wallet. Darn it, I thought I lost this … and I just cancelled my credit cards! Hairball. Toothbrush. Aha! (Pulls the ball out) I knew it! (Walks into the bedroom) You'll see. Some time apart will do you good. (Launches the ball on top of his dresser) There we go, out of sight, out of mind. I know you're upset now but wait until tomorrow morning. (Gets into bed) Why, you probably won't even remember that old ball. (Turns the light off with his feet. The ball rolls to the edge of the dresser and Gary stares at it.)
(Cut to the next morning. SpongeBob's alarm sounds, then coughs and falls over.)
SpongeBob: Good morning, Gary! I hope you're not still mad at me. Gary? The ball! (Notices the ball is missing) I will not tolerate this disobedience, Gary! (Walks into the living room) Gary, I'm not playing around, you had better show yourself this instant. (Something drips onto his nose. He looks up and sees Gary on the ceiling.) OK, get down here! Hm. (Walks off screen and back on again, now on the ceiling) Gary, give me that ball. (Falls, then hits Gary with a broom) C'mon! Hnn! Get down! (Falls. The broom goes through his head and knocks his eyeballs out.) Mother always said, "don't run with the broom". (Gets a chair and a shovel. Stands on the chair and scrapes Gary off the ceiling.) I'll take that! (Reaches for the ball. Gary bites his hand.) Gary, how could you! You are going to have to make a choice. It's either me, or the- (Gary squeaks the ball) Ball. (Grabs suitcases) Fine. I hope you two will be very happy. Together. Without me. Goodbye. (Leaves, crying)
(Cut to Gary watching television. His stomach rumbles. He goes into the kitchen.)
Gary: Meow. (Checks the stairs) Meow. (Checks the bathroom) Meow. (Checks the roof) Meow! (Goes back into the living room and remembers SpongeBob leaving. Cries, then eyes the ball suspiciously. The ball whistles. Gary tries to leave but the ball stops him.)
Gary: Meow? (Acts like he's walking away, then tries to leave again but the ball stops him. Grabs the ball in his mouth and tries to break it. Drops it into the blender, but it shoots out and bounces around the kitchen. Leaves the house in chaos.)
(Cut to SpongeBob lying underneath a bench)
SpongeBob: And so it's come to this. No home, no best friend, and sleeping under a bus stop. (Nematode pops out of the ground) Hello, little nematode. Will you be my friend? (Nematode crawls onto his arm) Atta boy. (Crawls into his shirt) Dahaha, that tickles! (It re-emerges from his pants with his wallet) Hey, my wallet! Good thing I cancelled those credit cards.
Gary: (On the bench) Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary! I mean, oh hey. What are you doing here, waiting for a bus? (Gary licks him) Oh, Gary, does this mean you've come to love me more than that chew toy?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yippee! (Hugs Gary so hard that one of his eye stalks pops through his head) Look, we're closer than ever. (Laughs) Come on, Gary, let's go home. (Sniffs) Do you smell something burning? (In the background, his pineapple explodes in flames. The chew toy is fired to where SpongeBob and Gary are standing.) Hey, look, isn't that your ball? (Gary hisses at it.)