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Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: DadMom AngryPants

(Squidward leaves his house and breathes in and out happily)
Squidward: Ah, another beautiful Sunday in Bikini Bottom. Nothing can ruin my good mood today! (Slams his door)
(SpongeBob, who was watching from his window, rushes downstairs and opens his own front door to greet Squidward)
SpongeBob: Good morning, Squidward!
Squidward: (Walks by) Ignoring, ignoring, ladadum ladadee ladadoo. (Dances down the street. Steps in gum and falls over.) Chewing gum? That's disgusting. (Gum sticks to his foot) Oh, come on. (Pulls at it, getting more and more stuck until his whole body is covered in gum. Screams, forming a giant bubble. The bubble pops and he struggles until the gum sticks to his neck in the shape of a bow tie. He grabs it and throws it away.) People that litter really bug me. Ha. Litterbugs. (Laughs at his own joke) Litterbugs.
(The gum lands next to a police officer, who picks it up, chews it and blows a bubble)
Police officer: Litter! (Looks around) Aha!
Squidward: Ha ha! Bugs! Litter … litterbugs.
Police officer: Hey, you! Did you throw this gum away?
Squidward: Yes, I did, and I'd like to complain.
Police officer: Oh, so you admit you're a litter bug?
Squidward: I di- what? No! No no, I just stepped in it.
Police officer: Oh, you sure did, buddy. You disgust me. (Puts the gum in Squidward's mouth and writes a ticket) Maybe this will teach you not to treat the world as your own personal trash can. (Hands Squidward the ticket)
Squidward: Bikini Bottom P.D. ticket for littering, penalty … community service?
(Cut to Squidward picking up litter)
Squidward: Stupid policeman. I'm no litterbug. Hey, no more trash! Looks like I'm done.
Fish: Here, you can have mine. (Puts a pile of trash next to Squidward)
Squidward: (Sighs) Can things get any worse?
Squilliam: Oh, of course they can.
Squidward: Squilliam Fancyson, my arch-foe from band class!
Squilliam: Stuck doing community service, eh? Court ordered?
Squidward: No. I, uh, I'm … volunteering. Yeah, I'm cleaning up Bikini Bottom. Selflessly devoting my time to a worthy cause.
Squilliam: Ooh! Well, maybe if you clean up Bikini Bottom they'll build a statue of you. Oh, wait! They've already built one … of me! (Points to it) I cleaned up all of Bikini Bottom in only one week.
Fish #2: Bless you, Squilliam Fancyson. Bless you.
Squidward: (Angry) I'll clean up Bikini Bottom in a day.
Squilliam: Oh, let me help you out. (Blows his nose and throws the tissue on the ground) There, that should get you started. Ta ta! (Leaves)
(Police officer walks by, spots the tissue and gives Squidward another ticket. Cut to Squidward picking up more trash.)
Squidward: Squilliam thinks he's so amazing. Phew! Hmm, I've got to find somewhere to dump this litter. (Spots a trash can) Oh oh oh, perfect! (Takes the lid off and sees that it's full) Full. (Looks around) They're all full! How am I gonna haul all this … (Kid walks by with a wagon)
Kid: (Tripped up by Squidward) Whoops!
(Cut to Squidward pulling the wagon full of trash)
Old lady: (Comes out of house with bag of trash) Ooh, is it trash day? I thought it was Tuesday.
Squidward: What? No! (She adds her trash to Squidward's pile)
Old lady: Hey everybody, it's trash day!
Citizens: Trash day?
Squidward: Hey, hold on! (Everybody adds their trash to the wagon) Stop, I'm not the garbage man! Help.
SpongeBob: (Pops out of a garbage bag) I'll help you, Squidward.
Squidward: Why are you in a trash bag?
SpongeBob: I wanted to study the complete life cycle of a Krabby Patty. (Pulls out a rotting patty) All alone, poor guy. (Jumps out of the bag) I can get rid of your trash, Squidward.
Squidward: No, thank you, I'll do it myself. (Pulls the wagon)
SpongeBob: (Following) Please let me help!
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Pretty please?
Squidward: No way!
SpongeBob: Pretty please with candy sprinkles on top?
Squidward: (Stops) Listen closely. I don't need your help. I would rather be beaten to a pulp!
Kid: That's him, mommy, that's the man who stole my wagon! Beat him to a pulp!
SpongeBob: Hi, lady!
(The lady beats Squidward and ties him up like a trash bag. SpongeBob unties him. The lady tips the trash out of the wagon and they leave. The police officer gives Squidward another ticket.)
SpongeBob: Can I help you now?
Squidward: All right, fine! You can help me.
SpongeBob: Yaaaay! Thank you, Squidward.
Squidward: Well? You gonna help me?
SpongeBob: First, close your eyes.
Squidward: What?
SpongeBob: Come on.
Squidward: Fine. (Closes his eyes) Now what?
SpongeBob: No peeking.
Squidward: Oh, brother.
SpongeBob: OK, you can open your eyes now.
Squidward: (Opens them) Oh, this is so stu … (Looks around) … pid. It's gone! Where did you put the trash?
SpongeBob: (Giggles) I put it in …
Squidward: You know what? Don't care. The trash is gone. (Shakes SpongeBob's hand) Thanks, SpongeBob! I hate you a little less now.
SpongeBob: Squidward, that- that's a beautiful thing to say.
(Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward arriving home)
Squidward: Well, I don't know how you did it, but thanks for getting rid of all that trash. They'll have that statue of me built in no time. (Walks into his house with his eyes closed and doesn't notice that everything is made of trash. Goes about his normal routine until suddenly, in bed, he sniffs and realizes that there's trash everywhere. He screams and runs outside.) My house!
Police officer: Is this yours?
Squidward: Yes?
(Police officer gives him a ticket. It falls on the ground and the police officer tuts and gives him another.)
Police officer: Some people never learn.
(Squidward becomes so angry that the words "I am angry" appear in the veins on his head)
SpongeBob: "I am angry"? Squidward, why are you angry?
Squidward: SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yes?
Squidward: What's this? (Points to the trash house)
SpongeBob: Your garbage.
Squidward: Where's my house?
SpongeBob: On top of your garbage. The dump was closed. So, I brought it here.
Squidward: How?
SpongeBob: Like this. (Jumps onto the trash and absorbs it. The house falls down and SpongeBob walks out of the front door, now full of trash.) Do you want to try? (Garbage falls out of his mouth as he talks)
Squidward: Of all the garbage that comes out of your mouth, this is the least annoying. (Laughs)
(Police officer gives him a ticket)
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward? (More trash falls out of his mouth. The police officer glares at Squidward and takes out his notepad.)
Squidward: Wait, wait! Zip it! I have an idea. (Gets a garbage can) Here, stand in this. (SpongeBob does so) See ya, sucker! (Laugh and walks into the police officer)
Police officer: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?
Squidward: Neptune, no!
Police officer: Uh huh. (Reads the garbage can, which says "property of SpongeBob SquarePants") Oh, you get your kicks out of putting trash in other people's bins, huh? (Writes a ticket)
(Cut to Squidward walking through town with SpongeBob, still full of trash, behind him)
Squidward: They were gonna build a statue of me. (Cries)
SpongeBob: Oh, a statue, eh? (Construction sounds) Hey, Squidward! Look!
Squidward: What is that? (Looks at a large structure with a sheet over it)
SpongeBob: Your very own statue.
Squidward: Really? (SpongeBob pulls the sheet off, revealing a statue made of garbage) Garbage. I'm made of garbage.
SpongeBob: You sure are!
Squilliam: (Laughs) Great job, SpongeBob. You even captured his smell! The scent of failure. (Fumes from the statue waft over to Squilliam's statue and melt it) My glorious statue!
Police officer: This is your statue?
Squilliam: It was. (Police officer gives him a ticket)
Squidward: Ha! Thanks, SpongeBob. (Can falls from the trash statue and police officer gives them both a ticket)