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Toy Store of Doom

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: DadMom AngryPants

(SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting on a couch, bored)
SpongeBob: (Sighs) Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: What do you want to do today?
Patrick: I don't know.
SpongeBob: (Slides off the couch) I guess we could play something. (Opens a toy chest and rummages through) How about a yo-
Patrick: No.
SpongeBob: Yo. (Throws it aside) Buried treasure board game?
Patrick: Nah.
SpongeBob: Dollies?
Patrick: Mmmmm … nope. (SpongeBob holds up a ship in a bottle) No. (SpongeBob holds up a paddle ball) Nope. No. Nuh uh. No. Nah.
SpongeBob: (Holding up Old Man Jenkins) How about this?
Old Man Jenkins: Hello.
Patrick: Nuh uh.
SpongeBob: (Tosses Old Man Jenkins aside, then falls into the chest and re-emerges with action figures) Hey, we could play with our Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy action figures! Ew. Barnacle Boy's all chewed up. And slimy.
Patrick: (Chewing on Mermaid Man) Yeah, that'll happen.
SpongeBob: (Tosses Barnacle Boy aside and wipes his hand) Ugh! There is just nothing to play with. (Wades through toys)
Patrick: There's got to be something we could do.
Squidward: (Walks into the room singing with a towel on his head, then notices SpongeBob and Patrick) Hey, what are you doing in my house?
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! Can you think of anything fun we can do?
Squidward: Get out!
Patrick: Well, yeah, we thought of that one.
(Squidward pushes them outside and slams the door, then opens it again and pushes a pile of toys out, followed by Old Man Jenkins)
Squidward: I believe this pile belongs to you.
Old Man Jenkins: Where are we going now, boys?
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking outside, bored. Patrick slumps over so that he is pushing his head along the ground. He stops and SpongeBob walks into him.)
Patrick: Uhhh … I'm so bored! (Grabs SpongeBob) There's got to be something we can do! (A helicopter comes by and drops a sign that says "It's coming!")
SpongeBob and Patrick: It's coming? Oooooh boy! (They jump and start running) It's coming, it's coming, it's coming! (Pass a sign that says "almost there") Almost there, we're almost there! (Pass a sign that says "here it is")
Patrick: Here it is!
SpongeBob: (Reading the next sign) Welcome to Bikini Bottom's newest … toy store? Oh, yeah! Wooo! (They reach a sign that says "The Toy Barrel, open soon!") Well, we're here.
Patrick: But where's the toy store?
SpongeBob: Well, I guess it's not open yet.
Patrick: Not open? (They start to cry. A crane comes by and drops the store next to them.)
Crane driver: (Grabs Patrick) What are you crying about?
Patrick: We wanted to go to the toy store but it's not open yet.
Crane driver: Well, it's open now. Look! (He shows two people walking in) See? Feel better now?
Patrick: Mmmhm.
Crane driver: Then quit your crying and get in there! (Throws him inside)
SpongeBob: I got it. (Throws himself inside) Patrick. Patrick, get up!
Patrick: No thanks, I'm good down here.
SpongeBob: (Grabs Patrick's head and pulls it up) Look. (They look around in awe) Wow … (Points at a cashier) Patrick, look at that!
Patrick: Wow.
Cashier: Can I help you?
SpongeBob: (Sits on the counter) That depends. Tell me, do you like to sing?
Cashier: Oh no.
SpongeBob: (Clears his throat and prepares to sing) La-
Narrator: Several song filled hours later.
SpongeBob: (In a tutu) Toys glorious toys, lalala toys! Yeah. Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. What's with the tutu?
SpongeBob: It's not a tutu, it's a mantu. You can tell because it has extra support. I got the last one.
Patrick: (Winding a robot) Uh huh. (He lets the robot go. It walks off screen and crashes. Somebody screams.)
SpongeBob: What a great day. I hope it never ends!
Patrick: Never!
Tannoy: Attention, shoppers. The store is now closed. Please exit immediately.
Little girl: (In shopping cart) I don't wanna go!
Little boy: (Being dragger by father) But Dad, I want it! Nooo! (He tries to run but his father tackles him)
SpongeBob: Aww, the store's closing. We'll have to leave now.
Patrick: What part of "never" don't you understand?
SpongeBob: Patrick, we have to leave.
Patrick: Huh! I'm not moving.
SpongeBob: But they'll just come and kick us out.
Patrick: Not if we hide.
SpongeBob: Hide? Isn't that kind of sneaky?
Patrick: Oh, it's sneaky all right. Really sneaky. C'mon. Haven't you always wanted to have a toy store all to yourself?
SpongeBob: No. But I do now. What do we do first?
Patrick: We need to find a hiding spot where they'll never find us. And I know just the place.
(Cut to a security guard walking through the store with a guard worm. The worm sniffs a doll house but the guard pulls him away.)
Security guard: Come on, boy. Let's go. The store's empty, so go ahead and lock her up, Frank.
Cashier: My name is Steve.
Security guard: Whatever floats your boat, Frank. (They leave and lock up)
Patrick: The coast is clear. (Pokes his head out of the doll house door) Push, SpongeBob, push! (He struggles) Push, man, push! (Pops out and stands up) OK, SpongeBob, give me your hand. (SpongeBob's hand comes out of the door) That's my boy. Brace yourself. (Patrick grabs it and pulls him out)
SpongeBob: Thanks, pal. Well, we did it! Yay! (They run around excitedly)
Patrick: Yay! Oh, this is so awesome!
SpongeBob: Nothing can ruin it! (The lights go out. They panic and run around screaming.) Patrick? Is that you?
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I said, is that you?
Patrick: I can't hear your, it's too dark in here. Don't worry, I'll just use my night vision.
SpongeBob: You have night vision? (Patrick shines a beam from his eyes)
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: How long have you had that?
Patrick: Remember that flashlight I stuck in my ear?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah!
Patrick: Well I guess it worked its way into my brain. (Shot of inside Patrick's head, showing the flashlight. It fizzles and dies.) Shoot! The batteries are dead. (Grabs SpongeBob) It's dark and scary. (Cries)
SpongeBob: Calm down, buddy. We just need to find the light switch. But you have to let me down first.
Patrick: Yeah right, SpongeBob. I let you down, we find the light switch, and everything turns out peachy.
SpongeBob: Yes.
Patrick: Look around you, SpongeBob! We're surrounded!
SpongeBob: By toys?
Patrick: That want to get us. (SpongeBob narrows his eyes and suddenly the toys seem menacing. They back away in fear. They accidentally knock toys off a shelf then scream and run away. They hear something coming and run away again. They accidentally step on skates and start to have fun before crashing into something and falling over.)
Patrick: (Both hiding in a gumball machine) Are we going to hide in here for the rest of our lives?
SpongeBob: No.
Patrick: Are we going to the ladies' room again?
SpongeBob: No, we're going to fight back, and we are going to win!
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick preparing for battle. They grab bubble soap and liquorice ropes and paint markings on their faces. They burst out of the ladies' room.)
Patrick: That was fun. Now let's dress up like fairy princesses! (They hear footsteps again and prepare to fight. The footsteps are coming from Patrick's little wind-up robot from earlier.)
SpongeBob: Ready, Patrick?
Patrick: Let's get some. (They blow bubbles at the robot but it has no effect.)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Aaah! Nothing can stop it! (Hug each other)
SpongeBob: It was nice knowing you, pal.
Patrick: I know, I'm an interesting guy.
(The robot runs out of power and stops. They sigh with relief. Patrick picks it up and winds it again.)
SpongeBob: Patrick, don't!
Patrick: What? (The robot starts walking again and they scream and run)
(Outside, the cashier is opening the store)
Cashier: The Toy Barrel is now open for business. Prepare for more fun than you've ever had.
(Crowd of children cheers. SpongeBob and Patrick come running out of the store.)
SpongeBob: (Eyes adjusting to the light) My eyes!
Patrick: (Picks up a kid) With Neptune as my witness, may you never experience the unholy terrors that are inside that store. Hey, they're open! (Runs back inside, laughing) I love toys!