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Truth or Square

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: ssj4gogita4

(SpongeBob runs out of his pineapple and down the street only to run into the back of a long line)
Fish: Hey, hey! Chill out, buddy. We all want to get into the Krusty Krab as much as you do.
SpongeBob: (notices how long the line is) But I don't have time to get in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today. (starts jumping on top of peoples heads) Sorry, everyone, but Mr. Krabs needs me. (annoyed murmur as SpongeBob continues to jump on their heads. He then slides under the Krusty Krab doors and jumps into Mr. Krabs' arms) Reporting for duty, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boy.
SpongeBob: Happy eleventy-seven,Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: Today is a big day for the Krusty Krab. So I want yous to listen up. (pushes a red button that puts the Krusty Krab on lockdown) It's the perfect opportunity for Plankton to try to steal the Krabby Patty formula. (pulls on a latch on a table that pulls up a holographic image of the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?
Mr. Krabs: No, it's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.
Squidward: You mean the front and the back door?
Mr. Krabs: Those are just the ones on the surface. (pushes a button to reveal tunnels under the Krusty Krab) There's an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground. And I want all eyes on the lookout!
SpongeBob: Aye, aye Mr. Krabs. (eyes start appearing on SpongeBob's holes)
Mr. Krabs: Right. Study this map. Stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward. What? I have never fallen asleep on duty.
Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback. (flashbacks of Squidward sleeping everywhere in the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: All right, point taken. (Mr. Krabs turns off projector)
Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security. (Patrick comes into the light and smacks his fist)
Squidward: You hired Patrick?
Mr. Krabs: What, you expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You're my first line of defense, Patrick. So look out for any suspicirous characters.
Patrick: Yes, sir. (looks around and pushes Squidward against a wall)
Patrick: Who are you? And who are you working for?!
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Plankton doesn't have a chance. (cut to the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: It's a conspiracy, I tell you! 1003 times I've almost had that recipe, and 1003 times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, and I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
Karen: Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe 1004 will be your lucky number.
Plankton: Oh, yeah? You try getting launched!
Karen: Oh, right, the launchings, I've got them all on my harddrive. (Karen plays multiple clips of Mr. Krabs throwing, tossing, hitting Plankton on the front of the Chum Bucket. One where Mr. Krabs sets Plankton on the ground)
Mr. Krabs: I'm tired today, Plankton. You're just gonna have to launch yourself.
Plankton: (walks up to the Chum Bucket doors) Splat. (sobs. End of clips. Karen is laughing) Karen?!
Karen: I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
Plankton: It's just no use!
Karen: Today is the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
Plankton: You really think so?
Karen: Of course, I do! Now, who's my big man?
Plankton: Oh, Karen...
Karen: Come on, come on. Who's my big, strong man?
Plankton: I am.
Karen: That's right, now get out there and steal that recipe.
Plankton: Yes ma'am!

---Patchy Segment---

(outside the Krusty Krab)
Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu. (adds a zero to the end of the prices)
Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty... 20 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. (cackles) Oh, number zero, how I love you so. SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Yes, sir?
Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations.
SpongeBob: Oh, but Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy?
SpongeBob: I thought you said I would be in charge of decorations.
Mr. Krabs: What? But you are.
SpongeBob: I am? Yay! Yeah! Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I had chores for you but you won't do 'em anyway.
Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out?
Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy. (hands SpongeBob two quarters) Decorate it anyway you want.
SpongeBob: Wow! 50 cents!
Squidward: You're letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?
SpongeBob, Squidward, & Mr Krabs: Hmm... (flashback)
SpongeBob: (western theme) Yee-haw! (braying laugh. Now 70s disco theme) Do you come here often? (laughs. Now space theme. The kitchen window sucks everything in. End flashback)
Mr. Krabs: Well, you want to do it then?
Squidward: No.
Mr. Krabs: Then shut your porthole.
Squidward: Battening down the word hatches, sir. (SpongeBob begins to decorate the Krusty Krab with pink toilet paper, ketchup and mustard, and Krabby Patty balloons)
SpongeBob: Your change, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy. What, that's it? Decorations, check. Security? (Patrick takes Squidward and pushes him against the wall again) Check.
Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, open your ears. These people have come from miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.
Squidward: Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Every word, Squidward, every word.
Mr. Krabs: So let's get out there and sell some Krabby Patties!
SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! Ooh, I almost forgot! Mr. Krabs, wait! There's one more decoration!
(Group walks to freezer)
SpongeBob: I present to you... (tries to open door but can't. Tries again) I present to you... (breaks off the handle which knocks out Squidward. Door opens and Mr. Krabs and Squidward gasp)
SpongeBob: ode to the Krabby Patty made entirely out of ice. (ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty is shown)
Mr. Krabs: Geez, boy. This thing's enormous.
Squidward: And cold. (shivers)
Mr. Krabs: Alright, let's get this thing out of here. Me customers are waiting.
SpongeBob: Ready? Set?
(SpongeBob slips, flies out of the freezer, back into the freezer, shutting the door and locking it. Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Patrick scream)
SpongeBob: Guys, I'm okay. No need to scream.
(Squidward and Krabs run over SpongeBob and Patrick to get to door. They pound with the door locked on them while no one hears)
SpongeBob: Oh no, Patrick, stand up! We're locked in! This is going to spoil the eleventy seventh anniversary!
Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! (Squidward and Mr. Krabs are banging on the freezer door)
Squidward: Somebody! Anybody! I don't care who!
SpongeBob: How are we going to get out?
Mr. Krabs: Everyone calm down. I've spent a lifetime working in this restaurant and I know there's only one way out of here.
Patrick: A high school diploma?
Mr. Krabs: No, the air duct. (everyone climbs up the Krabby Patty ice sculpture and into the air vent) This way, boys. All we got to is crawl through this duct. (multiple ways out)
Squidward: Which one? There must be a least 20 ways to go.
SpongeBob: Not to worry, Squidward. I have the entire map memorized. (shows a map on his back)
Mr. Krabs: Uh, hmm, uh...
SpongeBob: Hurry up, guys, this kinda hurts.
Mr. Krabs: Well, according to the map, we just go straight, take a right between these three moldy tree stumps. Then towards that kidney bean-shaped puddle of gravy.
Squidward: That's not the map, you old barnacle. Those are three moles and a birthmark!
Mr. Krabs: Oh. Alright, then let's try this one. (goes through an air duct and into a tiny pipe)
Squidward: It's this way.
Patrick: Here it is. (everyone crashes into a dead end)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's this? (picks up an old Krabby Patty wrapper) It's a old Krabby Patty wrapper. Ahh, that takes me back to the good old days. (flashback with a Krusty Krab commercial)

--Start Krabby Patty Commercial--
(baby SpongeBob watching TV)
50's Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor.
Singers: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty give em' a try!
Mr. Krabs: Come on down and buy, buy, buy!
Singers: Not just one or two or three, but enough for the whole family.
50's Announcer: Yes, folks! nine out of ten doctors recommend eating at least one Krabby Patty a day to maintain a healthy lifestyle and youthful, positive attitude.
Mr. Krabs (in a doctor outfit): I'm a doctor, as far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties add years to your life. So what are you waiting for? Go out a get yourself a Krabby Patty. Or buy a sack full of patties. Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies. For your health.
Singers: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty! (baby SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab and eats a Krabby Patty that young Squidward gives him. He's in love with it)
--End Krabby Patty Commercial--

Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. (crumples up the wrapper) It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.
Squidward: (sobs) We'll never get out of here!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, we'll find our way out. And then we'll have the best eleventy-seventh anniversary ever. All we have to do stick together.
(crawling through a new air duct, Patrick is breathing heavily on Squidward)
Squidward: Stop breathing on my neck. Yuck.
(Patrick holds his breath then let's it out and spits all over Squidward's face)
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I think I see the exit.
Mr. Krabs: Ahh, barnacles. It's just the surveillance room.
(SpongeBob, Patrick and Squiward walk in)
SpongeBob: Oh! My house is on TV.
Squidward: All of our houses are on TV. (Mr. Krabs sneaks off)
Gary: (jumping on SpongeBob's bed) Meow! Meow! Meow!
SpongeBob: Gary the Snail, you get down from that bed this instant.
Patrick: Hey, there's my house. (his TV is still on)
Squidward: You left your TV on.
Patrick: Well, duh! I don't want to miss my shows.
SpongeBob: Look, it's Sandy! (she's brushing her teeth)
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, why do you have cameras watching us?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, uh... uh... uh... I just want to make sure you all floss after every meal.
SpongeBob: Thank you Mr. Krabs. Dental hygiene is very, very important.
Patrick: (pointing to a TV) Hey, who are those guys?
(TV shows backs of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs)
SpongeBob: I think it's us Patrick. (turns around and points to a camera crew) But who are they? (the two cameramen escape through the air duct)
Crowd on TV: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: Me customers are getting antsy!
Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! (Plankton enters the Krusty Krab through a vent but falls through a hole inside)
Mr. Krabs: We're getting warm. I can feel it.
SpongeBob: That might just be my hand, Mr. Krabs.
(Group sees crossroads)
Mr. Krabs: Hmm, a crossroads. I'll go this way and SpongeBob, you lead them down that way. (Then Mr. Krabs follows the path on the right.)
SpongeBob: Lead them? I can finally use my leader hat and my lederhosen!
Patrick: Nice.
Squidward: Those are just sock garters, you idiot.
SpongeBob: Follow me.
Squidward: This is not happening, it's just not happening. (Mr. Krabs takes the right path and the others take the left)
SpongeBob: Guys, it's a dead-end. (push through the end of the vent and fall, screaming)

---Patchy Segment---

(Plankton falls into a large vent)
Plankton: Thank Neptune that's over. (SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward fall on top of Plankton) SpongeBob! Why must you always ruin my plans?
SpongeBob: Plankton! You're trying to steal the Krabby Patty recipe again.
Plankton: Uh, I didn't... uh... Ok, fine. You caught me. You happy now?
SpongeBob: You know, this reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs confided in me the Krabby Patty recipe. Oh, I don't want to bore you with my silly old stories.
Plankton: Oh, you couldn't possibly bore me.
SpongeBob: Well, ok. Mr. Krabs called me into his office. (start flashback)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you've been working here a while now. So I think I can trust you. It's time I told you.
SpongeBob: (screams and gasps) You mean?
Mr. Krabs: Yes, the Krabby Patty formula. Follow me, son We need to go where no one else will ever hear us. (they go out of Bikini Bottom, across a forest, desert, in a storm, across a bridge, up a mountain, and into some open area before they are tired) Ugh, we finally made it. Quick, into me office before anyone sees us! (stop flashback)
Plankton: What? You just went in a circle. Why didn't you just stay at the Krusty Krab?
SpongeBob: We wanted to make sure we weren't followed. Then Mr. Krabs leaned close and whispered the recipe.
Plankton: Yes? Go on. (start flashback again)
Mr. Krabs: Now remember, you can never tell another living soul.
Plankton: Wait, wait. Hold on!
Mr. Krabs: (in thought bubble) Why's that?
Plankton: My pen is out of ink! (works again) Ok, ok, go ahead.
Mr. Krabs: (in thought bubble) Plankton. (grabs him) You'll never get me formula. Not even in a flashback. (laughs as he sends Plankton through a vent. Plankton screams)
Squidward: SpongeBob, if you had never come to Bikini Bottom, this wouldn't be happening.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's with the creepy smile?
Squidward: I was just... remembering the world before SpongeBob. (start flashback. Squidward gets out of bed happily and waters the ground. Pink flowers pop up)
Flowers: Morning, Squidward. (Squidward goes into the Krusty Krab and looks through the kitchen window at the cook)
Squidward: Good morning, not SpongeBob. (kisses the cook. Flashback ends)
SpongeBob: (braying laugh) But, Squidward, you're glad I moved in. Remember that day? (start flashback where SpongeBob and a real estate agent is looking at different houses. A pineapple from a boat, above shore, falls into the ocean)
Janice: Well, ok, that's every available house in Bikini Bottom. (Squidward is working on his garden)
Squidward: My secret garden is finally done. (the giant pineapple falls on Squidward. He cuts out a door)
Janice: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.
SpongeBob: It's beautiful. I'll take it! (walks up to Squidward) Hi, neighbor! I'm SpongeBob SquarePants. (hugs Squidward) And we're going to be bestest friends. (Patrick walks up) Hey, Patrick. Guess who just moved in right next door?
Patrick: Neighbor hug! (group hug)
Crowd: (in the distance chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: (gasps) What's that sound? (looks through a little hole in the building) Customers.
Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want to spend money.
Fish #2: (using megaphone) What do we want?
Crowd: Krabby Patties!
Fish #2: (using megaphone) What do we welcome?
Crowd: To spend money!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. All that loose change out there. (talks out wallet) It's driving me wallet mad with money lust. (his wallet barks and pants) Poor little guy's starving. (puts wallet through the hole) There you go, boy. You're free. Go towards the money, boy. Towards the money!
Wallet Fish: (picks up wallet) Hey, a wallet! And there's fifty bucks in it! All right!
Mr. Krabs: Hey! Oh, no! (crying) What am I gonna do? We gotta get out of here. Now!
SpongeBob: Oh. If only Sandy was here. She could help us.
Patrick: Oh! Maybe we could use this. (takes out walkie-talkie) I borrowed it from Sandy's treedome. It might be our way out of here. Shh! Everybody quiet! (yells) Hey, Sandy, I got your radio! If you want it back, come and get it! She'll come.
Squidward: Oh, give me that. (takes walkie-talkie) Sandy, come in, Sandy.
Sandy: Sandy Cheeks here. So it was you who stole my other radio, Squidward.
Squidward: What? No, I'm just--
Patrick: (screams) Sandy's trapped in that box! (destroys radio. Squidward growls)
SpongeBob: (sighs) Remember the day Sandy and I got married? (everyone gasps)
Mr. Krabs: What?
Squidward: No.
Patrick: I'm freaking out!
SpongeBob: Mm-hmm. (start flashback. Mrs. Puff is playing the wedding march on the organ. Sandy marches down the aisle in her wedding dress)
Priest: Friends, we have gathered here today these two hearts in the bonds of love. SpongeBob, do you take Sandy as your lawfully wedded wife?
SpongeBob: I do.
Priest: And, Sandy, do you take SpongeBob as your lawfully wedded husband?
Sandy: And how!
Priest: Well, then, I now pronounce you sponge and squirrel. You may kiss the bride. (tries to but a light falls from above)
Theater Fish #1: Boo! You stink!
Mr. Krabs: Worst play I've ever seen. (opens exit doors) And a total rip-off!
Theater Fish #2: What has happened to the theater? (everyone exits)
Priest: I didn't know this was a play.

---Patchy Segment---

Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
SpongeBob: And we didn't even get to celebrate the Krusty Krab's eleventy-seventh anniversary. We missed what could've been the greatest party ever.
Patrick: Hmm. You guys ready to give up?
Mr. Krabs: Yes.
Squidward: Yes.
Patrick: And I'll just write down myself down here for giving up, too... Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I don't want to give up.
Patrick: Ooh, I know! Let's just say our tearful farewells and solemn last words.
Mr. Krabs: I didn't make any money. (sobs)
Squidward: I never made anyone sick with envy. (cries)
Patrick: I didn't get to sleep in this morning. (sobs)
SpongeBob: Guys, we can't give up now. We got into this mess together, and we'll get out of it the same way.
Patrick: Through the freezer?
SpongeBob: No, by using our heads.
Mr. Krabs: To concoct an elaborate escape plan?
SpongeBob: (gasps) No. (snaps fingers) As a battering ram. (rips off some of the metal and puts it around the other three and tries a few times to rip through an air duct) Ok, this is the one. Feel very god about this. Okay, ready? (they tear through the air duct and into the main part of the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy, we made it out! Whoo-hoo! Money! Money! Money! Money! (opens the doors) Come on in, folks. No need to shove. Plenty of room for all your money. Ay-yi... (no one is there) Where are all me customers? They left...with all their money?! (sobs)
Squidward: We went through all of that for nothing?
SpongeBob: Oh, it wasn't for nothing, Squidward. I spent the whole day with my best friends. You, Squidward. And you, Patrick.
Patrick: What now?
SpongeBob: And let's not forget the man who made it all possible--Mr. Krabs. What could be better?
Mr. Krabs: Money!
SpongeBob: (sings) Oh!
Squidward: Oh, no. He's not going to sing.

(in the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")

Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab,
Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.

Your Krabby Patties from the grill
The smell of grease gives me a thrill
Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.

With prices high and portions small,
There are stains of mustard on the wall
Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.

(chorus humming)

Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
Oh, how I love ya, Krusty Krab.

Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, look.
Mr. Krabs: Me customers? SpongeBob's dopey little song is bringing them back.
SpongeBob: Oh, Krusty Krab, you've always been there for me. When I'm tired and hungry, I just reach out my hand and there you are with a Krabby Patty that's all so hot and juicy. Are you with me people?!
All: Yeah!
SpongeBob: I said, are you with me people?!
All: Yeah!
SpongeBob: In that case, let's get some Krabby Patties!
Plankton: (inside) There's no one here. The Krusty Krab is empty. I've won! The Krabby formula is mine! (runs towards the door with the formula) It took elevnty-seven years, but I got it! (notices the crowd coming) Oh, no. No! (gets kicked a lot) Oh, nuts.
SpongeBob: Did somebody order a Krabby...whoa! (balances on the Krusty Krab formula bottle) Oh, look out! Oh! Oh, oh. Coming through. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (sets tray on table)
Customers: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: Ah...'tis a beautiful sight. It warms me heart. (gasps as the formula bottle rolls up) Me Krabby Patty recipe! What's it doing out here? Whoa-ho! Should have known. Plankton.
Plankton: Hey, Krabs. Uh, happy eleventy-seven? (Mr. Krabs peels him off the bottle)
Mr. Krabs: It's launching time.
Plankton: Please, Krabs, no! I can't take it anymore! No more launching, please?!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, all right. Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll go easy on you this time. (blows up Plankton like a balloon and lets him go) There. Happy landings, Plankton!
Plankton: You know, this isn't so bad. Everyone looks like little ants from up here. (laughs) Wait. Help.
Mr. Krabs: Stay away from the high tension wires. (customer walks up. Mr. Krabs opens up the door) Allow me to open the door for a valued customer.
Wallet Fish: Thanks, Mister. Today must be my lucky day. I found a wallet with fifty bucks in it.
Mr. Krabs: Wow, that's some coincidence 'cause I lost one earlier today with fifty bu...! Hey! Wait a minute. Come back with me wallet, you thievin' bilge rat.
SpongeBob: (flipping patties) Happy anniversary, Krusty Krab. (laughs)

---Patchy Segment--