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Atlantis Squarepantis

Episode Info | Pictures
Typed By: Peanut M&M

(The movie opens with SpongeBob blowing a bubble shaped like a crown in Jellyfish Fields.)
Patrick: A beautiful specimen, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hurry, Patrick! Hurry!
Patrick: Oh!
(Patrick pulls out a camera to take a picture of the bubble, but it pops before the flash goes off.)
SpongeBob: How's it look, buddy? Ready for the ol' scrapbook?
Patrick: More like scrap heap!
(Patrick shows SpongeBob the picture of the bubble bursting.)
SpongeBob: Hmm...
Patrick: They never come out right. Oh, well. Let's try again.
(He throws the picture into a pile with similar pictures.)
SpongeBob: OK, friend! This is going to be my masterpiece!
Patrick: I'm ready!
(Chuckles and holds the camera to his eye. SpongeBob blows a bubble of himself, which waves and speaks.)
BubbleBob: Hi, Patrick!
(It pops, and Patrick takes a picture.)
Patrick: I missed it again! Well, this darn camera isn't fast enough!
(He throws it to the ground and stomps on it.)
SpongeBob: Hold on a second, Patrick! It's not the poor camera's fault you can't get a photo!
Patrick: It's not?
SpongeBob: No. It is the very nature of the fragile bubble.
Patrick: It is?
SpongeBob: Yes, it is, my friend. Allow me to demonstrate.
(He blows a bubble microphone and starts singing a 1950's-like tune.)


The sun must set...
At the end of every day
And the curtain must fall...
At the end of every play
And every little bubble ever blown
Must someday pop.

My presents on Christmas Day
It doesn't seem to stay
Or a cheese soufle'...
It doesn't last all day!

I will try...
(Try again)
To blow a bubble...
(To blow a bubble)
That will last... All... Day!!!
(To blow a bubble that will last...)
(*Low-pitched* All... day...)


(He slowly raises his bubble wand and blows into it, creating a huge bubble that surrounds both himself and Patrick and it slowly begind to rise into the sky.)
Patrick: Uhh... SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick. This bubble is going to break all records!
Patrick: Well, I hope it doesn't break until be get a little closer to the ground.
SpongeBob: Huh?
(They look down and see Bikini Bottom beneath their feet.)
SpongeBob: What have I done!?!
(SpongeBob and Patrick scream.)
SpongeBob: Oh, we're never gonna get out of here!
(The bubble floats into a coral cave and pops on a shattered gold circular object. SpongeBob and Patrick fall to the ground.)
Patrick: What happened?
SpongeBob: That's what happened!
(He points to the gold object. Upon closer view, we now see it has an "A" in the middle and it reads "Antis" along the side.)
Patrick: What is it? It looks pretty old.
SpongeBob: "Antis". What do you think that means, Patrick?
Patrick: "Antis"? "Antis"... "SquarePantis"! It probably belonged to your ancient ancestors!
(He lifts the amulet.)
Patrick: SpongeBob SquarePantis! You must wear the ancient crest of your ancestors! For it is your birthright!
(He sticks it into the side of SpongeBob, who screams, falls, and rolls down the little rock hill the amulet was on. He ends up with his back to the cave wall, upside-down.)
SpongeBob: Birthright? Let's take it to the Bikini Bottom Museum. They'll know what it is.
(Cut to the Bikini Bottom Museum, which is also a sunken Viking ship. Mr. Krabs stands next to the entry, next to a security guard, who is on patrol.)
Mr. Krabs: Hello! Uh, beautiful day for standing outside a museum doing nothing!
Security Guard: Whatever you say.
(He walks away, and as soon as he does, Mr. Krabs takes out a box and pulls a pin from it, causing it to inflate to a lime-green inflateable booth. He puts up a sign that says "Admission" and puts on a hat whilst crawling into the booth. An old lady walks up.)
Mr. Krabs: Hello, there! Welcome to the museum! That'd be three dollars!
Old Lady: But I thought it was "Free Tuesday"!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, no, no. Today's Monday. Otherwise I wouldn't be wearing this "I Hate Mondays" T-shirt.
(He pulls open his blue shirt and shows off his white one underneath, which does indeed have "I Hate Mondays" printed on it and an angry smiley.)
Old Lady: Good point.
(She pays him and walks off.)
Mr. Krabs: Enjoy the artifacts! Don't stand in one place too long; People might mistake you for one!
(SpongeBob and Patrick come, playing "Wheelbarrow". the "Antis" medalion acts as the wheel.)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!?!
(He ducks into his booth until Patrick wheels SpongeBob inside.)
Mr. Krabs: Whew! That was a close one.
(He sees the security guard talking with the old lady and he abandons his hat and booth, running inside the museum. Cut to a painting of King Neptune XIV from "Neptune's Spatula", "Krusty Towers" & "SpongeBob Vs. the Patty Gadget" with a tentacle trident and a star in one hand. Zoom out to show Squidward painting.)
Squidward: Ahh... Neptune's Ascension... The only surviving painting from the lost city of Atlantis! This is just what the doctor ordered, Squiddy: Spending the day studying the Atlantean masters! And best of all, no SpongeBo-
(SpongeBob & Patrick piledrive into Squidward.)
Squidward: Will you watch where you're-
(He gasps, seeing the gold object inside SpongeBob.)
Squidward: What are you doing with the other half of the Amulet of Atlantis?
SpongeBob: We just-
Squidward: (Shocked) You were trying to steal it?
SpongeBob: No, Squidward, we would never-!
Squidward: Well, this is low! Even for you two.
(He yanks the half of the amulet out of SpongeBob's face and walks it over to somewhere.)
Squidward: Lucky for you, I was here. Stealing artifacts could land you in the stony lonesoo-o-o-o...
(He becomes shocked when he sees the other half of the Amulet of Atlantis on a pedestal.)
Squidward: (Speechless) You boobs found the missing half of the Atlantean Amulet?
SpongeBob: What's an Atlantean omelet?
Squidward: Amulet, not omelet! It's the key to untold riches!
(Mr. Krabs rushes up to Squidward, knocking SpongeBob & Patrick over.)
Mr. Krabs: Did someone say, "Untold riches"!?!
Squidward: Yes, Eugene! The streets are lined with gold! And the street lamps are made with diamonds!
(Mr. Krabs' eyes swell to a huge size.)
(He retracts his eyestalks into his shell, and then puts them back out. They are now shriveled and weak, and his nose is bent downwards.)
Mr. Krabs: I wonder what they make the money out of!
(Squidward walks SpongeBob, Patrick & Mr. Krabs up to a wall with Atlantis paintings on it.)
Squidward: For reasons unknown, this great city disappeared one day, but no ruins were ever found. All the inventions you take for granted were given to us by the Atlanteans.
(SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs & Patrick to a mural of futuristic undersea buildings and and labeled miscellaneous items that were apparently inventions of the Atlanteans such as "Shell Phone", "False Teeth", "Wealth", "Weaponry", "Soup", and "Underpants.)
Squidward: Their advances in art, financial wealth and weaponry were eons ahead of their time!
(SpongeBob points to a glowing bubble on the mural.)
SpongeBob: What's this bubble doing painted on the mural?
Squidward: Oh, that's just the "Oldest Living Bubble".
SpongeBob: The Oldest Living Bubble alive!?!
(He grabs Patrick and shows him.)
SpongeBob: Behold, Patrick! The Oldest Living Bubble!
(Patrick tears.)
Patrick: This is the most beautiful bubble I've ever seen!
Squidward: That's just a painting, you quarter-wits! Heh. Quarter-wits. It's smaller than a half.
(Mr. Krabs is not amused.)
Squidward: The real bubble is in Atlantis! Some dumb old bubble pales in comparison to the art...
Mr. Krabs: Money!
(Sandy appears from around the corner.)
Sandy: And science! Don't forget science! What's all the hubba, boys?
(Squidward pinches SpongeBob's cheek.)
Squidward: These two chowder brains found the missing half of the amulet! (Sandy's eyes glaze over and she presses her face against her dome.)
Sandy: The Amulet of Atlantis!?! The legend says that when the two halves of the amulet are joined, the path to Atlantis is opened.
(Patrick smiles stupidly.)
Sandy: What're you waitin' on? Let's hitch those two doggies up! Go on, Squidward!
Mr. Krabs:That money ain't gettin' any younger!
(Squidward holds one half of the amulet over the other, which rests on a marble pedestal. When he joins the two halves together, the amulet glows. SpongeBob & Patrick hoot in delight as they watch a blue laser shoot into the ceiling of the museum. The ceiling bursts open and a black bus with flames and tailfins on it drops down.)
Squidward: The path to Atlantis is a van?
Mr. Krabs: Nice hot rod flames.
(The amulet begins to shake.)
Patrick: (Scared) What's it doing?
(The Amulet of Atlantis plugs in to the front of the van, where the Volkswagen logo would go, and the destination flashes "Atlantis". The bus doors open up and the foursome stares, mouth agape.)
Sandy: Well, holly-wally, ding-dang-doo! Would ya'll look at that?
(We see the entire bus, back to front. It has grey seats and a white interior. It looks very futuristic. In the front is a screen, which displays an "A" for "Atlantis".)
Sandy: Take a gander, ya'll!
Squidward: Fabulous decor!
Mr. Krabs: Quite a vessel, but who's manning it?
(A little metal contraption wheels up and starts talking, displaying a hologram of the Atlantean Amulet.)
Machine: Greetings. Welcome abord the Seaship Atlantis. This is a non-stop trip, so please, take a seat. Relax, and enjoy.
Mr. Krabs: I bet there's some loose change in here!
(He hops onto a seat and starts searching. Meanwhile, SpongeBob & Patrick share a seat, kick their feet up and relax.)
SpongeBob: Ahh... So this is what luxury feels like.
(Squidward does the same thing.)
Squidward: Ahh... What I wouldn't give for a footrub.
(Two mechanical hands pop out from under the floor and massage his tentacles.)
Machine: Attention, passangers. Regretfully, we lack the fuel needed for forawrd motion.
All: (Angrilly) What!?!
(Cut to them all pushing the van to the gas station. Mr. Krabs cannot find the gas tank.)
Mr. Krabs: Is this some kind of joke? Where's the gas tank?
Machine: We Atlanteans find the use of fossil fuels to be counterintuitive, and have developed an alternative source called "song".
(It dispalys a hologram of a musical note.)
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Machine: The engine of this vessel is feuled by song. The more you sing of your desires, the closer to Atlantis you will get. Let us commence singing.
Squidward: Did that make any sence?
SpongeBob: No, but I'm game for singing any day!
(SpongeBob runs to the front of the ship, where there is a raised platform like a stage. A spotlight shines down on him.)


Sing! Sing a song!
A song of wanting to move along!
To a land where all our dreee-eeaams...

-------------------------------------------- (The bus lifts off the ground until SpongeBob sings "dreams" off-key. Then, it smashes to the ground.)
SpongeBob: Oops... Sorry.
(He continues singing the correct way, and the bus continues moving.)


To a land where all our dreams...
Can finally come true!
A bubble, I long for,
And so we leave
But soon enough I will seeee...

Well, that's just splendid, boy!
A land where it rains money,
More than you can spend!
With fives and tens and fifties
They all want to be your friend.


(The song continues, but Plankton is also singing! He's stowed away in the glove compartment.)


Ha, ha, ha
Such a valient desire
Heh, heh, heh
The lost weapons of Atlantis,
The most advanced of all time!
Soon as this stupid song is done,
I plan to make them mine!!!

Did ya'll hear something?
I can hardly believe there's a...
Lost city where
Having smarts is more important
Than being pretty

With all their advanced science
And my painfully enlarged mind
I think we can figure out how to make wonderous things Like melons with edible rinds!

As a consumer of fine art,
I'm proud to say
I've always seen things
In my own special way
"Artlantis", with their
Glorious aethstetics
I'll cop their style
And in a while,
My art will be prophetic!

I'm Patrick! I'm Patrick!
Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!
And, I like, uhh...


(The song stops abruptly.)
Patrick: Oh, I don't know what I like.
(The bus stops and plummets towards earth. Everyone huddles together and screams. The screen in front displays a Jolly Rodger and the word "DANGER!")
Machine: Warning! You have run out of song fuel.
(They keep screaming until Squidward looks out the window.)
Squidward: Hey, look! There's Atlantis!
SpongeBob: Pretty!
(They continue to scream and the bus smashes through a city wall of Atlantis. We see that it has futuristic blue and purple buildings with spires and bubbles. The bus suddenly skids to a stop, unearthing some trees in the process. The five emerge from the bus.)
Squidward: You dimwits haven't been here two minutes and you've already messed up someone's topiary garden!
(Cut to later. SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Squidward & Mr. Krabs walk up to a giant staircase that leads to a bubble-shaped glass dome building. Mr. Krabs pushes SpongeBob towards a sign with a bell attatched to it.)
Mr. Krabs: Go on, SpongeBob! Ring the bell!
SpongeBob: "Ring for the King", huh?
(He flicks the bell, and trumpets fly out of windows on the building, playing triumphant music as SpongeBob waits anxiously. From the doorway off the bubble, a red carpet drops and rolls down the staircase an across SpongeBob's toes. Then, a basket of flowers wheels out with a mechanical hand throwing pink petals everywhere. The king appears in the doorway. He is odd-looking, with a nose like a mosquito's and and a tail, concealed by his blue and lime green clothing. He has a belt buckle which looks like the Amulet of Atlantis. His brain is visible, but it has a glass dome over it with a crown on top and can see orange hair coming from underneath it. His eyes are different colors- blue and green and he holds a sceptar.)
The King: Welcome to Atlantis. I've been expecting you.
(He takes a step and trips all the way down the staircase before landing in front of SpongeBob and getting back up.)
The King: Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Lord Royal Highness. But my friends call me "LRH".
SpongeBob: My friends call me "SpongeBob". I'm here to see the World's Oldest Bubble.
Lord Royal Highness: Yes, of course.
(They shake hands before being interrupted by Mr. Krabs, who is stooped over, looking at the street.)
Mr. Krabs: What a rip-off! This street ain't gold!
Lord Royal Highness: Oh, if it's gold you want, I think you'll find it in the vault.
(Shakes hands with Lord Royal Highness.)
Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene. I like money.
Lord Royal Highness: Yes, I can see that. Pleasure to meet you. Come, and I'll give you the grand tour of our Atlantean fortress!
(They all walk off. Pan over to the wreckage of the van. Inside the glove compartment, Plankton listens.)
Plankton: They're gone! Now to get to those weapons!
(He charges towards the inside part of the dashboard, put he falls backwards. His arms are broken off and are attatched to the wall before falling back onto him.)
Plankton: Trapped! OK, what do I have to work with here?
(He turns on a flashlight and shines it on a book with the Amulet of Atlantis on the front of it.)
Plankton: What's this? "Owner's Manual"!?!
(He opens the book and sees a map of the bus that says "You Are Here", pointing to the glove compartment. There is a pipe leading from the glove compartment to the tail exhaust pipe.)
Plankton: Looks like I found my escape route!
(He laughs, then struggles out of the tailpipe, falling on the ground.)
Plankton: Ow.
(Cut to the inside of the building, much like the interior of the bus.)
Lord Royal Highness: For centuries, we Atlanteans spent... Nay, wasted our talents on building sophisticated weapons to defend ourselves from invaders. But we abandoned the idea of warfare long ago, and now all weapons gather dust behind this locked door as an example of what must be done to live in harmony with all creatures in this, or any, world.
(He motions to a giant door with a padlock on it, and Mr. Krabs yawns.)
Mr. Krabs: Ehh, harmony, shmarmony. When do we get to see the treasure?
Lord Royal Highness: But of course.
(Mr. Krabs pushes his way next to Lord Royal Highness through the crowd, and Plankton peers around the corner as the others walk away.)
Plankton: These Atlanteans leave a room full of the most advanced weaponry unguarded!?! No wonder they got lost.
(He squeezes under the door in the same manner that he squeezed into the safe in "Bucket Sweet Bucket". Once inside, he looks around.)
Plankton: Oh, my. There will be no one to stop me this time.
(Pan out to show rows and rows of missles, bullets, tanks, a squadron of bomber jets and crates of ammunition as he laughs manically. Meanwhile, Lord Royal Highness is walking SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy & Squidward around the Atlantean living quarters, which are like two UFO-shapes on a cylindar for each house on their way to the vault. Mr. Krabs trails behind slightly.)
Lord Royal Highness: It is such an honor and a pleasure to welcome you to Atlantis. We haven't had visitors in quite some time. You see, being a lost city has certain disadvantages, but I digress. Now, if you would just follow me, I will show you some of our grandest achievements.
(Everyone walks off, but Mr. Krabs holds Squidward back.)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! You told me the streets were paved with gold. That street light had better be an at least 600-karat damond, or else!
(He points upward on Squidward's nose. Cut to him uncrewing a lightbulb. Pan down to show Mr. Krabs standing on Squidward.)
Mr. Krabs: D'oh! Hold still, Squidward!
Squidward: You're standing on my neck!
(They trip and fall in a heap. The lightbulb shatters.)
Lord Royal Highness: Are you alright?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Oh, I feel odd.
(Mr. Krabs goes crazy for a second.)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you OK?
(Krabs sniffs)
Mr. Krabs: I know that smell anywhere. Me pockets! They be smelling loot!
(His pockets have teeth and are drooling and barking like dogs, much like SpongeBob and Patrick's stomachs in "Waiting". His pockets pull him into the Atlantean vault, and they start gobbling up gold.)
Lord Royal Highness: Your pockets really have a nose for treasure.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. These are me hounds pockets pants.
Lord Royal Highness: What you see here is a glimpse at ancient Atlantean history. Long ago, we abandoned our obsession with wealth to focus on the pursuit of knowledge!
(He points to his brain.)
Lord Royal Highness: So help yourself to as much as your pockets can carry.
Mr. Krabs: As much as me pockets can carry!?!


If I'd only known when I woke up today
I'd have stopped at me tailors along the way
And have 10 more pockets
Put on me pants. 'Cause I think I hear a money avalanche! Yodel-a-ee-hoo!

Look at all this cash!
Aye, look at all this money!
I hope me heart can take it...
I'm alright, sonny!

Industrial accidents can make quite a mess
Unless you fall into a money press
Oh, make me into money,
Mr. Wonderful Machine
I always knew
That me true
Color was green!

Ever since I was a little kid,
I dreamed of such a place
Yes, I did

Mounds of money
And rivers of cash
Pools of coins
To make a splash

I'd open up a Krusty Krab
With patties made of money
They'd be delicious
And expensive
And taste like golden honey

Money and gold
And treasures untold
And all of it for me!


Lord Royal Highness: Mr. Krabs! We're off to see the bubble! Would you care to join us?
Mr. Krabs: Are you kidding? I just got here!
(He keeps stuffing his pockets and dives into a mound of coins.)
Lord Royal Highness: Oh, well, then. Off we go.
(Lord Royal Highness continues the tour without Krabs.)
Patrick: SpongeBob, when do we get to see the bubble?
SpongeBob: Patrick, shh!!!
Lord Royal Highness: Don't dally, lads! You don't want to be left behind, do you?
SpongeBob: No, sir! Come on along, Patrick!
(He salutes, and the tour continues with marching rythym.)
Sandy: You know, LRH, I was born with a healthy, scientific curiousity and I was wondering if I could get a peek at some of your scientific achievements.
Lord Royal Highness: Of course, Ms. Cheeks. Here we are: the combination of all our technology.
(He shows them a giant silver door with a red button next to it. LRH pushes it.)
Lord Royal Highness: I give you the Atlantean Hall of Science.
(The door slides open and Sandy stands, amazed. Inside are all sorts of machines, all with a wavy blue form.)
Sandy: Hoppin' acorns! Look at all this high-tech gear!
(She points to a machine with a conveyor belt coming out of either side.)
Sandy: What's this gizmo do?
Lord Royal Highness: It's a biomass converting device.
(He pushes a button on it, and the conveyor belt starts up.)
Lord Royal Highness: It can take any household object, this comb, for example..
(He puts a comb on the conveyor belt and it comes out of the machine on the other as ice cream.)
Lord Royal Highness: ...And turn it into ice cream. Would anyone like to try?
SpongeBob & Patrick: Oh! Oh, me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
(The Goofy Goober ragtime plays in the background as Lord Royal Highness gives them each one spoon.)
Lord Royal Highness: Go ahead!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Yay!
(They run over and eat some.)
SpongeBob: Mmm... Comb-flavored!
Sandy: What else can it turn things into?
Lord Royal Highness: Actually, it can only turn things into ice cream. We haven't worked that bug out yet. But I can show you the most amazing slash fantastic device created by Atlantean plans. Behold! This grand machine allows the user to be broken down into nano-stature enabling them to battle germs hand to hand.
Sandy: How's it work?
Lord Royal Highness: Please have a seat, and I'll explain.
(They each take a seat, and helmets made to fit their heads are placed onto them by tubes from the cieling.)
Lord Royal Highness: Now, here's how it wor-
SpongeBob: Hey, cool!
(He presses a button on a panel in front of him that looks like a game controller and he dissolves in a beam of light.)
Patrick: Where'd SpongeBob go?
Lord Royal Highness: Right now, his molecules are being broken down into dust and it is assembled on this computer and stored on these tapes, then reassembled on a much smaller scale...
SpongeBob: (On computer monitor) Someone help me!
Lord Royal Highness: ...And finally passes through this tube and into this tank, which contains every element known to- Oh, dear heavens! It looks like our scientists were working on a very aggressive case of the sniffles. He could be in trouble!
Patrick: Don't worry, SpongeBob! I'm coming to help you!
(He vaporizes to join SpongeBob.)
Squidward: OK, I've seen enough! Let me out of this thing!
(He presses the button repeatedly and also disappears into the tank. He lands in a pixelated world, videogame music playing in the background.)
Squidward: What's going on here?
(He's overshadowed by a nose with a mucus dripping out of it.)
Squidward: Oh, no.
(SpongeBob, also pixelated, hides behind an equally-pixelated Patrick and whispers to Squidward.)
SpongeBob: Squidward! Don't make any sudden movements!
(The nose sneezes, and germs come out. Squidward faints backwards, and his head falls to the ground, which he brings up back in place with between his legs. Then, he runs away.)
Squidward: Help!
(The germs chase the three. Sandy then arrives.)
All Except Sandy: Help, Sandy!
Sandy: Sounds like them critters are in trouble!
(The nose blotches up SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward into its nostril. Then, the germs surround pixelated Sandy.)
Sandy: Oh, no! Fellas, I'll be there soon! As soon as I send these critters to their doom!
("Mission Start" flashes on the screen, and then "The Germ Warrior- Player 4 Start - Nickelodeon 1991". Sandy starts destroying the germs and sings a song.)


Look out, germs
The end is near
Your days are numbered
'Cause Sandy's here!

I'll get these germs
And make them pay
With some good,
Old-fashioned kah-rah-tay!

If I borrow some elements
From the periodic table
I can mix up a brew
That is sure to disable

Any virus, bug or sniffle
That's stepped into my path
And make them feel
My microscopic wrath!!!!!


(SpongeBob, Patrick & Squidward cheer as Sandy destroys the nose. "Game Over" flashes on the screen and everyone returns to their seats.)
Lord Royal Highness: Well, should we continue on with the rest of our tour?
Sandy: Ya'll head out without me.
(She returns to the game world. The other four head out.)
Lord Royal Highness: Good luck. Have fun! We'll see you at dinner. Your friend Sandy sure is an excitable one.
SpongeBob: Quite.
Squidward: Somehow I knew I'd get stuck with you yahoos along it.
(Zoom into a vent in the hallway. We hear Plankton laugh from inside it; It connects to the weaponry room.)


Oh, what a beautiful sight!
Weapons as far as the eye can see
But which will be right for me?
How can I pick?
What will do the trick?

Which is the best
To guarantee
Eternal rest?

So many weapons
How can I choose?
Look at this one
With a beautiful fuse!

With that one I couldn't lose
That one would surely give them the blues!
And this one here matches my shoes!

Come on, Plankton! Just pick one
And forget about your shoes!
Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Mo!
I pick you, Now let's go!


(Plankton jumps into the nozzle of a tank.)
Squidward: This stuff is wonderful and all, but when are we going to see some real Atlantean culture?
Lord Royal Highness: Gentlemen, what is art?
SpongeBob: Oh! Oh! I know! I know!
(Squidward shoves SpongeBob out of his way.)
Squidward: I thought you'd never ask! Art is the consience arrangement of elements in a manner that affects a sence of beauty!
Lord Royal Highness: Not even close. Art is what happens when you learn to dream!
(He hands out a paintbrush to SpongeBob.)
Lord Royal Highness: Go ahead. Dream a little.
(SpongeBob paints a metal hatch door on the wall.)
SpongeBob: It looks like my front door!
Lord Royal Highness: Behold- the Hall of Arts!
(The door opens to reveal a huge room with paintings all over. It has a dome-shaped roof and Atlanteans are chiseling away at a statue of King Neptune riding on a dolphin-drawn chariot.)
Squidward: Incredible... The creativity! The artistry! This painting is so realistic! It looks like you could step straight into it!
Lord Royal Highness: And you can!
(He throws Squidward into the painting, which acts lke a portal.)
SpongeBob: Woah!
Squidward: This place is amazing!
(Squidward starts jumping into different paintings, including knock-offs of famous paintings, paintings from "Artist Unknown", and an appearance of SpongeGar, Pattar & Squogg from "Ugh".)


Isn't this great?
Isn't this neat?
I'm a living work of art,
From my head to my feet!

From the very fist drawings
On walls in caves
Art has been
What the heat and soul craves

So, pick up a brush,
Pencil or pen
If you don't like this one,
Paint it again!

From now on, please
Call me Sir Breal
I can wait for your Impression to congiel

Take it from an undersea
Renaissance man
I'd even look great
On the side of your van!

Anyway you cut it
I am art and art is me
Ask your mama or your dada
To tell you about the scism
Between minimalism and cubism!

My personality may be
Of the cynical type
But I've finally found something
That is up to the hype

I can say honestly
And with great certainty
That Atlantis is where
I want to spend eternity!


(Back in the real world, Squidward is on a cicular stage, with Atlanteans with art equipment around him. Also surrounding him are some lights. On the stage with him is another Atlantean.)
Atlantean #1: Hey, can you not sing? I'm trying to model here!
Atlantean #2: Now hold, Mandal. Why don't you take five? I'm really diggin' this squid's from.
Squidward: Looks like I'll be inspiring these Atlantean artmakers with my beauty! You guys go on ahead!
(He poses and the Atlanteans start painting)
SpongeBob: OK! Goodbye, Squidward!
(Cut to later. Lord Royal Highness is showing SpongeBob & Patrick around still.)
Lord Royal Highness: Now this section turn is known for its advances in science and fondue trade.
SpongeBob: Excuse me sir, this tour's been great and all, but, uhh... Can we see the bubble now?
Lord Royal Highness: Do excuse me! Most folks don't stay with the tour this long. Of course you can. But first, remember this: this bubble is over one million years old...
(As Lord Royal Highness talks, his face darkens. We see a picture of hundreds of Atlanteans carring the bubble in a dome on a huge chariot. Planets are visible in the background, along with flying elephants with two trunks and one eye. The Atlanteans carry a flag and their leader points them onward. Lord Royal Highness keeps talking.)
Lord Royal Highness: It was brought here when the first Atlanteans colonized this place. Deftly hand-carried over billions of lightyears from our home planet. It is our city's most beloved, treasured, ancient relic. But most importantly remember to... Have fun!!!
(He motions to a white palace-like building. The Oldest Living Bubble floats about inside another bubble on a small pedastal. SpongeBob & Patrick gasp.)
SpongeBob: There it is, Patrick!
SpongeBob & Patrick: The World's Oldest Living Bubble! Whoo!
(They fly over to it and cling to the bubble that surrounds the bubble.)
SpongeBob: Look at it, Patrick. So ancient! So floaty! It is the most beautiful, wrinkled-up, dustly old bubble I've ever seen!
Patrick: Like a delicate heirloom.
Lord Royal Highness: If you'll ecuse me, I need to make ready for tonight's dinner. So I'm just going to leave you two friendly strangers alone with our most beloved, ancient & fragile Atlantean relic. Join us in the dining hall when you've had a nice day.
SpongeBob: Thank you, Mr. Lord Royal Highness Sir.
(They go back to the bubble.)
SpongeBob: Just look at it, Patrick. The stories this bubble could tell! I just wish I could get a closer look.
(They accidentally lean on it to much, and they rush to the other side to keep it from falling.)
SpongeBob: Get it! Get it!
Patrick: Oh, golly! I don't know how much longer I could hold this!
(It falls on SpongeBob, and the bubble lands on the bottom of it, just by SpongeBob's nose. Then, they push it back up to normal, laughing.)
SpongeBob: Whew! That was a close one, buddy.
Patrick: Yeah. We almost popped the most prized possession of all Atlantiseans!
SpongeBob: Oh, that would've been our greatest blunder without a doubt. We should go before something bad does happen.
Patrick: Ooh! Let's get a picture for our scrapbook before we leave.
SpongeBob: Great idea, Patrick! Cheese!
(They snap a photo of themselves and the bubble. Behind them, the bubble pops!)
SpongeBob: Patrick! Did you hear something?
Patrick: A sort of a popping sound?
SpongeBob: Mmmm-hmmm...
(They see the popped bubble and scream, shedding their skin. SpongeBob's eyes drop into his mouth. Cut to the Atlantean dining room.)
Lord Royal Highness: So sorry I'm late! The tour ran a little long! So, how are you all enjoying our beloved city?
Squidward: I'm never leaving this place! I've learned more on painting in a few hours here than I did four years of community college.
(He holds up a painting of a buff, naked squid with a leaf cencorship dropping canned bread from "Squidville" from a basket.)
Lord Royal Highness: Absolutely marvelous. And Eugene, I'm sure the Hall of Treasure was all you had hoped for?
(Mr. Krabs is too intoxicated by his money to answer.)
Lord Royal Highness: And Sandra, how did you find our laboratories? Sandy: They are just amazing! I used your invention room to make this!
(She puts a small gizmo onto the table. Lord Royal Highness claps.)
Lord Royal Highness: Splendid! What does it do?
Sandy: I'll show ya!
(She turns on the contraption. The gadget's ray makes her Spaghetti-O's levitate and then go into her stomach without passing through her mouth.)
Sandy: Now I can eat underwater without removing my helmet. This is the beginning! I should have a cure for the common cold up and running by tommorrow afternoon with your high-tech lab!
(SpongeBob & Patrick enter the dining hall, looking distraught as an Atlantean waiter fills Lord Royal Highness' glass.)
Lord Royal Highness: SpongeBob! Patrick! Tell me, how did you enjoy our dearest and most prized possession?
SpongeBob: Um, we have to go back to Bikini Bottom now.
Sandy & Squidward: Huh!?!
(Mr. Krabs snaps out of his trance.)
Mr. Krabs: Huh!?!
(Lord Royal Highness laughs.)
Lord Royal Highness: Come! Enjoy the best Atlantean cuisine has to offer before you go.
(Two blonde-haired Atlantean twins push SpongeBob & Patrick into chairs, and push the chairs up to the table. SpongeBob and Patrick sweat and shake nervously.)
Squidward: (Whispering) What is wrong with you two morons?
SpongeBob: We have to go now.
Squidward: Why would you wanna leave a paradise like Atlantis?
SpongeBob: Because... Umm... Gary misses me!
(Cut back to Bikini Bottom, where Gary has his snail friends over, all partying in SpongeBob's living room with over-turned furniture and slime streaks across the walls. Back at Atlantis...)
(He covers his mouth instantly after blurting. Patrick gets blank stares from everyone for a few seconds before Lord Royal Highness chuckles weakly.)
Lord Royal Highness: If there's one thing we Atlanteans enjoy, it's a healthy dose of dark humor!
SpongeBob: It's not a joke! We burst the bubble!
(Sandy & Squidward gasp, and Lord Royal Highness laughs again.)
Lord Royal Highness: That's not the real bubble! It's just a prop for the tourists! This is the real deal.
(He holds up the Oldest Living Bubble in a transparent case.)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh!
(Patrick snaps a photo of it and it pops. Lord Royal Highness is sad a moment and then he growls.)
Lord Royal Highness: Summon the Atlantean Royal Guard!
(An Atlantean blows into a trumpet, and 5 blue ball-shaped objects roll out of circle-shaped doors. The balls open up to reveal that they are the Atlantean guards, resembling round Atlanteans in special armor.)
Lord Royal Highness: Seize these hostile bubble-poppers!
(The guards jump into the air, and the four boys scream.)
Sandy: Well, don't just stand there! Move!
(Sandy pushes them, Atlantean guards landing behind them, digging their weapons into the ground. One has a trident, one has a scythe and one has a mace.)
Mr. Krabs: Can't you go any faster, Sandy?
Sandy: Maybe if ya'll would use your feet!
(We see Patrick, SpongeBob, Squidward & Mr. Krabs' feet digging into the ground while Sandy pushes them.)
Mr. Krabs: Nevermind. Just keep doing what you're doing.
Sandy: Ugh... Huh?
(She sees three Atlanteans shooting what looks like a Nerf gun, with purple foam balls coming out of them, although they are most likely more dangerous than they appear. She takes Patrick by the head and throws him into the air. He spins around, hits three Atlantean guards, and returns to a wall, his head impaling it. The other four run through the door and Sandy grabs him on the way out.)
Sandy: Come on, Patrick!
(As they enter the next room, five more Atlantean guards hop down, shooting the guns. Sandy grabs SpongeBob and stretches him, shielding her and the others. The ammunition hits SpongeBob and bounces off of him. He laughs.)
SpongeBob: That tickles!
(He laughs more.)
Sandy: Hang in there, little buddy!
(The guards mumble as they are out of ammunition. Sandy puts SpongeBob down and picks Squidward up, using his suction cup feet to pick up the ammunition spilled by the guards. Then, she uses him as a gun, his nose as the trigger, shooting the Atlantean guards. Then, with the remaining ones, she picks up Mr. Krabs and lunges towards them.)
Atlantean #3: Huh?
(Krabs pinches them, all of them flying away.)
Lord Royal Highness: Don't let them get away!
(A whole army chases them outside, but they all freeze when a giant tank aims towards them all. Plankton's laughter is heard from inside the tank.)
Plankton: Cower to me, fools! I have commandeered the most powerful weapon in the Atlantean arsenal! All bow before the new king of Atlantis! Prepare to taste me wrath!
(He jumps on a big red button in the tank's interior, and nothing happens.)
Plankton: Huh? I mean... PREPARE TO TASTE MY WRATH!
(He hops up and down on the button, but nothing happens. He gets blank stares from everyone.)
Plankton: Prepare to taste my wrath!
(He throws a rock onto the button. He laughs.)
Tank Computer: Launch sequence deployed.
(The tank spits out strawberry ice cream.)
SpongeBob & Patrick: Ooh!
(They eat some.)
Patrick: Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Thanks, Plankton!
Plankton: Ice cream? It shoots ice cream!?!
(Plankton hops onto the outside of the tank.)
Plankton: Oversized ice cream-maker!
(He kicks it and then squeals in pain.)
Lord Royal Highness: Look! A talking speck! This talking speck will make a great replacement for our recently deflated national treasure! Won't you, little fella?
Plankton: I will destroy all of you!
Lord Royal Highness: Amazing! This is much better than that dusty old bubble.
(Cut to Plankton contained in a tiny glass jar.)
Plankton: You haven't seen the last of me. When I get out of here, I'll hunt you don't like a pack o-
(He's cut off by a camera flash.)
Plankton: Hey! Can't you read!?! No flash photography!
(He points to a sign reading "No Flash Photography" above him. All the Atlanteans marvel over how cute Plankton is and take pictures of him. Cut to Lord Royal Highness standing next to the repaired van as Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Patrick & SpongeBob get inside.)
Lord Royal Highness: So nice to meet you all. I hope you have a safe journey back home. And do come back anytime.
SpongeBob: And thanks for the tour!
(As soon as SpongeBob is in, Lord Royal Highness slams the door shut and gives the Amulet of Atlantis to an Atlantean.)
Lord Royal Highness: Dispose of this quickly. We can't survive anymore visitors like these...
Atlantean #4: Sir, yes, sir!
(He runs it over and throws it into a dumpster marked "Atlantean Waste". Lord Royal Highness waves good-bye to the gang as the bus departs.)
Lord Royal Highness: I though sponges were supposed to make life easy.
(As the bus travels home, the gang fuels it with another song.)


Good-bye, Atlantis
But we really have to go
back to a little town
That is the greatest place I know...

Back to Bikini Bottom!
I can hardly wait!
But what about the treasure?
It was really great!

I love Bikini Bottom!
It's where my Gary is!
But Atlantis has that science stuff
At which I was a whiz!

Soon I'll see the Krusty Krab
Where I'm happily employed!
But Atlantis has the Oldest Bubble
Which I gruelingly destroyed!

You can't beat Bikini Bottom
No place is quite so nice
But Atlantis was a fabulous Artistic paradise!

Sorry, Squidward
But it's the end of our
Atlantean vacation!
And back to my depressing life
Of quiet desperation

Good-bye, Atlantis!
We're Bikini Bottom-bound!
Can you turn this bus around?

We had fun!
Sure did!
But now we're done!
I'm bummed!

We're on our way
Can't we stay?
So now we'll say
I think I'm gonna cry!

Good-bye Atlantis...
We're Bikini Bottom-bound!
There's no place like home!
There's no place like Atlantis!
We're heading home
I don't wanna go home!
Please don't make us leave!
We're Bikini Bottom-bound
Stop saying that!


(The song fades out as the bus goes back to Bikini Bottom at night.)