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Have You Seen This Snail?

(Spongebob is carrying a big sack of snail food)
Patrick: Hey, Spongebob!
Spongebob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: What are you doing?
Spongebob: Carrying this heavy bag of snail food for Gary.
Patrick: How is Gary?
Spongebob: He's fine. Uh, Pat, can we talk about this some other time? This snail food is really heavy.
Patrick: Oh, sure, but there was something I wanted to tell you...something important. Oh, I remember. Uh... (Spongebob is gone) Who was I talking to?
Spongebob: (puts the bag of snail food down and notices the paper on the door) Ahoy, Captain, what have we here? It's a tiny form letter. "Dear Sir of Ma'am: We are sorry we missed you. We will attempt to re-delivery your package at our earliest convenience." (doorbell rings) Hello? (gasps) My package. Whoopee! (takes it inside while leaving the bag of snail food outside) Oh, let's see what we got here. (cuts it open) My official Mermaidman and Barnacleboy paddleball set. Whoo! Yeah! (grunts) What's this? "Take the Dirty Bubble Challenge! Hit the paddleball 29,998,559,671,349 times in a row." Dirty Bubble, wherever you float, I hereby accept your challenge. (takes the ball and hits it on the paddle but it comes back and hits him in the eye. Does this a couple more times. While he is doing this, Gary goes into the kitchen and sees that his bowl is empty. He checks the time and it is snack time)
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: (paddleball hits him in the eye again) Darn it.
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: What was that?
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Oh, Gary, that distracting sound came from you. I'm sorry I can't play with you right now. Mermaidman needs me. (when he tries the paddleball again, Gary interrupts)
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Gary, please! I'm trying to defeat the Dirty Bubble. (when he lifts his paddleball up, Gary is attached to it)
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: So, let's get this straight, Gary. You don't want me to defeat the Dirty Bubble. You know, Dirty Bubble -- terror of the seven seas, arch nemesis of my favorite TV superheroes, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy, and apparently renowned paddleball champion. (Dirty Bubble on the box laughs) Well, I for one, recognize the importance of this undertaking. But whether or not you do remains to be seen. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get back to it. (Gary slithers off) Pets -- sometimes I wonder if they understand a word you're saying. (Gary jumps on Spongebob's face, making him run around and scream) Gary, I hate it when you do that. Now get! (throws him away) And leave your master to his important affairs. (Gary rolls into his bowl and sees a crumb of food left. A bunch of spiders crawl out of it. Gary packs his things) Hey, I got one! Dirty Bubble, say your prayers.
Gary: Meow. (Gary slithers off away, down a river, and takes a bus out of town. Cut to next day)
Patrick: (drinks his coffee then eats the cup) I haven't seen Spongebob in a couple days. I'm sure he'll be glad to know I remembered what I wanted to tell him. (knocks on the door then notices the bag of snail food on the ground) That's strange. Usually, I knock on the with this hand. (walks in) Hey, Spongebob, you around? Spongebob?
Spongebob: (muffled) Darn it.
Patrick: Spongebob, is that you?
Spongebob: (muffled) Oh, darn it. Darn it.
Patrick: Spongebob? (opens the door to the galley to Spongebob lying on the ground)
Spongebob: Darn it. Darn it.
Patrick: Spongebob, what happened? (runs over to a picture of a krabby patty on the wall) This picture is crooked. Spongebob!
Spongebob: (looks at the paddle) Darn it.
Patrick: Snap out of it.
Spongebob: Patrick, I...
Patrick: What is it, buddy? You can tell me.
Spongebob I took the Dirty Bubble challenge.
Patrick: You what? (cries)
Spongebob: Why are you crying, Patrick?
Patrick: Because... many years ago, I took that challenge.
Spongebob: Really?
Patrick: Uh-huh.
Spongebob: What happened?
Patrick: I won. But then I lost the trophy they sent me.
Spongebob: You lost the...? That's terrible! Come on, Pat. Let's have some kelp cookies and some sea horse milk -- that always cheers me up when I've lost something. There you are, Pat-- fresh sea horse milk.
Patrick: Thanks, buddy.
Spongebob: Hey, Pat, you ever feel like you're forgetting something? Something important? (trips over Gary's bowl) Hmmm. I think it has something to do with this bowl. Gary's food bowl. That's it -- I gotta feed Gary. (gets the bag of snail food outside) That's a lot of dust for a couple of hours. (brings it in and pours it in Gary's bowl) Gary! Dinner! (takes out a triangle) Come on, Gary, soup's on. Gary? Hey, Pat?
Patrick: Yeah?
Spongebob: How long was I taking the Dirty Bubble challenge?
Patrick: About a week.
Spongebob: A week? Are you sure?
Patrick: Hmmm... well... (pours the glass of milk upside down. It's solid milk) Yeah, it's about a week, maybe ten days.
Spongebob: Ten days? Gary! (searches all over the house for Gary) Gary? Gary! Gary? Gary! Gary! Gary! Gary! Patrick!
Patrick: Huh?
Spongebob: I can't find Gary. (cut to Gary slithering across the sand. Echoing howls are heard. Gary looks at his stomach and it's howling at him. Gary sneezes)
Gary: Meow. (cut to Spongebob)
Spongebob: This never fails-- Gary's favorite treats. Gary can't resist these babies. They're filled with eight types of organic sediment that bottom feeders like Gary can't get enough of.
Patrick: Eight?
Spongebob: Yeah, something like that. All you really have to do is shake the can. Gary comes running every time. Pat, try it. (Patrick shakes it but no noise) Let me see that. (Spongebob tries it but no noise) Hmm, I don't understand; this is a brand-new... (Patrick belches. Spongebob shakes his belly and Patrick laughs)
Patrick: I only tasted six types of sediment. (cut to nighttime where Spongebob and Patrick are searching for Gary. Patrick is shaking his belly)
Spongebob: Gary? Gary! Gary, where are you? Are you under here? (lifts a flower up) Gary! Keep shaking, Patrick.
Patrick: Oh. (jiggles his belly)
Spongebob: Gary!
Squidward: What are those Neanderthals up to? Don't they know I'm busy spoiling myself? (Spongebob and Patrick open Squidward's door while he is in the bathtub. Squidward screams then pants)
Spongebob: You check over there. I'll check in here. (checks in the bathtub Squidward is in) Find him yet, Pat?
Patrick: (pulls the sink out from the wall, making water shoot out everywhere) No, but I'll keep looking.
Spongebob: But there's nowhere left to look.
Patrick: There's one place we haven't checked. (cut to Spongebob and Patrick standing in front of a mailbox full of letters)
Spongebob: I doubt Gary could fit in there.
Patrick: Can't hurt to look.
Spongebob: Here goes nothing. (opens the mailbox and a bunch of letters shoot out and a rolled up paper falls on the ground) Look, Pat!
Patrick: What is it?
Spongebob: Let's see. "Dear Spongebob: These last few years have been some of the best of my life, but I must move on. Don't bother to come looking for me. By now, I have probably found a new owner who actually remembers to fill up my food bowl every now and again. Sincerely, Gary. At least until my new owner renames me." Dear Neptune, what I have done?
Patrick: What do you mean? You drove him away. It's right there in black and white. See? Right there and there.
Spongebob: Gary. (cut to Gary slithering into another town. A couple walks by him laughing)
Fred: Are my pants too tight, dear? (takes a bite out of his burger then notices Gary outside and closes the blinds on the window in the diner. Gary slithers along more until he stops and sees some nachos in an alleyway. When he is about to take a bite of it, three snails frighten him)
Snail #1: Look who came to dinner. (Gary runs away)
Snail #3: Guess he didn't like nachos. (Gary slithers away until he runs into a dark figure)
Gramma: There you are. (grabs Gary) There you are, Miss Tuffsy. Oh, gramma finally found you. She was starting to get worried. Now let's get to your home, Miss Tuffsy, and get you something to eat. Hmmm. (shakes Gary) You feel much lighter than Gramma remembers. (cut to Gramma's house where she is feeding Gary cookies and putting an electric blanket over him) There you go, Miss Tuffsy. Gramma knows you like your Mr. Heaty set to extra cozy when you're home relaxing.
Gary: Mmm.
Gramma: Goodness, you're almost out of cookies. Here, I'll go and get some more. Now, don't you go running off again. (Gary looks around the house at the beautiful things she has) There you go. After this, I'll go make up some of those deviled eggs I promised. (drops tray of cookies) Oh, how about a little music? Gramma's got a killer stereo system. (music warbling faster as Grammas cranks. Gary continues to eat cookies as jazz music begins to play) Oh, this song reminds Gramma or her days as a riveter. (dances) You make Gramma feel so young. Come on, Miss Tuffsy, let's do the boogie-woogie. (while doing the dance, she breaks her back) Oh. (set Gary back on the chair) Okay, oh, that's enough boogie-woogie for now.
Spongebob: Gary! Gary? Gary! (looks into a hat store. On the reflecetion of the window, a truck with a picture of a snail drives by and stops. Spongebob turns around) Gary! (truck's logo says "Hungry Snails Loves Snail-Po". Tires squeal as the dust gets into Spongebob's face and makes him cough) Gary...! Oh... Gary! (fade out to Gramma and Gary sitting on the couch watching TV) Gramma knows how much you love these late-night crime drama programs. Don't you, Miss Tuffsys? Oh, heavens, look at the time. It's time for bed, Miss Tuffsys. (when Gary jumps off the couch, a picture of Spongebob comes out of his bag)
Gary: (sadly) Meow.
Spongebob: Quiet, Gary! Can't you see I'm busy? (Gary gives a raspberry. Gary goes into a bright and decorated room with Gramma)
Gramma: Here's your room, Miss Tuffsy.
Gary: (questioningly) Meow?
Gramma: Here you are, darling. Let Gramma tuck you in. There you go. Oh, I almost forgot your good-night kiss. Sweet dreams, Miss Tuffsy. (walks out of the room and claps twice to make the lights go out. Cut to next day at the Krusty Krab where Spongebob is walking into the Krusty Krab on his knees)
Mr Krabs: Spongebob! You're 15 minutes late.
Spongebob: Sorry, Mr Krabs, I was out all night looking for Gary. You see, he ran away and, well, now I...
Mr Krabs: Spongebob, are you okay? You look kinda...different.
Spongebob: Well, I'm not exactly what you'd call ok, Mr Krabs. You see, my...
Mr Krabs: (snaps fingers) Aha! You just forgot to put your hat on. (puts his hat on his head) Knew I'd figure it out. (Spongebob's tears drop on the patty) Gary.
Customer: Yeah, I'd like a refund for this Krabby Patty.
Mr Krabs: Refund?! What's wrong with it?
Customer: Oh, nothing really, except it's covered in tears! (reveals that there are six tears on the patty)
Mr Krabs: What the...?
Spongebob: Gary...
Mr Krabs: Spongebob! There's customers out there, boy, waiting to be fed!
Spongebob: This wouldn't be the first time I disappointed someone who was hungry.
Mr Krabs: Okay, boy, why don't you tell mr Krabs what's wrong.
Spongebob: Well, you see...
Mr Krabs: (grabs Spongebob's mouth) That's enough, boy. See it's not always what you say that matters. Sometimes it's what you don't say. Understand?
Spongebob: Yes, Mr Krabs. I should've told Gary how important he was to me.
Mr Krabs: Well, I don't know what that has to do with making Krabby Patties, but I do know this: any problem you have can be solved with a little hard work.
Spongebob: You're right, Mr Krabs.
Mr Krabs: That's me boy!
Spongebob: If I'm going to find Gary, I'm going to need to work harder at it. (cut to Patrick sleeping on the ground. A bunch of things fall on Patrick and wake him up)
Patrick: It's the apocalypse! Office products falling from the sky.
Spongebob: No, Patrick. We're going to use this stuff to go find Gary.
Patrick: But I thought you drove him away with your neglect and indifference.
Spongebob: Patrick, now is now the time for talking. We've got work to do. (cut to Gramma)
Gramma: (squeezing orange juice from the orange) There you go, Miss Tuffsy-- fresh squeezed. It takes longer to make it that way, but it was a labor of love.
Gary: Meow.
Gramma: How about a little more syrup on those pancakes? (pours syrup on the pancakes. Then takes the spoon and scoops up a bite for Gary) Here comes the train. Hoo-hoo! (cut to Gramma and Gary in the car) Set phasers on fun, Miss Tuffsy. (engine revving, tires squeal as Gramma drives fast over to Marth's Craft Zone) Oh, here we are. (both walk inside. As soon as the door closes, Spongebob and Patrick arrive in front with posters and tape)
Spongebob: Here's a good spot. (puts a poster on the door) "Gary! I am sorry! Please come home! Love, Spongebob". Quick, hand me the tape.
Patrick: Hey, their having a sale on scented pine cones.
Spongebob: Patrick, this is no time for that. (Patrick goes in. Spongebob sighs)
Patrick: Pine cones, pine cones, pine cones.
Gramma: These pipe cleaners are simply delightful.
Patrick: Old lady, quick. I'm looking for the scented pine cones. It's an emergency!
Gramma: Well, I hope you weren't looking to buy them, sonny, because Gramma already picked up all they had.
Patrick: Once again, you and I are kept apart, oh sweet scented pine cones. Hey, Gary. (walks out. When he does, the posters on the door are torn in half) Um...uhh...
Spongebob: Come on, Pat, just take these flyers and hand them out. (walk off)
Gramma: (walks out) Come on, Miss Tuffsy, there's plenty more fun to be had.

------------------------------
Gary, now I know I was wrong
I messed up, and now you're gone
Gary, I'm sorry I neglected you
Oh, I never expected you to run away and leave me
Feeling this empty
Your meow right now would sound like music to me
Please come home, 'cause I miss you, Gary

(Gary, come home...)
Gary, come home
(Gary, come home...)

Gary, can't you see I was blind
I'll do anything to change your mind

More than a pet, you're my best friend
Too cool to forget, come back
'Cause we are family
And forgive me for making you wanna roam
And now my heart is beating like the saddest metronome
Somewhere I hope you're reading my latest three-word poem:
Gary come home
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Patrick: I want peanuts. (presses button in the airplane)
Spongebob: Pat, no! (airplane loses control. Both scream as the airplane rides through the message in the sky "GARY COME HOME" and changes it to "LISA, WILL YOU MARRY ME?")
Lady Fish: Who is this 'Lisa' person?
Male Fish: What? (female slaps him. Cut to Gramma walking into her house)
Gramma: Gramma will get a lovely meat loaf in the oven for you.
Gary: Meow.
Gramma: Don't worry, it's no trouble at all. Easy to do. (Gary smells his newspaper pile)
Gary: Meow.
Gramma: Oh, Miss Tuffsy, do you have to go potty? Here, why don't you use this stack of fliers given to me today by a little chubby boy. (Gary reads all the fliers that Spongebob and Patrick made. Gary imagines Spongebob in a thought bubble)
Spongebob: Gary, please come back to me! Go, boy, go! (Gramma whistles)
Gramma: You stay right there. The meatloaf is almost done. (Gary groans then slithers over and opens a closet door to find a bunch of empty snail shells) Oh, dear. The meatloaf is not quite ready yet but Gramma knows how hungry you are, Miss Tuffsy, so she whipped up a quick batch of cookies. (belt on Gary's belly snaps. A bunch of fat breaks through his shell. The snails in the painting on the wall talk)
Snails: Run! (Gary strains to get out of the shell pile but does and rolls toward Gramma's cookie plate and out the pet door. She tries to throw cookies at him but they get stuck in the door)
Gramma: You don't want cookies? Don't fret, I made a batch of deviled eggs, too. (Gary looks behind him and Gramma is slowly walking behind him) Come back, Miss Tuffsy. You don't want these to go to waste, do you? They were a labor of love. (Gary hides behind some trashcans in the alleyway) Oh, don't worry, Miss Tuffsy, Gramma will find you.
Snail #3: Hey! You're that guy who doesn't like nachos.
Gramma: Miss Tuffsy, I know you're back there. I can hear your stomach growling. (Gary pushes the snail in Gramma's view)
Snail #3: Hey!
Gramma: Oh, there you are, Miss Tuffsy.
Snail #3: Who?
Gramma: You must be starving. (Gary sighs deeply. Cut to Spongebob crying on his couch)
Patrick: Just let it out, buddy. That's right.
Spongebob: I can't cry anymore, Patrick. When Gary left, he took all my tears with him.
Patrick: Did you just say Gary? Spongebob, I just remembered earlier today at the craft store, I saw... these huge chunks of balsa wood! They were awesome!
Spongebob: (sobs) Gary loves balsa wood! (runs out) I got to try to forget Gary. For some reason, I can't get him out of my mind. (look at the giant sign of Gary) I blew it-- I really blew it. I took you for granted, Gary. I'm sorry! Don't just start at me, say something! I'm talking to a billboard.
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Now I'm hearing things. If only I could see you one more time so I could tell you how much I love you. If only I could hear you meow one last time.
Gary: (climbs on Spongebob's head) Meow.
Spongebob: Yeah, like that. (Gary purrs) Gary, your purring is making it hard to forget you. Gary! Oh, Gary! So, did you hear any of that, or do I have to repeat myself?
Gary: Meow.
Spongebob: Okay, good. I promise, Gary, things are going to be different between you and I. You'll see, pal. Now let's go home and get you something to eat. You must be starving.
Gary: (groans) Meow.
End