An episode that took...18 hours? to write. About 3 weeks total, very long, hard production. So for the 50th episode special...i present to you, one of my favorites...ENDGAME OF THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
Episode 50
Endgame of the Zombie Apocalypse
Written by PlayForBlood/BagelsinEurope
PREVIOUSLY ON THE SBM SHOW
Popeye: Oh my god...I'M A MURDERER!
(As he is driving, Popeye sees cars explode out on the highway. He exits and causes a gigantic ball of crashed cars to form)
Popeye: AAAAAAAH! I ASSUME EVERYONE IN THAT DIED!
Popeye: This is like a horror movie, except I don't want to kill everyone! Then I'd go to jail! Actually, wait a minute...If everyone dies, then I can't go to jail because there would be no one to take me and I can finally have peace and quiet! VICTORY!
Popeye: Dang, I'm all alone.
(Popeye burns Smokey The Bear)
Popeye: BURN! YES YOU'RE GONNA BURN! BURN BURN BURN BURN
Bagel: Oh hey Popeye.
Popeye: BAGEL? YOU'RE NOT DEAD?
Bagel: You want to know how to break the spell? Okay, let's go to the enchantment gardens.
Popeye: "Solution to every spell ever: Pee on yourself" What kind of solution is that?
Bagel turns his back and Popeye pees in the cup, then pours it on himself)
Popeye: Alright. Now everything should be back to normal!
(Popeye and Bagel climb out of the pothole)
Popeye: Shouldn't everyone be alive now?
Bagel: No duh, you killed them! What, do you expect them to just come back to life cause you're not cursed?
Popeye: No, but...what the hell why is Bagel getting the better of me? Let's go back to the enchanted gardens.
Bagel: Okay! This way-
Popeye: WE WERE JUST THERE A MINUTE AGO
Bagel: No, it really is this way.
(Bagel goes into the enchanted gardens. Popeye follows)
Popeye: So how do I fix it?
Bagel: Figure it out yourself. I have to take care of some problems.
Popeye: OH GOD IS THAT WHAT I THINK
Bagel: I have to put a band-aid on this scab. What were you thinking?
Popeye: Nothing...just...where's the book?
Bagel: Right here.
(Popeye flips it open)
Popeye: "Solution to every spell ever: Pee on yourself". WHAT THE HELL NOT AGAIN
(beat)
(Popeye pours the cup on himself)
(beat)
Popeye: Alright, so shouldn't everyone be back to life now?
Bagel: It depends on what you mean by back to life.
(We see the street flooded with zombies)
Popeye: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME I WAS GONNA RAISE THE DEAD!
Bagel: Well, you didn't say which book you wanted, so I just gave you a book, the first one I could find.
Popeye: Great. Now we have to deal with a zombie apocalypse.
Bagel: Well, do we have any guns?
Popeye: Nope.
(beat)
(A brick drops from the sky with a note attached)
Bagel: "WHADDYA THINK YOUR FISTS ARE FOR" Oh hey, Dave Mustaine helps!
(Bagel goes up to ssj's zombie)
Bagel: BUILT FOR WAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR
(Bagel punches ssj's zombie. ssj's zombie rips Bagel's pancreas out)
Bagel: Well, I'll guess we'll go with plan B.
Popeye: What's Plan B?
Bagel: Richard Sherman.
(Bagel shows a picture of Richard Sherman. The zombies back away and make growling noises. When Bagel drops the picture, they approach him again. This repeats several times)
Popeye: So are we just gonna do this forever?
Bagel: Nah, that would be boring. Let's go get lemonade.
Popeye: BUT THE ENTIRE POPULATION IS NOW TRYING TO KILL US
Bagel: What about Lou Reed?
Popeye: Well, yeah...but, HE'S LOU REED!
Lou Reed: SPERMLESS...LIKE A GIRL
Bagel: This is a really good opportunity for a hermaphrodite joke.
(beat)
Popeye: Aren't you gonna make some disturbing joke?
Bagel: Nope, just saying it's a good time to make one. It would've fit well with the story.
Popeye: DO YOU REALIZE OUR LIFE IS AT STAKE?
Bagel: Doesn't mean we can't get lemonade.
Popeye: BUT THE ZOMBIES!
Bagel: Okay okay fine. Here. Hold this.
(Bagel hands Popeye his pants and stands in his underwear)
Bagel: Zombies! Come to me.
(The zombies approach Bagel)
Bagel: So I was walking downtown and I saw a taxi cab. And I said, "You'd better take me home, because I can't see north for two cents!" So he drive me down to Schadenfreude St, and you wanna know what the best part was? When he asked for a tip, I gave him two cents! Get it? Cause I said I can't see north for two cents? Isn't that funny?
(The zombies look disgusted. One collapses and faints)
Bagel: I think it's working!
Popeye: Yeah. Those jokes are pretty bad.
Bagel: Okay so, you're gonna love this one. So I was at a county fair, and I said to the guy who runs the ferris wheel, "This is the ferris wheel I've ever ridden" get it? Ferris instead of fairest? Isn't that hilarious?
(We see a couple more zombies fall to the ground)
Bagel: Okay, okay, here's a really good one. What do you call dogs that are Siamese twins? Double-boned! Get it? Cause they're two and they have twice the bones in their body and they get two bones by the owner for each? Double-boned? Isn't that funny?
Popeye: Now this is just sad. I have no words.
SEVERAL MISERABLE BAD JOKE-FILLED HOURS LATER
Bagel: Okay. They're all dead.
Popeye: But they're zombies! They can't die!
(The zombies come back to life)
Popeye: See? Also, can you take your pants back?
Bagel: No, I'm hot.
E.V.I.L.: IM CUTE LOL
Bagel: Wait, you're not a zombie?
E.V.I.L.: Nope, I'm the llama sidekick who disappeared for pretty much all of last season. But I always stay by your side! As long as you have Nutella.
Bagel: Oh yeah, forgot about you. Here's your Nutella.
(Bagel hands E.V.I.L. his Nutella)
E.V.I.L.: YAY
(E.V.I.L. eats the Nutella)
Popeye: But how was he not a zombie?
Bagel: Don't you understand anything? He's the sidekick that always stays by my side, even though he disappeared for like a whole season.
E.V.I.L.: So what are we doing now?
Bagel: We have to make these zombies people again because SOMEONE killed off every character of the show besides us.
Popeye: HEY I DIDN'T TRY TO
Bagel: YOU THINK JOHNNY TEST WANTED TO BE CRUCIFIED? NO! DON'T GIVE ME THAT EXCUSE!
Popeye: Okay okay fine. Let's go back to the enchanted gardens.
Bagel: THIS WAY!
Popeye: Oh boy. I KNOW WHERE IT IS NOW.
(Popeye goes into a pothole)
(Popeye jumps out)
Popeye: NOT THE ENCHANTED GARDENS
Bagel: See, I told you! It's over here.
(Popeye goes under another pothole)
(Popeye jumps out, covered with water and part of his head bit out)
Bagel: No, no I think it's over here.
(Popeye goes in)
(Popeye goes out)
Popeye: THAT'S JUST A WHITE VOID!
Bagel: So it should be this one!
(Popeye goes in)
Voice (offscreen): THIS DAY WE FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! THIS DAT WE FIGHT!
(Popeye goes out, beat up and scarred)
Bagel: Okay. If it's not that one, it's gotta be this one!
(Popeye jumps in)
Voice (offscreen): THIS IS A WAR FOR THE ENDGAME! NASA DID 9/11! DONALD TRUMP WAS SETH MACFARLANE'S FATHER! HILLARY CLINTON IS A MAN!
(Popeye jumps out)
Popeye: ALEX JONES?!
Bagel: Okay, okay. It's gonna be this-
Popeye: OH NO. EVERY POTHOLE YOU'VE LED ME TO HAS BEEN WRONG. WE'VE BEEN TO EVERY POTHOLE ON THE STREET EXCEPT THIS ONE!
(Popeye goes into a pothole)
(Popeye jumps out)
Bagel: We already went to this one. So as I was saying, it's gotta be this one.
(Popeye goes inside the pothole)
(Bagel and E.V.I.L. follow)
Popeye: Dang it, I hate when you're right.
Bagel: Okay, so since you caused all this, you're the "magnet" and you have to take these potions which should solve the problem.
(Bagel lays out 9 potions)
Popeye: Do I have to take all of these?
Bagel: No. These are just all the potions that relate to our problem.
Popeye: So what's the difference?
Bagel: Here. I'll just read the potions and their side affects.
Popeye: Side affects?
Bagel: Okay, here's the list:
Potion #1: This one kills all zombies within a 90 yard radius.
Side affect: You get involved in a Mr. Seahorse situation.
Potion #2: This one makes all zombies human again.
Side affect: We own your identity and can do what we please with it.
Potion #3: This one also makes all zombies human again.
Side affect: Parasites. Everywhere.
Potion #4: This one makes half of the zombies human again. The other half die.
Side affect: America's Funniest Home Videos is all that is ever shown on TV ever.
Potion #5: This one kills all zombies in the universe,
Side affect: You become a fetus living inside of Dave Mustaine.
Potion #6: This one kills everybody ever.
Side affect: You die.
Potion #7: This one deletes the universe.
Side affect: Itchy urethra.
Potion #8: Dave Mustaine bombs the city.
Side affect: You turn into a Naked Mole Rat.
Potion #9: We put your brain in a jar.
Side affect: Your brain is in a jar! Look at it!
Popeye: Those all sound horrible!
Bagel: Well, you have to take one of them. Or two. Or three. Or all 9-
Popeye: newp :]
(Popeye shoots himself)
Popeye: WTF WHY DID I LIVE
Bagel: So, are you gonna take one? Or two? Or three? Or all 9-
Popeye: FINE I'LL TAKE #3
Bagel: If you insist.
(Popeye drinks the third potion)
Bagel: Oh wait. It says that zombies will become human in 24 hours.
Popeye: I don't feel so well-OW OW NOT THERE
(Bagel slowly walks away)
E.V.I.L.: Okay. So we just have to survive one night? That shouldn't be too hard. At least as long as we have Nutella, that is.
(Bagel and E.V.I.L. walk out of the Enchanted Gardens)
Bagel: Okay. So we just need to come up with a plan.
E.V.I.L.: How about we just hide in the Enchanted Gardens?
(Bagel and E.V.I.L. go down there and see Popeye covered in parasites)
Bagel: how about no
Popeye: HELP PLS
Parasite: TASTE ME
Parasite #2: I LIKE BLOOD AND BONES
Parasite #3: JIM SUCKS
Parasite #2: YOU SUCK
Parasite #3: THE LIVER SUCKS
Parasite: Nah man, it's the pancreas that blows. Tastes all gooey.
Parasite #2: As if the colon is any better?
Popeye: GET THEM OFF
Bagel: actually this is kind of funny. maybe they have useful information about which body parts taste good and which don't
Popeye: WHEN WOULD YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT
Bagel: It's just useful information in general.
E.V.I.L: So are we gonna stay down here or?
Bagel: Nah, that would be boring. The viewers want action!
(We see a minute of nothing happening and just staying TNT the same pause scene we saw earlier)
(Cut to Bagel, E.V.I.L. and Popeye on land)
Bagel: So now what-hey, how did you get here?
Popeye: Wait, what? Why am I up here?
RL Bagel: Well, you see, um, it's complicated, uh, GEORGE THEY'RE ONTO US
(RL Bagel rides a farting donkey across the universe)
Bagel: Salute.
(We see a zombie up in Popeye's face)
Popeye: Hey, nice zombie-
(The zombie eats Popeye's nose)
Popeye: damn that never works
Bagel: HEY ZOMBIE, UH, FETCH THE STICK!
(Bagel throws a stick)
(beat)
Bagel: No? Okay.
(beat)
Popeye: Isn't he gonna-
(The zombie eats one of Popeye's legs)
E.V.I.L.: HEY ZOMBIE
(The zombie leans in on E.V.I.L.)
E.V.I.L.: IM CUTE LOL
(The zombie faints)
Bagel: Must be ssj.
E.V.I.L.: I knew his scent.
(We hear a rumbling sound in the background)
Popeye: OH NO! THE BALL OF CARS WITH ZOMBIES INSIDE FROM LAST EPISODE!
(We see the carball roll through the streets, picking up each zombie on the road)
Bagel: FINALLY! I've always wanted to tap dance on a gigantic ball of cars! That's one thing I can cross off my bucket list!
Popeye: Who puts that on their bucket list?
Bagel: Me! See here!
"Things to do before I get shoved into a bucket"
___Eat Shrek
___Tapdance on a gigantic ball of cars
___Eat plastic letters
___Create a Scooby-Doo action figure out of poop
___Collect all 5 genitals
Popeye: FIVE?
Bagel: It'll make sense if you take maximobiology in high school. Now, I've got some dancing to do.
(Bagel jumps on the ball of cars and tap-dances madly, punching every zombie that approaches him. This goes on for about a minute)
Bagel: Aaaand abort.
(Bagel blows up the ball of cars, causing lots of zombies to fly through the air and land in a perfect circle surrounding the three)
Popeye: BUT HOW
Bagel: Welp, we're screwed.
Kenan: THE SCREW WAS IN THE TUNA
E.V.I.L.: I HAVE AN IDEA!
(Evil spits in the face of all the zombies)
(beat)
E.V.I.L.: Dang. That was extra salty.
Bagel: I guess there's only one way to go-down.
(The three jump into the sewers)
Popeye: HAVEN'T YOU PLAYED ANY VIDEO GAME EVER? THE SEWERS ARE THE WORST SPOT POSSIBLE!
Bagel: k
(beat)
E.V.I.L: Where do we go from here? And should we really care?
Bagel: OOOOOOOH THE SUBTLE MEGADETH REFERENCE COUNTER IS ON
(We see a tiny bug in the corner that says "SMRC: 1")
Popeye: I'm impressed.
Bagel: No. I'm impressed. E.V.I.L. probably doesn't know what Megadeth is!
E.V.I.L: He's right, I don't!
(We hear some creepy noises play in the background)
Voice: WELCOME TO THE GAME OF DEATH. Get it? It's a play on "The Game of Life" Cause we're zombies? And we're undead!
(One parasite falls off of Popeye's body)
Popeye: Please keep going.
Voice: NO! I'LL STOP! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU PLAY THE GAME OF DEATH!
(Three doors open)
Voice: EACH OF YOU WILL GO IN ONE OF THESE THAT HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO PUT YOU THROUGH A "CHALLENGE". hehhehhehHAHAHAHAHAHEHDUGXUSYDJWHHSJSYJahhxifgzgeuhru,HhhsisgG-
(The voice stops and we hear a loud explosion)
Popeye: I thought zombies had no brains, because this is surprisingly elaborate.
(Each person walks into one of the doors. We see a bird's eye view of a gigantic maze that is divided into three sections, which extends for miles. We see Popeye inside the maze. The door slams shut. Popeye attempts to open it)
Popeye: Of course, it's locked. I couldn't expect anything different. Oh well. This can't be much worse than my average life.
(Popeye walks up to a table with a computer on it)
Popeye: Oh hey, SBM.
(We see the computer has a picture of SBM with no members at all, no posts at all, no statuses, just blank.)
Popeye: Where did everyone go?
(We see a picture Popeye laughing inside the computer)
Popeye: NO! GET AWAY!
(Popeye attempts to punch the computer, but his fists get sucked under the computer and then nailed down. The sky is covered with a barred ceiling, the rest of the maze is barred, and the windows are nailed shut and blackened)
Voice: FACE YOURSELF FOR ETERNITY
Popeye: NUUUUUUU
(We cut to E.V.I.L. who stumbles upon a box? of Nuttella and Go)
E.V.I.L: Sweet.
(E.V.I.L. attempts to open the box?, but his hooves are too big.)
E.V.I.L: OH NO! MY LIVING HELL!
(E.V.I.L destroys the box? and a bunch of crumbs and Nutella come out)
E.V.I.L.: *gasp* WHAT HAVE I DONE?!
Sad Nutella Container: You killed the Nutella, E.V.I.L! I'll never love you!
E.V.I.L: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
(We cut to Bagel walking through the maze)
Bagel: Oh god, I've got a bad feeling about this.
(We see the backside of Lana Loud)
Bagel: OH MY GOD SHE'S REAL
(Bagel starts flipping out in joy, until we revels that Lana Loud is actually a creepy old man in a costume)
Bagel: OH GOD WHAT THE HELL
Creepy Old Man: the loud house is cancelled
Bagel: NUUUUUUUUUUUUU
(We cut back to Popeye)
Popeye: So...how is this game played?
Voice: Make it to the end of the maze.
Popeye: How can I make it to the end of the maze with my arms nailed to the computer?
Voice: You're just gonna have to get rid of the arms then.
Popeye: Oh boy.
(Popeye starts biting his arms madly)
Parasite: You're way too slow at this. I'll take care of it.
Popeye (sarcastically): Thanks, I guess.
(We cut to E.V.I.L.)
E.V.I.L.: HOW CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME, NUTELLA?
Sad Nutella Container: You could give me your fur.
E.V.I.L.: Really? Why that?
Sad Nutella Container: You took a nutella's life so we'll take something from you.
E.V.I.L.: Anything for you, o great Nutella.
(E.V.I.L. gives his fur)
(We cut to Bagel)
Bagel: THE LOUD HOUSE CAN'T BE OVER! IT WAS NICK'S BEST CARTOON IN HUNDREDS OF YEARS!
Old Man: it's too late now
Bagel: THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME WAY TO GET IT BACK ON AIR
Old Man: nope...unless you give some appendages.
Bagel: YOU CAN TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT I DONT CARE
(The old man gives a creepy laugh)
(Bagel gulps)
(We cut to Popeye, who's arms are now off)
Popeye: Can I get out of here now?
Voice: Yes. You have completed your first task.
(A door opens and Popeye has three paths)
Popeye: Which way is right? Which way is wrong? Which way is up? Which way is down? Who cares, I'm gonna end in eternal suffer anyway.
(Another point is added to the SMRC)
(Popeye goes down the center path)
(We see a chessboard on a table)
Popeye: Oh, wonderful. Chess.
(Popeye moves one of his thingys)
Voice: CHECKMATE
(The board starts melting and the pieces fall off the table)
Popeye: OH NO, WHAT DID I DO.
Voice: Your king is mine.
Popeye: What king?
Voice: I want your intestines.
Popeye: No, I'm not giving those.
Voice: Fine, then die.
(Popeye starts falling into a black hole)
Popeye: OKAY FINE! YOU CAN HAVE THEM!
(The food band come onscreen)
Popeye: No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(We cut to E.V.I.L.)
E.V.I.L: Do you forgive me, Nutella?
Nutella: I suppose so.
E.V.I.L.: YAY! Let's go get some Nutella.
(E.V.I.L. and Nutella walk outside and see the Nutella factory with a bunch of people tied to chairs with their mouths covered shut)
Voice: WE HAVE THE ENTIRE NUTELLA FACTORY HELD HOSTAGE. AND WE WILL KILL THEM UNLESS YOU GIVE US YOUR LEGS
E.V.I.L: Legs? Okay. This whole thing seems kind of weird, but anything for Nutella. I will do it.
(E.V.I.L. chops his legs off and falls to the floor)
Voice: The Nutella factory is saved.
E.V.I.L: You know, I feel like losing all these body parts can't be good.
(We cut to Bagel)
Bagel: Okay, The Loud House better be back on the air after what you did.
Old Man: Don't worry, it's safe with me.
(The old man lets out a creepy smile)
Bagel: So, can I get out of here? I feel like bad things are gonna happen.
Old Man: You must complete the whole maze.
Bagel: Okay. You owe me a body, dude.
Old Man: Don't worry, that's your reward at the end of the maze.
Bagel: Good.
Old Man (under his breath): You won't be getting it though.
(Bagel walks into the next room)
Bagel: Okay. What now.
(We see Dave Ellefson chained to a gigantic Vic Rattlehead statue)
Dave Ellefson: HELP ME!
Bagel: DAVE JR?
Dave Ellefson: No time to explain. The fate of Megadeth rests in your hands, kid.
(Dave Ellefson throws Bagel a hat and belt)
Bagel: I'm part of Dawn Patrol?
Dave Ellefson: Yes. They took out Alder and Loureiro. Mustaine's been missing for weeks and hasn't answered our calls. We called up Freidman and Poland, but they turned us down. As for Menza...you know what happened.
Bagel: We'll miss you, Nick Menza.
(Moment of silence)
Bagel: So what about everyone else?
Dave Ellefson: We called up everyone else, but the only one who said yes was LoMenzo.
Bagel: So is he out there protecting?
Dave Ellefson: No.
Bagel: Why?
Dave Ellefson: Because...do you want the job or not?
Bagel: Yes I do! I do!
Dave Ellefson: Okay. We'll, you're gonna have to face the beast.
Bagel: Okay. I shall defend the name of Dawn Patrol!
Dave Ellefson: Okay, good. You're our only hope.
(Bagel walks into a black area)
Voice: WHO COMETH HERE
Bagel: Me, Bagel of Dawn Patrol.
Voice: DAWN PATROL?
(A hairy hand of a beast grabs Bagel and brings him inside his cave)
Beast: DAWN PATROL ARE NO MORE. AND I WILL MAKE YOU NO MORE WITH THEM UNLESS YOU GIVE ME YOUR ORGANS.
Bagel: For Dawn Patrol, here you go.
(Bagel hands some guts)
Beast: Continue.
(Bagel jumps into a door)
Bagel: Jeez, my body parts are dropping like flies! I'm gonna have to keep going. This day I fight! For Dawn Patrol!
(Bagel is about to open a door, when he stops and pauses)
Bagel: Wait a minute...if everyone here is taking my body patsy that must mean they're gonna take them all and I'M GONNA DIE! IT WAS AN ELABORATE TRAP BY THE ZOMBIES!
(Bagel punches a hole in the ground, and sees a bunch of people and some buildings below)
Bagel: People! I think that I might not be the only one who's discovered this.
(Bagel jumps down into the area)
Bagel: So, who are you people?
Person: Hey, you found the underground city. We figured out what the zombies were doing and hid down here. Here's a directory of all the hideouts we have here.
(Bagel looks through the list and sees 5-02. Dave Mustaine)
Bagel: HE'S HERE!
(Bagel jumps in joy)
Bagel: Is there any way out of the maze?
Person: No. The backing walls are made of impenetrable bedrock.
Bagel: So people just live here?
Person: Yup.
Bagel: Okay. I've got business to do.
(Bagel runs across the underground city and makes a hole. Popeye falls out)
Popeye: Hey, what happened?
Bagel: NO TIME TO EXPLAIN! WE HAVE TO SAVE DAVE!
(Bagel makes another hole and E.V.I.L. comes out)
Bagel: GUYS! THE ZOMBIES ARE CONTROLLING THIS AND IT'S ELABORATE TRAP TO KILL US BEFORE THE SPELL BREAKS!
E.V.I.L: OKAY! NOW WHAT ARE WE DOING?
Bagel: WE HAVE TO FIND DAVE MUSTAINE!
(Bagel runs into a wall)
Bagel: 5-02! THIS IS IT GUYS!
(Bagel busts open the door)
Dave Mustaine: You are...Dawn Patrol?
Bagel: I was sent here by Dave Ellefson. We need to hide here.
Dave Mustaine: As a member of Dawn Patrol, your entry is granted.
(The three walk in and start floating over mist. This song starts playing)
Dave Mustaine: There's a secret place I like to go
Everyone is there but their face don't show
If you get inside, you can't get out
There's no coming back, I hear them shout
Welcome to my hide away, my secret place
How I arrived I can't explain
You're welcome to, if you want to stay
But everyone just runs away
Oh there's a secret place I like to go
Everyone is there but their face don't show
If you get inside you can't get out
There's no coming back, I hear them shout
Let me in, get me out
Can't do more then twist and shout
Lost my soul without a trace
Found it again in my secret place
Let me in, get me out
Can't do more then twist and shout
Lost my soul without a trace in disgrace
I hide from those that try to find me
Scary things that's right behind me
I lost myself, I must confess
I can't explain how I got this mess
Welcome to my hide away, my secret place
How I arrived I can't explain
You're welcome to, if you wanna stay
But everyone just runs away
My secret place, there's a secret place
My secret place, there's a secret place
I like to go, my secret place
There's a secret place, just runs away
My secret place
(beat)
Bagel: Okay, so can we just chill here for a while?
Dave Mustaine: Yeah. It's cool. The ice machine is in the back if you want it.
(We cut to the next morning)
Bagel: Okay guys, it's been a day. We should go now. Thanks for the housing, Dave.
Dave Mustaine: Oh no, you can't leave unless you complete the maze.
Bagel: Well, then we'll complete the maze.
Dave Mustaine: You can try. But no one's ever completed it.
Bagel: Well, I'll do it for Dawn Patrol.
Dave Mustaine: I (captive) honor you.
(Bagel jumps up and makes a hole in the maze)
Bagel: Alright, guys. It's time to do this.
(The two others jump up)
Popeye: Nice try, but no. I'm staying down with Dave.
Bagel: No, you're coming. You were the one who started this, so you have to finish it.
Popeye: Well, I guess you're right. Okay, let's go.
(The three go in seperate paths)
(We start at Bagel)
Bagel: Okay. Let's see what else I'll lose.
Bearded Man: HAHA! I WILL BURN YOUR BOTTLE CAP COLLECTION!
Bagel: You can't have my body parts. I paid $50 on some of these really rare ones, but I need to defend Dawn Patrol.
RL Bagel: I actually did this.
Bearded Man: Fine. BUT I HAVE A BEARD
(Bagel runs through the door and finds out he's at the end of the maze)
Bagel: Huh? Oh wait, I punched that hole at the very end.
(We cut to E.V.I.L.)
Person: WE KILLED NATEBURNS576
E.V.I.L.: NUUUUUUUUU I'LL GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE HIM BACK
Person: Give us your tongue.
(E.V.I.L. pulls his tongue out of his mouth)
E.V.I.L.: Here you go.
Person: You may continue.
(E.V.I.L. leaves the maze)
E.V.I.L.: We're out!
Bagel: Now we just have to wait for Popeye.
Narrator: 5 HOURS LATER
(beat)
Bagel: if i call Popeye Abuse will this get done faster
Narrator: 5 DAYS LATER
(nothing)
Narrator: 5 MONTHS LATER
(nothing)
Narrator: 5 YEARS LATER
(nothing)
Narrator: 5 CENTURIES LATER
(nothing)
Narrator: 5 MILLENNIA LATER
(nothing)
Narrator: 5 EONS LATER-oh, never mind. I'm out of time cards. It was only two minutes later anyway. I lied.
(We see 1 bone inch across the grass)
Bagel: POPEYE! YOU MADE IT!
Popeye: I hate everything.
(Confetti bursts out and balloons fly everywhere)
Old Man (from earlier): CONGRATS! YOU BEAT THE GAME OF DEATH!
Bagel: Okay. You better pay up, gramps. You owe me the body.
Old Man: A deal's a deal. Here's an exact replica of yours.
Bagel: Aw. I was excited for what I could get.
Old Man: SHUT UP AND BE HAPPY
Bagel: Fine.
(Bagel walks offscreen for a minute. He'll come back when he talks next.)
Popeye: Can I have my organs?
Old Man: Sure.
(The old man opens some curtains and we see a pile of organs)
Old Man: Here's all the body parts I've collected from you two.
(Popeye and E.V.I.L. pilfer through their stacks. Soon enough, they're back to normal)
Bagel: Okay. There's one thing I don't understand.
Old Man: Yes?
Bagel: Who are you?
Old Man: All secrets will be revealed. I'm-
(The old man unzips a costume and reveals to be James LoMenzo)
Bagel: JAMES LOMENZO? HOLY ::dolphin noise::!
James LoMenzo: I see you're a member of Dawn Patrol. Let me explain how I stabbed you all in the back. Because Ellefson stabbed me in the back.
Bagel: YOU-YOU-YOU F***ING LIAR
James LoMenzo: Let me please just explain. I teamed up with the zombies to make something to get rid of you. Because I knew you were the only one who could defend Dawn Patrol and Ellefson. It didn't work. So I applaud you for defending but I'm still pissed.
Bagel: Why?
James LoMenzo: BECAUSE I WAS NEVER ACCEPTED AS A REAL MEMBER! EVERYONE JUST CALLED ME "not dave ellefson" WHEN I WAS JUST AS GOOD
Bagel: heh ha HA HA HA HA
(Bagel starts laughing madly)
James LoMenzo: WHY YOU-
(Bagel starts running away but crashes into a mob of zombies)
Bagel: Oh wait. We didn't take that potion until 11AM yesterday. That means we still have 10 minutes.
(The zombies swipe at Bagel's head. He ducks just in time)
Bagel: Okay, I'm kinda screwed here. Wait a minute!
(Bagel pulls out a walkie-talkie)
Bagel: I NEED YOUR HELP GUYS!
Dave Mustaine (on speaker): Um, sorry. I'm busy. Call back later.
Bagel: BUT I'M ABOUT TO DIE! YOU REMEMBER WHEN I SAVED YOUR BUTT!
(we hear static)
Bagel: Dammit, Dave.
(We hear zombies growling)
Bagel: HELP! SOMEBODY!
(We cut to E.V.I.L. and Popeye)
E.V.I.L.: Should we help him?
Popeye: No.
E.V.I.L.: Okay.
(We cut back to Bagel)
Bagel: AAAAH! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! HELP!
(We see one of the zombies fall over)
Bagel: YAY! Who did that-*gasps*
(The person reveals to be Dave Ellefson)
Dave Ellefson: F***ing LoMenzo.
Bagel: THANK YOU DAVE
Dave Ellefson: No problem. Since you saved us all...I guess you can keep the hat and belt. You'll be a "Friend".
Bagel: JUST LIKE KERRY KING!
Dave Ellefson: Yup, just like Kerry King. Thanks for your help.
(Bagel just sits there happily)
(Bagel gets tapped on the back)
Bagel: Yeah?
(A zombie roars in his face)
Bagel: Oh yeah.
(Bagel starts running)
Bagel: This has been probably one of the darkest moments in the history of SBMtopia, what with everyone dying and the zombie apocalypse. It's still the greatest past 2 days of my life.
(Bagel bumps into E.V.I.L. and Popeye)
Popeye: Oh hey, you're back.
Bagel: We should go back to normal any-
(We see a gigantic nuclear explosion destroy SBMtopia)
Bagel: -second.
(It starts raining SBM members)
Brick: WHEEEEEEEE
(Brick crushes Popeye)
Popeye: oh god he's back
Brick: No, I'm on your back.
ssj: Well, I have no idea what happened, but at least we're back.
Moxley: I know what happened. Popeye killed everyone and then caused a zombie apocalypse and then destroyed all of SBMtopia.
Popeye: THIS WAS ALL BECAUSE OF A CURSE I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
Clerk from Bad Omen: Yes you did.
Popeye: WHAT! NO! YOU JUST-
Clerk from Bad Omen: I have proof. Watch this clip.
(We see surveillance camera footage)
Popeye (obviously horribly edited): cUrse ME
Clerk: Ok.
(The tape clip ends)
Popeye: I NEVER SAID IT!
Moxley: Tell it to the judge. In court. Tomorrow. At 4 PM.
Popeye: I-I-
(Popeye starts crying)
BobSponge: Wow. What a baby.
Popeye: But I-
(Popeye gets zapped by giant lasers)
Spongy: NO MORE LIES
Zach de la Rocha: I AGREE
Old Bold and Brash: NEW SHIP
Poseidon: NO
Slash: CAPS LOCK
The Appetizer: I like caps lock.
(Everyone just stares for a second)
Spongebob07: BALLOONS
The Appetizer: I like balloons.
Moxley: See you all tomorrow. In court. Where justice shall be made.
Spongy: YEAH. I'M MAD
(Spongy is spinning up and down in red color aggressively)
Brick: THERE'S STILL ENOUGH TIME FOR ONE MORE LINE BEFORE THIS EPISODE ENDS
THE END...OF THIS EPISODE. BUT NOT THE STORY. POPEYE'S FINAL JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED NEXT TIME ON THE SBM SHOW.
